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Tweak says, "Ahhh, cobras!"

Rita Skeeter (ritawriter) wrote in refreshrpg,
@ 2015-03-31 08:50:00

Entry tags:

1998-march, ^ daily prophet, x-character: rita skeeter

00nd Month 1000 • The Wizarding World's Beguiling Broadsheet of Choice • 5 κ

TIME TO DECIDE WHO'S DRIVING THIS SHIP
By Rita Skeeter, Staff Writer
The time has come once again for the wizarding community to decide who we think is the best candidate to lead us all into the future. It is true that Minister Regulus Black has been groundbreaking in the position, but it is this reporter's personal hope that the next bottom to sit in the hot seat will at least strengthen the locks on the revolving door that Azkaban seems to have installed during Black's time in office. So let us examine the candidates. First, Minister Black is standing for re-election. At the risk of sounding insubordinate and unsupportive of the ministry under his direction, this reporter prefers her streets rather more felon-free, so that is at least one vote Black will not be getting. Aaron Diggory, aged 48. Handsome, well presented. However sources inside the ministry point to a recent scandal in which a member of Diggory's staff was caught embezzling Ministry funds. At least one person lost their job in the ensuing clean up, and efforts were made to ensure that the details stayed within the Ministry. It would be wrong, therefore, for this reporter to insinuate that Diggory was in any way involved with or behind the embezzling, as no such evidence was ever found. It would be just as wrong to ignore the potential downside of choosing, as leader of our community, a man whose name crops up in conjunction with such a nasty crime as embezzlement. This reporter would just like to know that her taxes are being spent on law enforcement, education, welfare... and not on fancy underfashions for the potential minister-to-be. Current Hogwarts student Hermione Granger has also thrown her hat in the ring. Unfortunately for her, alongside the hats of the other candidates, her "hat" would be more aptly described as a baby's bonnet. Miss Granger is long on opinion and the arrogant foolhardiness of youth, but short on the things that count: humility, maturity, wisdom, and experience (in anything other than sitting Hogwarts exams, that is).
	It is this reporter's opinion that she would be no more suited to running the entire wizarding community than a pig would be suited to riding a bicycle. Thankfully, as of writing this, Miss Granger appears to have come to her senses and given up the ridiculous notion that a child is in any way fit to run the wizarding community. Gilderoy Lockhart, aged 35, is just full of interesting stories, anecdotes and tidbits about his fascinating life and the things he has done. If one were to read his books, one might think him an excellent candidate for Minister of Magic. Unfortunately that impression dissipates the moment one spends more than ninety seconds in the glittery, overly-perfumed presence of Mr. Lockhart. His "expertise" is likely nothing more than wishful thinking combined with a vivid imagination, and after having witnessed him tackle a cage full of Cornish Pixies mistakenly left in his office, this reporter would have exactly zero confidence that Lockhart would have the nous to take on foreign policy - or indeed, anything more taxing than the making of a cup of too-sweet tea. Posthumus McMurdo is seventy, and aptly named: it is likely that if McMurdo were to be voted Minister of Magic, the honor would by necessity have to be awarded posthumously. If Hermione Granger is too young for the position, Posthumus McMurdo is too old, by far. He also has an unpleasant habit of palming off his problems on other people. Sources report that McMurdo has an older brother who is a Squib. Said brother, after being adopted by and having spent his whole life with Muggles, currently resides in care paid for by McMurdo. The question is, would McMurdo stay in the hot seat should the going get rough, or would he simply palm the job off on someone else if and when it became too taxing?	Little is known at this stage about Kristoph Merrick, other than the readily available fact that he owns and operates a store in Diagon Alley. His suitability for the job of Minister of Magic is therefore difficult to gauge. On the one hand, there are no obvious scandals or crimes in his past to paint him as a definitely undesirable candidate; on the other hand, there seems to be nothing in his past that would point him out as being a desirable candidate. Some elections have wild-card entries. Our election appears to have packing peanuts to pad out the ballot. Anastasia Nott, 27, is a lovely girl. Her current job in the ministry may well prove to have been good experience. She has ten years of life experience on the barely-legal Miss Granger, and comes from a well connected, politically savvy family. Miss Nott is definitely one to watch. Thorfinn Rowle, despite the most assiduous of checking, seems to have zero black marks against his name. He is young (but not too young), he is handsome, and he has no nasty embezzling scandals in his past. There is the small matter of his sister's unfortunate track record with husbands expiring, but there is no evidence to connect him with the deaths - if anything, Mr. Rowle's sister is more obviously connected with the deaths of these two men. Of course, no charges have been laid, so far be it for this newspaper to involve itself in any false implications. If called upon to choose, this reporter will be casting her vote in his favor. Joséphine Savage-Abbott is not even English, except by very recent marriage. The French have their own Minister for French Magic, so it is hard to see why the United Kingdom would choose to elect a French import when there are more deserving candidates from right here at home.

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