To:lego_4ever From:pendulumchanges Title: I Don’t Do Jealous Gift Request: Brian/Justin; comedy/humor/jealousy Rating: PG-13 (for swearing and sexual references) Summary: Brian does jealousy… the Brian Kinney way. Timeline: Season 1 Author's Note: Happy Holidays! I don’t think this is really what the original request was for, but it's about jealousy and I tried to make it funny when I could. It's got a little bit of everything - schmoop, sex, silliness, sadness - so I hope you enjoy it anyway! (Many thanks to vamphile for the last minute beta!)
I Don’t Do Jealous
“I don't do jealous. Jealous is for lesbians.” - Brian Kinney
*~*~*~*~*~*
Brian is supremely jealous of Justin's underwear. He's not jealous of underwear in general, only Justin's underwear. Why? Because Justin's underwear spends the entire day pressed against Justin's ass. Substitute "Brian" for "Justin's underwear" and that is Brian’s idea of a perfect day. When he’s feeling particularly stressed out Brian sometimes allows his mind to wander for a few minutes. He let’s himself forget about whatever is pissing him off and tries to just think happy thoughts.
His daydreams invariably follow the same predictable path. They always start with thoughts of sex, which is no surprise since he thinks about sex every 9 seconds whether he’s allowing his mind to wander or not. Thoughts of sex lead straight to thoughts of Justin. Again, not a surprise. From there, after meandering along any number of X-rated paths, his daydreams always lead him to the same conclusion. He would be perfectly happy to stop existing as a human being and spend the rest of the day as whichever pair of underwear Justin happened to put on that morning.
He is completely, honestly, legitimately, seriously, really jealous of the life being led by Justin’s underwear. That's a little fucked up and Brian knows it. But really, he thinks, who wouldn't want to spend the day pressed against Justin's perfect ass? Nobody, that’s who.
******************************
Justin is one flexible little fucker. The first time Brian fucked him he basically folded him in half. He lifted Justin's ass and leaned gently against his legs, but Justin didn't even seem to feel the stretch (in his back and legs at least… he was certainly feeling it somewhere else), so Brian just kept leaning on him until Justin’s knees were almost touching his ears. It was one of the best fucks Brian had ever had and, considering how many guys he’d fucked, that was really saying something. Brian's appreciation of Justin's flexibility reached new heights when he fucked him in that hotel room in New York City. Justin's feet were thrown over his head, his thighs were pressed against his chest, and his knees were practically touching the pillow. It was a beautiful moment.
Brian didn't become jealous of Justin's flexibility until it was showcased in the King of Babylon contest. If Brian had to describe Justin's pole dancing in one word (besides fucking-hot-as-hell) it would be… rubbery. Justin was like Gumby, rolling his body like it was made of soft clay and bending himself backward farther than even Brian thought he could. The problem was no one else was supposed to know how flexible Justin was. Brian liked thinking it was something only he knew about Justin.
Everyone knew who Justin was. The Liberty Avenue gossip train had been chugging away at full speed ever since this particular blond twink had walked purposefully into their world and attached himself firmly to Brian's life. Everyone knew he had a great ass and they all knew Brian Kinney could frequently be found fucking said ass in the backroom. If the crowd they drew was any indication, word had also spread far and wide that this kid gave one hell of a blowjob and that, even if you weren't on the receiving end of it, it was still worth being there just to enjoy the view. Christ, even Justin's mother knew he liked sucking dick (and that he was good at it too). But only Brian was supposed to know about Justin’s flexibility.
After careful consideration, Brian decides he's ok with every fag in Pittsburgh knowing how flexible Justin is. Justin can pole dance at Babylon every night for all he cares. The rest of those silly faggots can “oooo” and “ahhh” to their heart’s content. They can discuss the remarkable bendiness of Justin’s body as much as they want. Brian comes to the very satisfying conclusion that even if they've all found out about Justin’s flexibility, even if they’ve all seen it and talked about it, Brian is still the only one who gets to enjoy it. As far as Brian is concerned, he has nothing to be jealous of, but they sure do. Eat your fucking hearts out, he thinks. He’s mine.
******************************
When Gus is still a baby, not even a year old, Brian feels jealous of his son for the first time. He and Justin are at Mel and Lindsay’s for lunch when Justin announces his need to use the bathroom and heads upstairs. A little wink as he leaves the room lets Brian know that he would like some company. Brian waits about 15 seconds before taking off after him, the sound of Mel’s disgruntled disbelief chasing him up the stairs. He’s surprised when he doesn’t find Justin in the bathroom. He heads for the bedroom, a little nonplussed by Justin’s daring. He doesn’t mind pissing Melanie off by fooling around in the bathroom, but he doesn’t know if he really wants to deal with the threats of (and possibly even attempts at) castration that will surely come if he actually fucks Justin on her bed.
When he reaches the bedroom door, however, he stops short and all thoughts of sex are wiped away in an instant. His eyes follow Justin, whose back is turned to him, as he rocks back and forth with Gus in his arms. Brian becomes aware of an odd tightness in his chest and a sort of restlessness in his arms. At first, he doesn't understand what’s happening, but after a moment he recognizes the feeling for what it is - jealousy. Brian is suddenly incredibly jealous of Gus.
The root of that jealousy can be found in one of the few inaccurate statements Justin ever made about Brian. As he so eloquently put it many years later, "Brian Kinney fucks, sucks, rims, rams... but never cuddles." The first part of that statement is completely accurate. There are thousands of men who can vouch for its truthfulness. That last part though, doesn’t even come close to the truth. In fact, the cold, hard truth is this - Brian Kinney is a big ol' cuddlebug. He's a great giant snugglemuffin. He doesn’t just fuck, suck, rim, and ram. He also hugs, kisses, caresses, nuzzles, snuggles, and yes… he even cuddles.
Of course, Brian would never call what he does “cuddling,” but that’s precisely what it is. It’s what he's done with Michael since he was 14, since he started running away from the fists and fights at his house and into the warm bed and waiting arms of his best friend. It's what he’s done with Lindsay for as long as he’s known her too. In the four years they were at Carnegie Mellon together they spent more nights curled up under a blanket in bed than Brian's reputation as a heartless hedonist would lead anyone to believe. They would lay in the dark for hours, talking about their lives, telling each other things that they’d never told anyone else before. Now, when life is too much to bear, it’s still Mikey’s comforting embrace that Brian seeks out, and, though they don’t share a bed anymore, Brian and Lindsay still cozy up to each other on couches and park benches to discuss their lives. In his childhood home Brian learned to fear the touch of others, but over the years he came to know the joys of cuddling with his friends.
So, when Brian watches Justin holding Gus - snuggling him against his chest, nuzzling his nose into his hair, gently kissing the top of his head, running his hand softly up and down his back - he feels an unmistakable rush of jealousy. Brian wants to be the one wrapped up in Justin's arms. He wants to feel those nuzzles and kisses and caresses. Brian Kinney, super stud and most fabulous fag in all of Pittsburgh, wants to be cuddled by Justin Taylor, trickiest twink on Liberty Avenue.
At the same time as he is feeling this rush of jealousy toward Gus because he wants to be cuddled, he also recognizes another layer of jealousy because he wants to be the one who is doing the cuddling. He wants to be the one rocking Gus, holding him and feeling his warm, soft body as it melts against his chest. He wants to wrap Gus up safely in his arms. He wants to be the one giving those kisses and caresses to this beautiful baby boy. Brian never thought he would love his son this much, but he does. Without a doubt, he does.
Brian decides there's only one way to fix the situation. He walks over to Justin and Gus and puts his hand on Justin's shoulder. Justin stops his steady back and forth rocking and looks back at him. Brian turns him gently around and steps closer, wrapping a soft hand around the back of his neck as Justin smiles and whispers, “I heard him fussing, so I thought I’d hold him for a minute until he settled down.” Brain nods, then presses his forehead to Justin’s and runs his hand tenderly down Gus' back. As he wraps his arm around Justin, pulling him closer so that Gus is nestled snugly between them, he closes his eyes. Gus breathes peacefully in his sleep, Justin let's out a contented hum, and Brian sighs in relief. The tightness in his chest and the restlessness in his arms are completely gone.
For years Brian’s need to be cuddled had grown. He had come to depend on Michael and the fact that, when he needed him to, he would always be there to hold him. He put his trust in Michael and the love that he expressed so freely, in actions if not in words. Brian had also come to enjoy the closeness he shared with Lindsay and he soaked up her love with every hug, kiss, and playful shove she bestowed upon him. Brian knew what it was to be held by someone who loved him and he knew what it was, if only platonically, to hold someone that he loved too. But with his forehead pressed against Justin's, Gus settled against his heart, and his arms wrapped around both of them he realizes that there is something even better than being held by someone who loves you…
*******
As Justin is laying Gus back down in his crib, Brian hooks a finger into the back of his jeans. Justin is smiling happily as he turns into Brian’s waiting arms. Though they enjoy cuddling, there’s something else they enjoy even more and it’s only a minute before they both seem to remember why they came upstairs in the first place. They pull apart and tip toe out of the bedroom. Justin leads the way back to the bathroom.
A few minutes later Brian is pressed against Justin’s ass. Justin’s underwear, the target of Brian’s frequent jealousy, is discarded on the floor.
As Brian slides into him, Justin is perched precariously on the edge of the sink, one hand gripping its edge and the other splayed against the wall above his head. His feet, of course, are hooked around the back of Brian’s neck.