who ? pippa flint and terence higgs when ? tuesday, 16th august where ? belize! what ? dipping toes in the sea and talking status ? complete
Higgs didn’t really want to talk. Not any more than he had done yesterday when he’d spoken to Alicia. He still felt like he had done the right thing, even if Higgs did wish he had thought about it more beforehand. There had been a distinct lack of planning, which had showed in his attempts to explain his point to Alicia. Higgs understood why she didn’t want to accept it, but he honestly did think this was what was best for her. It wasn’t like Higgs was dumb enough to imagine that she’d be happy right now, but he did believe that she would be. Happier than he felt he could ever make her, that he didn’t doubt.
Nonetheless, Higgs had accepted the portkey from Pippa, had agreed to go to Belize to see her. Pippa had always been the one who Higgs related to the most. They were very different but also very similar and Higgs found a lot of comfort in that. It was also one of the reasons he had tried to avoid Pippa, because he was utterly rubbish at lying to her. The idea of ruining her holiday with his problems was not an appealing one to Higgs, but he did recognise that Pippa was hardly going to ignore it and just have a nice time. Maybe this was the best option.
The portkey landed Higgs straight on the beach, which was unexpected, but then he knew next to nothing about Belize and its magical community. “You getting tired of all the nice holidaying, yet?” Higgs asked once he spotted Pippa. The beach was lovely, sunny and pleasant. Higgs wasn’t sure anyone could get tired of that ever.
--
Phillipa was glad Terence had finally relented because she wasn't sure she would be able to stop worrying over him unless they actually talked. Waiting until she got home wasn't an option that would work for her. So as soon as she'd sent off the portkey, she'd prepared a second cup of coffee and gone to settle back in on the blanket she'd laid out on the beach. It was peaceful there - nothing but the sound of waves cresting and breaking, rushing up onto the shore only to get pulled out to sea again.
She peered over when she saw him appear, and then come closer. It had been too long, and she found herself extra grateful he'd agreed to come. “I'm not tired of it at all,” she replied, patting next to her on the blanket for him to come sit. “I'm getting a bit too used to it, perhaps.”
--
Kicking his shoes off and pulling his shirt off, Higgs joined Pippa on the blanket, taking the coffee from her. “Is there such a thing as getting too used to it?” He wondered. Well, perhaps not wanting to ever go back to work was a disadvantage but Pippa wrote things, surely she could do that from a lovely beachside? “I promise to visit often if you emigrate to Belize,” he assured her with a small smile, feeling oddly more relaxed than he had in weeks. Except perhaps it wasn’t all that odd, since Higgs did tend to feel better just by Pippa’s proximity. Perhaps he should have started there, rather than the mess he had worked himself into.
For a moment, Higgs just watched the sea, the waves crashing against the shore. It was calming inasmuch as it wasn’t at all. Leaning back on his elbows, Higgs stared off in the distance. “Do you ever feel like everything about you is very detached from anything based in your actual life?” He asked before considering whether that was actually what he felt like. Higgs supposed it really was.
--
Laughing softly, Phillipa took a small sip of her coffee before resting the mug against her lap, both her hands cupped around it. “I'll be sure to find a place with plenty of extra rooms for visitors, should I set up shop here,” she promised with a soft smile.
His question made her pause, and she stared out at the water as she considered her response. Yes or no were easy answers, but they didn't really encompass what he was asking. “Yes,” she replied after a moment, tilting her head in thought. “In some ways, yes, but I also think… I put myself in positions to make it that way, so it's my own fault.”
--
Higgs frowned at Pippa’s reply, finally breaking his intense stare into the sea to look at her. He thought he knew what she meant, if only because he had known her since they were little. Pippa, like Higgs, was very good at being aware of how she portrayed herself. Higgs just never really thought it was a bad thing. But then, perhaps that was why he found Pippa so easy to talk to. It did make him wonder if he, too, put himself in positions to make it that way.
“I haven’t slept for a single night without having nightmares since last summer. And even before that, there were plenty to go around,” Higgs said once he looked back away at the sea. That was a start, at least. It wasn’t the whole story, or even really the beginning of the story. But was more than he’d admitted to anyone, maybe even himself, before.
--
Phillipa’s brow furrowed at what he said, and she looked over to him with a frown. She took another sip of her coffee before setting it carefully in the sand and scooting a little closer, close enough for their shoulders to brush against each other.
“Nightmares about anything in particular?” she asked softly, following his gaze out to the water. There was plenty in the world to cause bad dreams, no matter the person - some had more than others. “Did you try sleeping potions to help?”
--
Higgs shook his head at her second question, briefly brushing over the first. “No,” he said. “I’ve tried them, but they just make me feel--” he paused, knocking his knuckles against his head. “Trapped,” was the only word he could really give it. The sleeping was okay but the waking up made Higgs feel odd. It didn’t wasn’t better than the nightmares, so Higgs didn’t really see the point.
“Some of it's stuff that happened last summer,” Higgs said without introducing the topic, even though he had taken a rather long pause to get to answering her first question. “The reason I ended up in ICU, the reason I quit the army,” he added without actually saying what had happened, because that was still far too hard. Far too fresh, despite it having been a year. “Some of it is just,” Higgs shrugged there, looking for the best way to describe it. Looking at Pippa, Higgs frowned. “I’ve seen a lot of things that are hard to forget,” which was about the sum of it.
--
She sat quietly, letting him speak without interrupting, waiting for him to get it out and seem done. The last summer… she never asked about, because she'd always thought if he wanted to talk about it, he would. Just from the general, not really much at all, knowledge she had of it, she knew better than to bring it up. No one liked being reminded of bad things.
“Oh Terence,” Phillipa murmured, not in a pitying way, just in an… I-wish-I-could-make-things-better way. She let her arm slip between his and his side and rest her hand over his, giving it a light squeeze. “I can't even imagine.”
--
There was a soft smile on Higgs’ lips when he felt Pippa’s hand, though it hardly reached his eyes. He did, though, move his hand so he could give Pippa a squeeze back. She couldn’t imagine, it was true, but Higgs would also never wish for her to be able to. Didn’t wish it on anyone. “I left the other week because--” Higgs wondered how to explain it in a way which actually would allow him to say the words. To give some sort of acknowledgment to himself. To Johnny. To Cassie.
Higgs sighed, eyes still transfixed on the sea. “Someone I served with, someone I was friends with, he killed himself,” Higgs explained. “I went to help his wife. It--” And then there was another pause. “It put things in a perspective, I guess,” which was, perhaps, one way of calling it. The situation, everything about it, had made Higgs think about his own life. His own reality. And it had kind of made it all crumble down around him.
--
God, Phillipa just wanted to gather him up in her arms and not let him go, like she would have already done had it been Lucas sitting there beside her. As it was, she kept her hand in his and her gaze fixed on him, watching his expression as he spoke. He wasn't looking at her, but that was fine.
“I'm so sorry,” she said softly, her thumb rubbing absently against his hand. “For your friend, his wife… you.” She paused, trying not to think of what she would do if ever she found herself in a similar situation. “You know you can always talk to me, right? No matter where I am or what I'm doing. I never want you to think you can't. Or even if you don't want to talk, but just sit… I'm good at sitting.”
--
Yeah, Higgs was sorry, too. And that was probably about as far as he had currently got. Many, many apologies and feelings of needing to apologise. And Higgs did know that he could always talk to Pippa. Logically that had always made sense. Just convincing himself of that wasn’t always the easiest thing to do. Still, Higgs appreciated it, appreciated her, a lot. “You are good at sitting,” he assured her teasingly, finally turning to look at her, leaning in to brush a soft kiss against Pippa’s forehead. “Thank you,” he muttered against her skin. A thanks she certainly deserved.
Pulling back, Higgs gave her a small grin, this one perhaps even meeting his eyes. “So you going to tell me who you’re here with?” He asked curiously. Higgs didn’t think he knew a great deal about Pippa’s private life. Certainly not anything more than what she was willing to share, which usually was very little.
--
A soft smile turned up the corners of her mouth when he kissed her forehead, and she leaned in against his arm. It was as close as she could get to a hug since she wasn't quite ready to let go of his hand. As long as she was holding it, that meant he was there and not going anywhere, which was something she selfishly needed after what he'd told her.
“Oh.” Phillipa blinked once and glanced back toward the house a moment before grabbing her coffee and taking a sip. “Not Gemma,” she replied wryly, nudging his shoulder. “Sorry to disappoint. Viktor.”
--
Higgs didn’t object to, and really was quite happy to, carry on holding Pippa’s hand as she leaned into him. There was much more he should tell her, but Higgs couldn’t. Hopefully, though, as he slowly worked through the mess in his head, he would be able to, and Pippa’s assurance that she would be there to listen helped a lot. It might not have seemed like a lot, but it meant the world to Higgs.
At her words that she wasn’t here with his sister, Higgs gave a small laugh. “Disappointing,” he told her teasingly. Higgs did want Gemma and Pippa to have beautiful, happy futures, but he would settle for that not being together, for as long as they were still beautiful and happy. “Viktor,” Higgs repeated, trying to place the name. “Krum?” He confirmed. “What’s he like? I don’t think I’ve ever met him,” or if Higgs had, he couldn’t really recall. He must have been at least half-decent if Pippa chose to spend time with him, though.
--
Phillipa had been teasing when she mentioned Gemma, as she knew Terence had a not so secret dream of them being together, but she knew that wasn't going to happen. There had been a time she'd wanted it, even if she hadn't ever had the words to say as much, but that was then and they weren't there anymore. And that was okay.
“Krum,” she confirmed, finding it refreshing to be dealing with Terence, who didn't know him, as opposed to Marcus, who grumbled. “He's… nice? I don't know. Nice to me, anyway.” It was hard to describe Viktor, really, for someone who spent so much time with him. “Enjoyable company, when he's not dumping me in the ocean with all my clothes on.”
--
“He better be nice to you,” Higgs told Pippa with false seriousness. It was hardly as if Higgs was about to go off and threaten Viktor Krum. For a multitude of reasons. Most of them involving the fact that Pippa could cause far more damage than Higgs if she wanted to and also just the sheer existence of Marcus who would probably rip someone’s head off if he even thought they were hurting his sister.
Pulling Pippa in closer, Higgs gave her a thoughtful look. “Are you happy?” He asked her hoping for an honest answer. Sitting on a beach in Belize, whether she was or was not at times thrown in the ocean with her clothes on, seemed quite a nice thing. Higgs hoped it was.
--
“He is, most of the time,” Phillipa said teasingly, then gave a shake of her head. “All of the time. Or I wouldn't put up with him.” That was only partially true, but it was close enough. Viktor was nice to her - even more so than she would expect. That couldn't be denied. She let Terence pull her in and her brow furrowed at his question.
“Yes?” she replied, not meaning it to come out like a question, like she wasn't sure. “I mean, it's hard not to be happy when I have this…” She gestured around at the sea, the sun. “It's been a wonderful escape from real life.”
--
Higgs hummed in agreement that the beach was a nice escape from real life. He might’ve only been there briefly but already Higgs felt like he was escaping. However briefly. So he could imagine that Pippa was finding it very pleasing with the amount of time she was spending here. Higgs might have wished for a slightly more convincing proclamation that she felt happy, but right now he was happy to accept the somewhat questioning ‘yes’.
“So,” Higgs said pulling back a bit and giving Pippa a serious look. “Do I get to chuck you in the ocean with all your clothes on?” Since he was here already and that apparently was the local custom...
--
That was the thing, how much it was a complete escape from what normal life was. The problems that came with it. Phillipa wanted to stay, even though that was ridiculous and she was sure she'd get bored eventually. It was a nice thought, at least.
“You most certainly do not,” she replied quickly, wrinkling her nose as she stuck her tongue out at him. “He didn't get to so much as he's bigger than me and I couldn't stop him.”
--
“Oh,” Higgs said with far too much fake disappointment. “If only I was bigger than you,” he added rather sadly, before grinning at Pippa. “Wait!” He announced far too suddenly. “I am,” what a sudden and shocking realisation, really. And not only was he bigger than her, he was also highly trained to move quickly, which meant it took absolutely no effort to move away from Pippa and pick her up.
Seeing how Pippa weighed next to nothing and was tiny in comparison to Higgs, the speed at which he carried her towards the water was still pretty impressive. And Higgs didn’t really stop until they were both waist high into the water, at which point he let go of her. “Totally worth it,” Higgs announced with a nod as the water pooled around them.
--
Phillipa’s eyes narrowed as he spoke, but she didn't have much time to say anything before he'd picked her up and was headed toward the water. She shrieked, flailing a little but also grabbing onto him to keep from getting dropped on the beach, which was bound to be worse than what was coming. Once she was on her feet in the water, she gave him a shove - but not much of one, and she was grinning.
“I invite you to my beach, I give you coffee, and what do you do to thank me?” She put her hands on her hips and mock glared at him as well as she could considering she was trying not to laugh. “Very rude, Terence!”
--
Not that picking Pippa up and dropping her in water had been particularly mature, but Higgs did nothing to improve when he splashed water in her face as she called him rude. “I’m a terribly rude man, Pippin,” he informed her. And then proceeded to splash more water at her. The whole exchange was probably the best thing that had happened to Higgs in weeks. Maybe longer.
With a half-arsed tackle, Higgs pulled Pippa closer, wrapping his arms around her so he could hug her, which was much nicer than splashing water in her face. “Thank you for inviting me to your beach and giving me coffee,” he told her softly. “You’re excellent,” Higgs added before letting go.
--
Phillipa immediately splashed water back at him in response, laughing and half-heartedly trying to get away from him once he started moving closer - but being in the water made it hard. She’d expected him to knock her all the way down into the water, so she was pleasantly surprised when it ended in a hug instead. Slipping her arms around him, she gladly returned it, fingertips scritching against his back.
“You're quite welcome,” she replied quietly, looking up at him with a soft smile and not quite letting him go completely, her hands resting against his sides. “Anytime, I hope you know that.”
--
“I do,” Higgs confirmed with a nod. He did. Even if it was hard to push him to seek Pippa out and talk to her, as this had illustrated, it was completely worth it. Pippa really was excellent and Higgs was immensely glad he had caved and agreed to come and see her on her holiday.
Then, he did push her into the water, because why not.