InsaneJournal

dottie_jane (dottie_jane) wrote in qaf_crackfic, @ 2009-10-06 20:39:00

Current mood:

sick

Animal-crackers!verse
Hello, fellow crack!fic addicts! I'm back with some more animal fun.

elvenfixation on LJ asked for some Ted/Blake cat crack!fic, and I couldn't resist such a request.

Title: House Cat and Alley Cat
Characters: Ted and Mel as Siamese house cats. Blake as an alley cat. Lindsay and Gus as humans. Brief mention of doggie!Brian and doggie!Justin.
Rating: PG-2 (in cat years).
Summary: Cat!Ted falls in love with Cat!Blake, who is addicted to garbage.
Word count: 933
A/N: This is a side adventure about the cat!Ted (aka Dumb Cat) from Twinky and the Tramp, a crack!fic I wrote in which Justin and Brian are dogs. Like that series, this standalone is unbeta'ed.



It was a crisp afternoon, but Ted the cat could not feel the slight chill from the breeze as he was sitting comfortably inside the kitchen windowsill of his home. He had a rather exciting morning when he had woken up and found himself snuggled up to Justin the golden dog. Ted was in the middle of delicately cleaning Justin's ears when Brian the big cranky dog came over and growled. Humiliated, Ted scampered off to regain his pride in his favorite sunny spot.

Not only was this spot warm, but there was a window that looked out onto the next house and the garbage cans that lived between them. These were very exciting garbage cans filled with bugs, rodents, and the occasional cat. There was one cat that was particularly fascinating to Ted. This alley cat had lovely golden fur like Justin, but he was better than Justin because Alley Cat was a cat. Also, there didn't seem to be a another cat hanging around so Ted thought his chances of licking Alley Cat's ears were pretty good.

Every time Lindsay tried to take the garbage out the side door, Ted would make a mad dash between her legs to get outside. Most of Ted's attempts were thwarted by Lindsay's long legs and super mom reflexes, but sometimes Ted was able to time it just right. When Ted was able to make his escape he ran frantically around the alley trying to find Alley Cat before Lindsay would catch him.

Sitting by the window patiently, Ted noticed Alley Cat hunting something near the big black garbage can. Ted perked his ears and pawed a little at the window. "The mouse ran behind you," Ted wanted to tell Alley Cat. Just then Lindsay came into the kitchen and began to take the garbage bag out of the can. Ted became very excited, but decided to act cool and he hopped down from his perch to go get a little water from his dish. Lindsay opened the door and Ted zoomed right between her legs and out the door.

Not wanting to get caught again, Ted decided to hide behind the biggest trash can. Lindsay called his name a few times and then said, "fine, stay out, but don't knock up any strays, Teddy," and closed the door. Lindsay shook her head wondering what could be so fascinating to Ted in that alley. It couldn't be other cats, because she had been trying to breed him with Mel for months with no luck.

Once the door was shut, Ted heard a rustling sound inside one of the trash cans and then saw Alley Cat's head pop out the top. That's where he was! Alley Cat jumped out of the trash can and came up to Ted. They smelled noses tentatively at first. Alley Cat smelled pretty bad and on closer inspection he appeared to be covered in bits of garbage and food. His junky appearance didn't discourage Ted who decided to invite him into the house.

Ted went up to the stoop and waited until Alley Cat followed. Then Ted howled and scratched at the door until Lindsay let him in. At first, she tried to shoo Alley Cat out, but Ted made plaintive mewling noises and so she decided to give the skinny stray a little food. Mel came into the kitchen when she heard the can opener, but promptly ran away when she saw the filthy, strange cat. Lindsay wet a dish towel and began to wipe the junk off Alley Cat. "Oh my goodness, you have old cornflakes all over you," Lindsay said. "Blakes," Gus agreed from his high chair.

After Ted and Blakes had been fed, they proceeded to lick each other. Ted was in heaven, but Blakes seemed to have other ideas and started walking toward the kitchen garbage can. Blakes easily hopped into the can and rooted around. He then quickly jumped out with some old chicken in his mouth and promptly offered it to Ted. Not wanting to appear rude or prudish, Ted gobbled as much of the rotten chicken as he could. Ted instantly develops a tummy ache and begins to mewl. Lindsay, seeing her purebred Siamese cat's face covered in old chicken, decided it was time for Blakes to go live with someone else.

Ted did not see Blakes again for several weeks and he was sad. Eating the rotten chicken had made him very sick, but he didn't blame Blakes.

One day, Ted made his mad dash out the kitchen door and decided to explore the neighborhood a little. He rolled around in the neighbor's compost and then ate something strange from another neighbor's trash can. Ted proceeded down the street like this for several hours before he came to a cute little cottage with a beautiful golden cat sitting on the front porch. As he got closer to the porch, he realized the cat was Blakes! They ran up to greet each other and Ted noticed that Blakes collar read "Blake." Ted supposed a singular form of the name was better considering he really was only one cat.

Blake carefully licked Ted clean and then showed Ted where his cat kibble was. They ate a little together and then Blake walked Ted home. They sat on the kitchen stoop for several minutes licking each others ears before Lindsay opened the door to let Ted inside. Ted quickly jumped up to his favorite windowsill to watch Blake walk back to his home. Ted was happy to know that no matter how dirty he got, Blake was there to help him get clean.

THE END