Who: Lilith and Lucifer (with cameo from Eve!) What: Ice cream and chatter From:undertherainbow Prompt: Friendship
There was a knock on her door. Lilith regarded this fact as one might a fly buzzing against the window: it was annoying, and regrettable, but ultimately it wasn't really her responsibility to deal with it. With time, the fly would lose interest, and so would her caller. Meanwhile, she focused on trying to make her crossword puzzle fit the words "Adam is a prick" over and over.
Ten minutes later, when the knocking had not stopped, she began to second guess herself. It would have been far more tolerable if it had had any kind of rhythm, but no. It would vary in tone, speed, pitch. It even descended in volume so that she was straining to hear it before jumping back up. There were few things that annoyed Lilith more than someone tricking her body into doing something she was actively willing herself not to do.
With a look of annoyance that came from much practice, Lilith opened the door and glared at whoever was behind it. It was Lucifer, which did nothing to lessen the intensity of the glare. "What do you want, angel?" she growled.
"I was in the neighborhood--the neighborhood being 'everywhere in the universe at once,' mind--and I decided that you were probably in sore need of ice cream. Get your coat." The annoying thing about--one of many, many, many annoying things about Lucifer was the fact that he never considered the possibility of being wrong.
"So you spend the last ten minutes annoying me, and then you expect me to do what you want? Typical man." She turned up her nose, but what really annoyed her was the fact that, now that he had suggested it, she did want ice cream.
Lucifer rolled his eyes. "Twenty-three years of humanity is horribly offended. Fourteen billion years of angelicness was created before genitals existed. Are you getting your coat or no?"
"No." She slammed the door in his face. Lilith turned around and tried to storm back into the living room, but no one was around, and it's hard to storm without witnesses. Then she resumed her puzzle, disappointed that twenty-three down, "Unpleasant fellow," didn't have four letters and start with an A.
"I hope you appreciate the irony of you reading Better Homes and Gardens." Lilith jumped at the voice and looked up from her puzzle to find Lucifer sitting on her couch and flipping through her magazine.
"I don't--it's not for the articles, there's a hot chick on thirty-three. What the hell are you doing in here? Don't I have to invite you in?"
"Vampires, you'll find. Your coat's hanging on that chair."
Rather than to the chair, Lilith walked to the couch and grabbed Lucifer's arm. While she was just over a hundred pounds and he was currently in the body of a full-grown man, her attitude made it clear that she wasn't going to take any lip from physics, and she pulled him to his feet. "Out!" She shoved him towards the door.
Lucifer stumbled out under the force of Lilith's considerable strength. "I imagine you're a butter rum girl." She slammed the door again.
She settled on her chair again and picked up her pen, but then her cell phone, charging in her bedroom, began to ring. If there had still been a God, she would have blamed Him for this. Grumbling all the way, she kicked open the door to her bedroom--
--and stepped out into the streets of New York City. "Wha?" she said eloquently. Lilith spun around and found that the door she had apparently just stepped out of now led to a Chinese restaurant. "Wha?" she repeated.
"Oh, good, you decided to join me," said Lucifer, leaning on a wall nearby.
"You fucker," she spat. She hadn't worked out what had happened yet, but it was Lucifer, so it was probably a good thing to say in any case.
"Indeed. Shall we?" He started walking and, since Lilith had no better ideas about what to do, she followed after, jogging to catch up so that they were side by side.
"There is something wrong with you. Ever hear the phrase 'No means no?' Send me home--no, just give me cab money, my wallet's at home. And your coat. A bitch could freeze out here." A tank top did not an autumn sweater make.
"I did tell you." Lucifer shrugged off his jacket and gave it to Lilith. She debated with herself, fighting between pride and the desire for comfort, before Lucifer said, "Either I can be cold or you can be cold. Well, I can't be cold unless I want to be, but either way."
Hiding a smirk, she took the coat. "Aren't you supposed to be an angel? And give up all that tempting shit?"
"I'm an angel with hobbies." He continued walking, apparently ignoring her demand for a cab. Eventually he stopped, or the sheer ferocity of Lilith's glower made him stop in his tracks. It was probably the former, since she would occasionally stop glaring long enough to stare at a particularly fine rack with a woman attached or a cute ass affixed to the lower back of what she pretended was a caring and sensitive man who voted pro-choice and belonged to various feminist organizations.
"Where's my cab?" she demanded, shaking the image of an unusually attractive dude wearing a very tight feministing.com shirt out of her head.
"Oh, right, that reminds me. Speaking of temptation. We're here." Lilith looked up where Lucifer was pointing. There was a sign that read, "Chinatown Ice Cream Factory." Her desire to return home faded when the smell of the various flavors wafted from the door as a very sated-looking patron walked out. "You could cut off your nose to spite your face. Or your stomach, I suppose. Or, alternatively, you could whittle away at my savings, enjoy some ice cream, and challenge the patriarchy's view on women enjoying fattening desserts."
"I hate you so much," said Lilith, but without any real rancor. She opened the door and walked up to the counter. "Give me the largest sundae they let you sell. And a round for everybody here. On him."
A cheer went up. "Oh, good," said Lucifer dryly. "Friends."
A couple of minutes later, Lilith was working through slightly more than a pound of ice cream, chocolate, cherries, whipped cream, sprinkles, peanuts, and assorted flavoring compounds. Lucifer had settled for a vanilla ice cream cone.
"Vanilla is a perfectly acceptable flavor with its own subtle nuances and flavors, and the implication that it is somehow inferior because of its use as a base for many other flavors is both ridiculous and, frankly, offensive," he had said. Lilith was pretty sure it wasn't the first time he'd had to defend his choices.
"So why--" she began, but had to swallow before going further. "So why did you decide I needed this?" she asked.
"Because ice cream is an effective method of keeping people from committing murder, and I would rather not have to visit you in prison. You'd try to borrow Mary for conjugal visits."
Lilith was completely unapologetic. "You have good taste. Lucky for you, she don't."
"What brought on these sudden feelings of rage?"
"What do you think? That dick shows up, and suddenly it's Eden all over again. Except instead of getting his way with God, he gets his way with--" Lilith stopped and quickly shoved a cherry in her mouth to give herself time to think. When finally she swallowed, she said, "Why should I have to put up with his ass again?"
"As you might say, bullshit." Lilith cocked an eyebrow. "This isn't about Adam at all."
"I'm pretty sure it is. I hate that fucker."
"No. Adam has barely even spoken to you, and left to his own devices he would probably never speak to you again. Your breakup, such that it was, is in no danger. There's no reason for it to be Adam, save that he is bothering Eve."
"Yeah? Well that gets on my nerves, too. Who's he to screw with her now? She's turning into a big strong girl, and he's trying to wreck it? Fuck him."
"Eve is, as you said, a big girl. You go on about rights more than anyone else. There's no reason that her choices about Adam should affect you."
"Maybe I want Eve for myself!" she exploded. A few patrons turned their head to look at the rampaging lesbian, but there were usually stranger things to be found without even trying. "Y'ever think of that?"
"Did you ever think of that?" said Lucifer calmly, not quite holding back a smile.
She threw a spoon at his forehead. It bounced and landed in her sundae. "I hate you."
"Very probably," Lucifer agreed.
She sighed and ate absently. Ordinarily it would have just slid into her stomach without her really tasting it, but it was very good ice cream. "Of course I want her. Adam doesn't deserve her. Or anything. And no, I don't mean deserve her like a prize, you dick," she added before Lucifer could comment on her wording. "She's my best friend and a good... a great woman."
"And you would like to nail her as if she were the Ninety-Five Theses and you were Martin Luther."
"What I want..." What she wanted, yes, was to fuck her into the mattress until neither of them could walk straight, but more than that. "I'd settle for making nice again."
"Do so."
"It's not--"
"It is exactly that simple. Eve is the single most forgiving person in the world. I got her kicked out of Eden and she still speaks to me. This is part of her problem. Where you see the worst in Adam, she sees the best. And it's not an easy place to be when one's best friend and one's first love despise one another."
Lilith poked at what remained of her sundae, lost in her thoughts. She felt Lucifer's eyes on her, but it was some time before she spoke again. "I suppose I could call her or something," she muttered, pretending she found a cherry very interesting.
"Indeed."
By this point, the few bites of ice cream that remained had become little more than a thick soup. "Let's go." She stood and picked up Lucifer's coat.
"In a moment." Lucifer went to the counter and got a quart to go before opening the door for Lilith.
She kicked him aside and held the door open for him. "Dick."
When she walked out, she was standing in a hallway. Lucifer's coat was gone, and in its place was the ice cream. "Damn it, angel, this shit ain't funny!" she yelled.
"Lilith?" Lilith might have continued swearing but for the gentle voice calling her name. She turned around and saw Eve standing in an open doorway, apparently attracted by the noise Lilith had made.
"Hey, sister," said Lilith, surprised at how soft her voice sounded. "Um. Thought you might need to talk." She held up the ice cream as if it were a peace offering.
"You're not still mad at me?"
"I wasn't mad. A little annoyed, but it happens to me all the time. I don't want to be mad at you."
Eve smiled. "Come in." Eve walked inside and Lilith followed, although in all honesty, she probably would have followed that ass anywhere. "I'm glad you're willing to listen. Um. Let me go put on some real clothes." She was wearing a long t-shirt, and tempted as Lilith was to object, she held her tongue.
Lilith found Eve's silverware drawer after some trial and error and pulled out a couple of spoons. After making sure that Eve was in her bedroom, Lilith let out a quiet, "Hee," as she opened the carton.
Written in elegant script in the caramel swirl were the words, "I heard that."