emlynn (emlynn) wrote in quiddproquo, @ 2012-11-01 22:44:00 |
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Entry tags: | emlyn rosier, viktor krum |
Part 4 of 4.
WHO: Viktor Krum and Emlyn Rosier
WHAT: A wrong turn.
WHEN: Monday, October 29, 1998
WHERE: Viktor’s cottage, on the outskirts of Caerphilly, Wales
SUMMARY: Em takes the floo and ends up in a drastically different place than expected.
RATINGS/WARNING: SFW
STATUS: Closed. Complete. PART FOUR. [PART ONE, PART TWO, PART THREE]
There was a moment of dead silence after she spoke, where Viktor wasn’t sure what she’d just said. He heard it. Clearly. But it didn’t seem real. Nothing in him had been prepared for that. Yes, he’d hoped that she’d be able to at least understand. As much as it was understandable. But forgiveness had seemed unreachable. Not applicable to him. In the last few weeks, he’d even started to wonder whether he deserved it or not. Hearing it given, from the one person he’d craved it most from was almost surreal. Viktor’s eyes stayed on hers for a moment after she said it, almost disbelieving.
As it slowly sank in, his eyes closed and his shoulders slumped. A physical weight of pounds and pounds lifting off of him as he let himself receive what she’d said. A weight that he’d been carrying for years. It didn’t magically disappear. Nothing had changed. And yet everything had. The one person he’d most hurt, had most damaged, who he’d based the entire alteration of his life around, had said the three words that were most powerful. For a moment, with his eyes shut as he breathed and tried to keep back tears, Viktor marveled again at Emlyn. A deep, fervent admiration and respect settled deeper into his gut and when he opened his eyes again, it was reflected there on his face. “Thank you." His voice was rough and shaky.
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In the silence that followed her forgiveness, Emlyn simply watched him from where she was still seated on his couch. It was almost as if she could see the weight being lifted from him, and that more than anything else told her she had done the right thing. He had done the wrong thing, he had hurt her and almost ended her life, but he was clearly remorseful and that had been what Emlyn had needed to know. That he was sorry and wasn't going to do it again. She didn't want to live with the fear that had dominated her life ever since news of his signing with Caerphilly had broken.
Again, the urge to give comfort struck her, but Emlyn didn't move. She wasn't used to initiating physical contact, and she wasn't comfortable when it involved people she didn't trust. She had forgiven Viktor, and she felt safe around him now, knowing he wasn't going to do it again, but that didn't mean she trusted him yet. Nodding, she held his gaze as her fingertips slid along the edge of the cover of the book in her lap.
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Viktor almost wasn’t sure what to do with himself, in the face of losing the weight that had defined him for so many years. Words seemed like clumsy things in the moment. He swallowed, eyes still on hers as the silence extended. It wasn’t uncomfortable. For the first time he felt relaxed, still careful, still cautious, but relaxed. He wasn’t sure how much time had passed since she’d first stepped out of his fireplace, but he was thankful for whatever mix up had caused it. Thankful that they’d gotten a chance to actually talk, even if it had been forced on them.
Viktor took a breath, slow and measured, steadying himself and regaining a little of his self-control. His eyes lowered to where her fingertips were brushing along the book in her lap, and his lips curved into a small smile. “You can borrow that, if you like." His voice felt rusty after the silence, and a little raw, but gentle and quiet still.
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Emlyn glanced down at the book and then looked up with a sweet smile. "Thank you. I've gotten rather attached already, I'm afraid." She always did when it came to book characters. For a short while (always too short) they became her friends and family. It had begun when she was younger, and characters in books were the only friends she had. Now there was a comfort in losing herself in a fictional world, and Emlyn wanted to find out what happened to the characters she had just started reading about.
"It's funny," she mused, glad to move on from the heavy topic they had just discussed. "Of course Muggles have books, but I never thought about it before. There must be whole bookshops out there filled with books I haven't read yet." There were stars in her eyes as she smiled at him. "I'm going to have to go exploring one day."
And wouldn't that be an adventure. Emlyn didn't have the first idea of how to go about that, except that she knew she would need to exchange some money first. Venturing into the Muggle world and finding a bookstore would be something new. She would probably get lost half a dozen times, but the lure of new reading material was strong.
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Viktor slowly moved away from the window and back to his chair, although he now felt restless. As if he suddenly had more energy than he knew what to do with. He sat back down as she spoke, eyes focusing on her face. He still felt off center after everything, and he was thankful for the return to lighter conversation, just because it gave him some time to process. The smile on her face was sweet and Viktor felt his own lips lifting in a small answering one of his own. A smile wasn’t the expression he was used to seeing on her face. Which was unfortunate, because she had a lovely smile. And her face seemed meant to move that way.
“There are a lot of them." His eyes warmed up in gentle amusement. He didn’t know too much of her history, but clearly she hadn’t had anyone with any sort of muggle connection in her life. “Once you start, you will have a hard time stopping." Viktor’s teasing was accompanied with another small smile. “There is one here, in Caerphilly." More than one, but he only counted his favorite.
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That made Emlyn laugh, a soft musical tinkle that Viktor had never heard before. Emlyn hadn't thought she'd ever laugh in his presence. "Stopping is always a problem when it comes to books, but I imagine my bank balance will give me no choice in the matter." At least, until she turned twenty-five, she reflected, which was when she would inherit the rest of her parents' estate. The assumption was that she would be married by then and her husband would take control of the trust, and would quite likely prevent her from spending more on Muggle books, but Emlyn had no intention of marrying a man who would do that. She didn't mind him managing the estate, but any man who would control her spending habits was not the man for her. (The point would probably be moot anyway; Emlyn couldn't imagine getting involved with a man, much less marrying one.)
"What is the name of the one in Caerphilly?" There was a tiny sense of disquiet inside her, knowing how Lucius felt about Muggles and their culture diluting their own. It was something Emlyn agreed with, to a certain extent. She cherished their wizarding culture and the last thing she wanted was to see it die out or become mutated with Muggle culture, but they were just books. Surely it wouldn't hurt to read some. And besides, what Lucius didn't know, wouldn't hurt him.
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Viktor almost physically started when she laughed. He’d grown so used to the wide eyed, nervous fear that her laughter was almost completely foreign. It was beautiful, he realized with a start. She was beautiful. He’d grown so used to seeing the fear, that he had somehow missed seeing her underneath it. And Viktor’s eyes scanned over her face, taking in details that he had somehow not seen. His mouth lifted at her laughter, seeing the delicate beauty of her face. She was meant to laugh. To smile. “If it weren’t for money, I’d have a lot more bookshelves." He teased quietly.
“The one I like is called WHSmith. It’s in Muggle Caerphilly." He raised his eyebrows a little in amusement at the obviousness of that statement. “I haven’t been in a while." Viktor smiled a little. He thought she’d like it. That she’d like Muggle books. Or at least, from what little he knew of her so far.
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Emlyn's eyebrows rose. "You're a huge Quidditch star. How do you not have this entire room lined with bookshelves?" Emlyn didn't have the words to describe how much of a relief it was to not be so tense and fearful around him any longer. Of course, it hadn't all disappeared in an instant. She was still nervous, as she was around all men she didn't know well, but he was putting her at ease with his relaxed form and easy, light conversation.
She made a mental note of the name, and decided that once she had finished this book of Viktor's, that she would venture into the Muggle store and see what she could find. Perhaps she would invite Anna along. She would know how to find it and what books to recommend. "Do you go into the Muggle world often?" she asked curiously.
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“Money goes faster and to more practical things than you’d think." Viktor chuckled quietly, leaning back into his chair, muscles relaxed and his body finally without the tension he’d been living with for weeks. His eyes warm and engaged, and his mouth lifted into a smile that lit up his face, he stretched out a little. “I’d like to spend more on books." His expression was a little wistful. “But I forget to." He hadn’t made to time to build his collection in a while. Not in a month at least. “I should go down there soon." Viktor felt himself coming to life again, as if he’d been in hibernation for the last few weeks. His mind kindling at the idea of more books, new books.
“Not as often as I’d like." Viktor smiled again. He wasn’t integrated into the Muggle world very well, but he knew his way around it. He was fascinated by it. “I haven’t been there in a while. A month or so." He tilted his head a little, as he watched her, eyes moving over her face. He didn’t know much of anything about her. Her history, her family, her past other than what involved him. In school they hadn’t known each other as more than passing acquaintances. He wished that he’d taken the time to know her then.
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It was strange, Emlyn suddenly thought as she watched him smiling at her. He looked so different when he smiled. She was realising that she didn't remember seeing him smile before. He'd been dark and broody for as long as she remembered him. Her memories of him at school prior to seventh year were vague at best. She didn't take much notice of the younger kids, and certainly not the boys. "There's always something, isn't there," she reflected ruefully. "I find it's finding the time to go shopping for books that is the problem, since I need to devote a good few hours to it. But then, Lucius often buys new books and I borrow them from him whenever I go over for dinner, so I don't always have to go and buy them myself."
They were both studying each other, seeing each other in a new light, though Emlyn didn't seem to notice that this was what he was doing. She was focused on the discussion, a conversation that she was enjoying and involved with, that wasn't an effort at all. Usually Emlyn held back, asked questions, and didn't reveal much at all about herself, but they had just been through such an intense conversation, and Viktor had revealed so much about himself, that she actually felt comfortable doing the same, even if her revelations weren't quite so deep. "I have a friend who lives in the Muggle world with her husband and kids, and I visit them as much as I'm able to, but that's about the extent of my exploration in the Muggle world so far."
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“Time is an issue for me too." Full time Quidditch didn’t exactly leave a lot of extra hours in the day for things like book shopping. Viktor stretched out a little in his chair, long legs relaxing. He smiled a little, a small and warm expression. “You’re making me want to make time." He chuckled quietly. He hadn’t had a good, truly interesting conversation about books in ages. Viktor couldn’t really remember the last time. And he’d missed it. It was ironic that it just happened to be with Emlyn. He still wasn’t sure that the concept of forgiveness had really sunk in yet. That it was really truly real. If it weren’t for the strange lightness he was feeling, he would have wondered if it had happened, or if he’d just dreamed it.
“That’s more than I’ve got." Viktor smiled again, wondering when it had become easy to talk to her. He felt almost stunned still, to have cleared so much air and found so much in common in the process. “I’ve got Muggle things, but no one who lives in that world." She was sharing something about herself with him. Something that meant something to her. “They must be good friends."
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Emlyn smiled at the thought that she had inspired him to read more. He obviously enjoyed it as much as she did, and she wondered if they might have a discussion about this book she was holding when she had finished reading it. She hadn't had a proper discussion of literature in a long time and she found herself looking forward to the day she finished this book and could talk to him about it. Perhaps Anna had read it too. Thinking of Anna made her smile warmly, her expression far more open now than it had ever been when in his company.
"They are," she agreed, shifting on the couch so she was angled towards him now, stretching her own much shorter legs out and smoothed her skirt down demurely. "I only met Anna a few months ago actually, at the League family picnic at the end of the season. She's the nutritionist for Puddlemere and her husband is the strategist. They're lovely. Anna is so warm and kind." Suddenly, unexpectedly, tears stung her eyes as she thought about Anna and how grateful she was for her friendship. She provided something for Emlyn that she had been missing for most of her life, and it meant more to Emlyn than she could ever possibly explain to Anna. Looking away, she blinked away the tears and continued quickly, "Anna is one of my favourite people."
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The way her expression warmed and opened up, her face lighting up and the fawn like look that he’d gotten used to disappearing, was revelatory. This was how she’d always been meant to be. Without his interference. Viktor felt a strong flash of regret, but this time tempered with hope instead of despair. He would never stop regretting what he’d done to her. But maybe he could stop punishing himself for it. If she could forgive him, then maybe he could forgive himself. Eventually.
He watched her relax into the couch with a smile, eyes tracing the movement of her hands as she smoothed her skirt out. Viktor had lost track of time, he didn’t know how long they’d been talking, and he didn’t care. He was enjoying himself. Something he’d never thought he’d be able to do in the same room as Emlyn Rosier, let alone have her be the cause of that enjoyment. Viktor almost felt like he was in dream world and had somehow not woken up yet. For a flash of a moment, he dreaded the waking. But it came and went, and he took a breath, reminding himself that this was real. That it was all real.
“They sound like wonderful people." Viktor was fascinated by how much her face changed as she talked about her friends. Until he saw the telltale signs of tears and his brows lowered in concern for her. “I’m glad you have her." Was all he said, very gently, leaning forward in his chair just a little as he said it. He smiled at her, a small encouraging smile, and gave her something in return. “Cedric is one of my closest friends. He and Fleur." His smile grew fond and a little exasperated as he thought about Cedric in particular.
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"They are," Emlyn agreed, her smile wistful but still warm and engaging. "Anna and I just clicked, almost instantly. It's quite funny how we met actually. We were at the picnic and I was walking past the bouncy castle when a little girl ran up, calling me mummy and grabbed my legs. She's three and didn't know where her mother was, so we went searching for her and that's when I met Anna. She has four kids, and she's a wonderful mother." That was a vast understatement as far as Emlyn was concerned, but she couldn't explain beyond that. She didn't have the words for it.
"Cedric and Fleur. They were in the Triwizard Tournament with you?" she asked, which must have seemed like a strange question, so she added, "I didn't pay much attention at the time. I had just started training then and it was so intense. I didn't see the light of day for months." She didn't say, but they were both probably aware that there was another reason why Emlyn would have ignored the biggest tournament to hit the wizarding world in decades.
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He felt like he was seeing her for the first time. Hearing her talk, seeing her smile, watching how relaxed she was when before she’d been nothing but tense and afraid… he had no words for how it made him feel. Viktor just knew that he was wordlessly, intensely grateful that he was getting to see it. To see her for who she really was. Without that eternally dark cloud of the past hanging over her. The effects weren’t gone. They would never be. But at least the atmosphere had cleared a little.
Viktor chuckled quietly at her story about her friend. “That little girl sounds like fun." He smiled a little. He hadn’t spent much time with children, aside from his own little sister, and she hadn’t been a kid in years. The name Anna sounded familiar. Viktor thought he might have met her at some point, probably at a Quidditch event since he’d moved. But he didn’t have a clear memory of her. “I think I might have met your friend once. She sounds familiar." Viktor tilted his head a little.
Viktor’s eyebrows rose a little in amusement. It wasn’t often that he met someone who wasn’t fully aware of the tournament, and the three of them. It was kind of refreshing. Even if he knew that there were probably other reasons that she hadn’t paid close attention. A single major reason. Viktor’s eyes softened a little and he looked away from her for a moment. “Yes. They were. Cedric for Hogwarts. Fleur for Beaxbatons." He smiled a little as he thought back over that time. As rough as the tournament had been, it had forged a bond between the three of them that had even just recently proven stronger than even he had thought. “We’ve been close since."
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"She's quite a handful," Emlyn agreed, chuckling as she thought of Tessa. "Anna is so patient with her." At his comment that he might have met her, she nodded, remembering their earlier conversation about the World Cup. "Her husband is the Australian I was talking about before, Gabe Hamilton." As a couple, the pair of them stood out quite beautifully, and Emlyn was sure he'd remember if he saw a picture of them.
Her eyes traced over his face as he spoke of his friends, seeing the way it softened, which was another point in his favour, that he had friends that he cared so much about. "Cedric plays in the league now, doesn't he? I forget which team he's on. I remember hearing his name mentioned. It's nice that you have friends here, so you're not completely alone. Do you get to see them often?" It was a bit of a relief to be back onto a topic centred around him and not her. She hadn't minded sharing what she had, but she kept getting stuck in places where parents might naturally come up, but she didn't want to talk about them today, not after the emotional discussion they'd already had. That was more than enough for one day and she knew she wouldn't make it through another intense talk if the tears prickling her eyes were any indication.
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Viktor nodded, remembering her reference to her friends and Australia. He recognized Gabe’s name more than Anna’s. Although the more Emlyn talked about Anna, the more he had a picture forming in his head of a laughing dark haired woman. He couldn’t remember much more than that, but it made him smile. Emlyn clearly thought highly of her. He smiled. He didn’t think that she thought well of people easily. From what he knew of her so far. So this Anna must be worth the knowing.
“He does. The Arrows." Viktor chuckled quietly. “He’s a Seeker." And he enjoyed meeting Cedric on the pitch. The competition, and the chance to beat his friend. His friend who was constantly teasing him about the Cup. Friendly rivalry. He enjoyed playing against Cedric, whether he lost or won. And it was always a challenge, which wasn’t always the case very often. “It has been nice." He agreed quietly, although with a hint of rueful remorse in his voice. He hadn’t been the best of friends lately.
“I haven’t seen them as much as I would like to." He admitted.
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Emlyn's eyebrows rose at that. They played the same position. She would take more notice the next time they played the Arrows. An image of the man she had seen Viktor with at the cafe in Caerphilly recently flashed in her mind and she realised that had to be Cedric. She recognised him, now that she thought about it, but at the time she'd had more pressing things on her mind, like the shock of seeing Viktor in a place she hadn't expected to. "He's very tall, isn't he? Taller than you?" Everyone was tall compared with Emlyn, but she particularly noticed it with Viktor, probably due to her hyper awareness of his physical domination.
"Why not?" she asked curiously, but as she thought about it, she realised that she didn't get to see her friends as often as she liked either. Katerina lived in Prague so of course she couldn't see her regularly, but even Anna with her four children and her husband wasn't available whenever Emlyn wanted to see her, and so too Fleur and Cedric must have lives that kept them busy. Her head tilted slightly, compassion rising again. "Do you get lonely?"
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“Yes." Viktor’s smile widened, almost into a grin. The kind that rarely ever saw the light of day, and that was a wondrous thing to behold when he did let it come out. His eyes warmed with amusement. “One of the few." Viktor wasn’t a giant, but definitely wasn’t short. He was used to being on or above eye level with pretty much everyone around him. It was always a little startling to be around Cedric, who had a good couple of inches on him in height. And he remembered, vividly, the time that Em had seen Cedric.
His smile faded a little. That moment wasn’t one that he was going to forget anytime soon, even if things had at least begun to be cleared between them. Having someone run away in fear at the sight of you was something that he hoped no one else ever had to experience.
“I am not always the best at spending time with my friends." Viktor admitted, wondering why he was doing so even as he spoke. “Especially when I’m…" He paused and smile a little, self-deprecatingly. “Brooding." Her question surprised him. He hadn’t had anyone ask or care, and he tilted his head a little, eyes on hers. “Sometimes." He was more surprised that he was answering honestly, and that he’d lost some of his guardedness. She knew his darkest secret, it was almost a relief to be able to just talk.
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There was no way Emlyn could do anything but grin back in response to the dazzling smile on Viktor's face. It transformed him and Emlyn was instantly captivated. She didn't think she'd ever seen him look so relaxed and happy, but then she'd certainly never felt this relaxed around him either. There was still some tension in her shoulders, but she was slowly relaxing as she leaned back against his couch, enjoying the conversation, no matter where it meandered.
Brooding. Emlyn knew what he was referring to there, and it reinforced what she had learned about him today. That the event which had almost ended her life had had a dramatic impact on his. It wasn't that she wanted him to carry such a huge burden, but she had needed to know that it mattered, that her almost-death hadn't been swept under the rug and forgotten, as if she didn't matter. Emlyn had long ago reconciled herself to the idea that her death wouldn't have made much of an impact on the world. Her funeral would likely have been sparsely attended, mostly by relatives out of a sense of obligation, and there was no one who knew her who cared enough to miss her the way she missed her parents. She had needed to know that it mattered to Viktor, that he noticed and that her death would have had an impact on him. If it hadn't, there was no way she could have forgiven him, and she likely would have walked away right then and there, no matter how far he lived from town.
But instead, here she was, sitting comfortably on his couch, talking about all manner of things, and connecting with him in the most surprising ways. "Me too," she admitted quietly, her eyes on his as they shared a moment of raw honesty. He was far from his family, and she had none but the small family she had made for herself. "If you're ever wanting company and your friends are busy, maybe we could do something," she suggested tentatively, unsure really what she was doing here, but she was enjoying his company and if he was lonely, then she wouldn't mind spending time with him. There were often times when Emlyn couldn't call on the small group of people that she knew, and while she was fine with her own company, she was no stranger to loneliness. "Even if it's just a trip to the bookshop. It would be fun, and sometimes it's nice to have someone to talk to."
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Her answering grin was bright and beautiful and Viktor felt himself relaxing further. Neither of them had been this calm with each other before now, and Viktor was intrigued to find that he was being himself. More of himself than he’d been with anyone in a very long time. Outside of his family. Because no one else knew all of him. He’d kept a big chunk of himself separate from his friends. It only reinforced the aloneness that he felt. Because there was always a big part of himself that no one could relate to. And maybe Em didn’t know him very well yet, but she knew the things about him that no one else did. It was a good place to start at least.
Their smiles faded, eyes meeting, as they connected over something shared. An emotion shared. Viktor hadn’t realized how much he did deal with loneliness, until he was talking with someone who did know the pieces of him that he’d hidden. It was a relief. And it made him realize just how much he hid himself from the rest of the world. He could handle it. But he was realizing that he didn’t want to.
Her tentative suggestion settled deep into him somewhere. He wasn’t sure why he was reacting so strongly to her asking. He just knew that it meant something to him. He met her suggestion with a small nod. “I would like that." His voice was quiet and a little rough around the edges, his eyes open and a little vulnerable. He swallowed and smiled just a little at her. And he liked the idea of talking to her more, and of hopefully learning more about her and who she was and where she’d come from.
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Emlyn nodded, feeling rather vulnerable herself. It wasn't often she made offers like that, not when she was uncertain of the reception, and she wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do, but a trip to the bookshop couldn't hurt, not when he knew about Muggle books and she had a feeling would be an engaging conversationalist once she had actually read one of the books. "Okay. Good." She smiled, a softer pleased smile. "I'd like that too."
Settling more comfortably against the back of the couch, she noticed the photos that had been dropped on the cushion beside her as their conversation had heated up earlier. Now she picked them up again and studied each of them with new eyes. These people in the photos knew what had happened to her, and they cared. They were strangers, and they cared. Of course, they probably cared more from the perspective of their son and brother doing something so horrendous, but it was something. It was more than most.
Pausing on the photograph of his mother, she lost track of time as she gazed at it. What must it be like, to have someone you could rely on to love you and support you no matter what you did? No matter how close she was with Lucius, Emlyn was conscious that she wasn't actually his daughter, and he could quite easily withdraw his love and support if he chose to. It was harder to imagine Anna doing that, but Anna had her own family, and Emlyn knew of course that Anna's family would come first, as it should. It meant that Emlyn felt even more alone as she gazed at the photo of the happy smiling woman who loved her son no matter what he'd done.
"She must love you very much." The words, faint and wistful, weren't actually meant to be said out loud.
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Her soft pleased smile was lovely, and Viktor wanted that to be her normal expression. Especially the more time he spent talking with her. He wanted her to smile a lot more. He realized suddenly that he didn’t know how long they’d been talking, or even what time it was. “You can start your own collection." Viktor’s eyes were still open and vulnerable, windows to something deeper, but he made his smile and his words softer and lighter and gently teasing.
He watched her look through the pictures of his family again, and as he watched, he wondered at her reaction. At how much family and that concept seemed to mean to her. She didn’t have siblings, that much he’d gathered. And from the wistfulness on her face as she looked down at the picture of his mother, he wondered where her parents were. Viktor’s eyes sharpened, keenly observing. He wasn’t sure he wanted to ask just yet, to pry, when she still only barely felt comfortable with him. But his sharp Seeker’s eyes hadn’t missed the signs, and he felt intrigued compassion for her, more than what he’d felt in the past.
He waited quietly, letting her alone as she just looked, taking the opportunity to unobtrusively observe her. She was so... feminine, and fragile looking, with her big eyes and her dark hair. when she finally spoke, Viktor caught his eyes wandering and refocused them on her face, hearing her words, so softly spoken. “Yes." He agreed quietly. Unconditionally. Something he still marveled at. “I don’t know how sometimes." Viktor’s smile was small, his words both meant teasingly and semi seriously.
“Mother’s are like that."
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Emlyn tried valiantly to hold back the tears that had suddenly sprung into her eyes. She was no match for the sheer volume of tears that had been building up ever since she had arrived here and found herself trapped with Viktor Krum. She had been so proud of herself for getting through that conversation without crying in front of him, and now it was all for naught. The tears filled her eyes so fast and so strong that there was nothing she could do as they spilled out over her cheeks. Mothers are like that. They were, and that was why Emlyn loved them so, and desperately missed her own, never moreso than times like these, when a mother would have helped so much with the stress she had been living with since the news of Viktor Krum's recruitment to the Catapults. Anna had been wonderful, but Anna wasn't her mother, as much as Emlyn sometimes wished she was. Anna had her own family, and Emlyn spent most of her time dealing with this alone.
She tried to speak, wanting to escape into the bathroom and hide, but she didn't know where it was and couldn't get the words out to ask. Her throat was clogged with tears and emotions that she had been putting a brave face over the top of for too long now. Thrusting the book and photographs onto the coffee table so they didn't get tear-streaked, Emlyn wiped futilely at her face, but there were simply too many tears to brush them away this time.
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The sudden flood of tears startled Viktor and he leaned forward in his seat, internally cursing himself. Mothers were a sensitive subject, and he should have been more careful about how he talked about his. He wished he knew what he was specifically saying that was triggering this, and as he leaned forward restlessly in his seat, fighting the urge to go over and comfort her, he wished he knew how he could make it right. He didn’t want to scare her anymore, but he couldn’t just leave her like that, curled up on the couch, eyes overflowing. Viktor wavered a moment more in indecision and then just made up his mind.
Standing up carefully, he closed the distance between the chair and the couch in two short steps of his long legs. Lowering himself down next to her, with space still between them, just in case, eyes warm and concerned, he stretched out one hand and rested it gently on her shoulder. He hated seeing her cry. Not because it was awkward, or uncomfortable. But because Viktor firmly believed that she’d had enough happen to her. And he wasn’t sure why else. He just knew that he did. His hand rubbed very gently and slowly against her shoulder, and he tilted his head down and to the side so that he could see her face better.
“Em…" He wasn’t sure what to say, and from experience, he knew that words sometimes did nothing. So he fell silent and just stayed there.
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Emlyn felt his hand rubbing her shoulder, and took comfort from the gesture, though what she really wanted was to be held. Not particularly by him, but in general. For someone who had been neglected for most of her life, deprived of affection, touch was everything to Emlyn, and being held was one of her favourite things, probably because it happened so rarely. Unable to articulate her need, even if she had've been able to get any words out, Emlyn continued to cry, her face in her hands as she struggled to stem the tide of tears that continued to fall. It was as if all of the anxiety and stress and emotion of the past few months had decided now was the perfect time to be purged.
Leaning down to where she had left her bag, she grabbed it and hauled it into her lap, opening it to find a handkerchief that she always kept there. Pulling out the white lacy square of fabric, she wiped her face, drawing in shaky breaths as she hoped she was finally through the worst of it. With her bag open in her lap, she noticed through the blurriness of tears the photograph that she carried with her wherever she went. Emlyn didn't need to look at it to know what it looked like. Taking the photo out of her bag, she passed it to Viktor. He had shared his family photos so it was only fair that she shared hers. The photograph was old and showed a four year old Emlyn sitting between her parents who were holding her and all three were smiling for the camera. They looked so happy, and some days it hurt more than Emlyn could bear to look at the photo. She kept it with her always, but some days it stayed hidden away in her purse, close but not seen.
Her tears were starting to slow, and she wiped her face again, glancing at him as he looked at her photo.
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He wanted to do more than just pat her shoulder like an idiot. But Viktor wasn’t sure if more was right, or even how much more would be ok before he made things worse. So he waited patiently and quietly, his hand rubbing her shoulder gently. He kept his mouth shut, and just watched her, brows lowered and his eyes concerned. This was a lot of tears in reaction to what he wasn’t sure. Something to do with family. Viktor cursed internally again. He really wished he’d taken the time to know about her than her name before now.
The handkerchief she pulled out of her bag made him want to smile a little. It was so quaint and ladylike and oddly fitting for Emlyn. He took hold of the photo she passed him carefully with his free hand. It was a family picture, and Viktor smiled at the sight of Emlyn as a little kid. She looked happy and loved, and her parents seemed warm and genuinely caring of her. It was a lovely photo, and Viktor took it in quietly, glancing up at her with slightly raised eyebrows in gentle question.
“They look wonderful." He said softly, and hoping that he didn’t say the wrong thing accidentally.
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Emlyn didn't want to say the words, she so very rarely said them out loud, but she'd come this far. "My Tad died not long after that was taken," she said in a wavering voice, but she got the words out and that was quite a feat right now. "Mam three years later."
She didn't think she needed to say more than that, which was good because more words weren't going to come right now. Not about that. Wiping her eyes, she swallowed hard. "I'm sorry," she said softly, swallowing again as she looked up at him, wishing she'd been able to wait until she got home to break down. His innocent comment about mothers had broken something tenuous inside of her and that had opened the floodgates. Her fingers were busy smoothing down her now damp hanky in her lap, her eyes red-rimmed and still teary. "I'm normally better at dealing with it, but it's been harder lately."
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Merlin. Viktor’s brow furrowed and he looked back down at the picture of the happy little family again, compassionate understanding on his face. It seemed natural to slide his hand across her back to her opposite shoulder, wrapping her in a very gentle half hug. No wonder she’d been so interested in his family, and asked so many questions. Viktor looked up from the photo at her, shaking his head slightly at her apology. “No. I’m sorry." Her parents gone before she’d even left for school. Viktor wished he was better with words. That he could find the right way to encourage her.
And he was sure that his presence had probably had an impact on her ability to deal. Viktor’s expression twisted a little with remorse. “I am sure I have not helped." He replied quietly, his eyes lowering to the hanky that she was repeatedly smoothing in her lap, and then back up to her face.
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It was only natural for Emlyn to lean into Viktor's side, soaking in the warmth and gentleness of him beside her. It was so strange. She never would have imagined that she'd be sitting here with Viktor, talking about her family, sitting so close to him, but somehow it seemed fitting, after all they'd been through together. So rarely was she this close to someone, that she really did have to savour it whenever she could, even if it was Viktor Krum.
Looking up at him, she let out a soft sigh. "Not really, no," she admitted, her grey eyes on his. "I am really glad we talked though. I'm sorry I didn't listen the other day, in my office. I couldn't handle it then. I didn't want to hear it." And that had seemed increasingly unfair the more Emlyn had thought about it. She didn't move from where she was quite comfortably pressed up against his side, very aware of him so close to her. She wasn't at all used to it, so she would take advantage of it when she could. She felt safe here, she realised. He would never hurt her, of that she was suddenly quite certain.
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His hand rubbed slowly up and down her arm, just offering quiet comfort, as she leaned into him a little. Viktor had another quick flash of how surreal this felt. That morning he’d been expecting to never speak to Emlyn outside of work, ever again. And now, they’d managed to have a long and interesting conversation about everything from books to travel to family, and had even cleared the air about the past in the process. And now he had his arm around her, and was comforting her about her parents. And she wasn’t flinching, tense or about to run away.
He met her eyes as she looked up at him, tilting his head down a little to see her better. Understanding and compassion warmed his expression, and he nodded once in response. No. His presence had helped her about as much as hers had helped him. It had been a rough month for both of them. “I understood." Viktor’s voice was low and quiet but firm and understanding, as he looked down at her. “I… I was not at my best." That was an understatement. He’d been an emotionally tormented wreck when he’d tried to talk to her last. “Thank you for talking with me. For hearing me." Viktor’s voice filled with sincere, and deep appreciation for her willingness to at least address it. And for her willingness to forgive him. There was almost an aspect of reverential respect in how he was looking at her, not that Viktor was aware at all.
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Rough month was an understatement, but at least now Emlyn felt like the burden had been lifted. Actually, she felt wrung out after such an emotional morning. She nodded, neither of them had been at their best then. Both simply trying to make it through a very trying time. Seeking to put it behind them now (she certainly had no desire to ever talk about it again) she made a suggestion. "I'll check the floo again, but if it's still not working, perhaps we could have lunch." It felt wrong to be the one suggesting that when she was the guest, but she had a feeling he had lost track of the time and didn't realise how long they had been talking. Emlyn wasn't sure if she was hungry, but making a meal would give them something to do and would perhaps prompt more casual conversation that would put them both at ease.
With his agreement, Emlyn went to test the floo again, but just as she suspected, it was still down. She had a feeling that either something serious had happened and the floo system had been locked down, or someone had tampered with it. Either way, she wasn't leaving any time soon.