velvetwhip (velvetwhip) wrote in red_magic, @ 2007-06-30 20:33:00 |
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Entry tags: | fic, velvetwhip, willow/angel |
Fic: Escape Me Never (Willow/Angel) 5/10 FRAO/NC-17
Today I have Chapter Five of Escape Me Never for you. I hope you enjoy it.
Gabrielle
Title: Escape Me Never (Chapter Five)
Author: Gabrielle
Pairing: Willow/Angel
Rating: FRAO/NC-17 (for references to rape and explicit sex)
Summary: Buffy isn't ready to let go.
This was written for the whichwillow ficathon for the prompt: "What if nobody had been there to save Willow when Angelus grabbed her in the hallway?"
Feedback: Please. Thank you.
Distribution: For now, just here and my site. (Oh, and whichwillow, of course)
Disclaimer: I own nothing. It all belongs to Joss and a bunch of other people who are not now and have never been me.
Author's Notes: This fic is dedicated, in its entirety, to purplefeen and lilbreck. They know why. Thanks also go to emeraldswan for her beta skills.
Chapter Five
“Buffy, there is no us. Not anymore.”
He should never have told Giles and Jenny about yesterday’s breakthrough. But another round of disapproval and suspicion from the pair had induced Angel to tell them about Willow’s reaction to his omelet. Anything to forestall their endless questions, their undisguised distrust of his ability to help Willow heal. It had seemed like a good idea at the time.
But he should have known better. Should have known that they would share the news with the others. Should have known that Buffy would see it as a sign that Willow would be out of his life soon.
“Why not, Angel?” Buffy pleaded with him, her eyes wide, looking at him in a way that once would have melted his heart. Now it left him with nothing more than a desire to be far away from her.
He knew that mentioning everything that Angelus had done, everything that had happened to Willow, would be useless. Since those things hadn’t deterred her already, bringing them up would only start her off on yet another rant about how he shouldn’t have to pay for Angelus’ crimes; it was obvious Buffy still thought he was in love with her and wanted her back, that he was only staying away from her out of guilt. But there was one other card. One that he was reasonably certain Jenny hadn’t taken out of his hand.
“What about the curse, Buffy? Have you forgotten? The happiness clause?”
She looked confused for a moment, and Angel almost snorted in disbelief. Possibly she had forgotten. Typical Buffy.
But she regrouped quickly and said, “Of course I haven’t forgotten. And I know that means we can’t make love. But that doesn’t mean we can’t see each other, can’t be together. Please, Angel. We love each other. Don’t do this to us.”
There were tears shining in her eyes. Angel’s heart sank. It was obvious that all she saw when she looked at him was a reflection of herself, of her own needs and desires. She didn’t have a clue how he really felt and it wouldn’t do him any good to try and make her see. A spurned Slayer was an enemy he didn’t need. Not now.
The Judge, the indestructible annihilator of humanity. Now appearing at a shopping mall near you.
This occasion marked Angelus’ big debut on the Sunnydale scene after *decades* of being trapped by that damn Gypsy curse. It should have been a triumph. Instead, it was a rout.
He should have known that any plan concocted by that demented childe of his was bound to be a disaster. And it sure had been. Blue Boy was in a thousand pieces and *he* was running like a wet rat through the sprinkler-soaked corridors of the local mall. Could things be any worse right now? Oh yeah, they could. He had a new toy at home, and, instead of being where he should, playing with her, he was dashing through this throng of annoying humans wearing soggy leather pants.
Wait. His ex-girlfriend was coming down the hall right now. Maybe he should give her a kiss, show her there were no hard feelings.
Or not.
As Buffy came around the corner, he was ready. She never saw it coming as he punched, knocking her to the ground with one solid shot to the face. Too bad about Slayer healing, that would have left a nice shiner on a regular mortal. Well, never mind, there was always a way to leave scars. Even on a Slayer.
He looked down at Buffy, sprawled on the wet floor, and smirked. “You know what the worst part was, huh? Pretending that I loved you.”
She looked wounded. Time to thrust the knife in a little deeper.
“If I’d known how easily you’d give it up, I wouldn’t have even bothered.”
Darn, she didn’t seem to be as hurt as he’d hoped.
“It doesn’t work anymore. You’re not Angel.”
Who would have thought the airheaded bitch could be so quick on the uptake? Damn, he’d been hoping for her usual clueless stupidity to leave him with a nice way to cause her pain.
“You’d like to think that, wouldn’t you? Doesn’t matter. The important thing is you made me the man I am today.”
Ooh. Now that was a hit. And right back at him. Ouch. She always *had* been more of a fighter than a lover. Angel had sure found that out, and unfortunately, thanks to this body being his as well, so had *he*. He shook off the memories of that regrettable roll in the hay and got back to the business of fighting his mortal enemy. Let’s see if he could put the kibosh on this, drain the bitch, and get back to the little woman.
“You’re not quittin’ on me already, are ya? Come on, Buffy. Let’s finish this so I can go home. After all, Willow’s waiting up for me.”
That did it. Buffy was all fired up now, her anger making her reckless as she fought him. Unfortunately, the ground was slippery and the soul’s “one true love” was getting the upper hand. Dammit, how the hell did she manage to conceal a stake in that skimpy outfit?
“What do you think will happen if you kill me, Buffy? You know, I like to play with my food. Willow could have weeks, even months to live if I’m around. But Dru? She’s never been good at keeping her prey alive for long, and besides, she’ll be angry if you take her Daddy away and she’ll definitely want some payback. Willow will be dead before my ashes hit the ground.”
It worked. Buffy was distracted just long enough for him to knock the stake from her hand.
“You see? You can’t kill me.”
He felt cocky as hell right now. No matter how good a fighter she was, Buffy’s emotions always got in her way. He preened in triumph.
Pride goeth before a kick to the groin.
In a flash, Buffy’s foot connected with his crotch, pain shooting through his entire body. Bitch. This almost felt worse than fucking her.
“That’s for Willow. I wouldn’t hurt her if I were you. You’ll pay for every moment of pain that she suffers. If you think this was bad, you don’t even know what bad is. Let her go, Angel. I mean it. Or you’ll be sorry.”
And with that, she turned and walked away, leaving him moaning and clutching his sore dick. If she thought she was going to defeat his plans for her cute little friend this easily, though, she was in for a rude awakening. Time to go home and get to work on breaking in his new pet. He wasn’t going to let a little thing like this ruin his night.
“Buffy,” Angel tried to make his voice consoling, to sound as if it was as hard for him to let go of her as it obviously was for her to let go of him. “How well do you really think that would work? Don’t you think it would be unfair? To both of us, but especially to you.”
She didn’t understand and Angel fought the urge to sigh in annoyance.
“How long do you think it would be before you would feel cheated? Before you’d want a man who could give you what I can’t. Who could give you a complete relationship.”
“As long as we’re together, Angel, I don’t care about the rest. I love you. Anything we can have is enough for me.”
“What about me, then? How easy do you think it would be for me? Being around you. Knowing what we can never share again.”
Those words were a mistake. He found that out immediately.
“Is that what this is about? Is that what this was all along? You just wanted to get me into bed? Angelus was telling the truth then, wasn’t he. All I ever meant to you was some notch on your belt. Something to brag about in the vampires’ locker room. ‘Guess what, guys? I screwed the Slayer.’ I was just some way to one up all the other demons, to prove you were still a real vampire, even with a soul.”
Angel reached out to her, but she jerked away from his touch, her face red with rage and humiliation.
“Buffy, you know that isn’t true. You know what you meant to me, how I felt, how much I loved you.”
He’d put his foot in it again. She caught his use of the past tense right away and seized on it.
“What I meant to you? What are you saying, Angel? Are you saying that you don’t love me anymore?”
There was nothing he could say. Nothing that would fix this. Because he wasn’t going to lie. So he decided to try and at least be honest in the gentlest possible way.
“No, Buffy, I don’t. Not the way I did. Everything that happened when I lost my soul has made me realize that we just don’t belong together. We’re no good for each other. What happened between us, losing my soul, the clause in my curse, that all just confirms it. We aren’t meant to be. Someday, you’ll realize that I’m right. You’ll find someone else and...”
“It’s this thing with Willow, isn’t it?”
For a moment, Angel panicked. Had Buffy sensed his feelings? Was she not as self-absorbed as he’d thought? Her next words, however, dispelled that notion and were almost a relief.
“You feel guilty because of what Angelus did. But it wasn’t you, Angel. I know you. You would never have done those things to Willow. Why can’t you see that?”
He’d known she’d see things this way. That she would never be able to accept that he didn’t love her anymore. That she’d have to find some excuse for why he was saying goodbye to what they had shared.
“Buffy, this isn’t about Willow. This is about you and me. A Slayer and a vampire. Two people who should never have fallen in love. Two people who are all wrong for each other. Who can never be anything but wrong for each other.”
He reached out to wipe a tear from Buffy’s cheek, hoping the tender gesture would soften his words, make them easier for her to accept. He had loved her once, and a part of him hated that she was hurting.
She flinched and glared at him. She was obviously not going to be mollified.
“Buffy, think about what I’ve said. I know it hurts right now, but. . .”
“But what, Angel? But what? Are you going to tell me you’re doing this for my own good? That someday I’ll thank you? Because I won’t. I love you. And I don’t believe you mean any of this. I know that you still love me. The kind of love we have doesn’t just go away.”
Angel ran his hand through his hair in frustration. For the first time, he realized just how much teenage girl was a part of the Slayer he had loved. She wasn’t going to make this easy, and right now he couldn’t deal with her any longer.
“Buffy, I think you should go. You’re in no condition to see Willow right now, and you and I have nothing more to say to each other.”
“Angel. . .”
“Buffy, just go. Please.”
“Angel, if I leave now, you’ll never see me again. I mean it.”
He stayed silent, knowing she didn’t mean it. Knowing that, even if she left right now, she’d be back and this whole mess would start up all over again.
“Alright, Angel. If you’re willing to throw away what we have, I’m going.”
With that, she flounced out the front door, slamming it behind her. Angel knew where she was going. Straight to Giles and Jenny. He dreaded what he was going to endure later when the two of them paid him a visit.
For now, though, he needed to go upstairs and check on Willow. He hoped she hadn’t heard any of the argument. Buffy upset her under the best of circumstances, but Buffy in a temper would likely terrify her. Besides, he needed to think, to plan his defense for when Giles and Jenny showed up, ready to take Willow away from him, and he could do that better if he was with the girl he loved. Being with her made everything make sense, made him feel less torn apart, less conflicted. Even before he had found out his soul was no longer in jeopardy.
When he got to the door, the pounding of Willow’s heart and the scent of her tears told him that she’d obviously heard something and his demon roared within him. Damn Buffy for a selfish bitch. Did she ever think of anyone but herself? Did she care nothing for the damaged girl she called her best friend?
He walked in and saw Willow curled up on the bed, crying. She sprang to her feet and ran to him, wrapping her arms around him and holding on for dear life.
“Shh, sweetling,” he consoled her. “No need for you to cry. She’s gone. It’s just us now.”
Willow looked into his face, but he wasn’t quite able to read her expression. That is, until she began to sink to her knees. He pulled her up quickly and looked into her eyes.
“No. Willow, you don’t have to do that for me. I’m not going to send you away. Please listen to me, sweetheart. You don’t have to do anything for me.”
Willow looked so beautiful on her knees, his cock sliding in and out of her mouth. Angelus was going to have to immortalize this in charcoal. Hell, he might have to break out the oil paints and canvas to do her justice. No one gave head like his pet.
She’d had some stage fright the first time he demanded she perform in front of his childer, but a little discipline had cured her of that, and tonight she had knelt before him without a hint of reluctance. Her training was coming along nicely.
He groaned as she began to work him in earnest. She hesitated slightly as she heard him ask one of the minions to bring him something to drink and he growled low in his throat. Even the slightest trace of disobedience was not to be tolerated. He’d ordered her to suck him off, not worry about who was watching.
Ah, that’s the ticket. Back at her task, like a good little whore. He threaded his hands tightly in her hair, tugging it painfully as he guided her in the hard and fast rhythm he needed to finish. He came quickly, flooding her mouth with his release, and he watched approvingly as she swallowed every drop and licked the last traces from his cock. He patted her head as if she were a faithful hound.
Spike cheered and applauded raucously and Angelus felt Willow stiffen. He glared at her. She should be pleased by Spike’s reaction. It meant she had performed well enough to excite admiration and envy in her audience. He thought he’d cured her of that ridiculous shyness and self-consciousness. After all, everything she was belonged to *him* now. She *had* no self. Obviously, she hadn’t learned that lesson yet. Despite the promising start to the evening's entertainment, she’d defied him twice tonight. That sort of behaviour could not go unpunished.
“Go upstairs and wait for me, Willow.”
His tone was gruff and curt and Willow obeyed immediately. She should have been this compliant before, then she would have no reason to be giving off the waves of fear he could still scent even as she left the room. He got up and followed her, the sound of a chuckle from Spike accompanying his departure. His pet needed some remedial discipline.
She looked wounded and confused, her eyes brimming with tears, and Angel felt his heart ache. But then her hand was on his cock, stroking him through his trousers, and he had to do something to stop her. He pulled her hand away, grabbed both her wrists, and held them tight, keeping her hands away from his body. He didn’t know how much more he could take.
“Willow. Listen to me.” He tried to be firm. “This is not what we are. I’m not him. You don’t have to do these things for me. I don’t want you to do these things for me.”
He hoped he was convincing. His whole body ached with the effort of denying her. But this wasn’t what she wanted; he knew that. It was what his demonic counterpart had trained her to do.
She looked abandoned and sad as he let go of her wrists and watched her sit down on the edge of the bed. She seemed lost, as if she didn’t know where she was. . .or who she was. He hadn’t meant to hurt her, but it seemed that was exactly what he had done. God help him if he’d undone all the progress she’d made yesterday. She didn’t understand that he had rejected her advances because he loved her. That he was doing this for her own good. Angel’s gut twisted as he sat next to her and put his hand over hers.
“Willow, sweetheart, look at me.”
She stared at the ground, unwilling to look into his eyes. He tilted her chin up, forcing her to meet his gaze.
“Please don’t be sad. I’m not trying to hurt you. But it wouldn’t be right for me to be with you. Not like this. Not while you’re still so fragile. This isn’t what you want, not really. I know you don’t understand right now, but someday you will and you’ll be glad that we didn’t do this. What happened last night can’t happen again. I should have made you stop. But I didn’t and I took advantage of you. You don’t realize that now, but when you do, I just hope you can forgive me.”
Willow still looked confused and unhappy, but not as lost, and Angel considered that a small victory. He kissed the top of her head and stood up.
“It’s dinnertime. Would you like to come downstairs and help me cook? I’d love your company.”
She looked at him blankly but nodded her head. He took her hand as she rose from the bed and together they headed towards the kitchen. He would be cooking a real dinner for her for the first time; he only hoped that she didn’t try to “thank” him for it.
The groceries he ordered had been delivered and Angel rattled off a list of possibilities to Willow, his heart sinking when she didn’t respond. Well, he supposed it was too much to hope for. After all, it was only yesterday that she had even expressed approval of the omelet. He could hardly expect her to make a choice so soon, especially after what had just happened upstairs. Still, it pained him to see her sitting on a stool, staring at the ground. There was no expression on her face and her blankness nearly brought him to tears. Maybe her meal would make her smile.
He decided to make her a cheeseburger. It was a simple thing and one that he knew most teenagers liked. He only hoped Willow was one of them. He ruffled her hair, then he set about his task. Dinner, he realized sadly, would not be the joyous occasion that yesterday’s breakfast had been. Nevertheless, he hoped that cooking for her again would show her that his rejection of her sexual favours a few minutes ago was not a rejection of her.
She sat quietly as he prepared her meal and the smile Angel hoped for wasn’t there when he put her burger on a plate and handed it to her with a flourish and an exaggerated “Bon appetit.” She ate quickly, and without a hint of enjoyment, her chewing and swallowing rhythmic and mechanical. He sighed, and she looked at him with a curious and slightly fearful expression, worried that she had displeased him somehow. He couldn’t stand to see her like this. Not after seeing her so much happier yesterday. It was more than his heart could bear. He took her by the hand and pulled her up to stand in front of him.
“Willow, please don’t shut yourself off from me again. I care about you so much, sweetheart. Don’t you know that?”
He gathered her into his embrace, almost crowing when he felt her relax against him. She looked up into his face and he found himself getting lost in her eyes. She was his. She belonged to him in a way that no one ever had before and something in him needed desperately for her to know that. This time, there was no resistance left in him. So he kissed her.
She responded with an ardor that left him stunned, seeming hungry for his affection and his touch. For the first time, he truly felt that they were sharing something. He knew that she had never had this kind of intimacy with Angelus, this kind of caring and giving, and he longed to show her everything she hadn’t known before. But there wasn’t time. Jenny and Giles would be here soon and, if his luck was really bad, Buffy and Xander would be accompanying them. So, with a heavy heart and a frustrated body, he broke off the kiss and gently pushed Willow away.
“Sweetheart.” He spoke kindly, hoping to forestall the pain and rejection he knew she would feel. “I want you. Believe me. I want you so much.”
That was an understatement, and he hoped she realized how much effort it took for him not to just carry her upstairs and make love to her for the rest of the night. It was only the knowledge of just what would happen if they were caught that kept his resolve as firm as a certain part of his body.
“But your friends will be here soon and I have to talk to them.”
She nodded. Good.
“Let’s just go upstairs and get you dressed. I think it would be a good idea for you to see them tonight, if you feel up to it.”
He hoped she was agreeable to his suggestion. Her presence would certainly help keep him from being rounded on too severely, something he was not anxious to endure after having already dealt with Buffy today. Fortunately, the fates were smiling on him and Willow nodded her assent.
“After they go home, we’ll talk some more, okay?”
She smiled. It was the dazzling smile he loved so much and his heart almost burst. God help Giles and Jenny if they tried to take her away from him now. Willow was his, and he was ready to drain anyone who got between them.
He wondered briefly why that last thought didn’t make him feel nearly as guilty as it should, but he shook it off as he walked upstairs holding Willow’s hand. There would be time for brooding later. For now, they would just prepare for this evening’s visitors.
Tbc...