So with a shaky sigh and shift of his weight, he did his best. “Yes. That's exactly what I'm doing, I suppose. I mean,” he frowned and struggled with his next words. “Look, it was never because I didn't feel anything. I was just... young and stupid and I thought I could do whatever the hell I liked and fuck the consequences. It wasn't unfathomable, Katherine, and for me that made it all the more confusing. I couldn't deal with that then. I just... wasn't ready.” His expression had none of the determination and confidence he so often had. He looked almost sad, as if nothing he could say would fix anything. And he still had not met her eyes, even once while he spoke. His gaze was intent on the bottom corner of the window. “And by the time I figured out that I was missing something and that it was you, I thought it was too late.” Finally he looked up, and he almost looked pained, as if he didn't want to hear her answer. “And it is, isn't it.” It wasn't a question, not really. He almost had himself convinced. “It's too late for us.” His eyes pleaded with her to tell him otherwise, but he fell silent, unable to find anything else to say.