potter; EVAN (potterlings) wrote in reduxpitch, @ 2016-05-04 13:08:00 |
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Entry tags: | !thread, character: evan potter, location: diagon alley, retired character: andrew kirke |
who ? andrew kirke and evan potter
when ? wednesday evening, 4th may
where ? evan’s flat
what ? evan has exams coming up, so he’s forgotten he has a boyfriend
rating ? pg for this half
status ? complete // part 1
Evan had two essays, three sketches, two pre-seen and three unseen exams in the next three weeks. This week was revision week and Evan was revising. The two essays were mostly done and just needed proofreading. The sketches, too, were well advanced. Because all of those assignments Evan had already known about. Exams were different. On Tuesday they had received owls with the exam questions for the pre-seen exams and Evan intended to ace them. He did, of course, know that he would pass. That wasn’t the issue. Plenty of Evan’s classmates hoped for good, passable grades. Evan wanted a first class grades. There was no point in bothering if you couldn’t excel, Evan was sure. And excelling required studying. A lot of studying.
The problem was, that Evan wasn’t very good at doing anything but studying once he started. Monday had been alright and then Tuesday had come by with it’s pre-seen exam questions and Evan had barely remembered that he had agreed to see Andrew, which had resulted in hastily sent owl half an hour before they were meant to meet, informing Andrew that unfortunately Evan was too busy to get away and could they post-pone to tomorrow. Which was today. Except Evan didn’t quite realise it was. Instead, he sat on the floor in his room, reading three books at once, writing notes as he went. There was a schedule in Evan’s head for when and what he needed to revise, alas nowhere in this schedule did Evan have things like ‘food’, ‘sleep’ or ‘Andrew’, all of which would have been considered very important if Evan’s main focus currently hadn’t been ‘do well, study hard’.
“The cavity or indenture of a bossage may be chamfered or beveled, potentially enclosed with a cavetto...” Evan muttered, reading from the book before frowning at it suspiciously. “Pretty sure it can also be other shapes,” he told the book, writing a note in its margin with a pencil. It was a library book, but obviously anyone using it should be aware of other shapes a cavity of a bossage might be. Evan was so engrossed in his attempts to find another book that would describe a bossage more accurately that he completely missed his bedroom door opening. Then again, Evan had also missed sleep, food and possibly fresh air in the last twenty four hours so it wasn’t terribly surprising.
--
Andrew had been a little disappointed when Evan had cancelled their Tuesday plans, but he’d told himself he was being ridiculous. He’d seen Evan on Sunday morning, it wasn’t as if they’d been apart for a week and 24 hours really wasn’t that long to wait. He’d owled a couple of his friends, grabbed one too many drinks and spent much of the evening being berated for having disappeared off the face of the planet since February. His friends were used to it, of course. Quake kept him pretty busy, but it was true that Evan had somehow snuck up Andrew’s list of priorities until it was harder to make time for less important friends.
Wednesday had dragged, even after a hangover potion, and by half six Andrew was sitting in Panquake House’s living room with his back resolutely to the clock while he tried to teach Chicken a new trick. It wasn’t going well, partly because Andrew kept glancing over his shoulder to see what time it was. An hour ticked past, painfully slowly, then another. He and Evan hadn’t really set an exact time - they rarely did - but Andrew had definitely mentioned pizza and beer, so he’d expected Evan around dinner time. By half past nine, Chicken had abandoned Andrew to his agitated tapping. Maybe Evan had meant to just come over to sleep? Andrew wouldn’t object, if he’d known that was what to expect.
At ten, there was still no Evan and Andrew was tired with himself for being ridiculous. He apparated outside Evan’s building and was ushered in by an already-pyjama-clad Harry who muttered that he thought Evan was in his room. Andrew nodded, relief and dread both still battling inside him. Evan wasn’t hurt. Evan wasn’t with someone else. Evan had just forgotten about him? It was a mixed blessing to say the least. He pushed the door open to Evan’s bedroom, but Evan didn’t look up. He was frowning at his pile of books looking intense, and hot, and too busy.
“Should I leave?” Andrew asked, surprised by how irritated his voice sounded.
--
Evan was half-way across a pile of books, reaching for another one, a pen (because quills were highly impractical for chewing on) between his teeth as he frowned at the cover of the book in his hand, when Andrew spoke. When had he even gotten there? “Wha--” Evan said, sort of, as the pen fell from between his lips down to the ground to join the pile of papers and books surrounding Evan in a circle. “No?” Evan asked with a frown. This was very confusing, mostly because Evan wasn’t sure why Andrew was even there. Then Evan briefly wondered if Andrew would know what a good way to define a bossage would be, but decided that perhaps not.
“Why are you here?” Evan asked instead, geniune confusing in his voice. Normally it would have been great to see Andrew, that always pleased Evan but right now he, quite honestly, would have been more pleased with a book on quoins and their use of stucco to walk in. Seemed most unlikely, especially since--oh, yes, there it was. “Aha,” Evan exclaimed finding a book on quoins that he was sure contained a quote on bossages that he was after. Maybe Andrew showing up out of the blue was helpful! Except that now Evan was copying down the said note, mostly having forgotten that Andrew was literally right there.
--
It wasn’t the reaction Andrew had expected at all. Evan was supposed to be apologetic, or pleased to see him, or something other than confused about why Andrew was there. Maybe he should leave. Evan clearly didn’t want him around. In fact, judging by the way he’d gone straight back to his notes, Evan wouldn’t even notice if he left. Andrew wasn’t quite hurt enough to walk off without answer a question. He crossed his arms, leaning against the door frame, waiting for Evan to stop writing and look up. He didn’t, and Andrew’s stomach tightened until he couldn’t wait any longer.
“You were supposed to come over,” he reminded Evan. As he said it, he realised it was really too late to bother now. Their pizza and beer plans would have to wait for a more appropriate time. Andrew should probably have come over earlier, because it was stupid to make a fuss about it now. “I just wanted to check you weren’t in St Mungo’s, or something.” But Evan wasn’t. He was fine. Obviously, Andrew was pleased about that, but not enough to completely ease the sting of feeling like he didn’t matter to Evan anywhere near as much as he’d thought.
“Are you even listening?” he wondered, words muttered slightly under his breath.
--
Who had even written a whole book on quoins, really? They were hardly very interesting and the fact that Evan even had this book was somewhat depressing. But at least if the question of building corners came up, Evan would be well versed in answering it. Maybe he could-- “What?” Evan repeated looking back up at Andrew when he spoke again, almost as startled to see him there as he had been literally minutes earlier when Andrew had first appeared. “No,” Evan said with a small shake of his head. “I sent you an owl, saying I can’t make it,” he really had, because of the pre-seen exam questions and the realisation that Evan wasn’t too sure how to answer one of them in a way which covered all the elements he wanted to discuss. Glancing over at the notes Evan had made, though, he realised that there were quite a lot, which despite how it might feel, probably meant that Evan hadn’t owled Andrew a few hours ago.
“Um,” Evan paused biting his lip as he took in the amount of notes surrounding him. The owl, Evan remembered, had said he’d see Andrew the day after. But now Andrew was here telling him that Evan had been supposed to come over and hadn’t. Apparently to a point where Andrew had thought that Evan might be in the hospital or something, which seemed rather silly, since someone probably would have notified Andrew if Evan was, right? Now that Evan felt like his concept of time was being challenged, there was an ache slowly spreading through Evan’s back that had probably been there for hours and Evan just hadn’t noticed. His eyes hurt, too, a soreness that came with a lack of sleep. “I’ve been busy?” Evan offered instead of asking what he kind of felt he should’ve, which was ‘what day is it?’. At least he had an alarm set for when he had to hit deadlines and appear at exams.
--
Andrew frowned, not sure if Evan was talking about yesterday’s owl or another one. Neither way really made him feel any better. “I got an owl yesterday,” he said. “Then -” He stopped. Then Evan just hadn’t shown up. Obviously, Evan knew that because he was here, surrounded by books. Andrew rubbed the bridge of his nose, not sure what to do or say. He didn’t want to force Evan to spend time with him, but he wanted to see Evan. He wanted Evan to want to see him, and right now it didn’t feel like he did. “Maybe it got lost.” Owls were, in general, more reliable than muggle post - but he supposed accidents could still happen. Maybe the owl had been eaten by a hawk. “Next time, just write me a journal message.” That, at least, couldn’t get lost as far as Andrew knew, and he’d rather not waste hours of his evening if Evan wasn’t going to turn up.
“Okay,” he said, when Evan said he’d been busy. It was pretty obvious that was the case. Andrew reached a hand up, almost running it through his hair before he caught himself and shoved it into the pocket of his jeans. “I can go,” he said again, trying to make it sound like it wasn’t a big deal. Evan was allowed to be busy, right? Andrew shouldn’t be hurt over that, especially if Evan had tried to let him know. Andrew was often too busy to see people, as were a lot of his friends who worked demanding jobs. Just because Evan hadn’t been busy up til now didn’t mean Andrew was entitled to see him whenever he wanted. “Maybe we can do something at the weekend.” Was Evan getting bored of him? Apart from the trip to Georgia, they hadn’t really done anything exciting lately. They’d mostly been hanging out in one of their homes, or going out for drinks or dinner. Maybe Andrew needed to plan something more like the sparklers.
--
Evan didn’t really know what to do or say, really. When Andrew confirmed what Evan had suspected, that the owl had been sent yesterday, Evan sighed softly. It was important that Evan studied, it was important that he didn’t get bad marks (it was important that Evan got good marks), but that didn’t mean that Evan should be allowed to just ignore everything else. Andrew sounded... well, he didn’t sound very happy with Evan, which now that the world around him was kind of settling back down, Evan could understand. He hadn’t intentionally ignored Andrew, in favour of books or otherwise; Evan just didn’t do very well at concentrating on anything other than what he was studying when exam period came around.
When Andrew repeated that he could go, Evan shook his head. “No,” he said before standing up. That, it turned out, had been a pretty shitty idea because there were pins and needles in Evan’s legs and his head felt rather dizzy, probably on the account of lack of food and sleep. Evan wasn’t sure when the last time he ate was, and he was pretty sure he had last woken up on Tuesday morning, which did not bode well for him, seeing how according to Andrew it was now Wednesday evening. “Shit,” Evan muttered reaching out to steady himself with a help of a bookshelf. Ugh, why was everything so... spin-y? Evan gave his head a small shake, almost as if thinking one could shake away sleep deprivation (Evan knew better), before looking back up at Andrew who only appeared to be a little bit blurry.
“I’m sorry,” Evan offered honestly. “I--” He wasn’t sure what to say. Evan really had been busy, still was busy. He couldn’t see Andrew this weekend any more than he could see him now, because Evan had an exam on Monday and Tuesday and an essay deadline on Wednesday. But that didn’t mean that Evan didn’t want to see Andrew. “I have to study,” Evan said glancing down at the books and notes that covered a great deal of his floorspace. The thing was, though, as much as Evan did need to study, he knew how he got when he was studying. Maybe he should have warned Andrew. Usually Daisy made sure Evan didn’t burn himself out, that Evan ate and slept but Daisy wasn’t here and Andrew was annoyed at Evan because Evan was being a really shit not-boyfriend. “I’m probably not a very good company right now,” Evan finally settled on, because at least that he was rather convinced about, even if things like ‘time’ seemed to disappear around him.
--
Andrew watched as Evan stood up, straightening slightly himself so he wasn’t actually leaning on the door frame anymore. After a moment of hesitation, he toed off his shoes and crossed the room, careful of the books as he found a space near enough to put a hand on Evan’s hip and kiss his cheek. Through their adjustment to spending mornings together, Andrew had learned that when they didn’t touch it meant things were weird, and he didn’t want things to be weird. It didn’t mean he knew what to do next, though. Evan was telling him not to leave, but also telling him he didn’t have time and had to study. The two didn’t seem compatible. Evan’s room was mostly full of books, a medium Andrew had never done particularly well with, and there wasn’t anything else to keep him occupied while Evan worked. He supposed he could listen to the wireless, but even then he needed to be doing something other than just sitting still. He didn’t fancy his chances of trying to pet Jim.
“I haven’t eaten,” he said, not to guilt Evan over keeping him waiting but because at least it was something he could do. “Did you -” Maybe Evan had already had dinner. “Do you mind if I raid your fridge? I can probably make something.” Harry, fortunately, tended to keep the fridge well-stocked so Andrew was relatively confident of finding something edible. “Maybe after that you can take a ten minute making out break?” Andrew tried to sound like he was teasing, but he was worried he sounded more pathetic, begging for scraps of Evan’s time. “I don’t really know what else you want me to do if you don’t want me to leave but you’re not finished.”
For once, Evan was right, he probably wasn’t going to be very good company, and Andrew didn’t know what to do with that. If Evan was just going to sit there and ignore him, Andrew didn’t see any point in him being there when he’d rather be at home where there were musical instruments to play and dogs to pet and other people to talk to.
--
Leaning into Andrew’s touch had rather quickly become a second nature to Evan and yet right now it seemed almost odd. Like his body had forgotten what it was like to have Andrew so close but still automatically went closer, almost pulling Andrew into a hug, a sudden realisation of just how long it had been since Andrew had touched him. Not that it really was that long, even if today was Wednesday, they had seen each other early Sunday morning before Evan had departed to go kite-flying with Celia. Still, with the exception of the Easter holiday, Evan wasn’t actually sure they had spent this much time without being physically near each other. And then Andrew mentioned food and oh, Evan did feel guilty. Not because he realised that he had delayed Andrew from having dinner tonight, even though, if he had realised, Evan would feel guilty about that, too. No, Evan felt guilty because he wasn’t sure when he had last eaten. His stomach gave a low rumble in agreement and Evan frowned.
A ten minute break to make out wasn’t a very hard to fulfill request, but there was a feeling settling low in Evan’s stomach that felt like a mixture of guilt (for not eating, for forgetting, both about food and Andrew, and it wasn’t fair, because Evan liked both of those) and embarrassment. It wasn’t even very clear to Evan what he felt embarrassed about, apart from the fact that Andrew was right, there was nothing for him to do here if Evan was just going to study. Except, Evan probably should stop studying if he had been at it for what must be coming close to thirty six hours non-stop. “You can have all the food,” Evan told Andrew gently, since at least that was something Evan was sure he could offer, even if it would require Andrew to prepare it.
Leaning in closer, Evan rested his head on top of Andrew’s shoulder, face turned slightly as the tip of his nose run across the bare skin of Andrew’s neck. He smelled lovely. Oddly like home. “I’m s-s-sorry,” Evan sighed softly, getting stuck on the s’s for a moment and blinking tiredly as he pulled back. “I’ll s-s-stop,” Evan added, looking down at the books rather than at Andrew. The stuttering was a pretty good indication that Evan should stop. Except, of course, now Evan was a terrible person for accidentally forgetting time and for not even being able to explain himself because words had somehow gotten lost in his efforts to remember different types of stone and their applications.
--
Evan moving into his touch did a lot to balm Andrew’s wounded feelings. If Evan still liked him enough to lean against him like this, things couldn’t be that bad. Andrew slipped both arms around Evan, hugging him tighter. It didn’t last nearly long enough before Evan was pulling away to contemplate his books again and, with a sigh, Andrew let him. Selfishly, Andrew did want Evan to stop, but he didn’t want to feel like he was forcing it. “It’s late,” he said, in a fairly transparent attempt to pin the blame on external circumstances. “By the time I cook and eat it’ll probably be eleven.” That would depend on what he found to make, of course, but it must be twenty past ten at least by now. “You don’t have to keep me company in the kitchen.” Andrew really wouldn’t mind if Evan didn’t, he could put the wireless on and put up a silencing charm not to disturb Evan or Harry.
“Forty minutes or so to get to a sensible stopping place, then dinner, then making out and then sleeping?” Andrew suggested. He liked sleeping with Evan, even if most mornings he still woke up halfway across the bed. Apparently, he couldn’t cure his restlessness while sleeping just because he wanted to. If all he got was ten minutes of Evan’s attention and then sleep, well, it would be better than being sent away. That thought made him feel - if possible - more pathetic, and he didn’t like it. He pushed it away. “Have you eaten? I can make some for you too.”
--
The concept of it being late was actually pretty relative, Evan thought. Technically, yes, ten or eleven pm was pretty late, but then Evan hadn’t actually slept, which meant that it had been late for a very long time and that hadn’t stopped him. There was also a question of what Evan might identify as a sensible stopping place, since he still had to proofread essays and do sketches, and that was without even considering the other pre-seen exam question. At least he felt rather confident about the one he had been preparing since yesterday (apparently), or, well, Evan would be once he had had some sleep and wouldn’t just feel anxious. “I h-h-h--” haven’t was what Evan was aiming for but suddenly words seemed really, really hard. “I h-h-haven’t,” he said trying again. Ironically, Evan was genuinely too tired to even feel too embarrassed about his inability to talk. Still, not so tired, he wasn’t embarrassed.
It wasn’t that Evan didn’t want to spend time with Andrew, hardly, it was more that Evan wanted to be ready for these exams. What he really needed was someone to make him stop. But Andrew was offering food and more time to study and those were the things Evan wanted, so he nodded at Andrew’s offer to feed him and pressed a soft kiss against Andrew’s cheek as a thanks, before flopping back down into the pile of papers and books, since Andrew had said that would be okay. “Caen s-s-stone,” Evan muttered more to himself than to Andrew as he reached for another book. Maybe if he could outline the structural and aesthetic importance for use of limestone, he could then add a section about it’s ability to absorb magic when applied under water.
--
Andrew paused, not sure if he should be worried about the stuttering. He tried to remember what Evan had said about it - that it happened when he was angry. Was he angry with Andrew for interrupting? That didn’t seem at all fair, especially when they’d had plans to see each other. It wasn’t as if Andrew had come over out of the blue to demand Evan’s attention. (He shouldn’t have to demand Evan’s attention, but he pushed that thought firmly away.) He considered asking if Evan was angry - but that would just lead to a conversation that took more of Evan’s time away from studying, so it seemed like it would just make it worse if Evan was angry.
Leaving the door ajar, Andrew moved into the kitchen, grateful to find that Harry hadn’t lingered. He didn’t really feel like making more polite small talk with Evan’s family right now. He turned the wireless on, spending too long flicking through the stations trying to find something that fit his mood. Once he’d been through all the stations once, he cycled back to some Quidditch analysis. He wasn’t overly invested in the world cup beyond wanting Scotland to do well, but none of the available music had been quite to his taste.
He looked through the contents of the fridge, trying to think of something to make. Something quick to make, and not too heavy, because it was late, but also satisfying because Andrew, at least, was hungry. It wasn’t an easy set of criteria to meet, and it was actually past eleven when Andrew eventually returned to the bedroom with two plates of sausage, leek and potato hash. Once again, he paused in the doorway. “You ready to eat?”
--
If Evan could figure out why magic seemed to influence limestone better under water, that would allow him to argue for different elemental impacts as influential in particular substances aesthetically. Maybe he needed to go to the library because Evan didn’t think he had books in the flat that discussed elemental preferences made by magic, intentionally or otherwise. But then Andrew reappeared with food and had it really been forty minutes already? Evan couldn’t possibly go to the library now. Not when Andrew was there and Evan hadn’t actually slept in so long his ability to speak properly had disappeared. Also, the food smelled absolutely amazing and Evan’s stomach gave another low rumble.
With an easy move of his hand, Evan pushed books to one side so he could make space for Andrew on the floor, before patting the carpet to indicate that Andrew should join him. “T-t-thank y-y-you,” Evan said reaching for one of the plates. The food looked great and Evan was pretty sure it wasn’t just because he hadn’t eaten anything in probably more than a day. Usually Daisy made sure Evan ate, or mum had often done, it was strange to not have either of them occasionally appear to check if Evan was working himself into an early grave.
They ate in silence for a while, mostly because Evan was rather desperately trying to absorb as much of the food as he could, since after the first mouthful his body had realised just how hungry it was. It took Evan about half a plate before he finally slowed down in breathing the food in, looking up at Andrew. “This is very nice,” he said, pleased that the stutter seemed to have accepted food as a bribe and gone away. “I’m sorry about tonight,” Evan offered genuinely, reaching out to give Andrew’s knee a squeeze as Evan balanced the plate in one hand before returning to it, staring at the food thoughtfully before stuffing some more of it into his mouth. “I didn’t realise it was Wednesday already,” Evan admitted not really looking up. Forgetting how to tell time (or that time even existed) was pretty fucking dumb, Evan did know as much.
--
Andrew had been prepared to sit on the other side of the wall of books, and the gesture of Evan actually moving them aside wasn’t lost on him. He sat down, close enough that they were touching as they ate, which helped make the silence less uncomfortable. Despite his hunger, he ate more slowly, the food not sitting well in his stomach. He’d given Evan every opportunity to tell him to leave, and Evan had said no every time, and the food was obviously appreciated, but Andrew didn’t feel as if he was appreciated. He could have left the plate and gone and he still wasn’t sure Evan wouldn’t have preferred that.
He shrugged off the apology. It wasn’t okay, but they couldn’t change what had happened. “Oh.” Well, Andrew had certainly had moments like that, where he woke up convinced it was Friday only to find it was Thursday and he was supposed to be at work. Usually, for him, it happened in those periods of inactivity when Quake wasn’t doing very much for some reason or another and the days blended together until he couldn’t accurately tell which one was which. The idea that Evan might not have slept genuinely didn’t occur to him. “Well, that explains it.” If Evan had known it was Wednesday, he would have made more effort to show up. Maybe.
He finished his food a little after Evan had already done with his, so Andrew took both their plates and put them to one side before he leaned more heavily against Evan. He could offer, again, to go home. It really wasn’t that long ago that Evan had said his bed felt empty without Andrew in it. He sighed. He’d already suggested the weekend and been turned down. He could suggest a day next week - but what if Evan was too busy then, too? Andrew wasn’t sure what his next move should be. So, after more painfully slow moments of silence, he asked. “What do you want to do now?”
--
It felt odd, the way Andrew just noted that Evan not realising it was Wednesday explained, well, anything. It felt like Andrew was brushing off Evan’s apology rather than accepting it and Evan wasn’t sure why. He knew that the way he studied, the way he let himself get drawn in into books and theories and work wasn’t very healthy, probably not even very productive. Admitting that wasn’t very easy for Evan either, because acknowledging the fact that he just lost time didn’t say many great things about Evan’s ability to manage things, to be a grown-up. “Does it?” Evan asked. There wasn’t much energy in the question but that wasn’t down to Evan not wanting to ask, just down to him being tired.
Which he was. The energy required to digest the food seemed to be the last bits of energy Evan had left. It was nice, the way Andrew leaned against him, made Evan smile softly before that smile was wiped away with a yawn. “I think you said something about making out?” Evan replied to the question, managing another smile. The idea of making out with Andrew was highly appealing and Evan felt terrible for having gotten so distracted with studying that he had lost all sense of time and made Andrew come looking for him. So Evan wanted to make it up to Andrew. Except Evan also really just wanted to push his face into the crook of Andrew’s neck and fall asleep. Andrew was just so warm and nice, and Evan’s body hadn’t paused in what felt like forever. Still, he could power through. Andrew was definitely worth it.
--
“Yeah.” Andrew didn’t feel particularly inclined to explain. To him, it seemed obvious. “You didn’t know it was Wednesday, so you didn’t know you were supposed to come over, so you didn’t.” Andrew wasn’t convinced that if Evan had known he would have done anything other than send another rain check, but maybe he wasn’t being fair. “It happens.” Andrew wasn’t angry, and he was doing his best to pretend he wasn’t hurt, because he didn’t think he actually had a right to be. Aware he probably wasn’t being convincing, he looped his arm around Evan’s back and half-turned to curl into him.
Andrew had said something about making out, but it hadn’t really been a completely serious suggestion. It had been the only thing he could think of that they could do in a ten minute study break, that Evan might want to take a break to do. They certainly weren’t doing very well at talking, which was unusual enough to leave Andrew wrong-footed. “We don’t have to.” He hadn’t come over because he wanted to make out, even though he almost always did want to make out with Evan. He’d come over because he was worried and a little hurt and now he was less worried but no less hurt, no matter how much he tried to be. He kissed Evan’s shoulder. He wanted to be close, to do something more than just go to sleep, but he wasn’t sure what. “Do you want me to stay tonight?”
--
Well, Evan couldn’t fault that logic, those were all accurate descriptions of what had happened. It didn’t stop Evan from frowning again, though, the way Andrew said it. Perhaps, though, Evan was just tired. It seemed likely that Evan was just misreading the situation because it was hard to concentrate when you had very little sleep and a lot of architectural concepts running around in your head. Evan wanted to point out how actually it hadn’t really happened before, because usually no one ever expected to see Evan during exam period but then Andrew was pulling him closer, body pressing into Evan’s and Evan sighed happily instead.
Moving slightly so he could run one hand over Andrew’s side, Evan pressed a kiss against Andrew’s neck, moving up slightly to press another against Andrew’s jaw before making his way to Andrew’s mouth. It was a soft kiss, not filled with the sort of passion Evan would have liked to offer if he didn’t feel so exhausted, but there was a certain level of contentedness that Evan felt and hoped came across. His hand came up to cup Andrew’s face, thumb softly running over Andrew’s cheek as Evan’s other hand rested against the floor to support his weight. Evan pulled back, but only enough to actually not be kissing Andrew, not enough to have the rest of his body move, thumb still caressing Andrew’s cheek. “I don’t like it when you’re not here,” Evan told him honestly, voice soft as his breath brushed against Andrew’s lips.
It wasn’t just the sleeping either, Evan had decided, though that had been what had made him notice it the most. In Georgia and then after they had returned and Andrew had had to seek refuge in Evan’s bed so he wouldn’t catch a cold (and maybe even before then), Evan had gotten used to Andrew sleeping next to him. There was an odd sense of comfort that Evan hadn’t realised he’d been missing but somehow came to appreciate and even seek out when it wasn’t there. “So please stay,” Evan said.
--
Andrew let Evan set the pace of the kiss, not asking for more than he was offered - but relieved to be offered anything at all. He curled his fingers into the back of Evan’s shirt, lifting it enough that he could quickly slide his hand down to bare skin and rest there, feeling the warmth of Evan’s body. Maybe next time, if there was a next time, Andrew could bring something portable and quiet that he could do while Evan studied. The fact that Andrew couldn’t really bring to mind anything portable and quiet was not reassuring. Maybe Evan would want to come study and Panquake House while Andrew did washing?
Andrew’s smile when Evan said he didn’t like Andrew not being there was uncertain. If that were true, Andrew would be very pleased, but he wasn’t sure it was. After all, Evan hadn’t noticed that Andrew wasn’t there. Andrew had to remind himself that it was just once, that it was stupid to get upset over it. Anyone could be busy and distracted, it didn’t - shouldn’t - matter. He tilted his head to nose against Evan’s cheek. “Alright,” he agreed easily. It wasn’t a hardship to sleep in Evan’s bed, not at all. Tentatively, he sought another kiss, though he pulled back long before he really wanted to.
“I’ll clean these up,” he said as he reluctantly stood, bending to retrieve the plates. “Back in a sec.”
--
It still felt a little bit like something was off, but Evan really didn’t know if it was just him. He had been so tired that his stuttering had kicked in, which wasn’t really boding well for reasonable and rational decision making. And Andrew would say if something wasn’t in order, right? Except then Evan tried to think back of the other times he had felt like something was off and actually, Andrew didn’t seem to tell Evan, not really. But then he was kissing Evan before getting up to take the plates away. Evan frowned at where Andrew had been sitting, before standing up too, glancing over at the bed, which, too, was covered in books. That’s where the essay on magical staircases had gone off to, Evan recalled. With a shake of his head, he walked over to gather the books off of the bed, placing them in rather disorganised piles anywhere there was still space.
When Andrew returned, Evan had successfully freed the bed and also gotten as far as to remove his shirt, but not as far as to find his pyjama trousers, which mostly meant that he was standing in the middle of the room, half-naked and surrounded by books, looking rather confused. He looked up at Andrew in what had to be a rather pathetic fashion. “I didn’t realise how much this room looks like a library exploded across it,” Evan admitted still looking around the room as if he expected his pyjamas to magically appear. Which they could have done, if Evan had any idea where his wand was. That, too, didn’t seem to be magically appearing.
“I get a bit obsessed with studying,” Evan said slowly, sucking his lower lip between his teeth, still looking at the books around him rather than Andrew. To Evan it seemed rather apparent that he was kind of fucking up. He had lost a whole day, which as much as Evan was trying not to think about it, meant that his studying schedule was going to be thrown, and he had not realised that it was time to go over to Andrew’s, and now Evan couldn’t even find clothes to sleep in and instead was standing in the middle of his room surrounded by books on magic and architecture (and a random book about solar eclipses) somewhat confused about what he was even meant to do (he really needed to go to the library, actually).
--
It didn’t take long for Andrew to clean the plates and set them to dry, but he did nip to the loo before returning to the bedroom. It was stupid, to try to fix his hair when he was about to go to sleep, but he did it anyway, and brushed his teeth and felt a little more like himself when he stepped back through the bedroom door. He managed a small twitch of a smile. Frankly, when there was a half naked Evan to look at Andrew wasn’t going to be spending much time examining the rest of the room. When he was near enough, he tugged Evan in and curled an arm around his waist. “We can tidy them up later,” he offered. “Or now, if it’s going to bother you.” Andrew wasn’t really tired, so delaying bed to tidy wasn’t a big deal. His mum always insisted she couldn’t sleep in a messy room.
When Evan’s mind wandered back to studying, Andrew had to bite back another sigh. It was becoming swiftly obvious that Evan’s words were, indeed, true. Unfortunately, Andrew didn’t know what to do about it. He had no idea whether Evan needed to study as much as he was. He was at Cambridge, it wasn’t at all beyond the bounds of possibility as far as Andrew was concerned that everyone was behaving this way, that the exams were just that demanding. Part of him thought he should offer to just stay out of Evan’s way until exams were over - Andrew didn’t even know when that was going to be - but another part realised that Evan had just said he didn’t like it when Andrew wasn’t there. “Do you want me to -” But Andrew honestly didn’t even know what to suggest. He closed his eyes, resting his forehead against the top of Evan’s head. “If you have to study, you have to study,” he said at last. “I’m just not really sure whether you want me to be here but be quiet, or if you’d rather not make plans with me, or if I should just turn up for dinner and sleeping.”
--
“No,” Evan gave a small shake of his head at the suggestion that they could tidy the room. “I won’t know where things are then,” he explained, which was somewhat true, since oddly Evan knew which pile had what thematic subsection, even if he was failing to find his pyjamas. Then again, pyjamas weren’t really a theme. But also now Andrew was close and suddenly Evan wasn’t too sure he really either cared nor needed to locate his pyjamas. It wasn’t like he couldn’t sleep naked, in fact, perhaps that would be preferred. Evan’s own hands rested on Andrew’s hips, slowly but steadily pushing his shirt up so Evan could run his fingers against the exposed skin there. He might’ve been tired but it hardly meant Evan didn’t want to touch Andrew. Touching Andrew was definitely one of Evan’s favourite things.
When Andrew said that he didn’t know what Evan wanted, made him frown. Truth be told, Evan didn’t really know what he wanted. He didn’t care much for Andrew being quiet if he was around, because noise didn’t actually bother Evan at all, not once he got into the zone of studying. Not making plans with Andrew seemed rather disheartening but then they had made plans and Evan had firstly postponed them and then just not shown up, so that wasn’t exactly great either. Dinner and sleeping sounded the easiest option, if only because Evan knew for definite he needed to do both and if Andrew hadn’t shown up tonight, Evan wasn’t sure he wouldn’t have just ended up passing out into his pile of books.
“I don’t know,” he said softly, honestly. “I’ve...” There was a small pause that Evan took, giving a little shrug with his shoulder. “No one’s ever wanted to be around when I study,” Evan admitted. Back in school people had just given Evan his space, occasionally bringing him food. Mum had always been good at just reminding Evan to sleep. Daisy fed him. But no one ever had wanted Evan’s company when he was studying. Mostly, probably, because he was a devastatingly bad company when studying.
--
Andrew could understand that. He got the same way about his records, when he was searching for inspiration, strewing them around his room in some kind of order that even other musicians couldn’t understand at a glance. “Okay, then we’ll tidy them up when exams are over,” he said. Speaking of - “When is that?” Maybe Evan had already told him, but it hadn’t seemed as important to Andrew until now. Andrew didn’t know whether to hope they were soon so things could get back to normal or to hope they were far off so Evan had enough time to study.
As Evan’s fingers pushed his t-shirt up and out of the way, Andrew felt a shiver down his spine. This was good. He wanted this, for Evan to want him, for Evan to want to touch him. Even if it was just for practical reasons like undressing before bed, it still mattered that Evan wasn’t just letting Andrew undress himself. He didn’t move to help, not until Evan had pushed the material halfway up his chest, then Andrew moved his arms from Evan’s waist to pull the garment off and drop it to the floor - narrowly avoiding a pile of books.
“I’ll be around if you want me to be,” Andrew offered. “I just don’t know what I’d do.” It wasn’t as if he had any particular desire to sit quietly and read. He couldn’t write music, because he’d need to make noise for that, he couldn’t practice his subpar guitar skills for the same reason. Quiet wasn’t something Andrew was suited for. It was why during exam time at Hogwarts he’d mostly spent time away from the Gryffindor Common Room, where people got annoyed at him for making too much noise. He’d revised outside, with others who preferred for things not to be silent, or in abandoned classrooms when it was raining. He could work out - but not constantly. “Suddenly I wish I knew how to knit. Or draw.” He couldn’t teach himself knitting, but could he draw? He had a feeling he’d get bored, especially since there’d be no reason beyond needing to have something to do that wouldn’t disturb Evan.
He shrugged, unable to think of anything. Maybe he’d solicit people on the journals for suggestions. “It might be easier if I just come ready for bed.” He felt a little like he was letting Evan down. He also flashed back to their conversation about being replaced by an inanimate object. If he was just coming so Evan wouldn’t have to sleep alone, wasn’t he just as easily replaced by any other warm body?
--
Evan’s hands moved with Andrew’s as his shirt came up and then off and Evan had to concentrate rather hard to follow Andrew’s words as well as movement. Usually, Evan was reasonably good at multitasking but seeing how he had spent a rather large amount of hours concentrating on studying, it was hard to break out of the habit of just concentrating on one thing. Andrew’s bare torso was a really nice thing to concentrate on. Not that his words weren’t, but Andrew’s words weren’t warm under Evan’s touch, they weren’t there for Evan’s thumbs to carefully run over. “You can practice,” Evan commented with a small shrug when Andrew repeated that he didn’t know what he could do if Evan was studying. That was a fair comment, because Evan, too, didn’t know the answer.
“I don’t mind noise,” he told Andrew, a hand running along the waistline of Andrew’s trousers before stopping above the belt buckle. “I’m just--” Evan shrugged. He wasn’t going to be the best of company. There was a particular way Evan studied and he knew it wasn’t very productive for anything but studying. “My last exam’s on the 17th,” Evan said remembering that Andrew had asked. “This week is...” There was a small pause and Evan could feel a degree of blush spreading across his cheeks. “Revision week,” he finished. It wasn’t embarrassing, not really. Not the actual fact that Evan was revising during revision week. What had made him blush was more the admission that, yes, Evan had managed to spend two days straight doing nothing but studying and it was only day three of revision week.
The idea of Andrew just being there when it was time for Evan to sleep was appealing. Not because Evan didn’t want Andrew there at any other time, hardly. Mostly that Evan knew Andrew would find it boring. Evan quite enjoyed studying, but even he recognised that watching someone else do it wasn’t exactly the most thrilling of activities. “You don’t have to indulge me,” Evan said finally, looking up at Andrew rather than just distractedly watching his own hands as they played with Andrew’s belt buckle. “I have to study, I can’t really make that more exciting,” which was true. “So I’ll understand if you don’t want to--” Evan wasn’t sure where he was going with that sentence. ‘Come around’, ‘see me’, ‘put up with it’, probably any one of those. The problem was that the reason why Evan would understand was that there was a high likelihood he wouldn’t notice, which seemed much harsher than he meant for it to be.
--
The 17th seemed very, very far away. 13 days. Two weeks, more or less. It was frightening just how much the idea of two weeks without actually talking to Evan filled Andrew with dread. As much as he wanted to be the good not-boyfriend and be able to just hang out while Evan studied (if that was what Evan even wanted, which was still unclear), Andrew didn’t think he could keep it up for that long. Of course, the alternative wasn’t much better because even if he wasn’t watching Evan study, Evan would still be studying and thus not talking to Andrew. It was only two weeks. Andrew was sure he’d gone without seeing his friends for that long, those of them who weren’t in Quake. He definitely hadn’t gone that long without a conversation with Evan. Not since they’d met. They’d both reached out when they’d been apart for four days. Only that had been mutual, and this wasn’t.
“I don’t know,” Andrew said, frustrated at himself and the situation. There wasn’t a good choice, and Andrew hated that, hated having to pick the best of a bad bunch. “I guess we can try both and see.” He didn’t sound hopeful, because he wasn’t. “It’s only two weeks,” he muttered, more to himself than to Evan. It was pathetic to feel this amount of sad and hopeless over just two weeks. If Evan were going on holiday or on some kind of university trip, Andrew wouldn’t expect to be able to go with him. Maybe waiting around for three and a half hours hadn’t put him in the best mood to have a productive conversation. Clearly, he needed to get over it. He considered saying Evan could always get in touch if he actually wanted to see Andrew, but he didn’t have the nerve.
Instead, he splayed his hands on Evan’s waist, ducking his head to press kisses along Evan’s bare shoulder. “I didn’t bring my pyjamas,” he murmured, determined to change the subject before he said something stupid. “Do you want me to go home and get them?” Clearly, given he was shirtless already, he had absolutely no intention of leaving.
--
It seemed strange, the way Andrew phrased it. It was true that Evan’s exams would be over in two weeks and then he’d have the summer off, which Evan was looking forward to quite a lot, but Andrew sounded... Well, he didn’t sound very impressed with the fact that Evan would be done with all his revision and essays and exams in two weeks. Obviously Evan studying wasn’t going to be fun. He wouldn’t have time to hang out much and certainly no time to go on the sort of adventures him and Andrew usually did. Which meant that, Evan realised suddenly, he didn’t really have anything to offer Andrew. That had to be it, right? That’s why Andrew didn’t seem very happy, because Evan would cease to be interesting for the next two weeks.
But then Andrew was kissing Evan’s shoulder and telling him about how he hadn’t brought pyjamas, which, frankly, Evan couldn’t even find the pyjamas he knew were in the room, so it was hardly like he was about to send Andrew home to fetch his. Which Andrew clearly knew because he was shirtless and touching Evan and it felt nice. But also kind of confusing. Evan liked it a lot when Andrew touched him, he also liked it a lot when he could touch Andrew, but was this it? Was this the bit that would make it worth Andrew’s while if Evan was too busy to go on adventures with him?
Evan kissed back, because that came easy. Running one of his hands upwards over Andrew’s bare skin, Evan’s other hand unbuckled Andrew’s belt. He could do this. Then things would be okay. Except Evan was reasonably aware that that was not logic and mostly, probably, poison. So he paused, pulling back enough to look at Andrew but not taking his hands off of him, since, well, Evan did like it, he just didn’t want sex to be a substitute for, well, anything. “What would you want me to do?” Evan asked almost too carefully. He couldn’t not study, because studying was very important, but the scale of important things in Evan’s head felt rather confused (potentially due to his tiredness), because Andrew was on that scale, too, and Evan wasn’t sure how he was meant to keep both as high importance.
--
Andrew really hadn’t been pushing for sex. If Evan was too tired to make out, and Andrew was too disgruntled to really want to, then obviously anything more was off the table. He’d just thought that naked and cuddling and bed would be… easier. Then they could sleep and in the morning things might be better. At the very least, they wouldn’t be so tired and hopefully the hurt that was lodged in Andrew’s stomach would have melted away and he could be more reasonable. Maybe. When Evan pulled back, Andrew honestly expected him to say he was tired and just wanted to sleep. What he hadn’t expected was more questions. “What?”
The truth was, he didn’t know. There wasn’t a solution that he could see. “You don’t have to do anything.” If the next two weeks were like the last three days, then Andrew was going to be bored and missing Evan and that was going to suck, but he could live with it. It was only two weeks. “I was just upset because I didn’t know. I thought you’d…” Well, Andrew had thought a lot of things and most of them had been stupid. That Evan had been hurt and no one knew, that Evan had had such a good time with Celia he’d spent three days with her - only for a minute, that Evan had forgotten… Evan had forgotten. But he’d had a good reason. “It’ll be fine.”
What did it even matter what Andrew would have wanted? Andrew wasn’t selfish enough to ask Evan not to study, or to study less, and he couldn’t see anything else that would improve matters. Nor would he expect Evan to listen if he did. Andrew understood that studying was more important right now. He understood that it was only for two weeks, and that it was completely irrational to be upset about that. What he didn’t understand was why, knowing those things, it still stung. “Let’s just go to sleep,” he urged. “Or you’ll be too tired to study tomorrow.”
--
Evan wasn’t sure that it was true and he didn’t have to do anything, but without being advised on what the things he should do were, Evan felt a bit lost. And then Andrew was saying that he was upset because he hadn’t known and that sent a sharp pang of guilt through Evan’s chest. He knew Andrew had been upset, it hadn’t been so hard to tell that even Evan would’ve missed it, but the verbal confirmation still hurt, because Evan knew it was completely his fault. It really was just that he’d never had anyone in his life who cared that Evan disappeared off the face of Earth during exam period. His family had always sort of just accepted it, no one ever got offended that all of Evan’s concentration went into revision and studying, so he had never needed to think of someone else and how they might react to it. “I really am sorry,” Evan said softly, moving the hand that had been running up Andrew’s side downwards so he could link his fingers with Andrew’s.
There was no real reason for Evan to doubt Andrew’s words that it would be fine, that Evan could just fall into his black hole of studying and then reemerge and Andrew would be there. Except Evan was now doubtful of whether they knew each other for long enough for that to be okay. They’d spent so much time together since February and Evan had enjoyed it, still did enjoy it, very much, thus not spending time together would be weird. But they were spending time together. Andrew was here now and Evan was so glad.
At Andrew’s suggestion that they should just go to sleep so Evan would be able to study tomorrow, Evan glanced at the clock on his bedside table, eyes widening slightly at the time. “Yeah,” he drew out slowly with a small shake of his head. Looking back at Andrew, Evan tugged on his hand, moving closer to press a kiss against Andrew’s cheek. “I haven’t slept in thirty eight hours, I don’t think I’m going to do anything but sleep tomorrow,” he admitted. Again it was an admission that didn’t come easily to Evan, it was stupid the way he had lost all sense of time. It was unproductive for studying and it had upset Andrew. Evan wasn’t doing very well.
“I’m really glad you’re here,” Evan said moving to press his body against Andrew’s in somewhat of a half-hug. “You bring things into focus,” he added, realising that it was rather true. Evan might have not noticed anything but now that Andrew had pulled Evan out of that, it felt good. Almost rewarding, which was silly because Evan hadn’t done anything to deserve a reward.
--
Andrew curled his fingers around Evan’s loosely, still leaning into Evan so that more of their bodies could be in contact. It was helping. Evan wasn’t pushing him away because studying was more important, Evan was still offering affection, and Andrew was greedy for it. He did pull away and frown when Evan said he hadn’t slept. “You need to sleep,” he admonished, as if that wasn’t perfectly obvious to anyone. “You love sleep.” He sighed and moved one arm back around Evan’s waist. “You can’t revise if you’re sleep-deprived. Obviously I’m going to have to turn up just to make sure you remember to sleep. And eat.” He’d offered to do that in Georgia, though it hadn’t really proved as necessary as either of them had thought it might. But he could do it now. Whether he came during the day to watch Evan study or not, he could at least be here at night to make sure Evan didn’t work himself into exhaustion.
It did feel a little like he was giving Evan what he wanted without getting anything in return, not just adventures or sex but Evan’s attention. Andrew hoped he could handle that. He felt like he ought to be able to, like Evan deserved that. When Evan said he was glad Andrew was there, Andrew smile. That helped. “Good.” He brushed his lips against Evan’s, then pulled away so he could finish getting undressed and slide under the covers, reaching out once he was comfortable to tug Evan in with him. “I want you to be glad I’m here,” he added softly, once they were both safely under the blankets. “It didn’t feel like you were, earlier.” He didn’t need Evan to apologise again, and he didn’t want to prolong the conversation when Evan obviously needed sleep, so he just tangled their legs together as he tucked the covers around them. “It just… helps to hear it.”
--
Evan did love to sleep, and he did also need to sleep. Andrew was right in saying that Evan would be rubbish at studying if he didn’t get rest. It wasn’t like Evan didn’t know this, he just... wasn’t very good at controlling it. In Evan’s head things happened in a particular way and studying was just all immersive. It always had been. That’s why his mum and sister had to make sure he ate, someone had to remind Evan to sleep. The only thing Evan was good at was hitting his deadlines and that was only because he had to set a series of alarms to make sure he met the targets on time. It made Evan smile a little when Andrew said he’d have to come over just to make sure Evan remembered to eat and sleep. “That’s what mum and Daisy do,” he admitted. “Daisy makes me food so I don’t sta--” Evan cut himself off mid-word because he realised that the food Andrew had given him had been the first thing Evan had eaten in days. Because Daisy didn’t live here anymore. “But Daisy’s not here,” he muttered more to himself than to Andrew. It’d do Evan well to try to remember that, because if Daisy wasn’t there, Evan really would just starve.
Once they had undressed and gotten into the bed, Evan moved so he could have his body pressed up against Andrew’s, legs tangled together and the pillow underneath Evan’s head so soft. It was probably the sleep deprivation, or it certainly aided the feeling, but Evan felt so content. He hadn’t had Andrew in his bed for days, which Evan was sure was an absolute tragedy. Evan frowned slightly when Andrew said that it hadn’t felt like Evan had been glad earlier. That didn’t really make sense, because hadn’t Evan said he was always glad to have Andrew there? Always kind of implied that Evan was glad whenever Andrew was there. But then Andrew continued by saying that it helped to hear it and that made more sense, Evan thought. “Well, I am,” Evan confirmed, leaning in to press a soft kiss against Andrew’s lips.
“Glad that you’re here,” Evan repeated. “Glad that you came over,” he said breaking the sentences up with another kiss. “Glad that you’re in bed with me,” which he was, the bed really did feel empty without Andrew there. “Glad that you want to be here,” Evan added with another kiss, before stilling ever so slightly. “You--” He paused. “You do, right?” Evan asked somewhat self-consciously. He thought Andrew did but then Evan wasn’t doing anything fun so maybe-- “Want to be here?” He clarified. “I know I’m not being...” What? Exciting? Entertaining? Worth your while? He didn’t finish the sentence.
--
“Ah.” Well, it helped a little too to know, or at least to reasonably infer, that it wasn’t just Andrew that Evan forgot about during exams. “I can make you food,” Andrew offered. He already made some form of breakfast most days they woke up in the same place, and though his repertoire of meals likely wasn’t as extensive as Daisy’s, he could do enough to make sure Evan stayed fed. Andrew didn’t want Evan to go hungry, or without sleep. “Or bring you food.” Andrew didn’t cook every day for himself, it didn’t seem realistic to promise homemade food to someone else every day for two weeks. Fish was ‘brain food’, right? Which meant going to the chippy was a perfectly viable alternative. It probably wasn’t the same as having Daisy to look after him, but Andrew wasn’t really in a position to remind Daisy of what she could be doing to help so offering to take over was really the best he could do.
It definitely did help to hear that Evan was glad Andrew had come over, and was here in bed right now. Evan really hadn’t given Andrew reason to believe he’d ever say something because he felt he ought to, or because Andrew wanted to hear it. The kisses helped too. Andrew ran his hand over Evan’s side, exploring the slope of his waist, the lines of his ribs. “Yes,” he was able to answer easily. “I want to be here.” Earlier, he hadn’t been so sure, but tangled naked under blankets with Evan there was really no question that Andrew wanted to be there - as long as Evan wanted him there. He darted his tongue across the hollow of Evan’s throat. Even though they were about to sleep, Evan was paying attention to him now, not ignoring him in favour of books and food. “I’ll come back after work tomorrow,” he suggested. “Make dinner.” He would bring something to keep him occupied between dinner and sleep, too. The weekend might be more difficult. Andrew would need to go and do things to keep from going stir crazy, but he could be there for meals. “Unless you don’t want me bothering you?”
ooc: continue to part two