WHO: Eddie and Caitlin Carmichael WHAT: Siblings have a heart to heart WHEN: Friday evening WHERE: WWN Studios, Hogsmeade RATING|STATUS: Closed, complete
Eddie was exhausted. Physically and emotionally, his debut night had exhausted him more than he could ever have imagined, and after the row he'd had with his parents, he just wanted the night to be over. Telling Pansy he'd join her at the party later - though right now he simply couldn't face it - he'd made his way to his new favourite hiding place… the roof of the WWN building, as accessible from the ceiling of the dressing rooms.
He'd left the ladder down and climbed up there alone, and now sat with his back to the chimney, quietly sipping a bottle of beer. Eddie sighed with no one but the stars to hear him, wondering how on earth he was ever going to be happy with this lingering over him.
--
Caitlin went to look for her brother figuring that she'd find him in his dressing room. She knocked but there wasn't any answer which made her frown a little. Reaching for the door knob, she turned it and peered in to see if he was inside. She didn't find him there, though, but she did see the ladder that he'd left hanging down from the ceiling. Figuring that he'd be up on the roof, she took the ladder in that direction and sure enough, there he was. The beer in his hand and the way he looked off into the distance didn't make her feel very reassured that he was doing well.
Climbing properly onto the roof, she tilted her head and cleared her throat so as not to startle him. "Hey, you," she smiled. "What are you doing up here all alone?"
--
Eddie did jump, but recovered quickly enough to turn his darker haired head, confirming that the voice was indeed his sister’s. Upon seeing her cheerful face, his shoulders sagged a little and he turned back to where he had been, sipping his beer once more. He couldn't face people who were *happy* right now, especially as he was starting to wonder if he really had cut his parents off for good.
“Hey Cate” he replied, his voice sapped of enthusiasm and seemingly sagging the way his shoulders did.
--
She didn't like the lack of enthusiasm in her brother's voice and the little smile on her lips faded away almost instantly. Moving towards him, she folded her arms across her chest as she often did when she was worried and her brow furrowed.
"Everything alright?," she asked him, already knowing that the answer to that question surely had to be 'no' for him to be looking the way that he looked. Immediately she wanted to know what was wrong and start working out ways to fix it. Getting down to the bottom of what the problem was, though, was the most important thing presently. She could work on solving it much better once she actually knew what was wrong.
--
“Oh, the usual. Should have known I wasn't going to be able to relax tonight” Eddie replied, half muttering his reply into his emptying beer bottle. “Dad” he added, before Caitlin asked him to elaborate.
The older sibling rubbed the side of his face where the five o clock shadow was forming, grimacing ruefully. “Well, Dad and the way he spoke to Pansy, technically.”
--
She frowned. She didn't like the sound of that. Moving closer to where he was sitting, she pulled up a patch of rooftop to settle onto herself, looking over at him with concern set into her features. "What did he say to Pansy?," she questioned. The woman terrified Caitlin, but she didn't have anything outright bad to say about her. Eddie liked her and that was all that really mattered to the younger Carmichael.
--
“Oh, he had *lots* to say to her” Eddie spat painfully, draining the last of his beer before tossing it upwards, vanishing it with his wand as it span in mid air. “Too much. This is the one time I get to show them that I made the right decision about what to do with my life, and dad spends it all asking Pansy about her plans for her new business, with nary a look in my direction” he finished, the way he snatched another bottle and pulled it open evidence of the bitterness he felt.
--
Well, that certainly made a lot more sense as to why he was feeling so angry. It was his night and instead of spending it talking about him and how well he'd done, their father had chose to ignore him and focus on Pansy instead. She could see why her brother's feelings would be hurt, but she could also see that her father was probably trying to get to know Pansy better as well.
"Did you ask him what he thought of the show?," she questioned. Maybe their father had assumed that Eddie knew that he was proud.
--
Eddie snorted in what was clearly a derisory manner and necked a fair amount of the new beer he was holding. “Didn't have the chance. Couldn't get a word in edge ways, Pansy was there trying to be polite and mum just gave me a quick smile and said nothing either. I… I've had enough, Cate” he groaned, covering his eyes with his free hand, slumping further down the brick of the chimney. And this, this wasn't even the worst of tonight.
--
Caitlin frowned. The more he spoke, the more worried she became. Sure, he got upset before and pouted for a while, but he'd never gotten to a point where it seemed like he was completely finished with it all. "What do you mean 'had enough'?," she asked him, eyes fixed on his covered face. "What are you going to do?"
--
Eddie shrugged, his long arms barely shifting before sitting listlessly at his sides. “It's not what I'm going to do, it's what I've already done” he sighed, running a hand anxiously through his hair. It needed a cut.
He closed his eyes, fully expecting Caitlin’s reaction. “I snapped. Told dad exactly what I thought of him, and told them to stay out of my life.”
His head hung lower, though whether it was sadness, shame or both, even Eddie was unsure.
--
She blinked at her brother, surprised that he'd gone as far as to tell their parents to stay out of his life. She knew that he hadn't meant it, not really. Maybe he'd said it, but people said a lot of silly, untrue things when they were upset. Still, she wasn't sure what to say. "Oh, Eddie," she breathed, biting her lower lip for a brief moment, worrying on the bit of skin as she tried to figure out something proper to say to him.
"It will all blow over," she finally said. "They know you didn't mean it, not really. They both know you love them. I don't think they realized how important this was to you," she assured him. "Once they do, they're going to come around, you'll see."
--
Eddie shook his head, his eyes still closed tight. She didn't get it. He'd known she wouldn't… few ever did.
“You're making it about them” he told her simply, still not meeting his sister’s eyes. “How THEY didn't know what this meant to me. How THEY know I still love them and how I didn't mean to hurt them.” His tone became angrier now. “What if the opposite is true, Cate? What if I want them to understand exactly how I've been feeling since the minute I first stepped foot in this building? What if I want THEM to be the ones who are sorry and looking to make the other person feel secure, for once in my sorry life???”
With that, he tossed the empty second bottle off the roof, but he didn't bother to vanish it this time. Instead, a wait of a few silent seconds resulted in the sound of a shatter on the ground below.
--
Caitlin frowned at his words, even more at the ache in her chest. She was making about them, even if she hadn't meant to. "I'm sorry," she said softly. "I didn't mean for it to come out that way, I was just meaning to say that I know that Mum and Dad think you did well." Eddie was good at just about everything he did, really, even if their parents had a bad time of saying as much to him. He needed more reassurance, she thought, than they gave. If she could have waved her wand and made them tell Eddie aloud just how much they thought he was good at, she would have. Unfortunately, it didn't work that way.
"Then, I guess, you'll just have to let them know how you're feeling, but doing it when you're angry isn't going to make anything better, is it?" She let out a breath and worried her lower lip again. "I just want to help, Eddie," she said softly. "What can I do?"
--
“Oh, I don’t know about that. Letting them see how angry the way they’ve treated me makes me feel seemed like the only way of actually getting through to them” he replied tersely, pinching the bridge of his nose. “And who is telling me what they think? You are. Not them. That’s the whole point I’ve been making, Cate. They don’t reach out to me, they speak to other people about me if they do at all, and it’s just not good enough. You’re the youngest and the only girl, bloody perfect Alex is the eldest son and heir following in Dad’s bloody footsteps. I found something I’m good at, something I can really care about, and they spend more time talking to my bloody girlfriend than they do talking to me. If ever anything made me feel like a useless spare part in this family, that really sealed the bloody deal.”
He kicked the wall then, his long outstretched legs still wearing the jeans and trainers he’d performed in earlier that evening. And then, surprising even himself, he put his head in his hands, shut out the world and sighed.
--
She listened to what he had to say and she could understand - at least partly - where he was coming from. Her parents didn't always have the best way of showing Eddie how they felt about him. They didn't verbalize what they thought of what he was doing or give him any sort of pat on the back. If they did, maybe Eddie wouldn't be so upset about everything the way he was now. She felt like she was stuck between a rock and a decidedly hard place. As much as she wanted to keep telling Eddie that their parents loved him and that they were proud of him, she doubted that it would do much good. He felt how he felt and whether it was the truth or not, it felt true to him. Telling him that he was wrong wasn't something that she wanted to do.
"Then maybe it's good you said something," she told him. "Maybe they'll realize how you've been feeling and come to you to talk about it. They could just be giving you a little space at the moment, letting you calm down a little." She wasn't sure how close she was to the truth with that, but it was a possibility.
"You're not useless," she added. "Or some sort of spare part. You're as much a part of this family as any of us," she reminded him.
--
Eddie slowly moved his hands away as his sister’s words sank in. It was a weird moment, this. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt like he’d actually been listened to on the subject of his decidedly emotionally closed family - but Caitlin seemed so earnest in the way she spoke. Could he dare hope that she was right? He hoped she was right…
He rubbed his face again, deep in thought. Sure, he had to bite his tongue a little at her last words - hadn’t his whole point been that he’d been feeling shut out of everything? That said, as Pansy had pointed out to him earlier, at least they’d actually come tonight…
“What made them come tonight, Cate?” he asked softly, choosing his words exceedingly carefully. Asking ‘why’ might only prompt a reply that was on his parents’ defence. Asking ‘who’ eliminated any possibility that they wanted to come at all, and Eddie wasn’t sure he could handle that thought. Hopefully, he might figure out what the hell was going on.
--
"I suspect the same thing that made me come tonight, Eddie," she pointed out gently. "It's your big day and we're proud of you." She didn't think that her parents would have shown up if they hadn't felt that it was an important thing for Eddie. Maybe it wasn't their choice for him, but it was his choice for himself and it was something he cared about. Caitlin gave him a gentle smile. "This night is about you," she assured him. "And I don't think that they would have come if they didn't want to support you. Do you?"
--
Eddie shook his head a moment, but not in response to Caitlin’s question. “I don’t know, Cate. You always did try and support these things, seems funny for them to start now, is all.” He opened one eye, turned his head and peeped up at his baby sister. “I want to believe that they’re proud, but… I guess I’m not ready to give them the benefit of the doubt, yet. Does that make sense?”
He shuffled over a little, giving Caitlin room to sit beside him if she wanted to.
--
When he shifted over, Caitlin moved to sit beside him, leaning her head against his shoulder. "It makes sense," she agreed, nodding a little. "I think maybe you just need some time," she told him. "Let yourself breathe a little and give them the opportunity to prove the way they feel to you." While she could tell them until she was blue in the face that their parents were proud of him, it wouldn't mean anything until they told them themselves. She made a note to prod her parents into at least trying to make an effort that was visible or at the very least audible.
"You know I'm proud of you," she told him. "Really proud."
--
Eddie sat somewhat still for a moment, trying to think of the last time he’d had physical affection from somebody who was not Pansy. He couldn’t. It had been rather a while, he realised, but he slowly relaxed and tilted his own head sideways, his darker head next to her lighter one. He could trust his sister, he knew, even if trust was sometimes a frightening thing to have to attempt.
“I think…” he started, then stopped, rethinking how to articulate what he wanted to say. “No, I mean… I’m not sure I could face them now, anyway. Not when I’m so tense. That space… it might be the best thing for everyone. I hope so, anyway.”
At Caitlin’s last words, he nearly choked. These were words that meant so much to him.
“...thanks, sis. Really.”
--
As much as she didn't want to see her family split into fractured pieces, everyone needed their space sometimes. It was why she had gotten her flat, after all. She could have stayed with their parents, but having her own space was nice. She got to come and go as she pleased and decorate any way she wanted. It was good to feel like she was growing up and coming into her own and just being her own witch. The fact that Eddie wanted some space of his own wasn't really a surprise because she'd wanted it for herself in some ways.
"Then take the space," she told him. "Just don't let too much time pass," she murmured, hoping he wouldn't. She let that part of the conversation drop for now, though. Dwelling on it would only make it worse.
His reaction to her words made her feel bad that she hadn't said more to him about how she felt about him and his accomplishments. It was clear that he needed those reassurances. If their parents couldn't figure it out, she was certainly going to make the attempts to make him feel loved herself. "You don't have to thank me," she told him. "It's the truth. I thought you were amazing."
--
Eddie let out the smallest of smiles - the first since he’d come off stage all those hours ago and shown signs of immense relief that he’d got through the first recording, making a good impression. It may only have been a tiny gesture, but in his eyes was everything he’d been feeling as he slowly relaxed in his sister’s company.
They may have gone in different directions after school - pretty much literally - but to all intents and purposes this was how close they always should have been. They were the youngest two Carmichaels, the closest in age, the least ruthless, the most overtly empathic towards others and to a cause. Eddie expressed himself with the written word in a way Caitlin did verbally.
In any case, in the cooling evening air, watching the sun as it slowly descended - though it was certainly not yet dark, at least - Eddie finally felt himself start to relax, sighing a little more warmly this time as the tension left him. “Of course I had to say it” he eventually managed in reply. “I had to show how much it meant to hear people say I was good at this.”
--
She could almost feel the change in the air as he relaxed and it made her smile. Maybe things weren't perfect now, but they were certainly better than they'd been when she'd come up the ladder. If she made him feel even marginally better, she felt that she'd been a success. He deserved to feel good about the things that he loved and she knew that he loved what he did. This job was what he wanted to do and knowing that he'd made the right choice was almost as important as knowing that he'd done well.
"Well, I hope you get used to hearing it," she told him. "Because I know that I'm not the only one that thinks so. Keep it up and you're gonna have your own little fanclub."
--
At that, Eddie snorted in a most undignified manner. “Oh, do shut up, sis” he said, rolling his eyes and giving her a playful jab to the ribs with his elbow. “This show hasn’t even made it to air yet. Just you wait, at least one saddo will be starting a petition to try and make Barney Freeman come back.”
Before, this would have sounded like self-pity, or at the very least, seeking sympathy. However, now Eddie’s tone was more imbued with the dry, sharp wit he’d been known for in the first place - although he knew he probably shouldn’t have directed it at his baby sister. More playful teasing was usually best on that front.
--
She laughed at his snort as much as at his words and the jab to her ribs. "Eh, one out of the whole crowd won't be worth even mentioning," she pointed out. Sure, there'd be people who didn't like Eddie, but - as far as Caitlin was concerned at least - they were dumb.
She was glad to hear that playfulness in his voice again. "I bet Pansy's over the moon for you too," she said. "I can't be the only one telling you how amazing you were tonight." Surely Pansy had told him plenty about how well he'd done. If she hadn't, Caitlin figured she would before the night was over.
--
“I wasn’t being literal when I said one, you know” Eddie bantered back, rolling his eyes a little. Wizards could be a funny bunch - certainly set in their ways. His predecessor on the show had been a popular man, at least before his little tantrum. As much as he hated to admit it, his were big shoes to fill.
As his sister broached the subject of his girlfriend, a different kind of smile crossed his face. It was a gentler one, more in his eyes than the rest of his face. More knowing, even. “She’s been amazing, really supportive since the beginning” he said simply, recalling to mind how she’d been excited for him from the off and definitely telling him since then he’d be brilliant at this. “If she hadn’t been around in the run up to this…” - and now Eddie was thinking of the other troubles of late, such as the strange period where false memories had been planted and his old chest wounds had reopened, something not even his family knew about - “...it would have been difficult, Cate. I don’t know how I would have got through it when everyone seemed so busy.”
--
Caitlin knew what he'd meant but hadn't been able to resist giving him a little bit of a hard time. She knew that there were plenty of people who may have been the sort to prefer her brother's predecessor, but she doubted that he'd have any problems. Before he knew it, he was going to have plenty of fans of his own, she was sure of it. Whether or not the man had big shoes to fill, Caitlin didn't have any doubts that he was more than capable of doing so.
That smile that slid over her brother's face was a nice one. She could hear it in the sound of his voice when he started talking about Pansy. It was clear, in that moment, that Eddie was definitely head over heels for one Pansy Parkinson. It made Caitlin smile softly. Maybe Pansy had a way about her that terrified the youngest Carmichael just a little, but that wasn't really important when she made her brother feel the way he obviously felt about her. The fact that Pansy seemed to be there for him even when the family hadn't always been made Caitlin appreciate her. "Well, I guess you're lucky to have her. Almost as lucky as she is to have you," she said, nudging him gently with her elbow.
--
“Oh, shush” Eddie repeated again with another nudge, but much more softly this time. If Caitlin had spoken the words aloud, he'd have been able to tell her that her thoughts had basically nailed it. He adored her, and she kept him going. And, now that he thought on it, she was still waiting for him at the after party.
“I think I'm ready to head back down, now” he told her more calmly. “Did you want to come to the after party?”
He assumed that their parents wouldn't be there.
--
She was glad to hear that he seemed ready to join the after party. He deserved to have some fun and take in his accomplishment. "Sure," she told him, nodding. "Gotta let everyone know that was my big brother," she grinned. Maybe she wanted to puff his ego up a little bit, but it was the truth and she was hoping that he knew that.