velvetwhip (velvetwhip) wrote in red_magic, @ 2007-06-22 18:57:00 |
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Entry tags: | fic, velvetwhip, willow/angel |
Fic: Escape Me Never (Willow/Angel) 3/10 FRAO/NC-17
Here is Chapter Three of Escape Me Never. I hope you all enjoy it.
Gabrielle
Title: Escape Me Never (Chapter Three)
Author: Gabrielle
Pairing: Willow/Angel
Rating: FRAO/NC-17 (for references to rape and explicit sex)
Summary: Angel has his soul, but something is missing.
This was written for the whichwillow ficathon for the prompt: "What if nobody had been there to save Willow when Angelus grabbed her in the hallway?"
Feedback: Please. Thank you.
Distribution: For now, just here and my site. (Oh, and whichwillow, of course)
Disclaimer: I own nothing. It all belongs to Joss and a bunch of other people who are not now and have never been me.
Author's Notes: This fic is dedicated, in its entirety, to purplefeen and lilbreck. They know why.
Chapter Three
Buffy was here. Again.
She wanted to help her friend, he got that. But how could she not see what her visits did to Willow? That her friend shrank from her touch and clung to Angel when she was in the room. Whether it was because Willow subconsciously feared what Buffy would think of her for the part Angelus had forced her to play in Cordelia's brutal death or because she harbored repressed anger towards Buffy for leaving her in Angelus' clutches for so long, Angel couldn't say. But it was obvious to anyone with eyes that she didn't want to be anywhere near her friend. Obvious, that is, to anyone but Buffy.
“All I’m saying, Angel, is that I think Willow would be better off staying with Miss Calendar. It’s been a week already and I don’t think she’s going to get back to her old self again staying with you.”
“Are you listening to yourself, Buffy?” Angel asked as he struggled to maintain his composure. “Willow’s endured a kind of torment you cannot begin to imagine. You can’t expect her to bounce back in a few days. And besides, she is doing better. She spoke yesterday. She just needs time.”
Buffy looked skeptical and challenged him again. “Angel, I know she’s been through a lot, but...”
Angel cut Buffy off.
“Been through a lot? You don’t know the half of it. She was subjected to the kind of mind games that drove Drusilla completely insane. She was forced to watch while Cordelia was raped and tortured by Angelus, Spike, and god knows how many minions. She experienced pain and humiliation and anguish on every possible level. A lot? Yeah, Buffy, I guess you could say that Willow has been through a lot.”
‘And she might not have gone through the worst of it if you could have been bothered to try to rescue her.’ The venomous thought took Angel only slightly by surprise; he’d been rethinking his image of Buffy since the night he’d regained his soul. What really surprised him was the lack of guilt he felt for thinking it and the fact that he felt none of the rush of emotion he used to feel in Buffy’s presence. The love, the passion, the desire, they weren’t there. But he supposed that days and nights spent trying to heal the very friend his ‘great love’ paid too-late lip service to caring about because she hadn’t done her job might well have killed even the strongest passion ever felt. If Buffy had been more Slayer and less self-important teenager, maybe Willow would be at home working on her computer right now.
Angelus drew a finger through the dust that had collected on Willow’s bookshelves and gave a disapproving glare towards the door of her room. Really. It looked as though her parents hadn’t entered their daughter’s room since she disappeared.
The bed was neatly made. No mother had sat upon it, clutching her daughter’s pillow and sobbing. The undisturbed dust around the framed pictures showed that no father had come in and picked them up, thinking about the little girl he missed. No, he’d wager that the door to this room had not been opened since Willow had left her house to go back to the high school the night he’d taken her.
Where were they now, those parents of hers? Worthless wretches. How in the hell was he supposed to finish teaching Willow her place without being able to present their broken, lifeless bodies to her as a gift? Oh well, he supposed that *was* a bit of a cliche. After all, he’d done that with Drusilla and where had it gotten him? Stuck with a self-absorbed loony whose chief value lay in visions she never seemed able to communicate coherently half the time. Perhaps it was just as well that the two thoughtless fools who’d borne his pet were away from home tonight.
He looked around Willow’s girlish room for a moment, losing himself in some of Soulboy’s memories. The night she’d first invited him in. Ah, the rush of guilty lust that eunuch of a soul had felt when he’d seen her quickly hide that virginal white bra. But had he even made the smallest advances on the girl? No. He’d moaned about the Slayer. Now that’s the way to seduce a fair maiden, Angel m’boy. Ask for her help with her best friend. No wonder Angel hadn’t gotten any in so long that even his hand had forgotten what to do.
Then there were all the nights that pussy had stood on the balcony as Willow slept. ‘Making sure she was safe.’ Yeah. You tell yourself that, oh souled one. But why, pray tell, did making sure she was safe require watching her sleep for half an hour or more? When she was safely in her house, well away from any of Sunnydale’s vampires . . . except for him, of course. Not that Angel had ever had the balls to go in and ravish the girl, or even admit that he *wanted* to . . . pathetic
Oh well. Time to head back and spend a bit of quality time with his pet. At least he had some small proof of Willow’s parents’ utter lack of devotion to take home with him. You’d think they could at least have bothered to feed her fish. He took a decorative box off her dresser, dumping out the junk jewelry and pointless mementos it contained. It made a nice coffin, he thought as he scooped up the fish that floated lifelessly at the top of their tank and placed them neatly inside the cheap little trinket box . He couldn’t wait to see the look on Willow’s face when she saw her gift. It wasn’t the corpse of someone she cared about, but for tonight, it would have to do.
Angel shook himself free of the memory. He softened when he saw the look of horror and sympathy on Buffy’s face. Maybe he was being too harsh in his assessment of her. Maybe she didn’t deserve all the blame he had placed on her. After all, he supposed, they might all have decided that restoring his soul was the best way to get Willow back and it had just taken more time than they had hoped.
“Did he...was Willow...with Spike and...?”
“No, Buffy. Angelus kept her for his own use. Not that it made her life any less degrading. Believe me, he did more than enough damage to her all by himself.”
He thought he saw something akin to jealousy for a split second in Buffy’s eyes, but it was gone quickly and he decided it hadn’t been there at all. For all her self-centeredness, he couldn’t conceive of her being so heartless. Her friend had been held captive and forced into a degrading and horrible sexual slavery, not wooed and seduced in some sort of decadent fantasy world. She couldn’t possibly resent and envy Willow’s fate. Buffy had to know that what Willow had experienced had been nothing like the lovemaking she had shared with him. ‘No, nothing like it all,’ a voice inside him whispered. He shivered at the feelings his demon revived within him
In the meantime, Buffy had obviously found more ammunition for her argument in his words.
“Don’t you see, Angel? That’s why she needs to be with Miss Calendar. She’s not going to get better here. As long as she stays with you, she’ll just be reminded of all the terrible things he put her through.”
Angel ran his hand through his hair in exasperation. There was no reasoning with her. She was bound and determined to take Willow away from him. Never mind what was best for Willow. Never mind that the reasons he’d given for why Willow should stay with him were still good ones.
“Buffy, I’m not going to argue about this with you. Willow is staying here, where she’s safe and I can take care of her. Jenny has agreed to it, Giles has agreed to it, and that’s the way it’s going
to stay.”
“But, Angel, “ she whined, “they don’t know what you just told me. I’m sure they’d agree with me if they knew.”
Angel was tired of this. He wished she’d just leave. It was almost impossible for him to believe that there had once been a time when Buffy’s mere presence made him happy. Those days were barely a memory now. He may have been given back his soul, but some things appeared to be gone forever; he ached with that knowledge.
A scream sounded from upstairs, stopping the argument from going any further. Both Angel and Buffy headed for the stairs and ran to the room where Willow had been napping. Angel reached it first and immediately sat beside her, taking the terrified, sobbing girl in his arms. She’d obviously had a nightmare; she was covered in sweat and her face was as pale as death. He held her close, ignoring Buffy’s glare as he soothed Willow.
“Hush, sweetling. I’m right here. It was just a dream. I’m here now. Nothing can hurt you.” He rocked gently back and forth as he cuddled her and continued to murmur to her in a low, soothing voice. “I’m here, sweetheart. No one will ever hurt you again. I promise.”
If looks could stake, the cold gleam in Buffy’s eyes would have dusted him on the spot, but Angel didn’t let go of Willow. He ignored the girl standing in the doorway as he continued to comfort his charge while she cried. Her nightmare must have been truly frightening to have left her in such a state.
The sound of approaching footsteps reached his ears. Just what he needed right now, another of Willow’s “friends” to deal with. That had better not be Xander.
It wasn’t.
“What’s going on?”
Jenny Calendar. Thank heavens. She was the most rational of the lot. If he had to deal with two of them right now, at least one was Jenny.
“Willow had a bad dream, that’s all.” Buffy rushed to answer, and Angel wanted to slap her for brushing Willow’s obvious pain aside in such a cavalier fashion.
Thankfully, Jenny seemed untouched by the girl’s callous attitude.
“Oh my God. Is she alright?” She looked at Angel as if asking for permission to join him in comforting Willow. His eyes didn’t give it and, to his utter amazement, she kept her distance, though she eyed him with suspicion as he continued to cradle Willow in his arms.
“Is there anything we can do, Angel?”
“Can you leave us alone for a minute? I’ll be down to talk with you. I just want to make sure Willow’s okay and then I’ll meet you in the living room.”
Jenny looked reluctant - Angel expected that - and for a moment, he wasn’t sure she’d comply with his request. But she did, taking Buffy by the arm and quickly dragging the protesting Slayer along with her. He knew there would be trouble waiting for him downstairs, but at least he’d have a few moments of peace in which to help Willow regain some sense of calm.
He hugged her tightly and kissed the top of her head.
“I have to go and talk to Buffy and Miss Calendar.” He noted the worried look in her eyes and hastened to reassure her. “I’ll be back in just a little while. In the meantime, why don’t you read?” He reached over to the night table, picked up the volume of Jane Eyre that he had read to Willow from the previous night, and handed it to her. Then he kissed her cheek, rose, and left the room.
The conversation had already started by the time he got downstairs and it seemed to be quite heated. He stood just outside the room and listened for a moment, wanting to get the lay of the land before he subjected himself to another one of Buffy’s tirades.
“. . . feel that way, Buffy. And I’m not any happier about it than you are. I’d like nothing more than to take Willow away from here so she would never have to see Angel again. But in case you haven’t noticed, Willow seems to feel differently. None of us can even get near her. We don’t really have a choice. For right now, she has to stay with Angel.”
“But why can’t we just have Angel sedate her and then take her with us? I’m sure that once she’s out of here where all those . . . things happened to her, she’ll be better in no time.”
“Things.” That’s what Buffy thought had happened to Willow. Just some “things.” Did she think this was no worse for the girl than finding out that Xander was dating Cordelia? Just some teenage angst that ice cream and chocolate and a pedicure would fix? He looked at Buffy and tried with all his might to see the girl he had loved so much it had cost him his soul, but she wasn’t there. All he saw was a spoiled teenage brat who was jealous that her boyfriend was paying attention to another girl. It made him feel worse than ever. He’d lost his soul over a fantasy, but the consequences had been so terribly real.
“We’ve been over this before, Buffy,” Angel said as he entered the room. “Willow was absolutely dependent on Angelus when you gave me back my soul. That didn’t magically change just because I did. I thought we had already gone over this and that you understood.”
He wasn’t going to let Buffy take Willow away from him. Now, more than ever, he needed to be the one who made things right. To be the first one who saw the light return to Willow’s eyes. To be there when she became Willow again. That was the only thing that could keep him from greeting the sunrise. Because it was the only thing that could heal the pain he felt for what the loss of his soul had cost the girl who’d been the first friend he’d had in longer than he could remember.
“But Angel, it wasn’t you. You never would have done that to Willow. Not with your soul. I know you feel guilty and that you want to be the one who makes things right. But you have to see that Willow belongs with her friends. With the people who love her and care about her. You barely even knew her before . . . all this happened. How can you possibly make her better?”
“We don’t have a choice right now, Buffy. Since Angelus broke her down and made her depend upon him totally, Willow will cling to anything that reminds her of him. That would be Angel. Since he claims to be willing to try to fix the damage he did, we have to take him at his word for the time being or we risk hurting Willow even more. But as soon as she doesn’t fear us anymore, you can rest assured that she’ll be coming home with me.”
Angel didn’t argue with Jenny. It wasn’t exactly a ringing endorsement - she seemed to have conveniently forgotten the excellent reasons he’d advanced that first night for why Willow should stay with him ‘til she was well enough to go home - and her words promised him a new battle in the near future, but for the time being they gave him the promise of Willow, here, with him, and safe.
“We need to go now, Buffy. You have to patrol and Angel has to go back upstairs and take care of Willow. Giles and I will come back here later tonight before we go home.” She looked at Angel when she said those words and Angel knew she would be back with the Watcher in tow and that he’d have to argue his case all over again. “You can see Willow tomorrow.”
Buffy obviously wanted to remain behind and talk to him alone once more, but Jenny took her arm and steered her out the door as Buffy made subdued sounds of protest, seemingly torn between wanting to argue and not wanting to exacerbate what he sensed was some tension between herself and her Watcher’s girlfriend.
He wondered about that as he listened to their footsteps fade and then the sound of a car pulling away. He knew Buffy wasn’t fond of sharing people, she’d always discouraged him from getting to know her friends, but there seemed to be more to the animosity she obviously felt towards Jenny. He’d sensed the same attitude from Xander and he wondered what had happened to make both teens dislike the woman so much. Still, no matter how curious he might be, it wasn’t Buffy’s feelings for Jenny that were the problem he was facing right now, it was her feelings for him.
The look he’d seen in Buffy’s eyes earlier told him that, while he’d seen his love for her vanish since he’d gotten back his soul, the same wasn’t true for her. Despite the fact that Angelus’ crimes, the curse, and what Willow was still going through should have killed Buffy’s romantic feelings for him, she still saw him as hers. Still saw them as Romeo and Juliet with a happy ending. Still saw a future for them. He wouldn’t be surprised if her fantasies included children playing in the front yard of a house with a white picket fence. Buffy had the uncanny ability to ignore reality when it suited her, and it suited her often. He wondered why he had seen none of this before.
Maybe he, too, had wanted to escape reality, had wanted to believe that a normal life was possible for him. Maybe he had just wanted not to be a demon so badly that it blinded him. Maybe he had wanted the absolution that the love of a Slayer offered so much that he was willing to do whatever it took in order to have it. Whatever his reasons were, they weren’t good enough. The loss of his soul and the first sight of Willow’s vacant eyes had told him that. Why couldn’t Buffy see as clearly?
Angel was tired now. Tired of worrying about Buffy, and the others, and about the battles that were sure to come later. Willow needed him, so he would go to her. He tried not to think about the small voice inside that whispered of what Willow could do to ease his tension, to make the cares of the day a distant memory. The voice that asked if he was so sure he wanted to fix the girl at all, if maybe there were other, darker reasons behind his zeal to keep Willow to himself. Angel knew it was just his demon taking out it’s anger at being caged again in the only way it could. Angel knew who he was and why he was doing what he was doing. And if on some level he realized that his self-righteous beliefs about the purity of his soul mirrored Buffy’s blind refusal to see the demon as part and parcel of who he was? That, too, was a voice he ignored as he mounted the stairs and made his way back to the bedroom.
Tbc...