InsaneJournal

Heartbreaks-R-Us.
WHO: Jason & Kate
WHAT: The break-up phonecall.
WHEN: Backdated to November.
WHERE: Jason's in Seattle, Kate's in Providence.
RATING: PG-13 for a little tiny bit of language.
OPEN? Nope, AIM log.

KATE: Kate sat in her room beside her cell phone, and had been sitting there for a good ten minutes just staring her phone down like it was going to jump at her. The reason behind this was because she needed to make a phone call that she was not looking forward to, and not fully ready to do. Kate had decided a few days ago that she needed to break up with Jason. She loved him very much, but she just couldn’t do the long distance anymore. He was living in Seattle and she was in Rhode Island and Kate had no idea when the next time she would be able to see him was. After a few more minutes of internal debating Kate made herself pick up the phone and dial his number, one that she had quickly learned off by heart and was second nature for her fingers to dial. She sat down on her bed and took a deep breath when she heard the ringing begin. “Hey, Jason.” Kate said when she heard him pick up, trying to sound as normal as possible but it not working out so well. JASON: Jason had been a busy boy. He'd spent a lot of time faxing and emailing resumes to many different photography studios in Providence and the surrounding areas, trying his hardest to find a job there. He missed Kate more than he thought possible, and he wanted to be with her so badly, that he would do anything to get a good job out there. He would move ot to be with her in a heartbeat, no questions asked, but he needed to make sure he'd be able to make a living while he was there. He couldn't just up and move there with no job on the line. That would just be irresponsible. He was getting desperate enough to go back to working retail, honestly. After returning home from work, Jason collasped on his couch when he heard his phone ring. Pulling the phone out of his pocket, he answered and smiled at the voice on the line. "Hey, you. I was just thinking about you. What's up?" he asked. KATE: Kate sucked in a quick breath of air as Jason spoke and her heart started to beat a bit faster. She couldn’t believe how much she had been missing Jason while she was at school, and even though she talked to him every day on the phone it didn’t do anything to stop the aching in her heart that she was starting to feel all of the time. “Not a lot. I just got back from the library and now I am just relaxing in my dorm while my room mate is out,” Kate replied. She bit her bottom lip and kept on telling herself just to get it over and done with, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it right away. “What about you?” JASON: Smiling at the sound of her voice, Jason settled into the couch and closed his eyes. He loved her so much, he just wanted to move out there now. Keeping the idea of a move a secret from her was killing him, but he wanted to surprise her when he showed up. "Oh, you know. The usual. Just working and eating and sleeping. Marcus says to tell you 'hi'," he told her, his fingers playing with a loose thread in his sweater. It was strange getting used to the cold again, but Jason adapted pretty quickly. "Have you been doing anything fun? Or are you just studying?" he asked, letting his hand drop and closing his eyes again. "I miss you so much," he said randomly, rolling his lips into his mouth. KATE: Kate stayed sitting on her bed, her body went a bit stuff as she tried to find the words to end things with Jason. She kept on telling herself that it would be easier then the pain she was going through from being away from him for so long. Anything had to be better then what she felt when she was away from him. “Tell Marcus I say hi back,” Kate replied, the thought of Jason’s brother almost being able to put a smile on her face. Kate got along really well with Jason’s brother, which she was happy about. “Mostly studying. I got a bit behind in my classes since I just not used to actually doing homework, but I have been to a few different resident parties and they were pretty fun.” Kate then suddenly felt like she couldn’t breath when Jason told her that he missed her, and that was because she missed him as well. “I miss you too,” she managed to say, and to her surprise Kate found that she had to hold back a tear and it showed in her voice because she knew what was about to come. JASON: Jason smiled when Kate told him to return the greeting to his brother, and he nodded even though she couldn't see him. "I'll do that," he told her. Listening to Kate talking about what she was doing at school just made Jason miss her more, he wanted to be there with her, he wanted to help her study and go to those parties with her, should she decide to bring him. He wanted to just be able to sleep in the same bed as she was, since he hadn't been sleeping worth anything without her. Hearing the change in her voice when she told him she missed him too, Jason's eyes opened. He knew Kate well enough to be able to tell when something was wrong, and something was obviously wrong. "Hey, what's wrong?" he asked softly, a knot swelling in his stomach at the thought of her being upset, and him not being there to help her through it. KATE: Kate tried to swallow back another lump in her throat and she felt a tear fall down even before she started speaking again. Kate wasn’t a big crier, and she was really glad that her room mate wasn’t home because Kate really did hate it when she cried in front of anyone. The only people who had really recently seen Kate cry was her mother, Jason, her dad and her room mate. Her room mate had only seen it because Kate had cried herself to sleep a few times during her first night at Brown, something that she wasn’t proud of but couldn’t help. “Jason,” Kate started, but she had to stop to try and control the trembling in her voice. “I…I can’t do this anymore.” Kate knew that was a pathetic start to her break up, but it was all she could come up with. JASON: The silence on the line after his question started to bother Jason, and he sat up on the couch, turning to sit on it normally, raising a brow. "Kate? You still there?" he asked, when all he heard was dead air. He pulled the phone away from his head to look and make sure it was still connected, that he hadn't maybe dropped the call or anything like that. After another minute, he heard Kate say his name, and he put the phone back to his ear. Her next statement made the knot he felt in his stomach jump to his heart and squeeze it. "What?" he asked, standing up and moving to go outside for some privacy. Marcus was in the next room, after all. "You can't do what anymore?" he asked, confused. KATE: The tears started to flow more freely now, and Kate did nothing to hide it in her voice. She started to slouch over on her bed so that she could rest her forehead on the hand that she wasn’t using to hold her cell phone. She was silent for a few more seconds and she tried to calm down a bit so that she could speak more. She didn’t want to go through with it now that she was talking to Jason, but something I the back of her head told her to get it over with and she would stop hurting soon enough. “I miss you so much Jason. There are some days were I miss you so much it hurts. I can’t sleep at nights and just…” Kate trailed off again as she wiped a tear from her eye. “I can’t do it anymore, I just can’t.” Kate felt weak for giving up on the two of them only after three months, but it was three months of pure torture that she had just went through and she wasn’t sure how much more she could handle. JASON: Silence followed his question, and Jason felt the pressure around his heart increase, squeezing it tighter. He was about to prompt her to go on again, when she started talking, and then Jason wished he hadn't said anything. He wished he hadn't answered his phone. But he knew that wasn't even a possibility, he knew he'd always answer if Kate called him, no matter what time it was. "Kate, I ..." he trailed off, running a hand through his hair and sitting down on a rock outside in the backyard. He rested his forehead on his palm and closed his eyes, swallowing past the lump in his throat. "I don't know what you want me to say to you. You've obviously made up your mind about this. I love you, and I want to fight you on this, but if you made up your mind there's nothing I can say to change it," he said, swallowing hard again. KATE: Kate was now fully crying, and she knew that Jason would be able to hear it in her voice. She attempted to wipe away her tears and calm down, but failed miserably and just let herself cry while Jason was still on the other line. She let herself cry for a few moments until she him say that loved her, and she couldn’t help but nod her head while on the phone even though Jason wasn’t with her. “I love you so much Jason,” she managed to let out in between her sobs. Kate really had not fully made up her mind on the situation, but there really was no turning back now. It was going to be better for both of them in the end, it had to be. “Jason I…” Kate said before she cried a bit more. “I think it will be better for both of us.” Kate was just about to go on about how he was twenty three and that he needed to go out and have fun and meet people, not wait around for his girlfriend who lived on the other side of the country, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. JASON: The tears that he could hear on the other end of the line were breaking his heart. He hated seeing Kate cry, and he hated hearing it even more. Because when he just heard it, there was absolutely nothing he could do. He couldn't hold her and kiss the top of her head, he couldn't wipe her tears away. He couldn't do anything but sit there and listen to her tears. "Kate, please don't cry," he said softly, feeling some tears welling up in his own eyes. He wiped at them quickly, swallowing hard again. He listened to her telling him that she thought it would be better for the both of them, and he shook his head, standing up and pacing. "How can you say that this will be better for both of us? You don't know how I feel right now," he said, getting defensive as a way to keep the emotion out of his voice. He didn't want to admit that she was breaking his heart into tiny little pieces. KATE: Jason’s soft voice telling Kate not to cry only caused her to cry a little bit more because she all of sudden wanted Jason’s arms around her and desperately needed to feel his touch. None of that could happen though, and it make Kate’s heart and entire body ache. She started to shake a bit while she sat on the bed desperately trying to calm herself down so that she could form a complete and coherent sentence for Jason. “How could it not be better?” Kate asked, getting a little defensive herself in reaction to Jason. “I can’t handle it Jason, being away from you this long has just been hell and I can’t even think about what it is going to be like in the months to come.” Kate then got up off her bed and paced around her room, grabbing a Kleenex off of her bed side table to try and wipe the tears away. JASON: Jason's eyes closed as he continued to hear Kate's tears. He didn't know what he was supposed to say. She was breaking up with him, she didn't want him in her life anymore. She thought it would be less painful for her to not have him in her life at all. The thought made him choke up a little bit, and he covered his mouth for a moment, until he cleared his throat to get control of himself again. "It can't be better for me, because I'm in love with you, and I want you in my life! You're everything to me, Kate," he said, cutting himself off at the end there, because he could hear the change in his own voice, the change that probably told her that he was getting choked up, too. He didn't want to make this harder for her, she had obviously made up her mind. "But if you think it will be easier for you to not have me in your life at all, then fine. I love you enough to let you go," he swallowed. KATE: Kate walked around her small room a few times and wiped the tears off her face for them only to be replaced by new ones right away. After nearly tripping over her school bag from not looking at where she was going Kate settled to leaning her forehead against her wall. She wanted to smack her head against the wall, but she didn’t think that was a good idea to do while on the phone with Jason. His words hit her pretty hard, and made her feel even more like shit for what she had decided to do to him. She didn’t love him any less the he loved her, she knew that for a fact, and she still did want him in her life, but it was all just too hard for her. Kate was never any good at long distance and before she had met Jason she told herself that she would never do a long distance relationship. “I want you in my life still, Jason. Just…not like this.” Kate could hear Jason’s voice change and him beginning to choke up, which only caused her to get even more upset. She wanted to stop him right there and tell him how much she loved him, and that she would do anything for them to be able to be together, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it after he said that he would let her go. “I think it would be easier for both of us, not just me.” JASON: Jason rolled his lips into his mouth, taking a seat on the rock he had previously vacated. He ran his hand through his hair, before running it over his face and stopping to rest it against his cheek as he rested his elbow on his knee, his cell phone still pressed firmly to his ear. He closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths. Her last comment made him shake his head. It wouldn't be easier for him. He still loved her more than he'd ever loved anybody, and he had been pretty positive that she had felt the same for him. But, he wouldn't tell her that. Jason knew that she needed to do this, she needed to break things off with him, so she could live her life. She didn't need to be tied down to him while he was thousands and thousands of miles away from her. Sighing softly, he ran his hand over his face again. Self-sacrifice, that was what he was good at, wasn't it? "You're probably right, Kate. It will be better for both of us. I just need time for it to be easier for me," he told her, lying through his teeth to make her happy. Well, not happy. But to make her feel better about what she was doing. KATE: Kate was determined that Jason needed to be single and enjoy his life. He was a good looking twenty three year old who didn’t need to be hanging around tied to his nineteen year old girlfriend and Kate needed to get out and start enjoying her college life. It wasn’t fair to both of them, or at least that was what Kate told herself as she stood against the wall with the phone pressed against her ear. She let out a sigh, slightly relieve when Jason agreed with her, but it still hurting just as much. She was glad that there didn’t need to be an argument because that was something that Kate knew she wouldn’t be able to handle. She nodded to herself again and sniffled back a few more tears. “Yeah…” Kate said, now not knowing what she could say to him. She wanted to tell him again and again that she loved him and missed him, but she wasn’t sure if that was the greatest idea when she was starting to get her tears under control. JASON: Jason heard her relieved sigh when he didn't put up a fight, and then he knew that he made the right choice, telling her that he agreed with her. She was more than likely going through an emotion roller coaster right now, with the days leading up to the phonecall, and then actually making it, Jason didn't need to add to her stress by fighting with her about this. He would just swallow past the lump in his throat and take it like a man, even though all he wanted to do was beg her not to do this. He wanted to beg her to change her mind, beg her to give him more time to find a job. But he couldn't even bring himself to tell her he was looking. He didn't want to appear desperate, like he was grovelling for her. "Uh ... yeah," he agreed, closing his eyes and swallowing again. "Well, uh ... I guess good luck with school, and I'll talk to you some other time, maybe," he said, coughing to hide the crack in his voice. KATE: Jason was right, Kate was having an emotional rollercoaster for sure, but what she didn’t know was that it was only going to get worse. Part of her knew that her pain wasn’t going to get better any time soon, but her desperate need for it to go away was shouting at her and telling her that it was all going to be over soon if she just did this, so she went though with it. When Jason said his goodbye Kate wanted to tell him to wait, that she needed to talk to him more but the words just didn’t come out. She wanted to be able to talk to him some other time, Kate couldn’t imagine not being able to talk to Jason at all, but she knew that she wasn’t going to have the guts to call him for a while. She felt the tears coming back again, stronger then ever, so Kate decided that she just wanted to get off the phone with him before she started crying again. “Yeah ok, bye.” Kate mumbled, but she was a little too late and the shaking in her voice was obvious. She quickly hung up her phone and threw it in not general direction, not caring that her phone her opposite wall and was probably broken now. She just made her way to her bed, climbed under the covers and let herself cry. JASON: Once Kate said goodbye, Jason started to say something, and then stopped himself, and Kate hung up. He stared at his phone for a minute before he stood up and paced again. What the hell had just happened? Where the hell did it come from? What the fuck was he going to do now? Looking back down at his phone, Jason just got upset and angry, and before he could stop himself, he chucked his phone as far as he could into the woods behind his house, not sure where it landed, and not really caring. "Fuck it," he said, moving back into the house. He changed into a pair of sweatpants and a tshirt and grabbed his iPod, heading outside again to go for a run. Maybe that would clear his head. Ignoring his brother, Jason headed outside and began running around the block, asking himself what the hell he had done wrong.