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cosmo mulciber rules the prophet (cosmocrat) wrote in refreshrpg,
@ 2015-04-01 00:00:00

Entry tags:

1998-april, ^ daily prophet, npc: minister candidates, x-character: cosmo mulciber

Prophet Candidate Interviews: Gilderoy Lockhart

1st April 1998 • The Wizarding World's Beguiling Broadsheet of Choice • 5 κ

INTERVIEW WITH AN INKSLINGER: LOCKHART TELLS TALES OF HIS WOULD-BE MINISTRY
By Cosmo Mulciber
Today's interview is with perhaps the best-known of the Ministerial candidates, whose books, lectures, and wireless interviews have brought him to the attention of many witches and wizards who rarely concern themselves with politics. Gilderoy Lockhart, the adventurer and author of ten books, visited the Prophet to discuss his plans for the future of Wizarding Britain, including the all-important matter of literacy and book sales. What makes you most qualified to lead Britain at this moment? Why do you seek the position of Minister of Magic? Well, obviously I am extremely well-known and loved across the entire world! People respect and admire me. They know how incredibly courageous and brilliant I am! You know, as soon as Minister Black announced new elections, I was positively flooded and overwhelmed with owls and journal inquires asking when I was going to announce my candidacy! Who was I to deny the people what they are clamouring for? Me! What do you believe are the key issues facing Britain? Key issues. Right. I think we need to really work on maintaining our pride and greatness as a nation, a reputation which rests heavily upon the shoulders of her greatest citisens, such as myself. If the people believe in and truly love their leaders, they will rise to the occasion! And who can possibly be more inspiring than me? How will your Ministry improve on the policies of the current Minister with respect to those key issues? Obviously, my very presence will be a huge improvement! Merlin, they are all dreadful bores! I swear, the only thing I’ve been inspired to do after watching one of them speak is to take a nap.	Hogwarts is the foundation of British life. Do you think any changes are needed at the school, and if so, what would they be? I find most books at Hogwarts be awful, just awful. In fact, my entire canon of work could fulfil every major education requirement necessary for students to truly have a well-rounded and amazing magical education! In fact, Flourish & Blott’s is currently running an amazing sale of 15% off all my books through the end of next week. And the teachers at Hogwarts! Can you believe they’ve allowed a cold blooded murder to be around their children? Clearly the standards have slipped since my day. Godric knows who else they’ve let in there! What economic policies, particularly with regard to taxation, spending, and jobs, do you propose to implement? Oh, I think what we have works well, don’t you? Why try to fix something that isn’t broken? Everyone is entitled to keep what they earn. We should not be rewarding laziness. With a little hard work, anyone can be like me! There has been an upwelling of violence in Britain of late. How do you propose to stem that tide? Well, as you know, I am a world-class adventurer and I have faced down the world’s most dangerous and darkest creatures, encounters which are well documented in my best-selling, award-winning books (on sale!). I promise you, Britain, if you elect me, I will face down this threat and send it crying home to its mummy. The only thing you will have regretted was taking so long in electing me. In particular, what do you believe the rise of Lady Noir means, and how will your Ministry deal with her? Lady who? I believe I’ve seen spindly worms with more tooth than that little attention-grubber. I would demand she emerge from her cowardly shadows and challenge her to a duel! Obviously it’s not a question as to who would win. See, Britain? I would have solved in five minutes what your current Ministry cannot.

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