Regulus Black (geniuslike) wrote in reduxpitch, @ 2016-09-06 04:06:00 |
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Entry tags: | !thread, character: gemma higgs, character: regulus black |
WHO: Regulus and Gemma
WHEN: Saturday afternoon (backdated)
WHERE: Regulus’s cottage
WHAT: Chatting about strange dreams
RATING: Low
Regulus really didn’t know what to think about Gemma’s strange dream about him, largely because she hadn’t shared most of the details. The few she had shared were odd, to say the least. Regulus, with a cat? As if that would ever happen. He barely tolerated other people’s cats in proximity to him.
Still, something bigger than mere pets seemed to be bothering her, and Regulus couldn’t fathom what it was. Clearly she thought this was more than a dream, for reasons he couldn’t pinpoint, though it wasn’t unheard of, he supposed. And just as clearly, since she’d first mentioned it a week or so ago, she wasn’t able to get over it. If she needed to talk it out, then Regulus was happy to listen. What else were friends for?
He rarely had guests over at his cottage, which was a pleasant place to live. Perhaps a bit bland, the home of someone who didn’t entertain much, but he had a few paintings hung up, and the place did have one or two Regulus-esque touches - like stacks of books everywhere because the library was never big enough even when he added shelves, and antique furniture because he preferred it to modern decor.
Kreacher had made tea and scones, which was good, because Regulus was more anxious than he cared to admit and would’ve flubbed it if he’d even tried to put the kettle on himself.
*
It had only been yesterday that Gemma had asked if she could come talk to Regulus today but if she was honest she'd been struggling in trying to decide to talk to him ever since she'd started having the dream. Even now she was still wondering if it was a good idea or not; because they might not have known each other for very long but she already considered Regulus to be a good friend, and she didn't want to make things anymore awkward than she had already in her attempts to tell him about the dream.
As Gemma knocked on the door she realised this was the first time either one of them had actually visited the other's house. Whenever they'd met up before it had always been somewhere else or they simply happened to bump into each other. Not that she minded all that much as it wasn't as if it had prevented them from getting to know one another.
Gemma looked up as the door opened and did her best to smile without showing she was feeling kind of nervous. "Hi."
--
Regulus felt that it would definitely be less awkward to just get it all out in the open. He couldn’t imagine what was so uncomfortable that it rendered the usually-charming Gemma so tongue-tied.
“Hello,” he greeted her warmly, trying to hide the nervousness he felt. “Do come in, it’s good to see you.” He led her through the foyer into the dining room, where the tea was ready and waiting. “How have you been?”
*
It seemed almost strange that yesterday she'd quite easily been fine with trying to get Regulus to see he was being ridiculous about possible murderous raccoons and now she was nervous - and she wasn't even about to tell him anything really all that bad! It was ridiculous. Gemma smiled and told him it was good to see him too. As they walked through to the dining room there was a niggling thought at the back of her mind. She was fairly sure it wasn't about anything she was about to try and talk to Regulus about, but she couldn't shake the feeling that whatever it was was kind of just as important.
"I've been good, well, more or less I've been good," she replied. It wasn't a complete lie at least. "I see you haven't been murdered by raccoons yet; so I guess you've been alright?"
--
Regulus rolled his eyes in a more or less good-natured way. “They can’t come up near the house,” he admitted, gesturing out the window toward the end of the drive where the bins were. “I say they, but really there’s only one. The same one every time. So yes, I’ve been all right. I simply don’t like seeing movement on the outskirts of my property early in the morning. It’s rather alarming, you see. Do you take sugar or lemon in your tea?”
*
Gemma looked out the window to where Regulus was gesturing and managed to not let out a snort of laughter when she realised the distance. It really was quite silly but she wasn't about to belittle whatever fears or anxieties he might have; she just wasn't that sort of person. "Sugar, please. And I imagine it would be alarming having strangers, either of the animal or human variety, sneaking around your property in the wee hours of the day," she commented. "Though I still don't think it's very likely to be a raccoon." If one had maybe escaped from a zoo, that might be believable; if a zoo was actually at all likely to have raccoons on exhibit to begin with.
Gemma wondered if she should start trying to tell him now about the dream and why she'd been so awkward of late or wait until they'd at least drank some of their tea. Beforehand might be a bit better since there'd be less chance of tea possibly being spluttered everywhere.
--
Regulus had plenty of fears and anxieties. Most of them were much better justified than his vendetta against animals, at least. He poured a little sugar into her tea and passed her the saucer, and offered her the plate of scones, politely. “It could be,” he said. “People like Evan probably brought them back as exotic foreign pets and they escaped.”
He took a sip of his tea. “At any rate,” he said, “it can’t get into the house, and I rarely go outside. But I can’t bring the bins up as long as I know it’s out there.”
*
Gemma thanked him for the tea and took a scone from the plate, but then she couldn't help but look at Regulus in disbelief. "I might not know him at all but I really don't think he's very likely to be the sort of person to do anything like that."
"You won't be able to hide inside forever from it you know that right?" she asked. Though she suspected Regulus did know that but was likely hoping he might not ever have to. When she was perhaps not feeling so nervous and confused about her dream she'd see to helping him get over his aversion to outside, because it really was a little bit ridiculous (even if she could understand his reasons why).
Gemma sipped at her tea a little and took a bit of the scone, which was quite good, and decided she might as well get to the point of the visit before she chickened out entirely. "So I suppose I should get to telling you why I wanted to talk… why I've been acting… different," she said. "I mean, you know it's something to do with a dream I had but not really why."
--
“I assure you that he is,” Regulus said. “In many ways Evan is an intelligent and interesting person, and in certain other ways, he takes after his father.”
With a delicate shudder, he bit into his own scone, and swallowed politely before he responded, “Well, if it comes to it, I can have Kreacher investigate and bring the bins up. He doesn’t usually do yardwork.” Come to that, neither did Regulus, but at least him being seen outside by Muggles wouldn’t cause a stir.
“Right,” he said. “I don’t really understand at all, so...go on.”
*
"And that means he's likely to import raccoons?" she asked. Gemma didn't know Evan or his father but found that the idea was a little absurd, because why would anyone import raccoons to start with?
"I still don't believe it's a racoon outside, but do you think having Kreacher investigate is fair to him?" she questioned. "What happens if whatever it is doesn't like house elves?"
And how could he understand when anything she had said on the matter was just a bunch of broken words that even when strung together made little sense. Gemma took a deep breath trying to calm her nerves before she spoke again. "I don't quite know where to begin, and I know it might be a bit awkward for you to hear, so I'm sorry for that," she warned, hoping that by the end they could at least still maybe be friends. "I suppose the beginning of the dream is a good place to start, which is kind of funny since I was sleeping and ended up dreaming about being in bed. Uh… the reason I know about possibly ever owning a cat… the reason why I've been so awkward lately is because… because…. Youweretheonetherebesideme."
Okay, so she kind of chickened out there and said in an utter rush what she'd been kind of afraid to say. It was fine. Totally fine. Right?
--
“I would not put it past him. Have you seen that...thing he calls a cat?”
Regulus shrugged. “That’s one of the reasons I haven’t sent him,” he said. “Better me than him, but also, better neither of us gets clawed by a rabid raccoon.”
It did come out quickly, but Regulus had already started blushing at the mention of beds, and broke into a coughing fit when his brain actually processed the words. “I’m sorry,” he said, and wasn’t entirely sure why.
*
"I think I've seen a picture of it. But it clearly isn't all that dangerous if he's still able to write as much as he does," she pointed out.
"At least at night you wouldn't necessarily have to worry about Kreacher being seen by muggles," she said. Though given what she knew of the house elf and how Regulus cared for him it was unlikely he'd ever be sent to deal with the so-called raccoon. "I really don't think that's likely if you have your wand with you.
Gemma watched his reaction and felt a little bad when she saw the blush and he started coughing. "You don't need to apologise," she said reassuringly. Taking a small sip of tea to wet her lips she continued on. "That's not really all of it. The reason you were uh there was because we… were married, a-and happily so I think…"
--
Regulus lost all interest in talking about Evan’s absurd cat and raccoons in bins at that. People had flirted with him before, a few times. On very rare occasions, he even picked up on it, and it invariably made him intensely uncomfortable. He didn’t really...feel that way about people. Relationships made him nervous, sex made him very nervous, and there was also the little fact that he secretly hated himself so much he couldn’t fathom why anyone else wouldn’t. The older he’d gotten - not that he was old, especially for a wizard - the less he’d had cause to think about such things, except when Sirius started on again about “needing to get him laid.” And he certainly wouldn’t have dared to think them about Gemma, who was quite a bit younger, and very beautiful, and very popular, and probably had loads of suitors who weren’t neurotic homebodies who got edgy around puppies.
But it had to be said, nobody had ever brought up the prospect of happily married before. The being-in-bed thing had been weird enough, but at least he knew that sex was something most people had an interest in. Being in a proper and serious relationship, though, and knowing she was thinking about that? That was...there wasn’t a word for what that was. Just an overwhelming sense of shock and bewilderment.
“Oh,” he finally managed through a throat that had gone tight with something that wasn’t quite dread, but close to it. “Right. Well. That’s an interesting dream. And you - you - you’ve been thinking about it a lot, have you?”
*
Gemma nervously watched as Regulus seemingly went over what she'd said. Then started to get a little worried when he still hadn't said anything at all. She knew even though she hadn't said much that what she had said was really quite something and certainly a lot to take in. Heck, she'd only just barely processed what it was and could mean; even if that future was far off and might not ever happen. It wasn't a future she'd ever even considered for herself, not because she didn't think it was possible, but because she never saw herself as being ready to make that sort of commitment to someone. To just share yourself completely with someone… anyone… was a concept that, if she were honest about, kind of terrified her.
There was an evident sigh of relief when Regulus finally did speak again. Gemma nodded in response to his question. "Probably a lot more than I maybe should. I was surprised at first but now… I don't really know what to think," she admitted frowning slightly, not because she was upset but feeling frustrated with herself that she couldn't figure out her feelings. "Especially with the other part of the dream that's left me feeling… well, lonely…"
--
Regulus had never imagined a future with anyone else, either. Even if he had, it probably wouldn’t have started quite this way. Most relationships didn’t, he fancied.
“Oh,” he said. “Oh?” He was well aware that he was still blushing, and knew himself well enough to know it was obvious. He was too pale for it to be otherwise. It was a bit silly for a grown man to blush when a woman talked to him about these things, after all, far more ridiculous than him babbling about evil raccoons.
But Gemma seemed just as confused as he was, and she’d clearly felt awkward about telling him all this. That, at least, kept him a bit grounded. She wasn’t being expectant or demanding or even particularly outgoing, the way she usually was, and that made it easier not to retreat into himself. “I...umm.” He cleared his throat, entirely uncertain what he was supposed to say. It wasn’t even as though she were asking him anything. “I don’t...I never thought of you as being lonely.”
*
Funnily enough Gemma was in a way kind of glad for Regulus' blushing - it was familiar and something she could focus on, even if she knew she had something to do with the cause of it. Sure it might be a little strange to see in a grown man but it really was kind of an endearing quality in her eyes and one of the things she did like about him; which just made her feel even more confused about the dream.
"Neither did I - think of myself as ever being lonely. I'm not even entirely alone in my house with Butterscotch there," she mentioned. "It's probably silly but my place just feels kind of empty now that sometimes I catch myself looking around for you and Mai…"
Gemma trailed off without really finishing what she was going to say because she wasn't sure whether Regulus needed to know that too. It was one thing to tell your friend that you'd dreamt of them being married it was an entirely different matter telling them that and that you had a daughter with another child on the way.
--
Regulus caught that, but he just assumed that was the mystery cat’s name or something. The idea of having children was even more out there and unthinkable than the idea of...of...well, all the rest of it. He’d long since accepted, and not with much difficulty, that he was going to spend his life single, and children had never even crossed his mind. Even if they had, he’d had such a horrid childhood himself that he would have been quite certain he couldn’t parent anybody successfully.
“Oh,” he repeated, yet again. It must have been a terribly vivid dream, really, to make her feel all of...this. He cleared his throat, acutely uncomfortable and uncertain how to respond or what to tell her or...well, anything.
It was odd to be having this conversation in the dining room, of all places, he decided. That was probably part of the problem. Also, he just really wanted an excuse to move around, since his nerves were quite bad right now. “Er, would you like to - let’s go continue this discussion in the library,” he offered. That would make him feel more comfortable, at any rate. It was his favourite room in the house.
*
Gemma knew she should maybe feel a little disappointed that he only seemed to say 'Oh' a lot but she was just feeling too relieved that he at least wasn't reacting badly to actually complain he wasn't really saying anything. Even if she didn't have much of a right to complain considering what she'd just told him. It certainly had been a very vivid dream, even if all she could remember was what she'd told Regulus and little pieces of the argument that they'd had about their respective pets.
"Alright then," she said with a nod, picking up her cup and saucer, and proceeded to head to the library. It hadn't occurred to her that she hadn't actually asked Regulus for directions or even waited for him to lead her to the room. Without even realising what she'd done she'd managed to navigate her way through a house, one she'd never been to before, and end up at the correct room.
Unsure of what she'd been expecting to see, if anything at all, Gemma though it was probably one of the cosiest libraries she'd seen. There was a fire at one end of the room and comfortable furniture - it all looked very well lived in; which really wasn't that surprising when she thought of Regulus' love for books. "It's lovely. I can almost see why you wouldn't want to go outside when you have a room like this."
--
Regulus noticed, of course, that she found her way to the library, which she couldn’t have ever seen before, without any evidence of hesitation. That gave him pause. He was, after all, a wizard - and not just a wizard, but an Unspeakable, who studied mysteries for a living. Precognition was a known fact of magic, though genuine Seers were few and far between and he doubted Gemma fit that description. Still...still. He didn’t know how else to account for it. He was positive that he’d never shown her photographs of his house, or even described it aloud.
“It’s my favourite,” he said softly, running his fingers over the open pages of a book on a side table - one of the books she’d bought him for his birthday. “I like it in here.”
He was certainly a bit calmer now, and a bit more thoughtful having watched what she’d just done. She seemed entirely unaware of it, too. He took a deep breath and said, a bit more coherently, “I’m sorry, it’s not that - it’s just that I don’t really...I’ve never really been in a position to think about...that sort of future.”
*
Utterly unaware of how strange it was that she'd been able to easily and rightly find her way through a house she'd never been in before Gemma mere just smiled and watched as Regulus ran his fingers over a book. "I can see why," she said quietly. "Even without the books it's a very cosy room."
"It's alright, I know how strange it all sounds," she said, taking a sip of her tea. "I've never really thought of having such a future myself so I can just imagine how it must be for you." Gemma thought for a brief moment and then with a sigh decided she'd tell Regulus the rest of the dream; even if it made things more awkward it was better than keeping it bottled up only to be blurted out later. "Before when I said I'd sometimes catch myself looking for you there was another I'd look for as well, and it wasn't the cat but um another a person… a small person… our… uh daughter…"
--
Regulus had just thought he was getting a handle on this. That is, he had just begun to think of it as A Mystery, the sort that it was his job to figure out, because a dream which apparently imparted genuine knowledge of things she had no reason to otherwise know was quite something.
Then she had to go and throw him for another loop. He could just about consider futures and marriage and even cats. Daughters were another thing entirely. She happened to catch him taking a sip of tea, and he inhaled sharply and ended up coughing violently, covering his mouth with the back of his hand. So much for not blushing anymore.
“Sorry,” he croaked, his throat burning. “I, er...that’s...um...”
*
Gemma's eyes widened, horrified that the information she'd imparted had cause him to start coughing on his tea. She really really hadn't meant for that to happen. "Are you alright?" she asked concernedly. "I didn't mean… I shouldn't have said… I'm sorry…"
Normal awkward non-verbal reactions she could handle but that one had thrown her a little and now she felt bad that she'd been the cause of it.
--
“I’m fine,” he managed, and hastily put the tea in a secure location, far from any of the books he’d left out. Best not to drink right now, all things considered.
Regulus managed to get a hold of himself and awkwardly settled into a chair, nervously clasping his hands in his lap. “No, you...you...you needed to say it. Obviously it’s been quite eating you up, this past week or two,” he said weakly. “I’m sorry, it’s not that...it’s not...it’s not a problem with you, at all. It’s just that I don’t...really...I’ve never...” He’d never done the sort of thing that could result in having a child. Nor had he ever intended to. It would’ve been one thing if this alone had been the case, but it wasn’t, because he lived in a world where having sex was the normal thing to do, and he had siblings - Sirius in particular - who consistently gave him a hard time about it. It wasn’t what you might call fun and it had become a bit of a sore spot over the years, and she was a lovely young lady who clearly liked him, for some reason, and he liked her, except not in that way....probably...and anyway...it was awkward.
*
It had been eating her up or at least constantly on her mind to the point that even some of the more observant members of the Falcons had started to notice there was something a little bit off with their Chaser. But she wasn't likely to actually confide in any of them - certainly not Marcus who could potentially tell her brother before she even had a chance to. Gemma reluctantly took a seat in a chair across from Regulus because hugging was probably the last thing that should be happening right now in such a situation as this.
Watching him worriedly she wasn't sure what to do or say as there couldn't possibly be anything to say that would make the conversation any less awkward than it already was. At least it had all been said now and it wasn't just kept to herself any longer. "It's alright," she mumbled nervously. "You've never what?"
--
“I’ve never been in a...I haven’t quite...I don’t do...well, I haven’t been in a position to have a daughter,” Regulus said. “Or ever thought that I might be. And I never thought that, um...that you...well, that anyone might be...interested. In that sort of. Well.” Well, this was officially the most awkward conversation he’d ever had in his life.
*
"Oh?" she had asked, setting her cup of tea down so as not to suffer like Regulus had, in the middle of his attempt at answering the question. Then the gears had clicked together in her mind and her eyes widened again in surprise this time. "Oh! Um… right. I… um… I didn't know." This was definitely more awkward than she had originally even intended. She honestly had no idea that he had never actually been with anyone. It certainly wasn't a bad thing but it was definitely a bit on the unexpected side.
A brief flicker of thought and she latched on to something he had said about anyone ever actually being interested in him. This thought made her frown slightly because she couldn't see why anyone wouldn't be interested in him even when taking his past into consideration. It was, to be honest, a far easier subject to bring up than the not ever having had sex part. Not that she herself had issues talking about sex but given his reactions so far it was perhaps a subject best avoided with Regulus for the time being.
"Why do you think no one might ever be interested in you?" she asked, genuinely curious as to the answer.
--
Sex was definitely not something Regulus talked about, ever. He had been very well brought up and considered it impolite, to say the least. He’d just never been interested in it, either.
At least she didn’t push that point, though she was clearly startled - as most people would be if they knew, because forty-year-old men who were virgins were a rare commodity. “A better question is probably why anyone would be, possibly prophetic dreams aside,” he said wryly, on rather firmer ground here and at least capable of forming sentences on this topic. “We only met in the first place because I had a business meeting. My life is my work, and that’s leaving aside my...history.” She’d only ever given him the time of day because she was too young to remember the war, and too young to be horrified by his part in it. “I’m hardly boyfriend material, here.”
*
"Well, you're not an awful person so I don't see why not," she said with a shrug. "Business meeting or not, and current awkward conversations aside, I'm rather glad it happened; even if it would've been rather unlikely for us to otherwise have met. I know, though being all about work isn't exactly much of a life..." Gemma didn't care that she wasn't really aware of his past or the things he'd done. The only way that it mattered was that without it he'd be an entirely different person; and given the story he'd told of almost drowning it was entirely possible that if things were different he might not even be here having awkward conversations.
"Says the man who'd willingly deal with miscreants who'd dare to whirlwind me into the Thames," she said giving him a pointed look. "You're also doing well in putting up with my rather awkward conversation topics."
--
He wasn’t an awful person anymore, but he had been, once, and he couldn’t imagine how a person wouldn’t be put off by that.
“It’s a fine life,” he said. Maybe a little lonely, but he honestly preferred to be by himself. Well, most of the time.
“I’d do that for any of my friends,” he protested. “What’s the good of knowing all sorts of charms if you’re not willing to use them to help people you care about?” The second bit was true, and he managed a small smile. “Well - it is very awkward, but it’s important to you, so.”
*
"I didn't say that it wasn't fine only that it wasn't much of one. I really don't think it's a bad thing that you enjoy your work so much," she said. "It's just… well, it can't be all that good if it's the only thing, can it? Though I know recently you've done things you probably wouldn't normally do, like going to the fete or petting Butterscotch even though I know you didn't particularly want to."
Gemma didn't doubt for a moment that he'd do such a thing for any friend but it wasn't going to stop her from pointing out it was also more than that. "So would I, but that doesn't mean it can't also count towards being good boyfriend material too," she said pointedly. "A fair point, and I do appreciate that you'd come to my defence if I was ever in trouble." She knew a number of her friends, and her brother, would do the same thing but it felt different. Though maybe that was only because she was letting the dream affect her thoughts. "Still… I'm thankful you've listened anyway even if it must seem very fanciful to you."
--
“Butterscotch is a nice dog,” Regulus said, which was high praise coming from him. “And if I don’t make some effort to go out, my siblings do horrid things to me, you know. But I enjoy going out with you.” More than he enjoyed going out with most people, it had to be said. In spite of the occasional awkward moment, he never regretted time spent with Gemma.
Regulus chewed his lip for a moment. “It seems fanciful in many ways,” he said carefully. “In that it’s really so far outside of anything I’ve ever considered for myself - not to make you feel unwanted, I’ve never considered it with anyone. But then again, it’s clearly affected you quite a lot, and you found your way through my house somehow. Was this where we lived in the dream?”
*
"I'm sure it's only because they worry about you though," she said, smiling when he said he enjoyed going out with her. Any other time she might've made some joking comment about it in one way or another, but with how awkward things had been so far it was probably best to not tease Regulus just yet.
"Don't worry, it won't offend me or make me feel unwanted," she reassured him. Gemma frowned worriedly at what he said. Gemma wasn't sure where it was they'd lived in the dream - there had been a familiar feeling when she'd been outside but that could've been for any reason. Besides it didn't make sense anyway, because how could she possibly find her way through a house she'd never visited before? "What? I don't understand."
--
“It seems an odd thing to worry about to me, that’s all,” he said. He’d never really been able to understand the obsession other people had with sex and relationships. It all seemed a bit daunting to him.
He shrugged. “You came straight to the library,” he said. “I’ve never shown you photographs or described the house, and you couldn’t have seen it earlier between the foyer and the dining room. That’s an odd kind of familiarity.”
*
"Isn't it natural for a sibling to worry about their other sibling's well-being?" she asked, wondering if she had misunderstood his initial comment about his siblings doing 'horrid' things if he didn't go out.
"I did?" she asked. Gemma thought on it a moment and, not that she didn't believe him, but she realised Regulus was right because somehow she'd found her way here and there really couldn't be any other explanation other than the dream. She certainly didn't have any precognitive abilities that would otherwise allow the possibility for such knowledge. "I didn't realise I'd done that… I guess… I suppose this must've been where we uh lived."
Looking around the library she tried to get a sense of whether it really was familiar to her or not but no memory seemed to be really forthcoming. Maybe it only really happened on a subconscious level? "I'm sorry, this must all be getting rather strange for you now," she mumbled. "First, I tell about the dream and that's awkward for you, and second, I'm apparently familiar with the layout of your home and that must be troubling…"
--
“Well, first of all, my well-being hinges on me not being dragged out into public and threatened with...things,” Regulus said. “And second, I can appreciate the sentiment while disapproving of how they choose to go about it. And how it’s been decades and they still can’t accept ‘no, really, I’m quite happy the way I am’ for an answer.”
Regulus flashed her a smile at that, a sincere one. “I’m an Unspeakable,” he said. “That’s the part I find the least strange about the whole thing. Intriguing, more than anything. I know quite well you haven’t got access to my home to be lurking around in the dark, so it doesn’t trouble me. It’s quite curious.”
*
"Things? That's a rather vague answer, or is it one so that you don't have to give the answer that makes you perhaps uncomfortable?" she asked, a slight teasing tone to her voice. "Again I still think my point stands about them worrying. After all you could always go out a little more of your own accord and then, well, they can't really push you to go out then, can they?"
"This would rather fall into the category of being a mystery, so I'm not surprised," she commented. "Well, even if I were lurking around in the dark, at least you know that I could always deal with that so called pesky raccoon that's bothering you."
--
“It would be quite inappropriate for me to tell you,” he said primly, as if she would be remotely shocked that Sirius liked to send him alarming magazines and threaten to send alarming and scantily-clad women to his doorstep. “I suppose not, but really, I don’t much enjoy it. There aren’t a great many places to go when you don’t drink. Obviously we’ve met up at pubs a couple of times, and I don’t mind it when I have good company, but it’s not my favourite thing to do.” Which she’d probably gathered.
He gave a little chuckle at that. “Yes, I suppose so. At any rate - I don’t know what to think of all this, or how it came to be, or...I mean, it is odd for me. But I believe that it wasn’t an ordinary dream.”
*
Given his reactions to previous portions of their conversation gemma had a pretty good feeling exactly what inappropriate might be and gave Regulus a pointed look. "I know it might be uncomfortable to mention but I doubt it could be all that inappropriate," she said with a slight huff. "I've probably seen far worse in one of my Nan's shops, and she runs sex shops. So inappropriate really doesn't scare me much." She had noticed that, particularly the last time when she'd gone to his brother's pub and it was crowded. Though of course she also remembered that he couldn't quite look at her either, but that was more likely to do with the fact she'd hardly been properly clothed at the time. "I know. If you actually suggested somewhere else that you might feel more comfortable at I wouldn't mind. I don't need to drink to have a good time."
"No, it certainly wasn't ordinary at all," she said. "Although now that I've told you about it I… well, I'm not entirely sure what to do now…"
--
Regulus blushed all over again at that. And he’d been doing so well. “That’s horrifying,” he said before he could help himself. Merlin, she was going to think he was a prude. Which...was accurate, admittedly. “I don’t talk about that sort of thing!”
It was far better to discuss other things, so he said, “I don’t know where else to go, really. It was nice that time we met up at the bookshop, and at the fete...would you like to see a play sometime?” He cringed when he realised the implications of that. “That sounds like I’m asking you on a date, and I...well, I just...I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”
*
Gemma clapped a hand over her mouth the moment she started to giggle. She really didn't mean to but the look on his face as he talked had been almost priceless. "Sorry, I don't mean to giggle at you and I know quite well it's not really the sort of thing you talk about," she apologised. "Though it isn't horrifying at all. A point I feel my Nan would also make if you were to say as such to her."
"I wouldn't mind it no," she answered, having already understood by his reaction that he hadn't meant it as a date. Though she couldn't help wanting to know what he thought. "It doesn't have to be one, But would… uh would that really be so bad?"
--
“Well, if I were to date you, I would probably have to meet your Nan someday,” he said, with a faint, teasing smile. “And I don’t know if my heart could take that.”
It was a struggle to properly convey how he felt about it - that it wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, and he didn’t necessarily not want to, but, well...he took a deep breath, fidgeting a bit. “I never really had an interest in that sort of thing,” he said. “It made me feel rather an outcast, during adolescence, as I’m sure you can imagine. I never understood, deep down, why it was so important to so many people. I mean, I feel the same about drinking - I don’t understand why people are so interested in that, either. And I just...if I don’t like it, I don’t want our friendship to be ruined,” he said pathetically.
*
"Because of meeting my nan or dating me?" she asked with a teasing smile of her own.
Gemma wanted to reach out to reassure him but then considered that actual physical contact right now maybe wouldn't be for the best. Slightly disappointed by that thought she settled for smiling reassuringly. "It's almost kind of funny - not your feelings on the matter! - but the almost similarities… well, sort of. I've never really had much interest in dating, well not dating exactly but actual relationships. I… well, I've always been kind of afraid to because it's a lot of trust to put in someone, to trust them with everything about you," she explained quietly. "It's not really the same thing, I know, but I guess I'm just trying to say that I can understand how you feel, and I wouldn't want our friendship ruined either because it turned out to not be the right thing."
There was more that she wanted to say or even do, if she had the courage and if she knew for sure that it wouldn't actually cause Regulus to have some sort of meltdown. Patience was a virtue that she was likely going to have to learn to get used to.
--
“Meeting someone who runs - that sort of establishment,” he said with a grin. “Too much for me, I’m afraid.”
He cocked his head at that, his eyebrows knitting together. “I didn’t know that about you,” he said softly. He’d just assumed that a girl like Gemma - extroverted, vivacious, a celebrity - had all sorts of relationships. “I don’t trust easily, either.” Which wasn’t such a shock about him, of course.
After a long moment, Regulus said softly, “I lost just about every friend I ever had when I was eighteen. They weren’t very good friends, of course. Most of them are dead or in Azkaban now. The ones who aren’t don’t deserve their freedom. So I know...a few things. About making mistakes and having to reinvent yourself in the wake of them. And, you know, it wasn’t a bad thing at all, to become a different person back then, and if I were to go out with you, then I’d be a different person and maybe that wouldn’t be a bad thing. I’m just...” Very, very shy, for starters.
*
"She's really quite nice though, and it's not as if you'd have to actually meet her in one of the shops," she said. Inwardly, even though she'd been joking, she was glad the answer hadn't been the prospect of dating her. "I certainly wouldn't force you to visit any of them."
"It's not exactly something you go about advertising. I have dates and, well I'm sure it's not a surprise that I've no problems with sex," she started to explain with a small grin. "But it's always just… casual. It's not that any of it doesn't mean anything or that I don't see someone more than once. I just...putting yourself over to someone else…" Gemma wasn't entirely sure how to word her thoughts on the matter and quietly explained about her parents and how even though she knew they loved her and her brother that seeing how much more they loved each other had been equally awe-inspiring as it was terrifying in a way that people could be so involved.
Then she patiently listened to Regulus because it really didn't seem like the kind of story you interrupted with a comment here or there. "Oh," she murmured. It was a pitiful response but after what he'd said she wasn't sure what there was to say. "I can't imagine… Though I suppose it can't have been easy trying to move beyond all that, and yet… well, I suppose without those mistakes you might be an entirely different person or… well, you might not even be here…" At some point she realised the story of him almost drowning must've been connected in some way and as uncomfortable a thought as it was felt that maybe it was right to point out.
Gemma gave him a small smile. "You're kind of shy very cautious about change?"
--
“What if she mentioned them?” he asked, mostly teasing. Mostly.
He listened quite closely to her story about her parents. It wasn’t exactly something he could relate to - his own family had been the opposite. He didn’t think his parents had ever loved anyone in their lives, least of all each other. But he could see where it would be a little frightening to consider being so bound up in someone else. Having that much to lose, feeling as if you yourself were a different person, half of a whole instead of being whole by yourself. “That makes sense,” he said softly. “For me it’s almost the opposite. It would mean so much that the thought of losing it makes never having it in the first place a far better prospect.”
Regulus managed a smile at that, a weak one. “You know, one of the things I liked about you when we met - not the only thing, or even the first thing - but one of the things is that you’re young enough not to remember,” he said softly. “What it was like back then. I feel like I’ve fought so hard and for so long for a happy life that I don’t deserve, and I constantly feel like it’s going to come crumbling down. Maybe that’s why I’m so particular. Part of the reason, anyway.”
*
"Well, you'll either have to put on a brave face on and tell her why you don't want to talk about them or again put on a brave face and listen patiently until she finishes talking about them," she said with a shrug.
"That makes sense too," she said with a slight chuckle at basically having parroted what he'd said. But she could easily understand that point of view as easily as her own.
"Just because you did bad things in the past doesn't mean you're not deserving of second chances or happiness though," she said. Even though she maybe didn't have the complete story she figured she knew enough, and more importantly she knew what Regulus was like now and knew he deserved happiness, no matter what he thought. "Though I guess I can understand why you might feel as if you don't. Obviously I can't promise that it won't but… well, I don't believe it'll come crumbling down."
--
“Or I could faint,” Regulus said. “I could do that.”
It was kind of her to say so, and under ordinary circumstances maybe Regulus wouldn’t have been quite so anxious about his past. But with the whole business with the Dark Mark, and Sirius blatantly being framed and railroaded by the DMLE, the whole thing was catching up to him again. It was only a matter of time. “I would just hate to put you through it,” he said softly. “You’re a public figure. They write about you in the gossip pages all the time - I don’t read it,” he added hastily. “They write about my sister a lot, too. I just mean - you don’t think of me as a former Death Eater, and I appreciate that, but there are quite a lot of people who do, and who think I belong in Azkaban. They think I played some kind of trick to get out of a well-deserved sentence, and being alone and reclusive has been a good defense up to now.”
*
Gemma chuckled. "That could work… if you're prepared for potential teasing afterwards."
Regulus didn't have to worry about explaining that he didn't read the gossip pages Gemma never would've thought for a second that he'd be the sort of person to read them; though he clearly cared what could potentially be written in them. "It's nice that you care, and want to protect me from that but it's kind of partly up to me since it's me they'd also be writing about," she pointed out calmly. Gemma was confident that she'd be able to handle it; which wasn't to say she still likely wouldn't be hurt by the words at least a little. "I don't think it's a bad thing to want peace and quiet, but don't you think that in a way by hiding yourself away and being reclusive will probably only make them more suspicious?"
--
“I’m not afraid of legal suspicions,” he said. “I was pardoned once, and I haven’t done anything wrong. I’m afraid of people in general. If things get worse again, and people start to look for someone to blame, I could very well be cursed dead in the street before I was ever arrested.”
He cleared his throat, aware that this was likely getting too depressing to handle. It was better than being awkward, though. “At any rate, I just think that you should - be aware. I come with baggage.”
*
"I guess people can do pretty stupid things when they think they've a right to be scared when they really don't," she commented quietly. Gemma didn't like to consider the possibility that what he'd said could very well happen if people's stupidity got the better of them. Friend or more or nothing at all, she didn't like thinking he could end up dead.
Gemma got up from her seat and calmly as possible walked over to Regulus before leaning down to hug him, or at least hug him as well she could giving that he was seated. She was of course aware that it could be a very awkward move to make and that Regulus might not react at all well to it but she felt the situation called for it regardless of how he reacted. "I get that," she murmured. "But I don't care. I might only be a Hufflepuff but I can be as stubborn as any Gryffindor. So whether we're friends or whatever else, you're stuck with me."
--
At least she telegraphed it, and it was, after all, only a hug. Regulus embraced her in return, letting out a soft sigh. He didn’t often share pieces of his past with anyone, having tried so hard to put it behind him, and it meant the world to him that she was neither running away nor trying to pry more information out of him. Acceptance was a rare and simple thing.
“Don’t say that,” he murmured. “Only a Hufflepuff, as if they aren’t quite the second best house. Gryffindors are the worst.”
*
Gemma smiled, glad that he'd both returned the hug and hadn't actually tried to push her away at all. Not that she wouldn't have understood if he had; though it hardly would've stopped her from feeling upset by a dismissal.
"Don't worry, I wasn't thinking that," she said quietly, pulling away gently. She didn't think he'd appreciate the hug as much if she let it continue for much longer. "I only meant that Hufflepuffs aren't known for being particularly stubborn; although I guess loyalty is perhaps a nicer way of putting it? I'm going to guess that at least one of your siblings is a Gryffindor, am I right?"
--
“Sirius is,” Regulus said with a shudder. “Along with all his friends. My sister is a Hufflepuff. The Hat wanted to put me in Ravenclaw, but I begged for Slytherin.” He’d never actually admitted that to anyone before.
*
That helped in explaining why he thought his siblings, or at least one of them, would do horrid things if he didn't go out. Not that Gryffindors were really all that bad but it didn't take much thought or imagination to consider how pushy one might be when it came to something like that even with good intentions. "Why didn't you want to be in Ravenclaw?" she asked curiously as she went back to her seat, because someone's lap certainly wasn't going to be an acceptable choice. Given his love for books and his work she could see how Ravenclaw might've suited him.
--
“Because Sirius was in Gryffindor,” Regulus said. “Everyone else in the Black family has always been in Slytherin, and he had to go and be a Gryffindor. I was afraid that if I wasn’t a Slytherin, my parents would...well, they wouldn’t have been pleased, I’ll tell you that.” He shrugged. “I didn’t mind it in Slytherin. It suited me fine. Led me into bad company, but I was a Black, I would’ve been friends with those people anyway.”
*
"Oh. I suppose I can understand why you wouldn't want to disappoint them then," she commented. "Though just because you have a certain family name didn't mean you actually had to be friends… or did you think that they might otherwise cause trouble for you if you didn't?"
From what she'd learnt Gemma was aware that those 'friends' definitely weren't good people and quite possibly would've caused trouble for Regulus. It was kind of strange to think though since most of the Slytherins, her own brother included, she knew weren't at all bad people. Then again each generation of houses would likely always have a mix of good and bad people, and those in between.
--
“I was a child who didn’t know any better,” Regulus said. “I wanted to be their friend.” It was shameful to admit how very much he’d been one of them, a purist who looked down on those of lesser blood, who really believed in the Dark Lord’s cause. Not all Slytherins had ever been evil, of course, but in those days, the bad far outweighed the good, and Regulus had been right in the center of it.
“Anyway,” he said, clearing his throat. “It’s pointless to speculate, because I wasn’t a Ravenclaw. We’re here now, and...well...” He trailed off, unsure what to say to her.
*
"That's not a bad thing to have wanted. Nearly everyone wants friends and to be accepted by them, even when the people you're wanting to be friends with aren't likely to be the sort you ought to be around," she said. It had never been a problem for her, but she knew plenty of friends who felt similarly - although their situations were entirely different to Regulus's own.
"Alright then, I won't push for a reason even if I don't think it's entirely pointless," she responded. Gemma took a sip of her forgotten cup of tea and grimaced, looking down at the liquid disappointedly. "I think I left my tea for too long. Although I'm glad we've talked."
--
“Do you want a new cup?” Regulus asked, sitting up straighter, intensely relieved by the prospect of being a good host and perhaps talking about something else. Not that the conversation wasn’t important, because it was, but he could use a brief break from it nevertheless. “The tea will still be hot.”
*
"A fresh cup would be nice, thank you," she replied. Gemma wasn't particularly thirsty still but she thought Regulus might appreciate a slight reprieve; even though she felt as if she could quite easily continue talking.
After he'd left to get a fresh cup for her Gemma had stood from her chair and walked over to peer at some of the books on the shelf. Most of the books were probably beyond her skill or interest but curiosity had gotten the better of her. Besides looking at books was a decidedly less rude option than her other of seeing if she could find her way through the house to any other rooms. Gemma lightly ran her finger across the spines of the books before selecting one that seemed interesting, judging by the cover it wasn't going to make her brain hurt, and started to idly read through the pages.
--
Regulus easily could have called Kreacher to bring another cup of tea, but it helped a bit to go fetch it himself. He put the sugar in like she preferred, and by the time he returned, he felt a little calmer.
“That’s a good book,” he commented when he saw what she’d picked up, setting the cup on a side table for her. “Of course, I think almost all of them are good books, since it’s my personal collection.”
*
Gemma looked up from the book and smiled at Regulus. "Of course. It would be very unlikely you'd allow a terrible book to somehow end up in your collection." She closed the book and placed it back in its place on the shelf - it would be rude if she kept trying to read the book and carry on a conversation, because she was only a guest. Taking her seat again she picked up her cup from the table and took a sip. Definitely better than having it cold.
"Sooo…" Gemma trailed off because despite still wishing to talk she couldn't really think of something to say to get the conversation going again.
--
Regulus took a sip of his own tea. He would have happily shown her his entire collection, but given the circumstances, it would have felt like stalling. Admittedly he was quite good at stalling, but he felt he owed her more than that.
“So you...” He sighed and tried to get a grip. Surely it couldn’t be that difficult to get to the bottom of it all. “You were happy, in the dream. We were happy together.”
*
Gemma blinked. That was probably about halfway down her list of possible conversation starters and certainly hadn't expected Regulus to be the one to bring it up again. Of course she could easily not respond to it and say something else entirely but that would likely give the wrong impression - not that she had any clue as to what was the right impression to make.
"I… we were, I think, well it felt like we were," she said. Then there was a small smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. "At least happy enough to have a seemingly old argument about our pets without being entirely serious about it." Although part of her suspected the argument was likely about 60/40 or more even share of joking and serious. Actually liking a cat or not, she couldn't imagine being happy to wake up to one on her head all that often.
--
Right, the pets thing. It was the only thing he couldn’t make fit. The whole thing was mad, but not completely outside the realm of possibility...but Regulus owning a cat? Implausible to say the least.
“That’s nice,” he said softly. It would be nice to be happy. Not that he was unhappy as a general rule, but...well...there were levels of happiness, right? “Would you like...I mean, if you’d like to go to a play with me, I’d be honoured.”
*
Her opinion was that Regulus was an animal kind of person or at least when it was on his own terms. The fact that he had stuck to defending the cat against her in the dream was evident enough that he could change his mind about pets - if it suited him.
Gemma smiled brightly. It couldn't be helped when Regulus seemed so nervous but had had the nerve to ask her out. Well, it might not be an actual date but she was quite pleased he'd actually managed to ask, albeit not in any sort of traditional way. "I'd like to," she answered almost shyly. It did seem prudent to check exactly in what capacity they'd be going in so that there was no confusion or hurt feelings at all if anything happened. "Would that um… would that be as friends or as a uh date?"
--
He just had to get to know an animal in order to appreciate it, that was all, and they made him so anxious that it was difficult to convince him to do so. He found animals unpredictable and therefore frightening.
Regulus didn’t know what the traditional way to ask something out would be, really, and he smiled at that. “Er, I suppose...as a date. If you’re interested in that...sort of thing.” Which apparently she was, given how much the dream had been preying on her mind. He still wasn’t quite sure about this romance business, but he did like her quite a lot, and there was no harm in trying, right? Besides, he had a feeling that if he didn’t give it a go, things between them would be far more awkward than if he did and it simply didn’t work out.
*
"I wouldn't mind it, no. If… well, you're comfortable with the idea of it being a date," she answered. "If you're not I don't mind going as just friends if that's something that you'd prefer." Gemma wanted to at least give it a try - at least that's how she felt at the moment. She still wasn't entirely sure on the whole concept of actually properly dating someone; it was a lot of trust to give someone… though she was fairly certain Regulus wasn't the sort who would knowingly betray that kind of trust. He didn't seem like the sort who would knowingly hurt her in any way. That was a strange feeling to have since they really hadn't known each other long and yet despite everything she'd heard she still trusted him.
--
Regulus would never hurt anyone, these days. He’d seen enough horror in his life to not want to cause the slightest bit of pain to anyone, especially those he cared about. Well, except in self-defense, of course. Or defense of...well, anyway, he couldn’t have borne it if she were ever upset with him, so she could be pretty sure that if he ever did unintentionally hurt her, he would fall to his knees and beg for forgiveness.
“I’ve never been on a date before,” he admitted, blushing a bit. It had been rather implied by earlier statements, but still - at his age, it was quite something. “I’ve been far too busy,” he added with a flicker of a self-deprecating smile. “It would be...fun, I think.”
*
"Yes, I'd kind of got that impression," she said with a slight teasing tone. It probably wasn't quite 'nice' of her but she kind of liked the fact she could make him blush, even if it did seem a rather easy task to accomplish. "I hope so… er, I mean, I don't think it'll go badly but um I do hope it'd be fun."
"Did you have a play in mind or is it something you'd need to see what's available first?" she asked, before smiling sheepishly. "I don't know that much about them, so I'll have to bow to your superior knowledge of plays I'm afraid."
--
“What sort of plays do you like?” he asked. The important thing was to make sure she enjoyed herself, after all, right? It seemed like the important thing. “I just go and see whatever’s playing, generally. I don’t know what’s on this season at all. Something new or something older?”
*
"I don't know," she answered with a shrug. It was the truth since she couldn't remember a time where she'd ever seen a play. If it were a film she might be able to answer but even that was iffy. Had she really done so very little actual socialising outside of Quidditch or even going to the pub with friends? Maybe it was a good thing she was taking Bethanie up on her offer of watching movies at her place after all. "This is why I'm bowing to your expertise on the matter. I honestly wouldn't know what I like about plays."
Gemma sipped at her tea for a moment to try and think of a solution. "I'm not sure I'll be much help in picking what to see but as long as you can find something that maybe wouldn't be too weird? That might be just fine."
--
“Then we’ll have to try several,” Regulus declared, and hastily amended, “assuming we have a good time at the first one.” That put an awful lot of pressure on him to make a good selection, he realised. “Nothing too weird. Understood. I promise my taste in fiction is not that weird anyway,” he added with a grin.
*
"I'm sure it won't go badly," she said, smiling reassuringly. "Even if it doesn't go completely well it won't mean it's a complete loss, okay?" Gemma actually didn't know what his taste in fiction might even be but given what she knew and what he'd said she was going to assume it was harmless… well, not weird. "Well, that's good to know. Not that I suspected it would be."
--
“I’m sure it won’t,” he echoed, though he certainly had some misgivings. Dating was not something he’d ever thought that he would do; surprisingly, he didn’t feel too anxious about it, or like he was doing something for someone else’s sake. It felt like a good decision, but he was sure he’d find a way to screw it up.
In the meantime, though, Gemma was still his guest, and there was no need to stay on heavy or awkward subjects, so he asked her about her Quidditch training.