InsaneJournal

Though many had celebrated the arrest and subsequent confession of Lady Noir- no, Anastasia Nott- the week before, Remus had not. Well, he was relieved for it, yes, but he was more concerned over what her confession would mean for Sirius and Fabian. Of course, Ministry bureaucracy and paperwork meant another agonizing two days before anything really got done, and it was Monday afternoon before they were to be released from DMLE holding.

He could have gone down to meet Sirius there. Perhaps he should have done. But Remus was still struggling, somewhat, with the backlash- imaginary or otherwise- of their unintentional outing in the media, and he didn't want Sirius' first taste of freedom to be tinged with something so crass as that. They would discuss it- or they wouldn't- and they'd move on, one way or another.

So, instead, he'd spent the better part of the morning tidying up the flat that he and Sirius shared. It had fallen into disrepair (or Remus' perception thereof) in Sirius' absence, and, well, Remus was a bit ashamed of the recluse he'd reverted to be, then. Hopefully a few well-placed cleaning and tidying charms would safely mask any trace of that temporary state.


Being locked in a cell again was Sirius's biggest fear, and while Azkaban would be worse than anything else, the time spent in Ministry holding wasn't easy either. He was surprised that no one met him at the Ministry, that when he was processed and released, his wand returned to him, that no one was standing there waiting on the other side for him.

He chose not to let it bother him and instead made his way home, holding his head high and ignoring the locks and whispers her could hear as he walked down the main street in Hogsmeade and let himself into the building where the flat he shared with Remus when not at Hogwarts was located.

Because Remus didn't meet him at the Ministry, he didn't expect Remus to be at home, figuring that he'd take the time to shower and relax and maybe walk around a bit anywhere that was bigger than his cell.

But Remus was home, and when Sirius walked in the door, he stopped in the doorway.


Remus heard the door open, and he knew well enough that the wards they had in place meant that it must have been Sirius there. Still, the sight of him- not hunched and burdened as he had been in the DMLE's custody- made Remus' breath catch. It was daft, and he knew that, but there had been moments when he had wondered, worried, if maybe...

No, no, that didn't matter now. Sirius was free, and safe, and here.

He crossed the small space left between them and pulled Sirius into a tight embrace, not even caring if Sirius didn't want one.


He didn't want a hug. That was one of the side effects from being taken prisoner, being secluded, alone, in a cell -- human contact wasn't welcome. But this was Remus, and Sirius accepted it, even if he didn't return it.


Of course, Remus could tell right away that something was wrong. Well, a multitude of things were wrong, really, but most of them had been- or would soon be- rectified by Sirius' release from DMLE custody. Still, he didn't cling too tightly to him, and not for as long as he might have wanted- instead stepping back to look him over with a faint sigh and a simple, "Hello, Sirius."


"Remus," he returned with a light nod. "D'you mind if I use the loo really quick?" His gaze darted away from Remus, away from the familiar warmth there, and off into the rest of the flat.


Remus- now perhaps more confused than he ought to have been- nodded once and stepped clearly out of Sirius' way. "Of course. You can- whatever you need to do." He took another step backward, just in case, giving Sirius more than (what Remus thought would be) his normally allotted personal space.


"Thanks," he said, a somewhat-forced smile grazing his face for a moment as he headed back to the toilet and turned on the tap. Hot water gushed out, and he let it pool in his palms before splashing it on his face. Then he took out his wand, fingering it for a moment, before flicking it to cut his hair and remove the beard from his face, whiskers from his jaw. When he was done, he brushed his teeth, then walked back out to Remus. "You didn't come down when they let me out. Weren't you notified?"


Remus had made himself a cup of tea- because of course he had- but he set this aside when Sirius reemerged, looking much more himself. He hesitated, but then shook his head. "No- I mean, yes, I was notified, I just... There was an article, in the Prophet, after I visited you there. Someone at the DMLE must have seen and... suspected, I suppose, because you and I were outed." He fiddled, for a moment, with the hem of his shirt sleeve at his wrist. "I didn't want your release to be some sort of... media circus." This excuse seemed paltry now, though, and Remus glanced down, away from Sirius. "I'm sorry."


"Outed," Sirius echoed. "What exactly does that mean?"


Remus just stared back for a moment, unsure why Sirius really needed clarification on this one (awkward) point. "It means that the whole world knows that you and I are together, Sirius. It means that Minerva has spent the better part of two weeks fielding questions from homophobic and asinine parents wanting to know why two gay men have been allowed to teach their children." He knew that it was ridiculous, and that Minerva would never stand to allow such complaints a single foothold in her administration of Hogwarts, but it still stung.


Yes, he knew what 'outed' meant and clearly he wasn't clear, but that was his own fault, as he'd spent how many weeks (he honestly didn't know) with only his own thoughts, so once again in his life he'd have to get used to them moving from his head to his mouth and out into the world. "And what have you been doing if McGonagall's doing all that?"


What had he been doing? Working with the Order, being a recluse, ignoring the rest of the world... No, none of those things were what Sirius needed to hear right now. Except, well, Remus didn't seem to know what Sirius did need, either.

"Not a damned thing, apparently," he offered, a bit bitterly.


At that, Sirius raised an eyebrow. "Now are you saying that because you haven't been doing anything or because you're angry at me for asking?"


"I don't know," Remus admitted, slumping back against the countertop behind him. "I'm not angry with you," he clarified, "just... I suppose that, now, the little I did while you were gone seems to matter even less."


"It's not like I was doing anything," Sirius returned quickly. "Or that I even knew that happened. I mean, I don't give a fuck what people think of me, of us, you know that, but I also know that you do." And for that, he thought, he was sorry. So he apologized out loud, remembering to say it instead of think it. "I'm sorry you had to deal with that."


Remus always cared. He cared too much, perhaps- certainly something he'd been accused of, in the past. He was used to hiding parts of himself, by necessity, in order to keep himself or others safe. But... this was different. Somehow.

But this time, he didn't want an apology. No, he hadn't intended for them to be outed, but now that it had happened, he (perhaps surprisingly) didn't want to take it back. So he shook his head, once, and said, "Don't apologize. Just-"

Just what? Remus looked back to Sirius, a faint laugh bubbling up in his chest, quite unexpectedly. Just- "Marry me, you idiot."


Now that Sirius was fairly positive he hadn't heard correctly. Something fuzzy was happening in his brain, because he could have sworn that Remus had just laughed and -- proposed?! "What?" he burst out, because he had no other reaction inside of him just yet.


"Marry me," Remus replied, a bit calmer now, but no less sure of his (unexpected) words. "There's no reason for us not to," or, at least, those reasons were ones that Remus wanted very much to ignore, forever.


Except that it wasn't legal? Or was it? To be frank, Sirius had never really looked into it. Mostly because he didn't think that was something Remus would ever want. (To be sure, he wasn't sure it was something he ever wanted either.)

"Wow," he breathed out, gaping at Remus for a moment before nodding. "Yes. Of course."


Remus exhaled, admittedly relieved that Sirius had agreed. He wasn't normally the impulsive, reckless one, after all- which, perhaps, just showed how much it meant to him, in that he let himself do what he wanted rather than what those strict rules of propriety normally dictated him to do. The legalities and logistics could be decided later. Remus just wanted Sirius to know that he wasn't going anywhere. Not this time, not again.

"Good," he replied, grinning just slightly- but not stepping any closer or presuming that this solved every issue that had bubbled to the surface over the last few weeks of their separation. But it was a start.


Sirius nodded. "Yes, good." So much for romance or something like that, he thought, but the timing was -- well, it made sense, even if he still felt confined or restrained or something. Bubbling up with energy he wasn't able to spend for weeks.

"Moony," he said, quite a long moment later, almost like a plea. Sirius looked over at him.


The name almost seemed to take him by surprise, but Remus stood up a bit straighter from where he'd been leaning against the counter, and took one hesitant step closer to Sirius. "I'm here, Padfoot," he offered, carefully.


He reached out a hand, hesitant himself to move from where he was, but maybe he was feeling better -- better enough to let Remus in again. Not for long, but for long enough. He couldn't very well accept a marriage proposal and have nothing romantic come of it.


Another step closer, then two, and Remus' hand found Sirius', clasping it firmly yet gently. The contact was more than Remus had expected, perhaps, after the all but disastrous hug when Sirius had first arrived- small steps, then, were better than none.


Sirius let out a tight breath and squeezed Remus's hand. "Give me a few days, Remus, all right? I'll be back to normal in a few days." Maybe he was saying it to convince himself, or maybe to convince Remus. Either way, it didn't matter. Hopefully it was true.


"Take as long as you need," Remus insisted, quickly. "I'm not going anywhere, Sirius." They had been through more difficult times than this, after all. Yes, Hogwarts would be starting up in a few weeks, and that would shift the dynamic of their relationship- as it always did- but they would find a way to make it work. Remus was sure of that because, well, for him there was no other option.


"I know," he said quietly. When Sirius tried to smile, it didn't really come across anything past worn and tired. But he squeezed Remus's hand again before dropping it and stepping back. "Thank you."