Another day in the lives of Sam and Fred? (Sam/Fred log)
Fred was starting to wonder if this was how it was always going to be. She would worry about the hunter boyfriend, and he would come back in bits and pieces. Some part of her thought it was romantic, but another small part wondered if maybe there was a better way to go about all this. There had to be, maybe one that didn’t end up with her boyfriend covered in his own blood. Other people’s blood as long as it wasn’t family or friends was okay with her, sort of.
She’d paced back and forth in the lobby, never roaming too far, just in case. Then when they showed up, she'd smiled. Dean had told her about Aidan, a living Aidan, or an undead one who wasn't dust. Well, that was a step in the right direction - if Aidan had been to help. She had helped get Sam back to their apartment, and she had let Dean play the part of big brother, for a little while anyway; she’d needed to go to the gate to talk to Aidan. Aidan told her what she needed to know, and she'd do her best to follow his directions because he was a proper nurse after all. Soon, she returned to shove Dean out, with the promise that she'd let him visit again soon; Dean had to get rest as much as Sam did.
Fred sat quietly beside the bed as Sam rested. They were lucky that Aidan had been around, for more reasons than one apparently. She had managed to find a comfortable spot, curled up on the chair. Her hand rested near Sam’s, and she’d slipped into a doze. She would be there when he woke up. She had a bottle of water and crackers nearby. See? She could look after a hunter.
Sam woke up in a cold sweat, not quite sure of where he was at first. His hand shot out and when it found the hand near his, grabbed on tightly. His grip eased ever so slightly as he opened his eyes and started to focus, forcing himself to see his surroundings. Fred was there. And the room was better lit than the cave. Warmer too.
His breathing slowed down as he tried to get his heart rate to steady.
He felt like death warmed over but it certainly wasn’t the first time he’d felt like this. Probably not the last time, given the fact that Winchesters tended to gravitate toward life threatening situations.
“Fred?” His voice came out as barely more than a croak.
----
Fred winced a little when the hold got tighter than she would have liked, but she didn’t cry out or complain. She knew he didn’t mean to hurt her; he didn’t want that. Her free hand rested on top of his, and she squeezed lightly. Her head tilted slightly, and she gave him a soft smile.
“Yes.” She scooted a little to press a soft kiss at his temple. “I’ve got some water for you, but you’re gonna have to let my hand go for that.” She gave him another kiss, this one lower.
“Then I can find you some food. We can snuggle a little.” Her voice was steady, even. She wasn’t going to argue with him; she was going to have her way unless he asked for something a little different or needed something different.
----
Sam tilted his face up and captured her lips with his. The kiss was as much an apology as it was a man who’d been dying of dehydration reaching out for water. He’d missed her. He’d had a lot of time to think and have half-starved visions of things that he hoped for, and she featured in a lot of those.
He released her hand slowly, almost regretfully.
“Sorry,” he said as he broke the kiss. The apology was for more than the death grip on her hand. She’d been scared of something happening and he’d gone out and something had happened. He didn’t know what she might have been through while he’d been gone, but he could imagine.
----
“I was worried.” Fred’s tone wasn’t meant to make him feel badly, but rather matter of fact. It was simply how it was, and now things were different. “I knew you were going to do something dangerous.” It was as if it all went together; it was another day. She didn’t like that he could die that easily, that he could be gone just so very quickly, but to ask him to stay and be safe...that’d kill him too, just slower.
“Did ...” Her attention was now on the water pitcher and the glass. She poured it half full, not sure how steady he’d be. “Did you sleep okay?” She laughed softly as she looked at him, offering the glass.
“I wasn’t sure what I was going to ask.” explaining the laugh and the pause in the question. She smiled softly at him, hoping he felt better.
----
Sam sighed.
“I know.” Or at least, he could imagine.
He took the glass of water and took a sip before setting it down and reaching out for Fred. he was still weak but he lightly tugged at her.
“I really am sorry.”
He didn’t want to imagine how he’d have felt if the situation was reversed, but he had enough of an inkling that he felt bad for doing this to Fred.
----
Fred didn’t move to him. Not directly.
“Hold that.” She grabbed the water pitcher and walked around the bed, setting it on her side. She then climbed into bed, as carefully as she could. Soon, she was snuggled up beside him, her head on his shoulder. She didn’t put his arm around her, but she was closer now.
“Thank you, but now you have to let it go.” She kissed his shoulder. “You’re going to be in danger a lot, aren’t you? I’ll always worry, and I might even ask you to stay sometimes. I’m not perfect, but you’ll go. We’ll probably fight, but you gotta let things go too. You said you’re sorry, so let’s move on.” She kissed his shoulder again.
“I did some thinking. This is the way our life will be, and while I’m not completely at ease with it. Though there has to be better ways, and maybe we can think of them. Prepare, but I don’t think I’m going anywhere. Kay?” She didn't’ want him to add more guilt or anguish to his personal pile.
----
Sam slipped his arm around Fred as she came nearer. He smiled a little bit at what she had to say. She was right that sometimes they probably would end up fighting. He wasn’t one to stay when there were things that he needed to be doing. As much as he might want to sometimes. He’d learned with Jess that he couldn’t just turn his back on the things that his family had been chasing and fighting. Those things would find him and they’d hurt the people he loved. The least he could do was hunt them down and get to them before they could hurt anyone else he cared about.
“Good,” he said, leaning over to kiss her. “Me neither. Fred... thanks.”
The thank you was insufficient to express exactly what she’d done for him in the time that they’d been together and what he knew she was doing even now, but it was all he had to offer right now.
----
Fred snuggled in as carefully as she could. She was mindful of his injuries, and she wanted to make sure she didn’t aggravate anything. An arm wrapped about him middle, the other tucked in at his side. She seemed very comfortable snuggled in this way.
“I love you.” She sighed softly against his skin, her eyes closed. She wasn’t crying. She was getting comfortable, glad that her Sam was back where he belonged.
----
One of Sam’s hands ran through Fred’s hair, lightly petting as his other hand held her tight and pulled her in closer.
“I love you too,” he said.
He hadn’t been expecting to come back to her. Not with that future glimpse they’d all gotten. So the fact that he was here with her in his arms was something precious, something to be held onto.
“Marry me,” he murmured.
It wasn’t, perhaps, the most inventive marriage proposal. It also wasn’t as out of the blue as it might have seemed. He and Fred made sense together and they were already living together in something that resembled a marriage. Sam didn’t even know if this world did marriages, but he knew that he wanted to make things official. He wanted to hang onto every bit of happiness he could find here and Fred was the source of a lot of that happiness.
Back home, there were a lot of things that he’d given up on. Having a normal life-getting married, having kids, having a job with a schedule that resembled 9-5... He still didn’t expect most of that, but the idea of having one little piece of that with someone that he loved was more than he could have ever expected from this life.
As soon as the words left his mouth, Sam’s held his breath, half-fearing what her answer might be.
----
Fred stiffened beside him. By now he had to know that things like this caught her off guard, and an off guard Fred tended to proceed with a whole lot of caution. She didn’t answer right off. No, instead, she just sat there for a little while, leaning against his side.
“Uhm...” The brainy Texan sat up to look at him, her brow raised. “I’m sorry, but would you say that again. Not the ‘I love you’ part cause while I like hearing it, we’ve already established that it is true. No, no, that other part? Cause what it sounded like wasn’t at all something I expected to ever hear out of anyone ever, much less you cause you know you got the whole brooding thing. I don’t know if brooding types ever do the thing you said, so...what?”
She was very nervous. Had he asked that simply out of fear, or a knee jerk reaction to yet another life and death situation? Though really if this were one in a many, it shouldn’t be so knee jerky or anything like that. She just stared at him, wondering if he had actually said that.
----
The long, silent pause was possibly one of the longest of Sam’s life. He looked down at Fred, even more nervous. He grimaced.
“I’m sorry. That’s not really the way to ask, is it? I’d always hoped that when the time came, I’d suddenly get really good at those big, grand romantic gestures.”
He sighed and shrugged.
“But I’m not. What you see is what you get. And you’ve seen enough to know exactly what you’re getting yourself into if you say yes. I don’t know how long my life will be, but I want to spend the rest of it with you Fred. And I’d like to make that official.”
He glanced away, too nervous to even try to read her expression at the moment.
“I don’t even know if they do marriages here, but if you wanted we could probably get Cas to officiate or... something. Whatever you want.”
He worked up his courage and forced himself to turn his attention back, attempting to catch Fred’s gaze. Then he waited.
----
“Oh.” Fred sat back to look at the man who wanted to make things official. Her hands rested on her lap as she tried to decide why, how, where. Her head tilted a little as she thought this one through. “I have a weird question first. Did you ever plan something for Jessica? You’d known her as long if not longer than me; why didn’t you ask her, Sam?”
Sam was different and wonderful. He was no Gunn. He was no Wesley, or Angel, or any other person she knew. He was Sam, and she was very happy with that. She needed to know why now, not so long ago. She looked over his face, knowing this was a dangerous path but one she needed to take.
----
Why not Jessica? Sam was more than used to the fact that Fred blurted out any question that came to mind. It had been disconcerting at first, but he appreciated it. He knew all too well that leaving things unsaid in a relationship never went well. He thought about his answer. He’d loved Jess too, and they’d been living together too. The thought had crossed his mind once or twice but he’d always pushed it aside.
He wasn’t sure of the best way to answer it, but the one thing he knew about Fred-this wasn’t a trick or a trap. There wasn’t a ‘right’ answer. There might be some wrong answers, but not exactly in the same way that most might think.
So he was nervous as he opened his mouth to answer, but he was still going to answer honestly.
“I never planned anything for Jess. I thought about the future with her a few times, but it never seemed real. It always seemed like something that was so far off and if I’m honest, it always seemed like something that I was never actually going to have.”
He shrugged, not sure if he was explaining it correctly.
“She didn’t know about my life, my family, what I spent my childhood doing. She got to know me as the person that I wanted to be, but that wasn’t me. Not really. You know me. I might not get what you see in me, but I’m not going to complain that you see it.”
----
Fred sat there, staring at him. Her hands stayed on her lap as she thought about his words. She took a slow deep breath and released it just as slowly.
“I see.” She did actually. It made sense. She nodded slightly, looking down at her hands now. With a soft sigh, she looked back up at him. “I am saying ‘yes.’” Her hand lifted before he could say anything.
“I’m in shock. I think. Maybe.” She wasn’t sure how to process all that was happening; she wasn’t even sure how she’d feel about it in the morning. There was a definite flutter in her stomach at the thought of it, but she wasn’t bouncing up and down at the moment. She gave him an apologetic smile. “It has to sink in. This could all be a dream, or something you think better of in the morning - and I won’t be upset if it is. Things happen when you almost die.” She took a deep breath and sighed, slipping back into side if he let her.
“I’d be okay if you didn’t want to marry me. Just knowing that you thought about it means a lot.” She wasn’t sure this would ever feel real, his wanting to be more than what they were.
----
There was a twinge of hurt at Fred’s response. It was a yes, but not a very certain yes. Sam looked at her and then looked away. She was in shock? He supposed that it wasn’t something they’d talked about, so he could understand that. But since they’d been living together, she hadn’t actually thought about it?
He pushed himself out of bed, moving slowly but keeping his balance.
“Fred, how I feel isn’t going to change in the morning. Do you really think I’m the type of person who would ask something like that lightly?”
He sighed and headed toward the door.
“I think I’m going to go see how Dean’s doing. I’ll tell you what. Why don’t you think about this tonight and if this isn’t something you want when you wake up in the morning, I promise I’ll drop the subject and you won’t hear about it again from me and we go on as we were. And if it is, well... you can tell me tomorrow.”
He gave her a small, if strained, smile.
“I don’t want to force you into anything, Fred. Take your time to think about it and let it sink in and we can talk about it then.”
----
Fred blinked at the reaction, but she did understand. Her answer, or her way of answering, wasn’t exactly the norm for happy fiance type. She knew it the moment she said it. Before he could get very far, she was out of the bed and over to him.
She didn’t pounce him but, instead, took his hand. There was a shy smile on her lips; she wasn’t sure he would even want to be touched, but she had to touch him. She had to let him know that she did love. She didn’t want him to go away, certainly not hurt - physically or emotionally.
“Sam. I’m not going to ask you to stay. I want you to..stay with me, but I understand if you need to go. I want to hold you and look after you, and I would be proud to be Fred Burkle-Winchester or Winchester-Burkle. Or Winchester. Fred Winchester, not sure I’d be Winnifred Winchester? It is alliterative.” Her fingers tightened on his. “I’m sorry. I know I’m not normal. I’m not going to change my mind; I just want you to know I’m happy. I’m happy how we are, and I’ll be happy when we become official. I just never thought I’d get to this point. I never thought I’d be this lucky or fortunate or truly happy.” It wasn’t an easy course, but the brainy Texan would not trade her life now as it was for another.
----
A slow, if slightly exasperated, smile spread across Sam’s lips and his hand squeezed hers.
“You need to give yourself more credit, you know.”
He did lightly tug her hand as he started to head back to the bed. Standing up for too long wasn’t a good thing and he was a lot less inclined to leave now. His smile did widen as he stopped and leaned in for a kiss.
“I’m not going to tell you how to hyphenate or not hyphenate, but all of those sound good to me. Even the alliteration of Winnifred Winchester.”
Sam wasn’t the sort to force anyone to take his last name. He thought marriage was about a whole lot more than what name a person took or what rings were exchanged. Though he would get her an engagement ring and wedding rings if there were any to be found in this world.
----
“You too.” Fred smiled up at him, squeezing his hand. She followed him, happy that he wasn’t leaving. She wasn’t bouncing because at the moment bouncing would hurt him. He wasn’t exactly up to bouncing speed, but he was staying.
“In bed. I will bring you some soup.” She was getting damn good at soups and grains. She pulled the covers back to help him in bed. “Plus as soon as you’re better, I’m not going to let you out of that bed.” She did press close to him with a soft giggle.
“For now, just rest.” She kissed his shoulder. “Thank you for coming back.” Whatever had worried her, whatever had happened to make him leave, it hadn’t happened somehow. What had happened had made things much better.