Justin E. Finch-Fletchley (justifiability) wrote in reduxpitch, @ 2016-11-10 18:57:00 |
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Justin wasn’t sure about how he was supposed to thank Seamus for coming over to spend time with him in the aftermath of his father’s Halloween charity event. Though spend time with him was a pretty fast and loose definition. It was mostly watching as Justin systematically emptied his wine cooler and then making sure he did not die of alcohol poisoning. Either way, Justin knew he was supposed to offer some sort of reciprocal gesture.
It had not escaped him that Seamus had not opted to drink alcohol any time they had met, so that excluded his go to bottle of wine. He wasn’t sure if the Irishman was a tea or coffee drinker so he decided to stay away from either beverage. A tin of biscuits or a box of chocolates seemed a bit too cliche. He spent far too much time thinking about how he could thank Seamus that he might have accidentally surpassed the appropriate amount of time to give said thanks.
What he did know, however, was that Seamus worked with animals that were looking to be adopted. And if the public appearances at the RSPCA taught him anything, animals looking to be adopted always needed supplies like food, toys, and blankets. So he went out and bought enough to keep all the animals comfortable for the next long while.
The only problem was that Justin wasn’t really sure how he was supposed to give it to Seamus. Should he owl? Just show up? Anonymously donating it sort of defeated the purpose, but it almost sounded like an option worth exploring. Finally, Justin just worked up the courage and tracked down the other man’s home address. Knocking on the door, he waited for it to be answered.
“Hi,” he greeted Seamus as soon as the door opened, “I wanted to thank you for coming over the other night. So I brought things over. For the animals. Because you were worried about the older ones.” He gestured down at the numerous bags at his feet. Though he had opted not to shrink them in any way, he did cast a feather light charm on all of them. “And I didn’t want you to be worried if you didn’t have to be.”
--
Seamus was glad he didn't work that day. Class had been particularly grueling. That was bound to happen when your assignment partner was a complete waste of space and everything was a fight. His hair, which was normally perfectly messy, stood nearly on end at the front. He'd spent nearly his entire bus ride home trying to flatten it down. To little avail. His hair still stuck up in some places. If his mam stopped by with food later, she would tsk so hard.
He was just sitting down to do the assigned reading and continue working on his part of the assignment when there was a knock at his door. It wasn't his mam. She would just let herself in. He walked to the door in his socks, tugging the brown shirt he'd been wearing all day, down from where it'd ridden up. Using the peep hole, Seamus felt the smile tug at his lips.
"Hiya," he said, cheerfully greeting Justin as he opened the door. He would have said more, flirted a little about the other man finding him in Belfast, but Seamus was dumbstruck at what Justin had to say. He let the other man into his flat, helping Justin bring the bags in. Setting them on the floor by the door, Seamus closed it firmly between them and his nosy neighbors. He was touched by Justin's generosity for those animals, so he acted without thinking.
Once the door was closed, Seamus closed the space between him and Justin and kissed him. It was brief only because Seamus didn't know how Justin would react, but it said a lot. "Thank you."
--
Contrary to what many probably believed, Justin HAD been kissed before, though he was ashamed to admit he did not remember most of their names or even their faces. So when Seamus kissed him back he was at a bit of a loss of what to do until muscle memory took over. It would have gone on longer, but the Gryffindor broke the kiss shortly after it had started, leaving Justin slightly dazed.
"There is no need to thank me. Because I'm supposed to be thanking you." Justin shoved his hands into his jacket pockets, knowing it was rude, but figuring it was a better alternative to wringing them endlessly. "For making sure I got to bed alright and had water and aspirin the next morning."
Well, he assumed the water and painkillers were from Seamus as he was unaware of having any other visitors that evening. It could have happened, drinking wine heavily tended to make him dead to the world, but it was unlikely. "So I got you this instead of coffee or tea or biscuits. I wasn't sure of what you liked."
--
Seamus grinned, pushing his hand through his hair, completely forgetting how long he'd worked to get it to stop standing up. Justin didn't look disgusted by the kiss. It gave him hope. "A card would have done it," he said. "Or a note in the journals. This.." He looked at the bags at their feet. "This is like Christmas. We're no kill, but this helps a lot."
Biting his lip, he smiled at Justin. "All of the above." He took a step back, his hands in his pockets, and he shrugged, looking all cute and questioning. "I have all of them here, if you can stay?"
--
So maybe Justin had gone a bit above and beyond what was considered appropriate, but there was no rulebook for this. Or at least he was unaware if one existed. "I wanted to help." He shifted in place, uncomfortable with more than just the faintest of praise. "I'm glad to hear that it will." And he was glad Seamus appreciated the gesture. It would be awful if he had completely misread the signals and signs.
"I can." It wasn't like Justin had much requiring him to get home immediately. There was the cat, the one he had ended up adopting after speaking with Seamus, but they understood one another, Justin liked to think. Or at least he fed the animal and cleaned out the litter pan often enough that he hadn't ended up with a destroyed home. "I––thank you."
--
Seamus led Justin to the kitchen, careful to keep slightly in front of Justin so he would see the scheming in his eyes. "How's the cat?" His tone was casual, and he was truly interested. He'd seen it when he'd gone to make sure Justin was okay; the night he learned how clingy the other man got when wine was involved.
Seamus didn't have wine, not even for cooking, but he had other options for drinks and ways to get clingy. He selected two mugs from his dish drainer and set them on the counter before turning to face Justin. "Coffee? Tea?" He stepped closer. "Me?"
--
"The cat's good." Justin did not even notice the look in Seamus' eyes, he was too busy looking at the other man's flat. A person's home said a lot about him. Like, for instance Justin's was professionally decorated with very few personal effects outside of his bedroom. So far, what he could see of the flat was that Seamus was a warm person who obviously cared about his friends and family, if the pictures in the living room and stuck on the refrigerator were anything to go by.
He was so engrossed in looking at the pictures that he did not notice how close Seamus was until the other man spoke. "Um" He looked up at the other man, noticing their height difference for the first time and wished that it didn't distract him quite so much. "I only drink coffee in the morning.
--
Seamus' grin had an edge to it. He hadn't meant to catch Justin off guard, but he kind of liked it. It was cute. "That can be arranged. I make a mean breakfast." There were many ways for that to be taken, but Seamus was thinking of the most fun reason why Justin might be there in the morning. He wouldn't push it, but he was ignoring personal pace. He was close enough to smell Justin's toothpaste, but they weren't touching. Yet.
"With coffee out," he said, "that leaves tea or me."
--
If Seamus hadn't ignored personal pace it was very likely that they would still be talking about Justin's cat for the next several months. "Um." His tongue felt thick and clumsy in his mouth and even if he had the right words he wouldn't be able to get them out with any amount of dignity.
The counter pressed against the small of Justin's back, trapping him. He would be lying if that didn't send a pleasurable shiver up his spine. He would be able to get away if he wanted to, but he was pretty sure he didn't want to get away. "What type of tea do you have?"
--
Seamus shrugged, never taking his eyes from Justin's face. His gaze was intent, but he wasn't leering. "I don't know." He never bought tea, because he always seemed to have it in the flat, so he didn't know what he had. "I was kinda hopin' you'd take the third option." Justin wasn't that much shorter than Seamus. If he pressed up against the other man, they'd be face to face with barely any bending.
He had a hard time reading Justin. If it hadn't been for how he'd clung to Seamus the other night, he'd never know there was any interest. Justin was reserved and a bit of a challenge, but Seamus now knew he wasn't as much of a challenge as he had initially thought.
Closing the breathing space between them, Seamus threw the little bit of caution he still had to the wind and kissed Justin again. It was slow and deep, and he held the back of Justin's head to keep them pressed together. His other hand was on Justin's hip.
--
Justin didn't know he wanted to be kissed until Seamus had initiated the second one. Unlike the first, this one was longer and far more intimate. While hesitant and unsure at first, Justin was soon leaning into Seamus' body, a mixture of want and need swirling around his brain. He did not intentionally mean to be difficult to read, but when he often did not know the answer himself, how was he supposed to expect others to understand? His hands came up to bracket Seamus' hips, pulling the other man closer rather than trying to keep him an appropriate distance away.
When they broke apart, Justin's lips were kiss-swollen and his eyes were glazed over. "The third option isn't bad," he offered up weekly. He was only slightly breathless. He looked down and noticed where his hands still lay, but did not choose to let go. This was the closest he had been with a person, sober, in a long time. Justin was not quite ready to give that up just yet. And if his trousers felt a little tight he just had to hope that Seamus wouldn't notice how much a bit of kissing had worked him up.
--
Seamus smirked, a bit of his ego showing through. He wasn't conceited or arrogant, but he liked people and touching and kissing until they or the world was a little off kilter. He brushed his knuckles along Justin's jaw. He rarely lacked someone to snog, and if he went down to the pubs--which he sometimes did, to test himself--he would not leave alone. He didn't do relationships. He was like Mary Poppins: there when needed, and gone once the other person was happy. He preferred it that way. It was like spreading pleasure and making the world a happier place.
"Not bad? I think we can do better than that." He kissed Justin again, pressing their bodies close. He used teeth and tongue to tease and taste. His kiss was hungry, seeking, and maybe a little more forceful than it should have been. A voice in his mind told him to slow down, back off, to give Justin time.
So he did. Seamus moved his mouth from Justin's and trailed kisses down his throat and along his jaw. He ran one hand down Justin's stomach, then snaked it around to press into the small of his back. "Still 'not bad'?" His mouth was by Justin's ear when he spoke.
--
Justin couldn't speak. He opened his mouth and no words came out. He could only nod in agreement. Seamus' hand was touching him, traveling further down where he so desperately wanted to be touched. Then, like Seamus could read Justin's mind, it veered away in another direction, pressing against the small of his back, anchoring him in place. His skin felt warm and just a size too small for his body.
There was a burning sensation in his chest and it took Justin a moment to realize that it was his lungs demanding that he remember how to breathe. He counted in, one two three four five, and breathed out. Repeating the cycle twice more, his pulse no longer pounded in his ears, possibly because all the blood had traveled south, and he seemed to regain the power of speech.
"Please." Justin did not know what he was asking for. Not to stop, never that, but to slow down or to speed up, he could not tell.
--
Seamus' eyes danced as he pulled back to look at Justin's face. Who was he to deny someone when they asked so nicely. The corner of his mouth twitched, but the emotion behind it was not derisive in any way. He was in the early stages of arousal, but by shifting closer, he could feel that Justin was further along. His need to smile stemmed from being needed.
Letting go of where he held Justin, Seamus dropped his hands to Justin's waist and undid his belt. He was wearing trousers that had too many fiddly bits, but with less fuss than two buttons, a hook, and a zipper suggested, he soon had the fly open. He pressed back into Justin, kissing him slowly and teasing his hand along his chest before slipping his fingers into his pants. He wrapped his fingers around Justin, stroking him slowly as he deepened their kiss and held the other man as close as possible while allowing his hand and arm space to move.
--
What happened next Justin did not quite expect. Kissing was all fine and good. He would have been happy, if only a bit frustrated, with that. Sweat beaded at Justin's temples and his breath came out in short pants against the other man's mouth. He was embarrassingly close right now, but he couldn't bring himself to care. And then Seamus' hand was wrapping around him, warm and a little rough. Justin's hips stuttered and even if he wanted to hold back it had been too long.
Warm stickiness coated Seamus' hand and the inside of his boxers and Justin couldn't bring himself to care. His world went dark for a moment before his realized his eyes had closed involuntarily. An apology immediately began to bubble up, knowing that he should have lasted longer and not brought the evening to abrupt and premature end. "I–I–I… Sorry." He couldn't meet Seamus' gaze and tried to look at anything but the man pressed up against him, his hand still hold him.
--
Seamus, in the second of Justin's apology, decided that licking his hand was an inappropriate response. So he kissed Justin again, lightly, and reached around him for a towel. He wiped off his hand, his smile gentle and his look saying that he found Justin endearing.
"It's okay," he said gently. "We've all been there, especially if it's been awhile." He took Justin's hand and tugged his arm. "Come with me." Leading the way to the bathroom, Seamus encouraged Justin to enter first then closed the door once he joined the other man. Seamus ran the taps and, turned to Justin while the tub filled. "There's room for two." He set a charm to keep the water from escaping the tub, and to keep it the perfect temperature.
Closing the space between them, Seamus tilted Justin's face up so he could look into his eyes. "Skin to skin, and it's a good way to clean up. If that dries, you'll be uncomfortable." He brushed his lips over Justin's. "What d'ya say?"
--
"Why are you being so nice?" Justin's hand came up to fiddle with the bottom button of his shirt. He hadn't quite understood why Seamus had led them into the bathroom in the first place, though it had now become obvious. Most of his previous encounters would have long been over by now. You took what was needed and that was that. He had been prepared to return the favor on his knees, but this… this wasn't what was expected.
"You don't have to. You know." He tried not to flinch under Seamus' steady gaze, even when his hands took on a mind of their own and began to undo the buttons of his shirt. He knew what he wanted even if his mind couldn't quite process it at the moment.
--
His mouth said one thing, but his hands unbuttoning his shirt said something else entirely, and Seamus grabbed Justin's fingers, stopping their progress. He pressed their hands to his chest. "What answer would you like? I can tell you the truth, or I can tell you something that you think you deserve to hear."
His tone was a little gruffer than he'd meant it to be, but he didn't like the hidden meaning in the mixed messages. He waved his wand at the tap, stopping the flow of water, but never took his eyes off of Justin's face. "How about I tell you both, and you tell me which is which?"
He loosened his hold on Justin's hands but didn't let them go completely. "I want to make you feel good, and you've got a pretty mouth." Technically, both were true, but the connotations of the latter were cheap.
--
The grabbing of his fingers had Justin blinking in confusion as he tried to focus on Seamus' words more than the grip that currently held him in place, even when it loosened considerably. The comment about his mouth had him shifting in place uncomfortably, hips twitching in interest. That was more along the lines of what he was used to, despite the blush that threatened to bloom across his face.
"I've been told," Justin swallowed, praying that he was reading the situation correctly, "that my mouth is worth the trouble." He wasn't sure what Seamus was going to do with that information, but Justin had enough confidence in the other man to know that this would not go beyond the two of them or outside of these four walls.
He took a half a step forward, bringing himself well within reaching distance as he curled his fingers around Seamus'.
--
"I don't doubt it," he replied gently, his head cocked as he regarded Justin. "But that's not the true answer to why I'm being nice to you." When Justin stepped forward, Seamus let go of one of his hands and cupped the side of his neck, his long fingers reaching around to feel his vertebrae in his neck.
"I don't expect you to kneel," he said, his voice still soft, "Especially when your argument and your tone conflict with you unbuttoning your shirt." Seamus ran his thumb along the muscles in Justin's neck. "Just because I gave you a hand, and I am asking to see you naked, I don't expect anything beyond a cuddle in the tub. Just because I did something doesn't mean you have to."
He dropped his hand to Justin's again and finally let a smirk play over his lips again. "I won't stop you if you want to get naked, but I don't want you doing it 'cause you feel you owe me."
--
Justin wasn't exactly sure he liked how nice Seamus was being, but he couldn't deny how reasonable it was either. He did like the feeling of the other man's hands on his neck as those fingers worked out knots that had built up. It took him some time to find the words he was looking for. "Just because you don't expect me to kneel doesn't mean I don't want to get into my knees."
He went back to unbuttoning his shirt and shrugged it off. With the utmost care, he began to fold and put it aside. Going to the waistband of his trousers just dared to look at Seamus. "I'm not very good at this part," he said. "I am going to be awkward and stilted and not know what what to do or say. "
Slipping his shoes off, Justin finally pushed his trousers down. Those too were folded meticulously. Left in his underwear, Justin gave pause and seemed to steel himself for a moment before facing Seamus again. "I like… things, " such a specific description, "and nice is fine. I'm just not used to it."
--
Seamus watched Justin undress. The look in his eyes was kind and encouraging, but a closer look showed a hunger and desire. He wanted this. He wanted Justin, but he was willing to slow down and back off if he felt the other man hesitate.
He thought he knew what Justin meant. "Hang around me often enough, and you'll get sick of nice." Smirking again, he stripped down to his boxers. He would have just left his clothes lying on the floor, but he folded them and put them next to Justin's instead. After a moment, Seamus removed his boxers and stepped into the tub.
"This part is awkward, no matter what you do. But I'm gonna sit, then you'll climb in and sit with your back to my front. Then we'll both lean back and relax." Seamus sat and watched Justin expectantly. "And just so you know," he continued, picking up on a different part of their conversation, "I don't expect any kneeling until you're ready for round two."
--
Blatantly, Justin watched Seamus strip off the last of his clothing. Just because he was stilted and awkward didn't mean that he couldn't enjoy the sight of someone he found attractive. If he was sending mixed message it wasn't something he meant to do. He nodded in understanding. No doubt he would make it even more awkward.
He could feel Seamus' eyes on him as he finished undressing, taking the time to fold those clothes as well. Standing there in the nude had him wanting to cover himself with his hands, but Justin resisted the urge. Because it was obvious Seamus wanted him and wasn't going to say anything hurtful.
He didn't say anything until he was sitting back to front in the tub, letting the warm water sink into his tense muscles. "I might be ready sooner than you think for round two."
--
Seamus shamelessly admired Justin's body. He caught the flash of insecurity, but he would attempt to make Justin forget about that. When they were nestled together, Seamus wrapped his arms around Justin, pressing his hands flat into the other man's chest. "Good," he chuckled, tilting his head forward to kiss Justin's shoulder. "I wanna hear more of that panting."
He slid his hands up Justin's chest and began slowly working his thumbs into the knots in his shoulders and neck. "First we relax. And, if you want, talk?" He wanted Justin to feel like there was more than sex here. Seamus liked sex, but he craved intimacy as much.
--
Sex Justin knew how to deal with, intimacy not so much. He'd never really had a healthy example of it in his life to model. So most of the time he was making it up as he went along. Or not making it up at all, as such was the case right now. He did his best to relax, but couldn't help but flinch and twitch as Seamus touched him. "I'm not very good at talking," he gave the disclaimer just in case, "but I am willing if you are."
Looking down the length of the tub, Justin curled his toes, watching as the water reacted to his movements. Seamus was wrong when he said that getting in would be awkward. It was, but it was far more awkward to sit there, unsure of what to do or say.
--
"Relax. Close your eyes. Take deep breaths. Trust me." Seamus massaged lower, working the muscles along Justin's back. His hands entered the water, and as he pressed his thumbs into Justin's lower back, Seamus leaned forward and kissed his shoulder. "I think it's pretty obvious I'm attracted to you." He punctuated his sentence with another kiss.
"I also think it's pretty obvious that I'm interested in more than just your body. I wanna know your thoughts and about you and how to make your days better. Even just for a little while." Seamus kissed Justin's cheek. "But how much I get to know is completely up to you, and if you just want this to be sex, well that can be arranged."
--
"And here I thought it might just be your wand in your pocket." Blushing at the so obvious, and crass, comment, Justin took Seamus' suggestion to take several deep breaths. His eyes closed and he tried to push out any stray thoughts from his mind. Turning towards Seamus, Justin accepted the kiss with a happy little sigh, sinking further into the warm water as his muscles finally went fully lax.
"You can ask questions, but you'd probably be better if they're not open ended." Opening his eyes for the moment, he took one of Seamus' hands in both of his before it could travel anywhere that could cause Justin to shut down faster than a muggle computer during a power outage. He occupied himself by massaging the muscles and joints. "I'm used to sex. Just not with people I might already know. Outside of sex."
Because it was easier, Justin's eyes closed again and once more tried to empty his mind. It would be less awkward that way.
--
When Justin finally relaxed, Seamus stopped massaging his back. He took the hint when Justin took one of his hands. Seamus let his free hand rest on Justin's chest again as he watched his fingers get massaged. He chuckled lightly. "I'll have sex with anyone who's willing: friends, acquaintances, strangers. I'm kind of a slut." His voice made the smile on his face obvious. "But I'm clean. I get tested regularly, and I'm safe."
Seamus was quiet for several moments as he thought of a question to start with. He rubbed his thumb up and down, absently playing with the light hairs there. "Are questions about your favourite things open ended?"
--
Justin wondered if he should Seamus for sleeping around, but he could not bring himself to care about that now. It must be nice to have that sort of confidence about yourself. Helga only knew that Justin didn't feel that way about himself. "I don't remember the last time I was tested, but I will get that done." He'd been lucky so far in his endeavors, but his luck would run out at some point if he didn't keep on top of things.
"What type of things? Hobbies? Books? Food?" Sex? Justin didn't say that last one out loud because Seamus seemed pretty adamant that his interest lay beyond the carnal. Sighing, Justin tried to sink lower in the tub, though he was quickly running out of room.
--
"When's the last time you had sex, and did you use protection?" Seamus wasn't a doctor, but he'd been tested often enough that he knew the questions and had a general idea of how to determine if someone had something. He didn't think Justin did, and anything that happened after this bath would happen safely.
Seamus frowned, though Justin couldn't see it. He didn't know what made casual conversations difficult for some people. He had been warned not to leave things too open ended, but he didn't think that fit the bill. "We'll start with a hard one then. Why are you afraid of being intimate?" In a sense, Seamus was using what he'd been learning in his counseling courses even while he and Justin sat together in a tub.
--
"A month? Six weeks?" Justin flushed and it wasn't just from the heat of the bath water. Being honest with someone you were possibly… probably going to have sex with was pretty damn important. At least when it came to a person's safety. "And no." Justin should have known better, but at the time he didn't care, more interested in getting off at that moment than his health.
Justin remained quiet for a long time. There were many ways he could answer that question, each more depressing than the last. He'd been raised in a fishbowl. He'd never had healthy relationship to model after. He was still uncomfortable with his sexuality. "I don't want to do something wrong." Because he was going to try to be honest, he added, "And then some."
--
Seamus kissed the side of his neck as he considered Justin's words. He was very careful with his body these days. He took care of himself so he could take care of his partners. He knew some STIs don't show symptoms, and neither of them would know for sure until Justin was tested. "Sex isn't happening today," he said gently, his cheek on Justin's shoulder. "I need you to be tested first. I take it very seriously, and condoms only go so far."
Seamus continued to kiss along Justin's neck and shoulder. "You can only do something wrong if there's an expectation." He extracted his hand from Justin's and gently turned his jaw so they were looking at each other. "Expect to have fun, and fun will be had." He caught Justin's mouth and kissed him slowly. "That's the only expectation here. Fun. Okay?"
--
Nodding slowly, Justin wasn't upset with Seamus' decision. Seamus should be careful with his health. Someone should. Justin appreciated the other man clarified his expectations. Clear expectations were things he strive for and sometimes even exceed. Tilting his head back against Seamus' shoulder, so he could look the other man directly in the eye, Justin gathered his thoughts. Seamus had been kind enough to be sensitive to his own hangups, it couldn't hurt to let him in, just a little. "Have you ever lived your life in a fishbowl? Because I have and I would not recommend it in the slightest."
Letting his fingers trail over the surface of the water, Justin dared to let them drift towards the line of Seamus's leg, not far enough to be indecent, but just enough to show that he was trying to be an active participant. "Does the line of sharing just go one way?"
--
"I have not. I don't really know what that means." Seamus replied, watching Justin's profile. He had no idea what the other man was thinking. The fact that he hadn't immediately tried to climb out of the tub when sex was taken off the table was a good sign, but Seamus needed words. "I need to know that you're okay with us not having sex. And that I haven't offended you by saying no now for the reasons why I said no."
Seamus caught Justin's hand and turned it so he could twine their fingers together. "You can ask me whatever you want. I'll give you an honest answer."
--
Blinking, Justin nodded again before realizing that he actually needed to verbalize the answer. Just because Seamus wasn't a complete stranger didn't mean that they knew what Justin was saying when he wasn't saying much of anything at all. "Yes. That's fine. I mean, you said you weren't going to rush or push me. You certainly deserve the same sort of respect." He twisted around to look at Seamus to make sure that was clear enough.
"This is going to sound out of place, but I promise this has a purpose." Justin licked his lips as he gathered his thoughts. "I love my mother, but she has always been image conscious and wanted me to fit that image. My father…." he shook his head, "he cares more about image, but his children are a reflection of him. I don't like being the center of attention." There was more to it than that, but maybe that would explain some things.
"I don't have any questions right now. But I might later."
--
When Justin turned to look at him, Seamus kissed him lightly. "Thank you."
He listened to Justin carefully and felt for him. Seamus didn't mind being the center of attention, but he knew how it could weigh on people, especially those who didn't seek it. "That's why all the wine." Seamus sighed and wrapped his arms around Justin, holding him close as the still hot water swirled around them gently. "Despite the fact that you're an adult, do you still do what they want because you feel obligated?"
--
Justin gave a rather undignified snort. "Of course." Didn't everyone feel obligated to his or her parents? His might not be married any longer and might be busy with their own pursuits, but if either should come calling he would come to heel like a trained dog. It was a little embarrassing to admit, but it was the truth.
He let Seamus kiss him and hold him close, feeling guilty that he was behaving so passively, but suddenly he felt so damn exhausted that he couldn't quite summon up the energy to do anything about it. "I'm sorry, this probably isn't how you expected to spend your evening." He was used to not quite meeting expectations.
--
"You don't owe them. They're your parents. Their love is supposed to be unconditional." Seamus hugged Justin a little closer, the tub suddenly no longer good for what he wanted, but he didn't make him move. "You don't have to pay them back for anything, especially if it makes you unhappy."
Seamus laughed lightly, pressing a kiss to Justin's shoulder. "You're right. This isn't what I expected. I was gonna make dinner and watch telly, do some homework, and go to bed. I didn't expect to have a very attractive man in my tub with me."
--
Nothing was ever given for free, Justin wanted to tell Seamus, but he did not feel like disagreeing at the moment. Especially when the other man was so optimistic about how life ought to be, he couldn't burst that bubble. It did not even occur to Justin that his particular situation was an outlier rather than the norm. Making a soft humming sound that could either be agreement or disagreement, Justin let his eyes drift close.
"Bed sounds nice," he murmured, not even realizing how that could come across. He couldn't remember spending the night in front of the telly. He wasn't quite sure if he had a television license, so it didn't matter in the end. "If it helps, I didn't imagine ending up in a tub with an attractive man either."
--
Seamus, who was slowly kissing along Justin's shoulder, smiled. "Bed does sound nice." Sex wasn't happening, but they could still sleep together. He nuzzled Justin's jaw. "You have to get up first." He nudged Justin gently until he was up and out of the tub then quickly followed.
While the water drained, he handed Justin a towel and wrapped one around his waist. Seamus led the way to his room and retrieved sleeping pants for the both of them. Once partly dressed, Seamus led Justin to his bed. He climbed in first and held the blankets back for Justin to climb in with him. Seamus would be the big spoon. "Even though sex is off, I'd like to be close."
--
Justin couldn't remember the last time he'd stayed the night with someone who was not a friend. Perhaps Seamus could be considered a friend under some circumstances, but right now he was edging toward something more. Right now the distinction didn't matter because he was just so one tired he didn't want to split hairs.
He hung back awkwardly for a moment before settling down underneath the covers. "I don't think I kick in my sleep, but if I do, I would like to apologize in advance."
--
Seamus wrapped his arm around Justin's middle, pulling him back and flush with his chest. "Accepted," he said quietly, kissing Justin's shoulder. "And I'm sorry if I'm a blanket hog, or too clingy, or anything. I like to cuddle." It was one of his favourite pastimes, and he wasn't ashamed to tell anyone and everyone about it. There were therapies that revolved around cuddling and holding people close. He was considering incorporating that into his possible future practice, if people would be willing to participate.
--
Seamus' bed was surprisingly comfortable and Justin snuggled down under the covers, curling around one of his borrowed pillows. It was likely a sign of how tired he was that he just hummed in contentment and then admitted, "I… I like cuddling too." In the morning he would regret letting Seamus see in between the cracks of his facade, but right now Justin could not bring himself to care. Warm, with another person at his back, he let himself succumb to sleep. Hopefully Seamus didn't expect much conversation.