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She had wondered many times what it would have been like if he had been able to realize his own feelings. Not that she had ever really thought that he had felt the same way as she had; she had entertained the notion, of course, but it had always seemed like more of some fantasy than an actual possibility. But it hadn’t taken much to realize that it never would have been able to work. She had later learned that she wouldn’t have been ready for it, and she had always been painfully aware of the fact that neither was he. It was for the best, really, that she hadn’t voiced her feelings sooner and that he hadn’t tried to somehow make it work.
Of course, that realization had never made her feel any better. Those last months of school with him hadn’t been easy, knowing that they were just friends, could only be friends. For a while, she had wondered if there was something wrong with her- most of her friends had been happily in a relationship, and then there she was. She had wanted to tell him sooner, but what would have been the point? It would have only made things more uncomfortable. In any event, part of her had suspected that he knew already; it wasn’t like she had especially succeeded at hiding her jealousy. But he had made a point of exploiting it so maybe that should have told her something.
But that was then. Regardless of whether she had ever really gotten over him or not, it hadn’t left her too worse for wear. There had been a few bouts of teenaged angst during school, but she had started interning soon after graduation and he was still in school so the lack of contact had made it easier, and she had moved on. But call it coincidence or fate or any number of things, but the fact remained that they were here now. She wasn’t sure if she’d even bring any of it up, but at least they had some sort of second chance, and maybe this time, it would turn out in their favor.
She wouldn’t have been at all put off by the random assortment of books. What was the point of only reading similar books or novels in the same genre? That would get tiresome rather quickly, so she wouldn’t have faulted him for having a diverse set of literature though the Van Gogh biography would have surprised her. Then again, she really couldn’t fault him for much; she had always been good at overlooking his flaws though whether or not this was a good thing was still to be determined. But at least it had kept them friends.
The look of concern returned as he mentioned his dad and going home. She watched him carefully, wanting to make sure he was alright. While his dad’s death had been years ago, that wasn’t something you really got over quickly. And especially seeing as his dad had been all that he had left… But he didn’t dwell on it, hardly missing a beat as he continued his explanation. She shot him an inquisitive look at the mention of an environmental journal and the title, and she resisted the urge to ask him if he of all people really named a song after an agricultural practice. She couldn’t imagine him reading something like that, let along being inspired by one to write a song, but there was no use questioning it.
The song wasn’t the sort of music that she usually listened to, but that wasn’t to say that she didn’t like it. She had expected to be impressed, and he didn’t disappoint; the song was every bit as good as she expected, more so even. Even if she didn’t like it, it would have been worth it to see him play. It just looked so natural for him, and it was clear how much he loved this; she couldn’t help herself from smiling as she listened to him. “Not too bad?” she scoffed. “James, it was fantastic. Really.” She grinned at him as she moved to sit down beside him, pleased to find that her faith hadn’t been misplaced. “Is this on the single? Though you realize, of course, that now I won’t be able to listen to the album version,” she teased. “As I don’t think I’ll be able to get this one out of my head.”