mander3_swish (mander3_swish) wrote in qaf_giftxchnge, @ 2013-12-30 15:42:00 |
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Entry tags: | 2013 gift exchange |
Gift # 11
TO: sfscarlet
FROM: oceanreign
TITLE: Marriage
GIFT REQUEST: Fic. feel good but angst could be a part of the story. B/J fic- reminiscing about their long relationship ( 20+ years in the future)
Gus slid into the booth next to his dad with a huge frown on his face.
“Hey, Sonny Boy,” Brian said, nursing a cup of coffee. “I’ve got about five minutes before I have to be at the office.”
“Hi, Dad. Where’s Justin?” Gus glanced around the diner.
“Sleeping. What’s wrong?”
“Romantic problems.”
“Can’t find a date for your birthday party on Saturday?” Gulp. Twenty-five. Gus was going to be twenty-five. And he looked exactly like Brian had then, only he was a little shorter and his features were a bit softer.
“No. I don’t know why Mom has to make a big deal out of it. I’d rather celebrate accomplishments. Can I ask you a question, Dad?”
Brian recognized his own words being thrown back at him. It was amazing how over twenty years had passed and he still remembered the first time he spoke those words to Justin. Just before the fucking fiddler. Was he ever going to forget about the fucking fiddler?
“Sure. Make it quick.”
“You and Justin have been together for, what, twenty years now?”
Brian nodded. “More or less.” Technically, they’d basically been together since the night Gus was born. Gus knew that. Of course, Gus really only counted from the marriage proposal.
“Why did you two never get married? It’s been legal here for awhile.”
Brian hated questions like this. Especially loaded questions that he wasn’t quite sure he knew the answer to himself. “We know what we are to each other. A ring or a piece of paper won’t change that,” he answered carefully.
“But you asked him. You know, way back then. And even though you didn’t get married, you have been together ever since.”
“What are you getting at, Gus?” There was obviously something weighing on his mind.
“How did you know for sure that Justin was the one? I mean, that you wanted to marry?” Christ, weren’t these questions young children asked, or teenagers just starting out? Not twenty-five year old men who’ve worked through enough people by now to make the younger Brian Kinney proud.
“It’s a long story, Gus. One that you’ve heard from me and everybody else.” Brian started to get up.
“Please, Dad,” Gus looked up at him with a look that made Brian sink back into the seat. He ran a hand through his hair. “It’s important. I’ve heard how you met, some of the stories, but I’ve never heard how you knew he was the person you wanted to marry.”
“Look, Gus. I don’t know. We had been together more or less for a few years when the Babylon bombing happened. We weren’t together, I heard about the bombing. . .you know all of this already.” He looked at Gus, seeing an almost pleading look in his eyes. Christ. He sighed heavily and continued. “The day after the bombing I asked Justin to marry me and he though it was a reaction to the bombing, not a genuine proposal.” He sat back and thought for a minute, letting his mind drift to the past.
“I remember that part. Why did you keep asking?” Gus asked, motioning to the waitress to bring more coffee.
“I didn’t keep asking,” he replied, with a tinge of irritation in his voice. He was Brian Kinney after all. He didn’t grovel. “Justin mentioned that the hovel he was living in at the time would have to do until his country manor came along. So I set out to give him the manor—Britin—and it was actually several months later that I proposed again.” Brian was clearly losing his patience.
“What made you do that? And how come you haven’t gotten married since?” Gus was avidly questioning him.
“Look, Sonny Boy. I’ve got a meeting in ten minutes. Come to the house for dinner tonight and Justin and I will answer all of your questions.” He slid out of the booth, dropping a few bills on the table. As an afterthought, he turned back to Gus. “What brought this on?”
“I’ll tell you tonight,” Gus replied, and swiftly pushed past his father toward the door, leaving Brian to stare after him.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
It was nearly four in the afternoon before Brian got five minutes to think. He picked up the phone and dialled.
“Hey,” Justin answered.
“Hey,” Brian breathed in response, letting silence stretch on the line.
“You okay?”
“Gus is coming to dinner.”
“Okay. Is everything good?”
“He wants to know why we never got married.” Silence. Too long of a silence. “I told him that we would fill him in over dinner.”
“Do we know why we never got married?” Justin asked cautiously.
“Christ, Sunshine. I’m going to head home. I’ll be there in an hour.” He hung up. Why hadn’t they gotten married? Seriously, was there an answer to that question? He felt a headache coming on as he manoeuvred his Land Rover toward Britin.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
By the time Brian navigated traffic and made it home, Gus was already there, his old Honda parked in the front of the house. It was starting to cool down in the evenings some, but the days were still quite hot. Brian walked to the front door with his suit jacket draped on his arm.
He heard voices in the kitchen and smelled something delicious wafting down the hall. He took off his shoes and headed up the stairs to change, returning after a quick shower, wearing jeans and a t-shirt. He stopped when he was close enough to make out what they were saying, leaning against the door jamb.
“When did you know my dad was the one?” Fuck. Gus was not going to let this go.
“The night I met him, of course,” Justin replied as he moved around the kitchen adding spices to a pot on the stove and grabbing more veggies to chop. Gus was perched on a barstool watching him. “I thought I would be with him forever. Of course I was both right and wrong then.”
“What do you mean, both right and wrong?” Gus asked, popping a slice of green pepper into his mouth.
“Well, clearly we are together, so I was right,” Justin joked, chuckling a little. His face turned serious really quickly though. “But I was young and naïve. We went through a lot of stuff to get to a point where we could start the ‘forever’ part.” Gus nodded and the conversation lulled. Justin was still so beautiful. At nearly 43, his blond hair had gone a few shades darker. His blue eyes—those eyes! They were still piercing, but perhaps slightly deeper in color. He was more muscular, more like a man than a boy now of course. Sometimes Brian looked at him and still saw that 17 year old from all those years ago standing before him.
“Ok, then when did you know you wanted to marry him?” Gus asked quietly.
“We aren’t married.”
“Why?” There was another long stretch of silence as Justin stirred something on the stove.
Brian pushed himself off of the jamb where he was leaning and sauntered into the room, catching a glimpse of himself in the gleaming glass of the wine chiller. He had aged gracefully. He didn’t look 54. He had very little gray (and no, he didn’t dye it) at his temples and maybe a little peppering through out his short hair. He had a few wrinkles on his face, but his body overall was just as fit as it was ten years before. Justin wasn’t complaining.
“Hi, boys,” he said in greeting before hugging Justin from behind and planting a kiss on his neck. “What’s for dinner?”
“Fajitas,” Justin answered, turning around and leaning up to kiss Brian on the lips. “Mmmm.” He sighed against him. Brian smiled. Despite what he let others see, he really was awed at how much he still wanted to kiss Justin. All the time. Twenty-five years.
“Gross!” Gus exclaimed, throwing a dishtowel at them. “Not before dinner!” Justin smiled his million-watt grin at him and turned back to cooking. Brian braced himself for the onslaught of questions he knew were coming.
“I asked Mom today why you didn’t get married,” Gus started. “She asked me which time I was referring to. . .” his voice trailed off. Brian and Justin exchanged a look. “There were multiple times?”
“Yes.” Justin’s reply was tense.
Brian sighed and knew he was going to have to take this one. “After the first time, here at the house, Justin and I decided that we. . .” he searched for the words. “Well, that we didn’t want to sacrifice who we are to get married. Justin left for New York, to pursue his chance of a lifetime. I stayed here.”
“Mom said that Justin told her that New York wasn’t his chance of a lifetime, you were,” Gus filled in. Brian stilled. Did he know that? Looking at Justin, he realized he didn’t. Justin’s face told him that much.
“When did you tell her that?” He asked, amazed that there were things he still didn’t know about Justin, all these years later.
“When we first discussed the article. You know, before she showed it to you,” Justin answered. Brian was stunned. That was twenty years ago. Twenty years. It was a long time before Brian spoke again, watching Justin finish up dinner and begin to plate it.
“Justin was in New York for, oh, five years?” He looked to Justin, who nodded in confirmation.
“I thought you said you were together for twenty years?” Gus interjected.
“Actually,” Justin replied, “we have basically been together for twenty-five years. While there have been break-ups or, rather, separations here and there, and maybe we lacked a definition, but in all the time since the first night we met, we’ve spent less than one year total apart.” He motioned for them to grab plates and head to the table.
“But you were in New York for five years,” Gus said, spooning food into a tortilla.
“True. We were still seeing each other frequently.”
“How often?” Gus was looking at his father.
“In the beginning, it was maybe, once a month. Within a year I had enough clientele in New York to justify being there fifty percent of the time,” Brian replied. “And Justin came here at least one weekend a month.” He took a bite of food. Swallowing, he switched gears. “Why all the curiosity? You’ve never cared before.”
Gus stopped with a forkful of rice half way to his mouth. “I just want to know,” he answered before turning back to Justin. “When was the next time you decided to get married?”
Justin took a sip of his beer. “I had been in New York for three years. I’d had several art shows, but my most successful one—you remember, your moms brought you. You were eight? Maybe almost nine. Anyway, I sold a painting that night for six figures. I was so excited. It was my biggest sale to date. We were walking back to my apartment and we passed one of those horse-drawn carriages they run around central park.” He stopped, taking a second to look at Brian, who seemed awfully interested in his food.
“I mentioned to your father that I wouldn’t mind a nice carriage ride through the park. You can imagine his response,” Justin paused, a small smile on his face.
“I said it wasn’t romantic. It was fucking ridiculous. Then I asked him if he’d marry me.”
Gus’ shock showed on his face. “Why the fuck would you do that?”
“He asked me because, and I quote the great Brian Kinney himself, ‘they say once you get married romance goes out the window. If we get married, you won’t expect romantic bullshit anymore.’ Needless to say, I wasn’t impressed with the proposal.”
“I made up for it by taking him on a boat ride on the lake the next day,” Brian defended himself.
“He did. We rowed out on the lake. Then we walked hand in hand over the bridge, and he said, “are we ever going to get married?” Justin had a look of nostalgia on his face. “I told him I already was his, and we didn’t need rings to prove we loved each other.”
“Why would you do that?” Gus asked, incredulous that Justin would turn him down.
Brian and Justin shared a long look. “Let’s just say it was tradition.” Brian replied and left it at that.
“Ok, so now you have two proposals, two rejections. How did you stay together?”
“I’m irresistible,” Brian replied, to which Justin laughed out loud.
“Dad, this isn’t a joke. Sam wants to get married. I keep explaining that my dads aren’t married and are fine. I don’t know what to do. I’m trying to figure out why you haven’t so that I know if I even have a valid argument. I just want to know the story.” He stuffed more food in his mouth.
Brian sat back in his chair and drained his beer. Fuck. His son was thinking of marriage. Even at 54 years old, Brian was tempted to go off on the pitfalls of marriage, how it was a death sentence. His son didn’t deserve his bullshit. He had heard enough over the years. He looked at Justin.
“Gus,” Justin said carefully. “We will tell you the story. But our story doesn’t mean that marriage is or isn’t right for you and Sam. You two will have to figure that out for yourselves.”
“I just want to hear the story,” he replied, matter of factly.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
After dinner, the three men sat awkwardly in the living room, each lost in his own thoughts. It was Justin who approached the subject again.
“After the last time we told you about, with the horse-drawn carriage, the subject didn’t come up for probably five years. By then, your dad was about 40, give or take a year or so. You can probably remember some of how he acted around that time,” he paused, smiling at Brian. “It wasn’t the easiest time of our lives.”
“You’re forgetting a big chunk there, Sunshine,” Brian recalled. “In those years since the last proposal, well, our relationship was a little bit rocky.” Justin caught his eye, giving an almost imperceptible head shake. Brian knew he didn’t want to share this part of their life.
“What happened, Dad?” Gus questioned, looking back and forth between the two men.
“There is a lot to it. However, around this time Justin would go back and forth on wanting a family. Every couple of months, maybe a few times a year, he’d ask.” Brian looked away.
“I wanted a child. Brian didn’t. We were on and off for those few years. Moving on,” Justin said bitterly.
“Why don’t I remember that?” Gus asked. “I don’t remember you ever not being together.”
“We were never NOT together,” Brian stated. “We just had a lot of tension.”
“What your dad means to say, Gus, is that every single time the subject would come up, he would run off to Babylon and, well. .” his voice faded.
“Let’s just say that monogamy has never been my strong suit.” Brian glared at Justin.
“Anyway, in those years, the conversation often would circle from him wanting a baby to me saying he wouldn’t even marry me, so why would we want a baby. We were at a stalemate.”
“How did you two manage to stay together?”
“We almost didn’t. We saw other people for awhile. Justin travelled a lot for his art. I worked on campaigns all over the country. I stayed at the loft and he stayed out here. I think there was one year in there that we hardly saw each other. We would coordinate to not arouse suspicions in the family, but went our separate ways otherwise.”
Gus looked at them both, astounded. “A whole year?”
Justin sighed. “It was actually closer to two. We probably were forced to see each other once a week, on average. I think about it now, and had we not agreed to keep up appearances until we figured things out, we probably wouldn’t be standing here today.” He smiled weakly at Brian.
“What brought you back together?” Brian was dreading the next part of the story.
“We were still together,” Brian pointed out. “We were just struggling. I think those were years ten and eleven that we were so strained. Maybe twelve?” He looked to Justin for confirmation. Seeing so challenge, he moved on. “It was shortly after Justin moved back from New York once and for all. A lot of that was getting used to full-time---us.” He looked off into the distance.
“After a decade, you were not used to it?” Gus asked, wondering to himself what chance any marriage had if these two were having trouble a decade in.
Justin started where Brian had stopped. “You have to remember that in those ten or so years, we hadn’t been full-time. We were on-again, off-again for the first few. I lived with Deb, back home with my mom, with Daphne, with your dad. I was a nomad. Then there was New York. And since we were always reuniting or dreading the next departure, we tried to keep it light.”
“So you weren’t dealing with issues?” Gus asked, catching on.
“No, Sonny Boy. We weren’t. Sometimes, but overall, we just cherished the time we had and tried not to rock the boat.”
“There has to be some good stuff from those years, though, right?” Gus questioned.
“Of course,” Justin said. “There’s always been good stuff. Your father is my best friend. He has been from almost the beginning. We share a lifetime of wonderful memories on many levels.”
Brian rolled his eyes and moved to grab a beer. “Yes, Vertical, horizontal, ground level, penthouse. . .” his voice trailed off. Justin threw a pillow at him from the back of the couch.
Gus ignored the exchange. “I thought Daphne was your best friend!” He accused.
“She is. She was. It’s different. If asked to differentiate, I would say Daphne is my oldest friend, but Brian is my best friend.”
“What about you, Dad?” Gus asked his father, taking the beer the older man offered him.
“What is this, junior high?” He huffed, dropping himself back onto the sofa. He pulled Justin to lean back against him, keeping his arm resting on the man’s waist. “Yes, Justin is my best friend.”
“What about Michael?” Gus looked like his eyes were going to fall out of his head.
“What about him?” Brian responded, kissing the side of Justin’s face. Justin smiled, adjusting his weight so they were both comfortable. Gus was having a little trouble reconciling the tumultuous history they were telling him with the couple he was seeing before him now.
“I thought he was your best friend.” Gus stated, matter of factly.
“He was. Just like Daphne was Justin’s.”
“How did that change? He still tells everybody that will listen that you are his best friend.”
“Gus,” Brian began, rolling his lips inward. “Justin and I. . . from almost the beginning of our relationship, he’s known me better than anyone ever has, including Michael.”
“Wait, did you just refer to our early years as a relationship?” Justin teased, looking over his shoulder at Brian.
“Yes, you little shit. It was a relationship.” Brian smiled, kissing the man softly.
Gus cleared his throat. “Ok, so you two are best friends. What came next? What ended that hard stretch we were discussing?”
Justin picked up the story. “Toward the end of that stretch, I had a cancer scare,” he paused, feeling Brian tense beneath him. “Ironically, a doctor discovered an abnormality in my testicle.”
“Oh my God!” Gus exclaimed. “Just like you, Dad.” Brian nodded.
“At first I stopped returning Brian’s calls.” Justin added.
“Just like you, Dad!” Gus said again, this time catching the pillow his father threw at him.
“Funny, Sonny Boy,” Brian retorted.
“Anyway, Brian came to see me at the house, well, here. He’d been at the loft for awhile by then. Long enough to have none of the current season collection here.” Brian swatted Justin on the arm.
“How do you remember that?” Gus asked sceptically.
“He remembers everything, Gus. Trust me.” Brian replied.
“Do you want me to tell the story or not?” Justin admonished, looking at Gus.
“Please, continue,” Gus relented the floor.
“Anyway, it had been a long stretch. At the beginning of this trial separation bullshit, we were at least sleeping in the same bed a couple times a week. By this time, we probably hadn’t slept in the same house for six months.” His voice trailed off, thinking back to that time.
“I think we had even gone two months without seeing each other face-to-face this time. It was right after the holidays, so family get togethers were pretty scarce, and the one or two that may have happened we were able to excuse ourselves out of. Neither of us were there, so the family assumed we were together.” Brian pushed Justin up and left the room.
“I can’t imagine you two not seeing each other for two months!” Gus said. “Is he ok?”
“He’s fine. Probably went to take a piss. We had been apart for longer before. Like when I was with Ethan for those few months. Or when I went to Hollywood.”
Gus pondered the thought of these two not together. “Hell, Jus, you’ve been with my dad more consistently than my moms have been together.”
“That’s true, even with these few months. We still had our rules in place. Sort of.”
“Rules?” Gus said as Brian returned.
“Oh, yes, the rules. Home before 3 am. No kissing on the mouth. No repeats.” Brian obviously had nothing good to say about that.
“How did you have rules if you hadn’t seen each other in two months?”
“Oh, well, we still talked when we went home to our respective beds, as it were,” Justin answered, pulling Brian down to sit next to him again. “That’s how Brian knew I was avoiding him.”
“No call from Sunshine made it rain on my parade,” Brian snarked.
“How long was it?” Gus asked. “How long had you not heard from him?”
“Two weeks. I hadn’t called him for two weeks.”
“Ok, so you’re avoiding dad. Dad, what were you thinking?”
“I thought you wanted to know why we weren’t married,” Brian impatiently demanded.
“I do. But this is part of your story. I want to know your story.”
“When he first stopped calling it was after a huge fight we had after Valentine’s Day.” Brian spat, clearly not happy to relive this part of their history.
“What did you do?” Gus asked, leaning forward to hear the story, glaring at his father.
“Why does everybody assume it is me?”
“It usually is. Jus, what did he do?”
“Let’s just say he revisted old gift ideas.” Justin said, remembering the man that had appeared at his door wearing nothing but red underwear and a bow, a red rose between his teeth.
“You got mad because he re-gifted something to you?” Gus was clearly not following.
“No. Let’s just leave it at he knew I would get the message.” Justin had gotten the message all right. Gus looked at his father, raising an eyebrow in true Kinney fashion.
“Anyway, I thought it was the gift that caused the chill. One day after about two weeks of the silent treatment, the insurance company called to verify some information on my partner. They wouldn’t tell me anything except the name of the doctor.” He looked at Justin meaningfully.
“Ironic, isn’t it? That’s the same way I found out about your cancer.” Justin reminded him. Brian nodded.
“I stormed into the house to find Justin in his studio, covered in paint. He was clearly surprised that I was there. So, I told him about the call. I’ll spare you the details. The bottom line is that Justin had the tests and it wasn’t cancer. He didn’t have to do radiation like I did. The scare was enough to make me reconsider my stance on our separation.”
“What about you, Justin? Is that what changed your mind?”
“Gus, I learned from the start that you have to let things be Brian Kinney’s idea. This rift was a time we both needed to grow up and figure some stuff out, but we were never, ever not together.”
“What??” Gus cried. “You weren’t living together, you weren’t seeing each other. What?”
“It’s how we do things. Or how we did back then. But yes, your dad’s concern was part of what mended the rift. More than that, though, was the fact that it was time for him to come home. He had let me make the choice when I returned from New York, and this time it was his turn,” Just murmured, turning to kiss Brian.
“Ok, so you’re somewhere around year 10 or 12. And you’ve gotten past the wanting a family. You’ve mended this two year long itch. And then what? Another marriage propsal?”
“Then, Sonny Boy,” Brian said, stretching, “the story was ‘to be continued’.” He got up and moved to the kitchen with empty beer bottles from all three men.
“What!? NO!” Gus got up, moving to follow his father.
“I’m tired. We’ll have to finish this another day.”
Justin walked behind Brian, snaking his arms around the taller man’s waist. Leaning around him, he addressed Gus. “Why don’t you come back tomorrow? Bring Sam.” Brian’s hands were on Justin’s, lacing their fingers together.
Gus nodded, knowing that he wasn’t getting anywhere else this evening with his fathers. “I’ll be here tomorrow night at 6 sharp!” He stated, heading toward the door.
“Good night, Gus,” Justin called, laughing as Brian turned him around and nuzzled his neck.
Later, after they had made their way upstairs and had a satisfying romp in the shower, Justin looked at Brian’s face in the soft moonlight that shone down from the skylight. Propping himself up on one elbow, he whispered, “Brian?”
“Hmmm?” Brian said, reaching for Justin.
“What is your favorite memory from all these years together?” Justin asked, almost shyly.
“Just one? There must be tens of thousands of memories,” Brian replied in a husky voice, clearly referring to their sexcapades.
“I’m serious, Brian. What is your favorite? Or one that is in the top ten?”
“Top ten Justin memories?” He rolled over toward his night stand for a cigarette. “Well, one of them is the night we reconciled after Ethan,” he replied quietly.
“Really? I was so nervous that night,” Justin admitted. “That was so long ago.”
Brian sat up, taking a long drag on his cigarette. “Why aren’t we married, Justin?” he asked.
Justin met Brian’s gaze, pausing to search in his eyes for something. After a long moment, he shrugged and answered simply, “I knew you didn’t want it.”
Brian stared at the smoke spiralling off of the end of the cigarette before he stubbed it out and spoke. “I asked you. Several times.”
“You were asking me because it is what you thought I wanted. Not because you wanted it.”
“It may be true that I don’t subscribe to traditional thoughts on marriage, but it doesn’t meant that I never wanted it for you.”
“We covered this. Years ago. I don’t want you to ever do anything because I want it. Plus, we are still here. So clearly, it wasn’t a deal breaker.”
Brian drew in his lips, thinking of the best way to answer. “Justin. Listen to me. Are you listening?” He saw a slight nod. “I would give you anything.”
“And you’ve shown me that. Through twenty-five years of history. I don’t need a ceremony.”
“I know you don’t fucking need a ceremony.” Brian moved to kiss Justin, stopping just before his lips. “How are we having this conversation again?”
“I don’t know, Brian. I don’t know,” Justin replied, smiling against those lips he knew and loved so well. Just like he knew where they would end up next. They’d end up sprawled across the bed, covered in sweat and cum and sated.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
When Gus showed up the next evening, he had Sam with him.
“Hey, Justin!” Gus greeted as he walked into the the kitchen. “I filled Sam in on the history. We’re both really looking forward to hearing the rest!”
“Your dad is running late. But I’m making eggplant parmigiana.” Gus leaned over and tasted the sauce with his finger.
“Looks good. Do we have to wait for him?” Gus asked.
“Depends. Where were we?” Justin laughed. “Sam, go ahead and grab a drink.”
Sam moved forward, reaching for a beer out of the fridge. “My questions can wait. I’m anxious to hear the story!”
Justin groaned. “There isn’t much to tell. Now where were we?”
“You’d just told me all about the end to the two-year-itch. That’s about half of your years together. Were there more proposals?”
“Not really. There were a lot of discussions about it over the years. Not necessarily proposals.”
“Ok, so what happened next?”
If I remember correctly, we had a fairly mild couple of years. I had a few shows. Brian had some more work. Expanded into that building next to Kinnetik. Oh, and then came Liam. That’s the next big thing.”
“Liam?” Gus asked. “I remember him. He was an account executive for Remson, right?”
Justin nodded. “Yes. He was.” There was a bitter undertone to his voice.
Sam laughed. “I detect a note of distaste there.” Justin nodded again.
“I don’t want to get into the ins and outs of our relationship very deep, but at this point, Let’s see, Brian must have been, Gosh, 45? He was having a mid-life crisis. Again.” With that, Gus and Justin both laughed a little. “We had been together for 15, 16 years, including the first five that were on-again, off-again. Anyway, Gus, you were about 15, or 16.”
“Wait,” Sam said. “Your relationship with Brian and Gus are the same age?”
“I didn’t mention that?” Gus asked. “Dad and Justin met the same night I was born.”
Sam looked back and forth between the two men. “Interesting.” Sam is a psychology student.
“Brian and I were doing well. We still had an open-relationship. I don’t think either of us really used that open door policy often. As a matter of fact, I would say I hadn’t used it at all in a number of years. Brian, well, I could tell he wasn’t often. But a stressful day might send him somewhere for release.”
“You guys have been together for twenty-five years and you aren’t faithful???” Sam questioned, incredulous.
“It may be the key to the longevity of any relationship,” Justin started. “Depending on the people. Brian hates to have locks on the doors. The quickest way to push him toward something is to tell him he can’t.” Justin felt the tug of something on his subconscious. He filed that away for later. “So we never did that. Plus, look at Gus’s moms. Twice very early in our relationship, they almost broke up because of trysts that meant nothing. They did separate both times. But it didn’t’ mean anything.”
Gus nodded, turning to Sam. “The moms believe it is a deal-breaker. Dad and Justin do not. Look who made it and, well, who didn’t.” He says, looking a bit uncomfortable. Mel and Lindsay had broken up for good only a few years ago. Mel was now with a nice lady who had her own grown daughter. Lindsay was not with anybody.
“That’s a good point, I guess,” Sam said. “Where does Liam come in?”
“Liam. Right,” Justin began again. “Liam was probably 30. Even younger than I am by a couple of years. He was the new executive for Remson. Brian felt, challenged, I think, by the new and younger guy coming in. He started messing with the formula that had worked all of those years for Brian. But the challenge wasn’t completely unwelcome.”
“He was really smart. I remember him being at some party or something for Kinnetik and hearing how everybody talked about this guy,” Gus interjected.
“Exactly. He was a challenge for Brian in all the ways that matter. And he was gay. At some point, he and your dad hooked up.” Justin looked at Gus sadly. “It was a one-time thing at first. I mean, I know Brian didn’t mean for it to be more than that.”
Sam looked at Justin. “Oh. OH, no.” Justin nodded.
“Remson had a whole new wonder drug for HIV come out that year, so there was a lot of work to do. I would say they were working together, in person, at least twice a month. Brian would go there or he would come here. It was like, a year, that this went on.”
“Brian had an affair for a year?” Sam asked.
“He had ongoing relations with the same man for a year. For Brian, I don’t think he saw it as an affair. I think he was looking at the business end of it. It was business, and it was convenient. According to him, he had no feelings for the man.”
“Jus,” Gus said, “It was an affair.” Justin nodded. “If it went on for a year. It was an affair.”
Justin busied himself with grabbing the plates and silverware for dinner while he took a moment to breathe before continuing. “I made a huge sale on a piece I hung in a New York gallery. I was beside myself, excited. It was my first six figure sale. I ran down to Kinnetik to tell Brian. . .” his voiced trailed off. “Brian’s office door was locked. You could hear the noises and it was obvious what they were. Anyway, I sat down outside the office and waited.”
“You waited while hearing that go on?” Gus asked, surprised.
“Yes. It wasn’t long after that when Ted came around the corner and saw me there. His face went white. I could tell this was more than just a random hook-up.”
“What happened next?” Sam asked leaning on the edge of the barstool.
“Ted spent a few minutes chatting with me, but he knew and I knew that something was going on in there that Brian didn’t want me to know. Ted managed to move me down the hall a little. A few minutes later, the door opened and Liam stepped out, Brian standing right behind him. Plain as day, Liam leaned up, kissed Brian and said something we couldn’t hear. Brian nodded and Liam turned to leave. I was frozen in place, and I’m pretty sure Ted was about to implode.”
“Did you do anything?” Sam asked.
“I didn’t know what to do. Brian shut the door. I followed Liam. Ted ran toward Brian’s office.”
“What happened?” Gus cried.
“When I caught up with Liam, he was lighting a cigarette outside. We’d met, of course, several times throughout the year. When I approached him, he gave me a smirk and said ‘I’m a better match for him then you are. And I love him.’”
“He said WHAT?” Sam screeched. “Where does he get off saying that?”
“I won’t bore you with the details. It was a short conversation. I informed him that Brian was free to go if he chose, and that if he wasn’t going, it definitely wasn’t because of me. Liam seemed a little shocked by that, but his car came and he turned to me as he climbed in the car. He said something like “keep telling yourself that,” and left.”
“What did my dad say about the whole thing?” Justin came to sit next to them at the table with fresh beers.
“When I walked into the office, it was obvious that Ted had told Brian the gist of what I saw. He was slumped in his chair, and he looked up at me with an expression I can’t explain. I told him that I had come to share some news, but clearly the surprise was on me. Then I asked, ‘do you love him? He says he loves you.’” He paused for a long moment.
“Brian’s immediate response was no. It was just business. I think Brian was fond of him. And there were things about the time they spent together that I don’t know and I’m sure Brian holds dear. Did Brian love him? He’s never said. I know that the affair stopped right then and there, and within a month, Cynthia was the contact on Remson.”
“So what did it do, long term, for your relationship?” Sam asked, always the therapist.
“We danced around each other for a long time. Months. Finally, one night he asked me out of the blue about what news I had come to share with him that day. So I told him. He was proud. I asked him in return what would have happened if I had not found out. He told me nothing. I don’t’ know how to explain it. I believe that the major thing Brian took out of his “affair” was that he was ready to settle down for good. It just was a major shift. A shift that was ended by another proposal.”
“He proposed? Again?” Gus asked.
“I did. We’d been tap dancing around for months. So I dug out the rings from the first proposal and laid them on his pillow. That night, when we went to bed, he held up the box and raised his eyebrow in that questioning way he has. I said maybe it was time and asked him to marry me.”
“What did he say?” Sam breathed.
“He laughed and then said ‘why don’t we try monogamy on first,’ and, well, that was the end of the proposal.”
“That was huge, and you know it, Sunshine,” Brian remarked, from the doorway. How long had he been standing there? “In a lot of ways, it was more like being married than being married would be.” He kissed Justin on the mouth quickly on the way to the fridge to grab a beer.
“Hey, Dad!” Gus greeted his dad. In a lot of ways he was still the little boy who relished in being around his father.
“Hey, Sonny Boy. Hi, Sam.” He took a seat at the table. “So we are up to the time Justin proposed to me.” He summated.
“Yes. Now you guys are monogamous.” Sam reminded him.
“The next proposal? When was that, Brian?” Justin asked. “Come to think of it, I think it’s coming in five year cycles, give or take,” he laughed.
“The next one was probably five years later. It was around your twentieth birthday, Gus. Which was just before my fiftieth. And Justin’s wasn’t even fucking forty yet.”
“What brought that one on?” Gus asked, clearly engrossed in the Kinney-Taylor proposal history.
“It wasn’t anything huge. We came home after your party and started the annual conversation about how if you’re whatever age you are then it’s been that long since we met,” Brian rolled his eyes at that. “Every year. That fucking conversation happens every year. I’m sure it will be the first thing we talk about tomorrow night after your party.”
“It is sort of amazing that Brian Kinney is standing here with the same man twenty-five years later. With a twenty-five year old son. Still looking as young and beautiful as ever.” Brian laughed out loud at that.
“You sound like Mikey,” Brian said through his laughter.
“You do look young for your age, Brian,” Sam interjected. The look Brian got on his face in response was classic Kinney.
“We were talking about how twenty years had passed and about all of the things we had been through. Just the major highlights. You know, births, marriages, deaths, that sort of thing.” Justin prompted.
“Inevitably, the conversation turned to why we were never married. We went to Woody’s after that party, and we were sitting at the bar with Emmett and Ted. Mikey couldn’t be there because he was with J.R. or something.”
“Where was Ben?” Gus asked quietly.
“He was probably home with Michael. It wasn’t too long later that he passed, though. He’d long since passed on nights with the boys.” Brian replied. All four of them took a moment before moving on.
“Anyway,” Justin said, “we were sitting there at Woody’s when some young guy in a suit got down on one knee in front of his twink. It was a touching scene. So Brian looks over at me, right?” You could almost hear Brian’s eyes rolling around at that.
“He looks at me, and asks something like, we’ve given the monogamy thing a go. Are you ready to get married yet?” Justin rolled his own eyes at that. “I told him that we shouldn’t fix what isn’t broken.” Brian winced a little at that.
“Twenty years together does seem like marriage, with or without the paper,” Sam says out loud, clearly thinking it was an inner thought. “Well, I mean, you probably have all of the paperwork in order. The wills and stuff.”
“We’ve had that since year five,” Justin replies. “Legally, we are set.”
“Have there been any other marriage discussions since then?” Gus asks.
“Not really. And here we are five years later. I guess we are kind of due,” Justin jokes.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
A long while later, when dinner is done and they are once again alone, they sink into the couch and sit close to one another.
“Now, about that top-ten list,” Justin asks.
“Christ, Justin. Do you really need a list of things?” Brian looks tired.
“No. I don’t need a list.” Justin retorts.
Brian quietly looks at him, this man he’s been with for nearly half his life. That’s a thought. Twenty-five years is more than half of Justin’s life. “Definitely the prom dance. I know you cannot remember it. But there was something about that dance,” he says quietly.
“Yeah?” Justin says, his eyes lighting up and flashing his sunshine smile. “I think the dance after pride, that was something special too.”
“How you told everybody that I paid to take down Stockwell.”
“How you asked me to move in after the Liberty ride.”
“Your first show. I was so fucking proud of you then,” Brian said quickly.
“When Kinnetik got the first international account,” Justin responded in kind.
“The first trip to Ibiza together.” Brian recalled, remembering how that trip was about more than a week away.
“And the trip we took to Italy when my work was featured in that international show case,” Justin added.
“The first time you found a gray hair on your blonde little head,” Brian teased. Justin hit him with a throw pillow.
“Why would that be one of your favorites?”
“Because we were all thinking you were immortal. You never age!”
“Brian!”
“It’s true. Poor Theodore, always standing next to you looking ancient,” he snarked.
“I’m sure Ted was devastated by my youth,” Justin countered. They laughed for a minute.
“We’ve had a good life, Brian,” Justin remarked.
“it’s not over yet, Sunshine,” Brian replied, leaning in to kiss him. They didn’t talk much more than night.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Epilogue:
Gus’ twenty-fifth birthday party was a hit. The whole family was there. Emmett had catered it, of course, and Drew had come in to celebrate, although you never really knew what was going on with them. It was sort of ironic, if you think about it, because Brian was the consummate bachelor while Emmett was known for believing and falling in love. Yet Emmett was still more a bachelor than Brian had ever really been since he met Justin.
Michael was there with J.R. She was going to college at Carnegie Melon now, taking in the footsteps of Ben. Ben had passed away about four or five years back. He went fast, in his sleep. Michael was seeing a nice man called Max now. He would probably never get over Ben completely, but at least he was moving on.
Hunter was there with his wife, a young lady that also had HIV. They were happy and living near Michael now.
Deb was retired and living in a senior home now. She was still full of energy and spunk, organizing bingo night and as boisterous as ever. Carl had died before Ben.
Ted was still with Blake. It’s weird to think about, but they had met the about the same time Brian and Justin had. There had been a a few hits and misses, but they were strong as ever too. They had tried foster parenting over the years, and had an extended family through that.
Melanie and Lindsay were no longer together. They probably should have broken up years and years ago. Mel had a newer relationship with a woman named Marla. Lindsay was still single. She seemed a little lost, really. She never really did know what she wanted.
Then, of course, there were
Just after everybody had gotten their share of cake, Gus tapped his fork on a glass of champagne. The room quieted and he cleared his throat.
“Thank you all for coming!” He began, pulling Sam into a standing position. “I just wanted to tell you all how much I love you and appreciate you coming out to celebrate my birthday.”
There was a spattering of hoots and hollers and we love yous before he continued.
“I asked Sam to marry me last night,” Gus announced. “Sadly, she turned me down.” Brian stood there, amazed, as he watched his very straight son admit that the conclusion he had come to after hearing the Kinney-Taylor story was to propose, and that he was also turned down.
“Not to worry,” Sam interjected, seeking out Brian’s eyes in the crowd. “Some very wise advice led us to agree that—well, we are going to try monogamy on for awhile.” The crowd laughed, not really getting the joke.
Justin, however, looked toward Brian. They shared a long look before Brian leaned down to rest his forehead on Justin’s. They stood there, clinging to each other for a few long moments. After a sweet kiss, Brian pulled back and looked into Justin’s eyes. “What about you, Sunshine? You ready to give marriage a shot?”
Justin’s eyes welled with tears. “We’ve already tried monogamy for awhile. I guess it is the next logical step,” he replied, his voice thick with emotion.
Brian blinked slowly and brought his lips down to meet Justin’s. The rest of the world slipped away, as it had so many times, beginning with that first night that he looked up and saw his future standing under a streetlight.
THE END.