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dragonhideboots ([info]dragonhideboots) wrote in [info]quaffle_rpg,
@ 2009-10-04 19:13:00

Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
WHO: Bill and Fleur
WHEN: 10/4, evening
WHERE: Shell Cottage
WHAT: Attempts at conversation
RATING: Probably pg-13?
COMPLETION: In-progress


It'd been over a week since he'd been home. After the moon at Lavender's, he'd taken a room in a inn near Diagon Alley and took his meals at the pub downstairs. Avoiding the subject of Fleur would have proved futile if he'd shown up at his parent's house and the same went for Charlie's flat. The inn was a little hideaway from everything that had happened.

And now, it was time to go home. He was tired and miserable, fighting a cold carried over from the moon and the related stress, and sick of bland pub food. He'd come to the conclusion that avoiding Fleur was just making him more upset with her and that it was time to hear the whole story out. Plus, he desperately wanted his own bed back and some good French cooking. Selfish, maybe, but true.

And so, he arrived at their cottage, pausing down the road to nervously smoke a last cigarette (and trying not to cough from it...stupid thing to do with a cold, but he was craving a fag). He unlocked the front door and dropped his satchel on the floor. He could Fleur somewhere across the house and cleared his throat in an attempt to announce his presence. A moment later, he sneezed. Perhaps not the best 'I'm home!' declaration ever, but it would do.







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[info]mediwitch_fleur
2009-10-05 12:53 am UTC (link)
Fleur had finished cleaning the house from top to bottom an hour ago. Bill hadn't responded to her journal post, and currently she was debating whether or not she even wanted to hear from him at this point. She'd seen an advertisement in the prophet for a divorce solicitor and hated herself for even considering it. Worse, she'd contemplated contacting Roger, a move she was certain would end in disaster.

She heard a cough, followed by a sneeze. She tensed, the comforter hovering in midair. She'd been working on replacing the summer quilt for the winter comforter and now had to work twice as hard to have it lower itself into place.

"In the bedroom," she called, frowning at the sneeze. Still, she couldn't just pretend he hadn't ignored her. Not completely. "One moment."

She finished setting the comforter on the bed and headed to the living room.

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[info]dragonhideboots
2009-10-05 01:02 am UTC (link)
Bill rounded the corner and nearly ran straight into Fleur.

"Whoa," he said, grabbing her arms to keep from colliding. "Hello."

He dropped her arms awkwardly and backed away a little.

"Sorry," he said with a sniffle. "Didn't mean to startle you if I did. I was going to write back to your journal but then I was close enough nearby and figured it was best I just come here."

She looked as tired as he felt. Actually, they probably looked equally awful. He stood in the threshold to the living room, staring around at the house.

"It's very clean in here," he commented.

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[info]mediwitch_fleur
2009-10-05 03:40 pm UTC (link)
Fleur stopped short, nearly stumbling back as he grabbed her. She wasn't scared of him, just startled that they were as close as they were.

He was apologizing, sort of. She waved her hand dismissively, "Well you are here now." She narrowed her eyes at him briefly. "You look terrible. Your mother doesn't let you get this bad."

She stiffened when he commented on how clean the house was. "I tried," was all she could say.

Taking another look at him, she shook her head and moved to step past him. "You need a potion." She wasn't sure which from her small stash would be best, but something to help him fight off the cold sounded best.

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[info]dragonhideboots
2009-10-06 01:55 am UTC (link)
"I was only at my parents' for a night," he said, following her to their potions stores. "I'm fine, really."

He accepted a bit of Pepper-Up and swallowed it with a grimace, waving away the resulting steam that floated from his ears.

"Thanks," he said, wiping at his nose distractedly and stepping back out into the den. He felt awkward in his own house. This was going to be hard.

"I guess maybe we should sit down and talk, yeah?" he said, kicking off his shoes. "If that's okay, I mean? You want to talk?"

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[info]mediwitch_fleur
2009-10-08 02:41 am UTC (link)
She blinked, then frowned. He hadn't spent the time at his parents? Where had he? She stopped her thoughts, waiting until after the steam had dissipated before moving toward him.

She watched how awkward he was and the concept bothered her greatly.

"Yes, well, talking...is...rather necessary. I had begun to wonder if you still wanted to," she added before she could stop herself. Well, she rationalized, he knew what she was before he married her. She spoke her mind and she had no desire to change that now.

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[info]dragonhideboots
2009-10-08 02:54 am UTC (link)
He looked at his hands.

"I did want to talk, I just..." he trailed off, shrugging. "Fleur, this isn't easy. I was hurt. I love you, and I want us to be honest with each other. Because, if we're not honest, we go and do stupid things."

And here it came.

"And I need to tell you this now because if I don't, it just makes me look like a hypocrite. On the night of the moon, I went to see Lavender Brown...you know, the girl who Fenir mauled in the last battle. And...I stayed with her for the night. We didn't make love but...other things happened."

He wasn't about to elaborate on the details. He looked up, waiting for her response. If she was upset, so be it. She brought this upon herself. He didn't hate her, but the affair with Lavender felt like his own little 'ah ha!'. At the same time, it felt dirty and wrong. He disliked it intensely.

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[info]mediwitch_fleur
2009-10-08 03:16 am UTC (link)
She stopped inside the den and leaned on the frame. He was talking about honesty and she wasn't sure she could handle a lecture. Though his demeanor seemed completely contradictory to him lecturing her.

When he continued, she felt the strength go out of her legs. She didn't fall or slide to the floor, but she reached up and held onto the door frame. Then, the pain was replaced with hollow and she moved woodenly to the chair.

"Lavender. Yes, I remember her." She nodded and looked at the floor.

"Bill, what happened to us? I...I mean I love you, but if we love each other this much, how do we do these things?"

It was a question she had been asking herself for two days, but one she hadn't wanted to ask him.

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[info]dragonhideboots
2009-10-08 03:21 am UTC (link)
He sighed heavily.

"When I left Lavender's, I was so mad at myself. I told myself that if you hadn't done what you'd done with Roger, then I wouldn't have been tempted by her. And then I realized that maybe I would have, which made me angrier."

What had happened to them?

"I don't know what's happened to us, and that's the problem," he said. "Yes, I want a child, but I don't want you to give me one because you think it's going to solve everything. It isn't. And yes, I'm not happy with work or with the time you put into your job, but what else is there, Fleur?"

He felt like screaming in frustration. That's what it all boiled down to. He was incredibly frustrated with life.

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[info]mediwitch_fleur
2009-10-08 03:43 am UTC (link)
She wrapped her arms around herself, hoping to feel something, even if it was only her own warmth. She had wanted him to scream, to tell her there was so much more that she wasn't seeing, but when it came down to it, she knew he was agreeing with her. Five years was a pathetically short time to grow apart. That might mean they weren't meant to be together at all, and that concept scared her.

"I don't know. I suppose when I saw you at Gringotts, I thought you were thinking the same thing I was, that it was something to do in the meantime, not something long term."

She shifted slightly. They'd lost direction. In the end--

Was this the end? Shouldn't there be tears, screaming? Why was everything so numb?

"I don't know. Bill, I love you, but I don't know what to do. I was so angry with you, and I'm angry at myself, but none of that worries me. What worries me," she took a breath, "Is I'm...numb."

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[info]dragonhideboots
2009-10-08 03:50 am UTC (link)
How she'd summed it up so nicely was beyond him. Numb. That was exactly what he felt.

"I went to an inn, in Diagon," he said. "I stayed there for the week. I went to work, I went back there, and laid in bed. I repeated this every day for a fucking week."

He looked up at her and shrugged.

"And it was the worst week I've had in a long time. Worse than anything I've faced with with you. Worse than Fenrir, worse than the war. It was the worst type of unknown...not knowing about us...if we were still a 'we'. And even worse than that, it was the not knowing how to feel."

Whether he was mad or upset or just plain fed up with her, he didn't know. But the fact of it all was, he couldn't live without her. It was now a matter of figuring out how to live with her.

"What do you want, most of all?" he asked. "Besides making this work. If we're selfish for a minute, what do you want?"


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[info]mediwitch_fleur
2009-10-08 11:01 pm UTC (link)
Fleur remained quiet. His week had been horrible, just as hers had. She'd been in her own private hell, and now, knowing that he'd been in hell, it was almost comforting.

She nodded to his shrug. "What do I want? I...I want what we were. I want to be daring and wild. I want to feel that adrenaline, both of new love and of living life to its fullest."

She couldn't look at him. Being without him this week was painful, worse than anything she'd experienced, and she wasn't ready to give up on that pain yet.

"What...do you want?" she asked tentatively, her French accent heavy due to her emotion.

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[info]dragonhideboots
2009-10-12 12:04 am UTC (link)
"I want the same," he admitted. "But I've been thinking...the war is over. It's been over for a long time now. And back then, everything was at risk. We were living every day not knowing what would be next. For Merlin's sake, our own wedding was attacked! And now, we've gotten too safe. The risk isn't there so we don't care as much."

He looked up, offering her a small smile.

"We need some danger in our lives. Maybe Charlie can bring us a dragon to live in the backyard or something."

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[info]mediwitch_fleur
2009-10-17 02:55 am UTC (link)
Fleur turned toward him, biting her lip. Did they need to feel the world could end in order to have a functional relationship? She knew she needed danger, excitement to feel alive, but had she needed it in her marriage?

She smiled weakly back. "A dragon?" She shook her head. "Bill," she sighed, "Bill, the war is over, but I begin to wonder if the war created our marriage more than we did. It led us to expect certain things out of life, out of each other."

She reached to touch him then pulled back, "What if I still want those things?"

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[info]dragonhideboots
2009-10-18 12:26 am UTC (link)
He stretched, feeling his limbs pop and crack.

"Look, we won't fix this over night. If we want to fix it, we'll need to work, and we'll need to make changes. I don't think the War created our marriage, but perhaps it intensified it. I'm still in love with you, Fleur, but I feel like we're stuck. Maybe it's me and maybe I need to just give in and quit Gringotts and stop being selfish about wanting you around more."

He looked down at his hands.

"What do we need to change to make this real again?"

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[info]mediwitch_fleur
2009-10-18 01:00 am UTC (link)
Fleur nodded, reaching out for him again. "I love you, Bill. It's been you since I saw you. I've wanted no one else." It was true. She hadn't wanted anyone other than Bill, even in her drunken anger, Roger had been revenge? reactionary? animal magnetism?

She mentally shook herself and took his hand. "Maybe I am being a bit selfish too. Having a baby won't fix things, but maybe I've been fighting too long?

"How...do we start?"

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[info]dragonhideboots
2009-10-18 01:07 am UTC (link)
"Maybe this is naive," he said. "But I think we should try to put this behind us. Just forget it and try to start fresh."

He played with the wedding band on her finger, spinning it around.

"Having a baby will not fix things," he agreed. "It's a bad reason to want one. I want one because I love you and I want to be a father with you. I thought that's what we wanted when we got married. If that's no longer the case for you, I'd understand, but it's always been something we've discussed. I want you to truly want this baby, though. This can't be a quick fix...it's not fair."

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[info]mediwitch_fleur
2009-10-18 01:18 am UTC (link)
She smiled weakly, nodding, "Fresh." It was what she wanted too, to put it all behind her. To pretend it never happened.

As he talked about the baby, she winced, nodding, then shaking her head.

"Bill, no, I dont' want a baby to fix things. I...I want a baby, I just....meant maybe I'm fighting the timing too much? That's all. Maybe I am being too selfish wanting the career I have?"

She looked down, her fingers touching his wedding band. "I want a real fix, Bill. I want this. I want you."

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[info]dragonhideboots
2009-10-18 01:22 am UTC (link)
"Why can't you have a career?" he asked. "If I need to be the one who stays home from work for a bit, then we'll make it work. You forget I've been practically changing nappies since I was five, what with six siblings and all."

He held both her hands in his and kissed the tops of her fingers.

"A baby is not a real fix," he said. "But it'll give us something to live for and something to work for. But if we do this, you have to promise me we won't rely on it to be the reason we stay together. We need to be honest with each other. If you think we can do that and tell each other when we feel like we're slipping, then I think we can make it. I really do."

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