|Fénix (spacelogic) wrote in queer_rage,|
@ 2008-11-23 14:59:00
gay = gay!
Dear straight male friend:
You're a great guy. I like hanging out with you and talking to you (even if you don't know how to hold a conversation) and I think we could have had a nice friendship built around doing things that don't require too much thought if you hadn't moved out of town. And I appreciate you being so apparently cool with my being gay. Wouldn't trust you with my money, but otherwise I like you fine.
However, the thing about me being gay is that it sort of means I'm attracted to women, and not to men. And you're, uh, a man. Quite a masculine, male sort of man. So sexually propositioning me with the disclaimer that "I know you like a lesbian and crap" is a waste of your effort and also offensive. Yes, there are bisexual women who publicly identify at points in their lives as gay, either because they're still ironing out the details or because they're in a relationship with a woman/want to be in a relationship with a woman and don't want guys to think they're available. And there's what I call "Kinsey drift" where a person's position on the Kinsey scale changes slightly over the course of their life. Oh, and there're people who only want relationships with people of one gender, but like sex with both. And I actually recognize myself as a Kinsey 5.something, though I didn't tell you that, so there's a slight possibility that at some point there'll be a guy I'll make an exception for. But -- aside from the fact that I doubt you actually know any of this -- it is really fucking offensive to assume that a woman who self-identifies as gay is not what she herself says she is. You don't know me better than I know myself, dude.
Yours in friendship only,
P. S. It's also pretty cowardly to proposition me only after you've moved out of town. I'll let the "by email" part slide, though the attaching a photo of yourself bit was a nice little extra level of weirdness.