Lita looked up from over the top of her file, met Olivia's gaze, and set the file down on the table of front of her. Liv had taken the bait, all she needed to do was reel her in. What Lita hadn't really thought about was if she actually wanted to talk about what had happened that day in the gym. Savannah knew, of course. Savannah knew everything about Lita. But Olivia was different; they weren't exactly friendly or close but sharing this part of herself could change that. Even if it didn't, relating her experience was something Lita could offer in addition to her medical skills to help heal the younger woman.
"I mean, it's not easy...talking about it," Lita said, her voice decidedly more serious. "It's more than just the serial killer notes I got...those were scary, but in a different way. What happened more recently, I've only told one other person, for a bunch of reasons...not the least of those being the legal ramifications. If anyone knew, anyone else besides who I was with, you, and Savannah, I could be locked up forever for what I've done. It's heavy stuff, Liv, and I don't want to make you feel worse by sharing it. But, if you're sure and you promise to keep it to yourself, I think...yes, I can talk about it."
Lita drummed her fingers on the tabletop, working up the nerve and trying to put what she experienced that day into a cohesive narrative. Lita started out slowly; she thinks it's more for Liv's sake but if she's being honest with herself it's for hers.
"I was out in town," Lita said, looking at the table. "With this guy I was dating at the time. He wasn't, he isn't...he's not exactly beloved by the APD, if you catch my meaning. He was teaching me to defend myself when some men came upon us. Men that wanted him behind bars. Men that wanted to hurt him by hurting me. I thought...I knew I was going to die."
Lita paused then, the emotions of that day rushing back to her. She can see the hungry look in the patrolmen's eyes and the all-encompassing fury in James'. She can smell the metallic stink of cordite and blood in the air. She can hear the groans of the walkers as they shambled into the gym, cleaning up the dead bodies of the men she and James had killed.
"They would have. They were going to that and worse until we fought back. They're dead and I know I should be sorry, but I'm not. They were evil men, men that would have killed me and him if we hadn't defended ourselves. It's a different world we live in, the same rules don't apply anymore. It's okay to be scared, it's okay to be angry. I am, and I'm a tough son of a bitch. You are, too."
Lita felt surprisingly not terrible after her monologue. It didn't make what had happened any less difficult, or terrible, but knowing that her experience might help Olivia come to terms with her own made Lita feel good. It was a strange sort of feeling.
"I mean, I know it's not exactly the small talk you might have been looking for," Lita said ruefully. "But it needed to be said, even if I didn't know it at the time. Thanks for listening. We can talk about Mrs. Lungren now, if you like. And yes, it does involve a butt explosion."