Nate Danger (![]() ![]() @ 2015-09-22 20:51:00 |
![]() |
|||
![]() |
|
![]() |
|
![]() |
Entry tags: | # 2018 [09] september, # interview, # username: be_quiet, # username: slapinthefarce |
Interview
![]() ![]() Off Camera: Can you state your full name? [Ezra doesn't look at Nate or the camera, instead looking toward the corners of the room, clearly paranoid about some threat that might pop up at any moment. His right hand twitches incessantly, energy bouncing through him with no place to go. For people looking for it, the resemblance is there, though Ezra is in far better shape than Emilie, even if he is still too pale, with hollow eyes. He has a more healthy weight than she did, and he’s just started getting the hint of color back in his cheeks.] Ezra Michael Galloway. Emilie's brother. She's dying. She keeps dying. [Nate doesn’t say a word about where Ezra is looking or about what he might be paranoid of. At least not yet. Instead he sits in the chair opposite where Ezra is sitting. He can see Ezra in the frame, centered on his torso. A hand presses a button and it zooms in slightly] She’s not dead. Is that how you’d describe yourself as? Emilie’s brother? How would she describe you? [He stills for a second, then the tremor is back.] Not yet. But soon. I know soon, because they'll just keep giving her what she needs to poison herself. Because they don't care. They just...they just keep giving it and everyone is fucking dying. [more animation comes into his features as he looks up and does look into the camera] Judas. I betrayed her. I left, and I promised I never would. She's right. I... [He looks away again] But she's not really there anymore. She left me so long ago. [Nate tries not to be emotional about it. He is trying to remain still. Quiet. The questions are just questions...even if he knows they are so much more] What did you hope to accomplish when you left her? Why did you leave her? What kind of life do you hope to have without her?” [Ezra's face pinches in pain, and he hangs his head, staring at the floor. He blinks hard a few times, and the camera catches a shine to his eyes that wasn't there a second ago] She's – I couldn't do it anymore, I couldn't watch. I couldn't see her killing herself every day, and she'd come back for just a second, you know? Just a little while at a time but then it was always shorter between times, and then she'd be gone again, and she'd... [Ezra gets up abruptly, fast enough that the chair topples, and he paces back and forth, having to do something with the tension in him] she'd be sweet and then mean and I never knew if she'd be hugging me or trying to scratch my eyes out because she didn't want me to look at her. I left because she fed— [he breaks off, and stills, twitching hand balling into a hard fist before he continues. When he does, his voice is a lot quieter.] She used to be sweet. She was bright, and happy and popular and people loved her and she smiled all the time. Even when she was sad she smiled, because she was someone who...there was this light. [Ezra stops and stills, almost unnaturally so for a heartbeat or two.] She killed it. [His jaw clenches, and when he looks back over at Nate and the camera, there's a rage in his eyes and frame that looks ready to spill over at any moment] They killed it. [Nate flinches because he is unsure, frightened even but, he remains composed, composed enough to zoom back with the camera and follow Ezra in frame] Who killed it? Who’s giving this drug to your sister? What do they get for it? Money isn’t an option... The Hellhounds. They're killing her. They're killing all of them. They make it, and they give it to the Ghouls, and they're a fucking mess of death and desperation and they can't – they can't-- [Ezra leans against the wall, trying to keep his composure, even if it's clearly difficult] I don't know what they're doing. Why are they doing this? Why are they killing people? Hasn't there been enough death? They've got to get their fucking murder on, and they don't even have the decency to go down there and just shoot people in the fucking head? They have to torture people? They have to decimate souls? It's not enough just to kill an entire group of people, they have to hollow them out and kill them from the inside in a slow, horrific nightmare? [Ezra looks sick, and his eyes find Nate. When he speaks it's in a whisper.] What the fuck is wrong with people? How is this even happening? ![]() [Nate needs to keep his own feelings in check. He can’t let this kid know that he has a close connection to the Dog Park. This is this boys story, his truth] I don’t know. Why haven’t you taken the drug? What is it like down there in the tunnels if you aren’t on prax? Because our parents were addicts themselves, I never – I saw what it did to them. And by proxy, us. I'm not claiming we were in some horrifically abusive home but it was abusive in a lot of ways. Just... I never wanted to get into anything like that. I never even drank that much. I never touched it, I didn't want to lose me. [Ezra shakes his head] It's like you tumbled into a gritty reboot of wonderland. It's all shadows and insanity and you never know if the junkie up ahead is going to try and kill you to see if you have any Prax, will be too exhausted to do so, or if they're just dead already. It would be fucked up anyway, I know that. But it's so, so much worse because of that shit the Hellhounds are pumping in. I just...how do they sleep? How do they look at themselves in a mirror and think that they're anything but monsters? What they're doing... [Ezra smiles, but it isn't pleasant] Well, they call themselves the Hellhounds. And know what? They created hell. That's what's down there. And anyone who tells you different is talking through a haze of Prax where nothing hurts anymore because their nerve endings are too diseased to feel it. Did you trip over any lost limbs when you went to see Em? [Nate is doing all he can to hide his dischord behind a mask of calm. He’s not a very good actor though so the obvious displeasure reads on his face and he nods solemnly, brow wrinkles, concern very evident to on Ezra of course but it’s there.] Off Camera: I saw things I never wanted to see when I was down there. [His voice is more upbeat when he asks his next question.] What about this Miz Deliverance? What about others down there? You left them all for the surface? What have you been doing? ![]() [Ezra slides down the wall, knees up to his chest when he stops. He is quiet a long moment.] She came back, but she was gone for a while. She got out because the Hellhounds killed her love. They were trying to keep it clean down there, you know. But then they killed him, and she left, and they poisoned everyone. She's trying but I don't know if she can pull people back from hell. [Ezra glances up when he's asked what he's been up to] ...I made a friend. She was kind to me. [He looks down again] And I feel like she should not talk to me, because I'm... [he pauses, swallows, goes on] ...just broken. And I'm trying hard not to be, and I'm remembering things that I forgot about because I'm talking to her, and I've met a few other people and they weren't terrible and one I know I scared by accident. But she... she makes me remember. I used to play guitar. And I used to know stupid things, just dumb facts and I remember I used to be a college student. [Quietly] But I kind of just want to protect her from me, because I was near light like that before and on my watch, it got all broken and now she's just a shell. [Self loathing hits hard then and he balls his fists again, hands shaking. As much rage as he's got for the Hellhounds, just as much is reserved for himself. After a moment he looks at the camera.] I’m sorry. [He’s just a kid and Nate is having a tough time here. A harder time than he did with Emilie. Emilie had the drugs to subdue her pain but Ezra...he’s struggling. He’s lonely and Nate just wants to help. It’s hard to remain neutral - at least until after the interview.] Don’t be sorry. Maybe she needs to protect you. Give you something that you need. We all need a little love and support and maybe that’s what you need right now. I want her to have as normal a life as possible, even if I know that's not a thing anymore. And do I even deserve that? Love, support? When I left her down there? [Ezra opens his hands, and sees the half moons of blood he left in his palms from his fingernails digging in] I don't think I do. [He pauses] What does the Prax do? Your sister attacked one of my friends. I don’t think she would have if she wasn’t on drugs. How far can someone go on this drug? What have you seen? [He refocuses when he mentions Emilie attacked someone. He is unsurprised, nodding gravely, before looking away again] She does that. She used to do that to me all the time, I never knew-- [he shakes his head, remembering that he needs to answer questions, and he goes about that] Prax kills you. Not just physically, even if it does that and—fuck, it's just so sick, the things it does. But it hollows people out. I remember watching movies where people were addicts, and they talked about terrible things they did for the drugs, or there was Requiem for a Dream, that showed it. It's not even close. It's like that, only multiply it by a thousand. I read somewhere before that there were people out there who had a heroin addiction – but could still have productive lives. They could still hold jobs, maintain relationships, all that. For every junkie in the street offering blowjobs for cash or drugs, there was some executive somewhere with a coke and heroin addiction that didn't actually destroy his life. You can't do that with Prax. It fucking eats your soul. I left because the girl that you met? That isn't my sister. That's her skin and that's her eyes but the person she was? Not there. Because that girl would never have – she fed someone to dogs. Because he wanted to get out of the blob rain, and he chose the wrong place to find temporary shelter. Some poor motherfucker, some innocent bystander, and she... she dressed up. She dressed up, and put on a show, and when I confronted it with her after? She didn't know what I was upset about. That's what Prax does to you. Takes a perfectly normal human being, and makes them hellish husks that just... You're lucky she didn't feed anyone to her dogs. That she just attacked, and didn't do anything worse, because she doesn't feel that anymore. She didn't. Even. Blink. ![]() [A shuttering breath. It’s a terrifying thing she did. Nate can’t deny it. He knows that the Ghouls are dangerous. He risked a great deal to meet Emilie at the mall, and he had risked a few things when he went down to try and film some of the places that Emilie was talking about. There was death and evil but also sadness and regret.] What did you want to do before all this happened. How did you see your life with your sister before she started giving her soul to the drugs?] Before the drugs took it from her. [Ezra corrects. His eyes find a middle distance, and there’s the barest hint of a smile on his lips] I was an art student. Film. I wanted to do documentaries. [He looks at Nate, then away again] we would have gone to school, and found our way in the world, not looking back. We wouldn’t have gone home again. I know that. But we would have had normal lives. She would have bounced around. She would have found several different things she wanted to do, and she would have been passionate about them, and eventually shift to something else, where she found a new passion to throw herself into. And I would have focused in, and worked in film wherever I was able to, because I’ve always been like that, very...one track, while she was always so much more open to possibility. And now she attacks people like your crew, who she knew was there to see her, and she keeps half starved, mad dogs to feed ‘trespassers’ to. [Ezra pauses] Before the Wash, she still cared. We...bad things happened. And I know bad things happened to everyone. We were betrayed by a friend. He let in some people and they… you don’t need to know. NO one needs to know. It was bad, end of story. And we didn’t trust anyone after that, but we still cared. We could still smile sometimes, and find the brighter things. When we first went into the tunnels, it was to get away from raiders up here who wanted to just kill whoever they came across and take their supplies. And we found this train car, and she… [He smiles, just for a second, before it fades] She fixed it all up. Made it a home, as much as she possibly could. She decorated, and tried to make it comfortable but happy. She painted. She found furniture and decorations and - I have nightmares. She made me a dream catcher. [Ezra runs his hand over his short hair] She got hurt. I didn’t get back fast enough with pain medication for her, and she decided to hit the Wash. And that was the day everything veered into… [He shrugs] That was when everything started the slow slide into hell. The girl you met, the girl everyone saw on the interview, the girl anyone deals with now… [He looks at Nate, and his voice takes on a pleading tone, like he needs him to understand] That’s not my sister. That’s not my Emmy. [Nate is curious when he says he is interested in film and new idea start shifting in his wheelhouse. He has ideas] Off Camera: I can teach you about film if you’re interested.[His other student has fucked off. If she isn’t interested then he wouldn’t mind finding someone that is. SOmeone younger. Someone that loves to do what he does just as much] If you’re still interested. [Nate wants to talk to him about this but he still has the interview to do] What do you dream about now? [Ezra looks truly confused about the offer, and really uncertain.] ...m-maybe. [He isn't sure what to do with that, so he moves ahead, thinking that he'll see the trick later. But there was something that sparked up in him at the mention of the offer. Something that hides back down immediately, but was definitely visible for a second] I dream about the same things I did then. I just don't have the dreamcatcher anymore. She destroyed it when she was coming down once. Said it didn't work, that they were all still there. She didn't like it when I thrashed in my sleep. [Nate nods]Will you join a shelter? Have you considered this? Or do you think eventually you’ll go back to Emilie in the tunnels? [There's a clear flicker in Ezra's expression, he's torn by the questions and has to consider his answers.] Someone asked me to join them. To go inside, said they'd vouch for me. And it's...god it's so tempting sometimes. I even walk there. I head toward the building, and I get it in view, and I think to myself 'this could be a better place. I could live here. I could breathe'. And then I remember that I was a tunnel dweller. That I don't...this is the most I've said in one sitting since everything happened. I don't talk well. I – I'm barely able to talk to people at all sometimes, I freeze up, and I wonder what they want from me and whether or not I think they can take it. I look at that place, and think that everyone in there would know I don't belong there. ![]() [He hangs his head, and Ezra rubs at a scar on the back of his left hand.] She wants me to go back. She keeps calling to me, a whisper in my head. I feel like I deserve to go back there, and let her kill us like she wants to. Just die with her. [Ezra looks up at Nate] Do you think I should let her finish killing me? [Nate shakes his head. He can’t say he is a proponent of codependency.] No. I don’t think you want that either. You won’t be able to help her, I don’t think, until you fulfill your own happiness. [It’s rare for Nate to offer advice on film but he doesn’t want to stop. This is a real emotional vestige that Ezra is allowing him to glimpse. He wants to get it out there for Emilie to see if no one else.] You’re just out of practice. Once you start being with people again, it will get easier. I promise. [Ezra listens, and takes that in. He finds some truth in it. After all, he wouldn't have left in the first place if he hadn't had some deep shred of self preservation, right? And he does already know that he can't help her. He tried so many times it all blurred together.] I should think about going to a shelter? You think they would take me? ![]() [Nate nods. He does. Not the Capitol. He doesn’t trust it there…]The LBJ. I know good people there. They’re smaller so you won’t get overwhelmed. [Nate wants to give this boy hope, something…] Is there anything you look forward to Ezra? Is there anything out there that makes you happy? [A tiny spark of something lights up behind his eyes as the LBJ is suggested. Maizie is there. He thinks about the next question, and then shrugs one shoulder.] Happy... that's... I don't really know what that is anymore. But I like sending my friend pictures. I just started. But I like showing her what's out in the world. [He pauses, then goes on] I like feeling like I have a purpose, even if I don't anymore. I miss that. ![]() |