x. (xxoxoxx) wrote in reduxpitch, @ 2016-04-01 19:34:00 |
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To Aisling, it seemed like things had calmed down a bit. The Gildergate (which she really needed to using as a phrase in her head) had cause some distress both in and outside the house but nothing that couldn’t and hadn’t been managed. Quake had even gone on a day out, which had been a lot of fun, even if Aisling did often feel like the strict mother whose job it was to make sure everyone had tickets and no one ate too much sugar. It had been a good day out, exactly what they had needed to relax, to forget about any unnecessary stresses. Of course, now there were other things to concentrate on, like how Aisling needed to sit down Axel and have a chat with him about Ashleigh. But not right now. Aisling’s current plan involved talking to Xavier. The Gildergate (really, Aisling) had clearly been very distressing for Xavier, which was part of the reason why Aisling had waited a few days before deciding to bring it up again. On the other hand, she also hadn’t wanted to wait for so long it was no longer topical. The way Xavier had told her that he hadn’t meant to punch someone made Aisling concerned. She wasn’t even too sure why it made her concerned, but talking about it seemed like the quickest way to solve that. So having made tea, because of course she had, Aisling headed up to Xavier’s room, knocking lightly against it, waiting for a ‘come in’ before she pushed the door open. “Can I pretend to have brought you tea with no underlying intentions?” She offered holding up the two mugs as an illustration. Well, an illustration of the tea, not of her underlying intentions. -- Inviting whoever was knocking to come in was practically an automatic reaction to Xavier, and he almost didn't realize he'd done it until he registered the door opening. It wasn't as though he was doing much of anything, mostly sitting on his bed with his guitar, but his hand moved to rest over the strings and quiet them as she came in. His brow furrowed in response to what she said, the corners of his mouth twitching down just slightly. "Well I would have thought that if you hadn't said anything," he replied slowly, shifting his guitar out of his lap and down onto its stand. "But now you've said that, I'm concerned." - “But then it would seem sneaky,” Aisling informed him, walking over to hand Xavier one of the mugs as she sat down on the bed, turning her body slightly to face him. “And I am not sneaky,” she added with a hint of a grin because Aisling was, in fact, rather sneaky. Mostly, only, when it was either required or unavoidable. This was neither of those. She took a sip of her tea and shrugged slightly. “You don’t have to be concerned,” Aisling assured Xavier. At least she didn’t feel that anything she wanted to say was a cause for concern. If anything, Aisling was aiming for the opposite. “How are you feeling?” She asked with genuine interest, because it was important to establish that actually they were in a position where what she wanted to bring up would be okay. -- Honestly, Xavier wasn't sure if it was better to be warned or not. He took the tea from her and held it carefully as she got onto the bed, not wanting to spill it. Taking a slow sip, he looked over at her and tried not to be concerned, like she said. There were a great number of things that could be the underlying intentions, it wouldn't necessarily be bad, and it was Aisling so that made him feel like it wouldn't be. Unless that was some kind of sneaky trick of its own. "I'm okay," he said after a moment, holding his mug with both hands and letting it rest on his leg. "I think... everything could have been worse, and going out was good and fun. So I'm alright. How are you?" - The question made Aisling pause briefly. “Um,” she bit her lip. “I’m fine,” Aisling replied shrugging one of her shoulders. She really was fine. Nothing all that concerning ever happened to Aisling, if anything she just tended to be concerned about others. Apparently to a point where Aisling had forgotten that sometimes people asked her how she was feeling. “It was good to have a day out,” she added because it really had been. “So, now that you’re alright,” she started slowly. “Do you think you want to talk about what happened?” Aisling asked. If Xavier said no, well, she probably wouldn’t push. It was up to him whether he did or didn’t want to talk about it. Aisling thought it might be helpful but then Aisling also didn’t want to be the one who made people talk about their feelings when they rather kept their feelings to themselves. She could at least offer, though, maybe even suggest. -- "It was," Xavier agreed, smiling softly. Sometimes it was good to get away from the norm and go have fun outside of their usual ways, whether on the heels of something bad happening or not. Their day out had been great, and he hoped they had another one like it soon, though without provocation. He paused at her question, looking down at his tea and frowning a little in thought as he brought it up to take a drink. "I... don't know," he replied slowly, holding the mug against his chest. There wasn't much to talk about, beyond what he'd already told her, at least as far as he could think. "What about it?" - An ‘I don’t know’ was better than an outright ‘no’, Aisling thought, so she decided to proceed. It wasn’t like Xavier couldn’t at any point tell her that he rather didn’t talk about it. At his question, Aisling took a slow sip of her tea. “Well,” she said, moving the mug so she could run her other hand over the outside of it. “I thought perhaps you might want to talk about how you didn’t mean to hit Lockhart,” Aisling offered before biting her lip briefly. That didn’t actually explain it very well, she didn’t think. “To me,” Aisling decided to go with instead. “It seems concerning that you hit someone without meaning to,” she explained. “Not in a way where I think you might do it again,” she assured rather quickly, before pausing again. “More that, as I’m sure you’re aware, that’s not the healthiest of emotional responses,” because quite frankly, it really wasn’t. “Talking about it might help?” Aisling asked in a way which made the question sound very little like a question at all. -- Xavier let out a slow exhale when she clarified she didn't think he was going to do it again, because that was one of his lingering concerns about the whole thing. Between it happening in the first place, and how the article in the Prophet seemed to paint him as some volatile person who could go off at any moment, he was worried people would see him different. Not just those who didn't know him, either. "I didn't think about it," he said slowly, his gaze fixating on a loose thread near the bottom of the jeans he was wearing. "I didn't think, oh, I should hit him. I just thought... I needed to get away, and he wasn't letting go and he was... dragging me and all those people were crowding around and I felt... trapped. Like I was going to suffocate." - Aisling nodded at the explanation. She had gathered as much, if not perhaps detail then certainly the implication. Getting away and being frustrated when unable to do so made perfect sense. The sensation of being trapped, that Aisling got, too. She might not necessarily relate to experiencing it in a context like this, but she still understood the feeling. So she hummed lightly, to illustrate that she was following and she was listening. The explanation for it hadn’t quite been what she had been looking for, though. “Yes,” she agreed. “I guess,” she started slowly, trying to think of how to express herself better. “That to me the issue is that, firstly, we both know that violence is not an appropriate response to almost anything,” because it wasn’t. It had irked Aisling greatly when Axel had seemed to think that Xavier punching someone was a thing to congratulate him on. “And secondly,” she continued, since there was a second. “You were very distressed about what had happened,” Aisling said. “Understandably,” she added before any potential objection could be made. She considered saying that it had worried her, but then Aisling suspected that wouldn’t actually be very helpful. “I’d like to understand better,” she settled on instead, because that was true, too. Aisling did want to understand better. She wanted to be able to offer support and help better if it was required. Which hopefully it wouldn’t be, but asking was still worth her while, she thought. -- Xavier hugged his tea in against his chest as she spoke, pulling his legs in to cross in front of him as he frowned a little more. That was the thing, he didn't know if he understood. He'd spent a lot of time thinking about it, trying to work through every second of what had happened to gather his thoughts and figure out how each moment had come to be, but even still he wasn't sure he could explain it. At least, not in a way that would make sense to anyone outside his head. "I'm not a violent person," he started, which he hoped she knew but he figured it didn't hurt to state. "I don't... he was touching me. But not just touching me, trying to... control me. I asked him not to and he didn't listen, I told him to let go and he didn't, and I think it was... I think it was because maybe I didn't think he would stop unless he had a reason. Nothing else was making him stop, not me telling him to or that I was trying to get away from him. I had bruises from where he was grabbing my shoulder. I didn't want to be there, I was trying to leave when he grabbed me. I just wanted to leave." - “No,” Aisling nodded in agreement when Xavier said he wasn’t a violent person. Throughout her life, Aisling had encountered plenty of violent men, each in their own right, and Xavier definitely wasn’t one of them. If anything, before the Gildergate (stop!) Aisling wouldn’t have ever thought Xavier was the kind of person who’d ever hit someone. She still didn’t, really, despite having proof that he could be. When Xavier said he had bruises from where Lockhart had grabbed him, Aisling gripped her mug so hard that briefly she thought it might crack under her fingers. But then she let it go, just as easily, and maybe that was the point. “It is unlikely that you will be in a situation like this again,” Aisling said honestly. “But the thing is,” she added because there was more. “You might, especially with how popular the band is getting,” Aisling said. It was true, the Quake fandom was growing by the day and there were plenty of occasions when they might get crowded in by fans. Of course, there were plenty of security measures but that didn’t meant it couldn’t happen. “And hitting someone to get out of that situation is not going to be an okay thing to do,” Aisling added, before frowning slightly. “No matter what Axel thinks,” she added because she was going to have so many words with that boy. -- When she mentioned it being a possibility with Quake, Xavier quickly looked over at her and shook his head, his eyes a little wide. "No, that's not... that's not the same," he started, pausing to gather his thoughts a little because he didn't want to seem like he was brushing off the concern. "That's different. That's... not someone treating me like that. We've had crowded places before and I haven't felt like that ever, and I know it could get worse but it's not anything like that." He drew in a breath, staring down at his tea again. "And maybe you don't believe me, and that's okay. I didn't mean to do it, so how can I know it wouldn't happen some other time... that makes sense to think, but I know it's different. I wouldn't. Our fans aren't me getting pulled in for a photo op with some prat who thinks planting trees and throwing parties makes for good government platforms and his crazy followers closing in on me. I don't know, maybe I can't explain it. You don't have to believe me." - Aisling did actually believe Xavier when he said it wasn’t the same. It might seem very similar to her but she had only been in one of the two situations so there was no way in which Aisling could objectively compare them. Putting her mug down on the floor, Aisling move carefully, crawling more into the bed so she could sit next to Xavier. “I do believe you,” she told him honestly. Assuredly. “I’m just--” Aisling paused giving a small sigh. Reaching out, she poked her finger against Xavier’s side lightly. “I’m just worried,” she admitted, despite having thought that saying it might sound wrong. But there was a clarification to it, which Aisling felt made it slightly better. “Worried for you, not about you,” she explained. “I don’t want you to worry or be upset,” she added truthfully. Aisling liked to be able to fix all things that might worry any of the men in Quake and she hated the idea that she might not be able to, no matter how unreasonable that seemed even to herself. -- Xavier glanced up when he felt her shifting on the bed, watching her come closer before looking down to his tea again. That was the other part he didn't like about what happened. He was the quiet one, not the one who made trouble, or made a splash, or did things that drew attention. He wasn't supposed to be the one causing any kind of concern, but he had. The corners of his mouth twitched when she poked his side, though. "I didn't mean to make anyone worried," he murmured, giving a small shake of his head. "I'm okay, now. It was bad when it happened, but it's... I don't know how to say it. I was still feeling so panicked from being there like that and then I started worrying about everything that was going to happen because of it, and everyone it would hurt, but it didn't get nearly as bad as I thought - as it could have." - That was a description that Aisling recognised much better. Not because she had ever really experienced a great deal of anxiety, but because she was best friends with Ashleigh. Years of experience had taught Aisling the many different reactions anxiety could produce. “You know that’s okay, though, right?” She asked softly. “We all know you would never do anything to intentionally hurt us or the band,” Aisling told him. It was true, as much as they all got into a degree of ridiculous scenarios, the band always supported each other. “We fix things together,” she told him determinedly. “Like a good dysfunctional family,” Aisling added teasingly, giving Xavier another light poke. “Maybe I just worry too much,” she said honestly. As much as Aisling did want to help, she did think maybe she was being a bit too mothering about the whole thing. Well, perhaps with the exception of when she tried to help Xavier sleep better. “And we’re never letting you near any Ministry of Magic candidates again,” Aisling said with a small laugh before pausing. “Oh, maybe Evan, because he is around a lot,” but Aisling had never gotten the impression that Evan would ever try to make someone do something against their will. -- "Yeah," Xavier murmured, because he did know that. Even if he hadn't, it's not like it wasn't perfectly evident in the way Aisling had been there for him immediately after, and how the rest of the band had been ready to stand up for him without asking any questions. Maybe in other circumstances that might have been troubling, but not in that one. They were, as she said, a good dysfunctional family. He glanced over at her poke, and huffed out a quiet laugh when she mentioned Evan. "I get the feeling Evan won't go after me like that. I hope." - “No,” Aisling shook her head. Evan probably wouldn’t but it was hardly like she was going to let it happen even if he was. In all honesty, Aisling wasn’t too sure what she had done if she had been there when the Gildergate (well what else would she call it?) had happened. She liked to imagine that she wouldn’t have hit anyone, but seeing how angry it made her just to hear about how the man had made Xavier feel? Perhaps she would. Leaning in closer, Aisling brushed her nose against Xavier’s cheek. “I am very glad you are feeling better,” she told him honestly before moving back enough to be able to look at Xavier. “And you can always talk to me, yeah?” She asked, before biting her lip. “Or anyone else,” Aisling added, because Xavier could, she had no doubt. “Maybe don’t go to Axel for emotional support, though,” she added with a small grin. That was probably a bit unfair, Aisling suspected that if there was a need for Axel to offer emotional support, he probably could. Probably. -- Xavier knew Evan was there fairly regularly, and had seen him around, but it wasn't as though they'd ever really... talked. He figured there wasn't much need since he was there to see Andrew. So if he was going to get someone in Quake to endorse him for some reason, it would probably be Andrew too. Xavier didn't have anything against him, but all the politics in general weren't his favorite thing. A soft smile turned up the corners of his mouth when her nose brushed against his cheek, and he turned his head to look at her once she pulled back. "I know," he said quietly, letting go of his mug with one hand to reach over and take hers, squeezing it gently. "I'm just... glad it wasn't as bad as it could have been. And that my family didn't have to hear about it." - That was probably one of the great benefits about being Muggleborn, as much as sometimes, when you couldn’t explain to your family exactly what you did, it wasn’t, but when it came to this sort of thing, being Muggleborn meant that your parents just didn’t hear the gossip. Aisling didn’t know how Xavier’s family might have reacted but then she also didn’t think that bit was very important, to her it seemed far more important how Xavier felt about it. If he didn’t want his family to find out, that was very much his right and Aisling was glad they hadn’t. She squeezed his hand back, giving a smile as she did so. “Who’d ‘ve thought you’d be the dramatic one, eh?” She asked teasingly. Aisling wanted to make the situation easier but if she couldn’t really make all things better by talking, maybe there was a chance of making some things better by finding the humour in it. “Has this made you sleep worse?” Aisling asked with a genuine concern as the thought occured her. Xavier hadn’t been sleeping greatly before and this had clearly been distressing, so she wondered if the two together would have made it worse. -- "Well anyone who's been paying attention probably could have guessed that," Xavier replied with a bit of a grin. "How could I not be the dramatic one, with all my brooding looks and aggressive attitude?" He shook his head, rolling his eyes. The brooding looks comment he didn't care about so much; it was right up there with all the 'bad boy' comments thrown his way. The aggressive attitude one - that was harder to shake, since it spoke more to him as a person than merely how he looked. At her question, his grin seemed to disappear and his brow furrowed almost instantly. There had been enough going on, it felt like a lesser problem that could be dealt with later, but he wasn't good at dodging questions when asked so straightforward. "Oh, well, yeah. That's not been great." - “Well, you are very broody,” Aisling agreed, bringing her free hand up to ran her fingers over Xavier’s cheeks as if touching his brooding looks was going to emphasise the statement. “I would be inclined to disagree with the aggressive attitude, though,” she added, not just because she could tell it had bothered him. Mostly, really, it was because Xavier’s attitude had never been aggressive. In all the time Aisling had known him, there had never been a hint of anything that would indicate this. Punching someone once didn’t make her change her mind on that. The answer to Aisling’s question, though, that made her frown again. Not great. Right. That could mean many things but somehow Aisling thought maybe she should assume the worst, in which sleep was scarce and far between. “Do you think you might want to try sleeping potions?” She asked carefully. “Or maybe calming potions?” Aisling offered. Both would help, she had no doubt, but it was still a thing that Xavier had to decide to take and no would know better how comfortable he felt about it but him. -- "I know, I'm horribly broody," he replied, a barely there smirk twitching at the corners of his mouth before disappearing almost as quickly as it had come. Xavier's head tilted into her touch against his cheek automatically, his eyes briefly closing. Anyone who actually knew him would know that second part wasn't true, but he was more concerned about people who didn't and would believe it. What if parents stopped their kids from listening to Quake or going to their shows because of it? Hurting the band was something he'd never want to do, and he was worried he had. The mention of the potions made him pause, and he took a slow sip of his tea as he mulled it over in his mind. "I don't... know," he started slowly, nipping at the inside of his lip. "I don't know how it would... affect me? What do they do to you?" - “The calming potions help me a lot,” Aisling admitted with a small shrug. She knew where her failings were and most of them came from the need to achieve. Practicing had always been something that Aisling did too much to an unhealthy point. It had taken years to recognise that, but going through auditions had probably outlined that the most. At the question of what they actually did, Aisling paused. “I guess, they just make me more... relaxed?” She offered. “Calmer,” she added with a small smile. To her, at least, the potions really did what it said on the label. Sleeping potions, though, those perhaps were different. “Sometimes when I practice a lot I feel so much energy, like it won’t stop,” she explained. “And the potions sort of knock me out?” Aisling said before giving another shrug. “It’s not the greatest of feelings,” she admitted because it wasn’t. Sleeping potions didn’t feel great but they did do the job. “You could consult a healer, they would be much better at advising you,” Aisling told him honestly. As much as she could share personal experiences, Aisling also took calming potions and on the rare occasion sleeping potions for potentially different reasons than Xavier might need them. -- Xavier supposed he could have phrased the question better, but that didn't mean what Aisling said wasn't helpful. He took it all in with a nod and worried the inside of his lower lip between his teeth as he thought about it. Going to a healer wasn't something he particularly wanted to do, either. Then again, if his sleep didn't even out he didn't see himself having much option other than trying anything and everything he could. He was hoping it didn't come to that. "I mean," he started, then stopped as he took a moment to try and piece it together better in his head. "I guess, I don't know how it would feel or what it would do, and I'm trying to figure out if it has the same sort of... effect of... drinking, or some kind of drug. That's what I'm worried about, I guess." - “I don’t think so,” Aisling offered when Xavier said he worried it might feel similar to drinking or taking drugs. Aisling had done all three and didn’t feel like they were particularly similar at all. They certainly had never been intended to be similar, which made a great deal of difference, she thought. Also potions specifically designed to battle anxiety or sleeping disorders didn’t tend to be taken for recreational purposes, at least not as far as Aisling was aware, which ought to indicate that they weren’t all that similar. Then again, perhaps she didn’t have all the necessarily information at her disposal. “They’re not addictive,” Aisling added with more confidence. She knew that the muggle versions could be, had read about them, knew plenty of people who took them as drugs. The magic ones, though, they seemed to be better designed. “It’s magic,” she said with a shrug. “Magic’s meant to be--” Aisling paused searching for the right word. “Better,” she finally settled on, because there didn’t seem to be a word that felt more appropriate. -- There was at least some comfort in what she was saying, and while he hadn’t particularly been concerned about the addictive quality, mostly because he didn’t think Aisling would recommend him try something that was, Xavier was glad she made mention of it. Magic did tend to make things better, but it also had a tendency of making things confusing. With non-Magic things, there were clear lines and decisions, but Magic made them blurry, hard to discern. As much as he loved Magic, it wasn’t always the easiest to deal with. “I’d have to look into it more, maybe,” he settled on, finishing his tea and setting his mug off to the side. “I don’t think I’d be comfortable taking anything without knowing exactly what it was going to do, or how it would make me feel.” - “Okay,” Aisling said with a nod. Looking into it was definitely better than deciding against it outright, even if the outcome would still be to decline the potions. At least it would be a decision based in knowledge. “I could help you research it, if you’d like?” Aisling offered, or rather the Ravenclaw in Aisling offered. She did want to help, of course, obviously, this whole conversation had been about trying to help, but Aisling also really did like looking things up. Apparently you could take a girl out of Ravenclaw, but you could never take the Ravenclaw out of a girl. Giving Xavier’s hand another squeeze, Aisling smiled slightly. “But for now it’s back to white noise and hot baths, eh?” She asked teasingly. -- Xavier really did appreciate the way Aisling, as well as the rest of his bandmates most times, were more inclined just to help rather than question. It’s not that he minded explaining, but rather that he appreciated not having to all the time. He gave a nod when she offered to help research, glad for it because researching wasn’t exactly something he enjoyed doing. “That would be great, thanks,” he said, smiling softly as he looked over to her. “Then maybe I’ll be able to figure it out.” He returned the squeeze she’d given his hand. “White noise and hot baths,” he agreed, his nose scrunching slightly as he leaned over and bumped her shoulder with his. “Hopefully I don’t turn into a prune.” - Research Aisling would, then. She already had a pretty good idea where to start, since there was a medical section at the library and then she could go from there. Briefly Aisling wondered whether Xavier realised that allowing her to help with researching things essentially meant that he would get a full school report on the topic, but then she also thought that it didn’t really matter. It would be a thorough and informative report, that was the important thing. “But you’re a very pretty prune,” Aisling assured, leaning in closer to brush her lips against Xavier’s cheek. “We’ll figure it out,” she told him. “Whatever it is,” Aisling added full faith in her own words. It didn’t matter what they had to figure out, Aisling decided, because they would. Whether the they were the two of them or the whole of Quake, Aisling was sure they’d manage. -- No matter what Aisling found out about the potions, Xavier was pretty sure he was going to be taking information back home to go over with his parents, which was bound to be an interesting and potentially frustrating conversation. Not frustrating because of the subject matter, but more so because there was so much in his life that his parents would never be able to understand, so who knew if the conversation would even go anywhere. Even if it didn’t, he knew he would feel better trying to get their perspective on things. “I’m a very wrinkly prune,” Xavier replied, his thumb brushing over the back of her hand as she kissed his cheek. He had to hope they would figure it out, otherwise he would just be tired forever, and that seemed an overly dramatic way to live one’s life. “My sister gave me bubble bath things to try and be helpful. Maybe I should give some of those a try.” - “I will let you know when you’ve had too many baths, love, I promise,” Aisling said with a laugh. “We shan’t let your good looks wash away,” she added. This was easier. The teasing and being able to smile about things, that was much easier than trying to have serious and helpful conversations. Aisling had far more confidence in her ability to flirt than she did in her ability to offer emotional support. She did try, though. Perhaps that was the difference. Aisling never had to try to flirt. Certainly not with Xavier. At the mention of a bubble bath, Aisling grinned. “I might even spare some candles for you,” she told Xavier. She would have also offered to pour him a glass of pinot but that would’ve been a pretty useless suggestion. “Maybe some soothing whale music,” Aisling said. After a pause, she did let her smile drop slightly. “I do hope it helps,” she admitted honestly, before biting her lip slightly. “Maybe not the whale music, I’m not sure that has ever helped anyone at all.” -- “Oh, thanks,” Xavier replied with a quiet chuckle, absently squeezing her hand. “Glad someone will be looking out for me in that department.” He didn’t particularly like taking baths, was the problem. It felt like sitting idly and not doing much of anything, but that was sort of the point, he figured. Showers, at least the water was moving. Maybe baths were more relaxing, but he liked showers better. To fix his sleep problem, he’d try anything. “Candles, that’s what she forgot to put in that box she gave me,” he mused, sighing. “She’s useless sometimes.” He laughed genuinely at her mention of whale music, shaking his head. “No whale music. I don’t think that would be helpful at all…” He turned his head to press a soft kiss against her hair. “Thank you.” - “Between your sisters and I, we shall provide you with the perfect bath taking equipment,” Aisling assured Xavier with a small laugh. They probably would, too. Bubble baths and candles and definitely no whale music. Maybe some scented oils, too. And then Aisling could make sure silencing charms were cast properly everywhere so it would actually be peaceful. The last thing a relaxing bath needed was Andrew practicing the drums next door. When Xavier pressed a kiss against Aisling’s hair, she leaned into the touch with a small sigh. “You’re very welcome,” she replied. Aisling wanted to say that he had nothing to thank her for, because she didn’t actually feel like she had done anything very useful, but it was much easier to just agree than to attempt to protest. She’d do all the research and they’d go from there and in the mean time there were plenty of baths and all the other things that had been helpful so far. |