Marcus wasn't sure how to react when she started speaking. There was a lot of information to process and a lot of feelings and emotions going through his body -- emotions he did not want to be feeling at that moment, or any other moment for that matter. He felt vulnerable that someone knew his secret, but at the same time he felt what he thought was relief that it was Lavender who knew it and not someone else. He knew she wouldn't tell anyone. But still, she knew his secret and that made him a little bit uncomfortable. This was his deepest and darkest secret, something NO ONE else knew. It was something he had never talked about with anyone other than himself, and even then he tried to push the thoughts away and bury them as deep as his secret.
One thing he could not understand is how she thought no one would want him past a fling. She was an amazing young woman, beautiful inside and out, smart, funny. Any man would be lucky to have her... Just not him, because he didn't feel like he deserved her; and she didn't deserve the pain he'd cause her.
Marcus had been looking at her during the whole time, though she had been avoiding her eyes. He felt she'd read him so easily if he did that, and he felt vulnerable enough already. He looked down at his hands and breathed. "I don't know if to kiss you or punch the wall," he said with a small chuckle. He wasn't good at talking about feelings and all that stuff, particularly when it came to his feelings. It was a sign of weakness. Men didn't talk about their feelings; they just hid them and pretended they didn't exist. Or they punched a wall or someone else as a way to deal with them. But they never talked about them.