Air Unzbuzzler (alwaysasnapefan) wrote in red_day_love, @ 2008-06-30 16:44:00 |
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Who They'd Do
It was a quiet, lonely night, and Remus felt both quiet and lonely, but also restless. Sirius and James and Peter may have been his friends, but, secretly, he felt they left a lot to be desired. They couldn't seem to buckle down and get serious about their N.E.W.T.s, which they would take the following year. A year away or a week away, Remus still wanted to be prepared.
He wasn't as naturally brilliant as the other two. Even Peter had his rare moments, come to think of it. But Remus had to spend nights studying hard for E's and as for O's . . . well . . . if he got one of those, he was lucky. He brushed his bangs out of his eyes, noting that he needed a haircut as he made his way toward the Black Lake.
It was a chilly night for still being September, and the humming and chirping of insects was lulling him into a false sense of security. This said because when he came closer to the lake, he spotted that he wasn't the only one with the idea. The other student was a dangerous, annoying student. Snape.
Snape had been staring at him with the utmost venom the first couple weeks of the term, and Remus had no idea why. The "Shack Incident", as Sirius referred to it, had happened years before, so it couldn't have been that. And it couldn't have been the "Greying Pants Showcase", as James called it, because Remus hadn't done that. Sure, he hadn't stopped his friends, but he hadn't had a direct part in that one either.
He winced as he realized he'd seen Snape's greying underpants. Great. The thought had never really hit him like that before, but it was really quite disturbing, when he considered it. Then again, everything about Snape was disturbing.
Except . . . Remus thought he saw Snape wipe at his eye (he couldn't be sure, as it was still quite a distance and Snape's back was all he could see). That wasn't very disturbing at all, but in fact quite human. And then, Snape did do something disturbing. He stood and, for the longest time, stared into the depths of the lake. He stood there for a good five minutes, and Remus imagined his gaze must have been intense. The only reason Remus stuck around was to see if he'd try and weigh himself down with something and jump. He really wouldn't put it past him.
But he didn't, and Remus hid behind the trunk of a tree as a still-depressed Snape moved toward the castle. Odd.
Remus and Lily had been spending a lot of time with each other lately. Which was why he decided to ask her about Snape. He knew they were friends. Maybe she'd know what was wrong. He told her what he'd witnessed—or what he felt he'd almost witnessed—and asked her if he'd been weird like that around her lately.
She scowled, and he felt like taking the question back, but that was silly, because it was a perfectly harmless question. Or so he thought.
"The last time I was friends with Snape, you were gawking at his pants," she said.
Remus winced. He honestly hadn't known.
"He keeps bothering me to forgive him for the horrible choices he still stands by." She shook her head. "He doesn't seem to see the flaws in his logic. But that's something you can count on him for: flawed logic."
"I'm sorry. I really assumed you were still friends," he said after a silence.
"Yes, well now you know," she said simply.
"Yes," he agreed. "Now I know."
"My guess is that he's still getting over me. I think he liked me, to be honest," she said. "James always seemed to think so. Maybe there was something to it."
Well, now Remus knew why Snape'd been glaring at him.
"Snape, wait," he called, finding him in a corridor on the third floor.
The boy turned and silently fumed at him, waiting for him to out with it.
"I think I figured out why you're so mad at me."
"Because you won't stop talking to me would be a likely reason. Actually, anything you do qualifies as grating."
"No, no. It's because I'm friends with Lily, and you miss her."
"Oh, five points to Gryffindor. But, wait . . . I'm not a prefect, sorry. If I was, I'd be doing a much better job than you are. I thought Gryffindors were supposed to be noble," he spat. "Apparently, someone missed the memo. Or have you recently started howling at your pals for wrong-doings?"
Remus shrunk a little at the word choice. "I got a little better, yeah," he said. "Anyway, Lily and I are just friends, if it helps."
"Why would that help?"
"Don't you like her?" he said, sounding so sympathetic it made Snape feel as if he might vomit.
"Not the way you think, clearly."
"No, you're in love with her—aren't you?"
"Look, Lupin. You could lay her out in front of me and tie her up and I wouldn't want a piece of her. Or any girl for that matter. Alright, go ahead."
"Go ahead? Go ahead and what?" he frowned.
"Go ahead and tell your friends. It's a test. Are you going to pass it? All indicators point to 'no'."
"Come now, Severus—"
"Then again, you might not tell, because you're gay. Aren't you?"
That gave Remus pause. Was he gay? "I have no idea, Snape," he said tiredly. "I make it a point not to get involved. And you know exactly why that is."
"Ah yes. As Potter says, your 'furry little problem'. Back hair? Hair on your arse?"
"Sometimes, yes," said Remus, earning himself an unamused snort. "But anyway, I just wanted to let you know that Lily and I are just friends."
"I honestly wasn't worried, what with the way you pine after James Potter and Sirius Black. Fabulous choice in monogamous, caring partners, by the way. That's the only sort of thing you'd be able to handle. You'd tell yourself you could handle being with someone who wasn't, but it'd eat at you until you attacked—that's what creatures like you all do, eventually," he informed him with a shrug. "Make it easier on yourself and look for someone else."
"I'm not even gay!"
Snape shrugged and began walking again. He followed him.
"No, really, I consider myself asexual," he said.
"No one is asexual. Merely repressed."
Remus pouted a little, letting him leave. Those words haunted him for the next couple weeks.
In those next few weeks, he had his first couple wet dreams. Nameless, faceless people. Yes, people. Girls and boys, and wasn't that a new kettle of fish. Snape was wrong about one thing, though. As handsome as Sirius might be, and as popular as James might be, he didn't care for either of them.
"Snape," he hissed from behind a suit of armor.
Snape glanced at him, waving his Slytherin friends to move on with a grumpy sigh. "What is it? This is going to be another 'intelligent conversation', isn't it?"
"I'm not them, you know," he said, sounding a bit petulant. "I know you think I am, but I'm not."
"No, Lupin, what you are is a coward. I don't like cowards. My own mother is a coward, and I don't even like her."
"I try to be brave," he said with a shrug.
"Well, I guess when one surrounds oneself with idiots and cowards, some of it is bound to rub off."
"Leave my friends alone."
"Have they ever left me alone?"
Remus frowned. "Look, you have no idea how hard it is for me to make friends."
"You seem to do just fine stealing other people's though, don't you? Don't preach to me about having trouble making friends. I'm very unpopular among the student body, or hadn't you noticed? You can blame your boyfriend for that." He waited a moment. "Aren't you going to protest that you're not gay?"
Remus scratched his head.
"So you are gay?"
Remus crossed his arms and frowned.
"I'm so glad werewolves are intelligent creatures," he said, rolling his eyes.
"I think . . . can I be gay and straight?"
"I believe sexuality is not always so clearly defined," Snape said slowly.
Remus sighed in relief. "It's normal, then?"
"How normal do you consider Mulciber and Lucius Malfoy?"
Remus just shrugged.
"But, yes, in my estimation, there seems to be nothing wrong with it. Come with me," he said after a moment.
"Why?" said Remus, startled. "Where are we going?"
"To the library, to look at the school records."
Remus just stared at him. Snape took his hand and dragged him toward it.
"What are we doing?" he finally asked, once they'd gotten there, voice low as it was the library. Snape found the list of students, showing it to him.
"Very nice, Snape. Now, what's this got to do with me?" he hissed.
"Curiosity. Who do you think, given the opportunity, you would have sex with?" He handed him the list and a sheet of parchment.
Remus glanced at Snape and then at the blank sheet of parchment. "You . . . you want me to write down who I'd have sex with?" he hissed, appalled. "That's private!"
"No one's holding a wand to your head," he shrugged. "So if you're going to be a Puffskein about it, you can leave."
"You have to do it too."
"I'm not the bisexual one."
"How do I know that, if you won't do it?"
Snape paused. "Very well," he said, tearing the sheet of parchment in half lengthwise with his wand. "No peeking."
"Same goes for you," said Remus, feeling nervous, like maybe Snape would go and tell every person on his list that Remus wanted in their pants. He really didn't think he could handle that. But he started on the list, because Snape had already started on his own list, and he didn't want to fall behind.
"Finished," Snape said.
Remus looked up. "I'm not," he said.
"Well I'm sure it can't be too bad," Snape said, grabbing for his list. He read it to himself. "Where are Potter and Black's names?"
"Can't tell you about Potter," said Remus, scanning Snape's list, "but Black appears to be on yours. Both of them."
"At the same time—did you see that addendum? Regulus enjoys his brother's company. And his cousin's. The blacks are an interesting lot, aren't they?"
"What are Lily and Narcissa doing on this list? I thought you didn't want a piece of any girl."
"Well, they're special," he said, frowning.
"Lily is really just a friend to me," said Remus. "You'll note she doesn't show up."
"Lucius Malfoy?"
Remus flushed. "He's on your list too!" he said.
"Yes, well, he hates werewolves," he said very quietly.
"And poor, greasy underclassmen."
"I'm not an underclassman anymore. He's not at the school. And he didn't mind the grease." He smiled an odd sort of pleased smile.
Remus choked. "You slept with Malfoy?!" he said, getting a reprimand for being so loud.
"Oh yes. Definitely."
"Did you sleep with Mulciber too?"
Snape paused. "Yes," he said after a moment.
"Been with a girl before?" he asked in surprise.
"Narcissa. And Bellatrix, but I really won't get into that one."
"Before or after she was engaged to Lucius?" he said, shuddering at the thought of being in bed with Bellatrix Black.
"After." There was a cool smirk on his lips. "Ever heard of a threesome?" he whispered.
Remus just swallowed.
"But, I'm going to assume that you've never been with anyone, from the fact you told me you were asexual. Asexual people don't tend to have had sex."
"True, true."
Snape looked the list over a bit more, handing it back, to Remus's relief. "Interesting."
"What's interesting?"
"You do know there are more males than females on that list," he said.
"Same with yours."
"But I only have two females on mine. Plus, they are—well, in Narcissa's case were—popular and beautiful students. Your choices are, forgive me, rather homely."
"Kind of like you?"
Snape got really quiet.
"Sorry," said Remus.
"I'm sure," said Snape.