"Well-- he was small, and dark, and disagreeable," smiling a little at the thought. "And brave. And proud, very proud. When I came to Britain, the first thing I did was get into trouble, and he and Gawain saved me. I would have become his servant then, but he refused me, so I was his friend. I loved him. Jesu, I loved him more than I think I've ever-- of course, it's not fair to the others to say that. But he was my first, and Christ, I loved him. And he-- to be truthful with you, little bird, I do believe he loved me, I know he loved me, but it was different. He married -- a good woman -- and at first he needed me, but when he got to know her I think he realised that she was better for him. So for a long while that's how it was between us, he and his wife, and I and whoever I could find. He had children, beautiful boys. I stayed with them sometimes, they called me uncle. He cherished them, but he wasn't very good at being a father. His own father, you remember from the story, wasn't much of one to him, and he was never sure--"
He breaks off to finish the coffee, in one long draught.
"When things went bad, she left him. She took the boys and left, and he only had me again. So I stayed with him, and I tried to do right by him, but in the end I couldn't side with him against Arthur, I couldn't do it, not even because he wasn't right, but because he was wild, he was mad and sick and I couldn't help him, or I thought I couldn't help him. I stayed as long as I could. Then we went down to the plain-- I don't think he recognised me then, I don't even know whether he knew me when he killed me. I hope he didn't. I hoped he was at peace, that godforsaken cliche, but I hoped-- because when he was content, he was still a temperamental son of a bitch, but he made me laugh, he had a tongue like no other and a wit to go with it. He was loyal and fierce and he was kind to me for a long time."