Charity Carpenter [Dresden Files] (domesticmcgyver) wrote in projectchaoslog, @ 2013-01-23 20:53:00 |
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Entry tags: | charity carpenter : domesticmcgyver, merlin : nilrem, michael carpenter : godsmortalfist |
WHO: Charity Carpenter & The Merlin (& later, Michael)
WHAT: Talk, Changes, Apprenticeship
WHEN: Backdated to Michael's & Charity's vacation (after this)
WHERE: Tea-room in a pocket dimension
WARNINGS: Some Charity angst
"Greetings, Charity Carpenter. My name is Merlin. Would you care for some tea?" He smiled to her, eyes warm, sad, and understanding, and he stood there, unassuming, unglorified, and simply welcoming. His face was that of a man who had seen sorrow and pain, and his bearing of a man who had labored all of his life, and was not yet done laboring. And he stood there, waiting for her answer.
Charity stood in what ought to have been the patio of the beach house, but appeared to be...a tea room? She blinked at the man as he introduced himself, trying to process what he was saying. "Merlin?"
"Aye, milady." he smiled a quirky grin and gestured to the seat opposite him. Between the two seats the tea heated, fragrant steam wafting even as far as where she stood. "Will you take tea with me? I promise you, you will lose no time."
Could he do that? Wasn't that supposed to be against the rules? She frowned, her face a map of worry, frustration, and regret; her brow knit in confusion. "What's the catch?"
Merlin nodded. A smart woman. "That whatsoever happens here will only be between us. That no one in your time and place will ever, can ever, know of it. Unless we meet there." He smiled softly. "This is a moment of rest, Charity. A moment when nothing you say or do will effect your world. Use it well."
Charity sighed wearily and moved toward the seat that Merlin had indicated. Her body felt heavy--weary--as she lowered herself to the chair. If she was dreaming, it felt very real; if this was real, it felt like a dream, but it was a welcome reprieve from the near-nightmare that had become her reality. But even so...
“I’m afraid of what might pass my lips if I speak.”
“I will not hold it against you. Whatever you have heard of me, I am here merely to help. “ He nodded to her, eyes warm and compassionate. The table before them held tea makings now, and he started a little burner to fix tea. “It will be done soon,. Should you desire it so, merely not speak, and this will be but a moment of quiet for you.”
She closed her eyes for a moment, trying to calm herself. She would not, could not speak her fears; they sounded too much like a curse, even in her mind’s ear. Too often, she spoke in anger, and she knew that would have to change, or she would fray.
“I feel as if my family is falling apart...and I’m to blame.”
“Why?” The question was simple though he knew the answer would not be.
“I tried so hard to protect my children that I’ve practically driven them away. My eldest daughter, especially. I thought that if I abandoned my magic, if I suppressed it, then my children would be free from it, but it only seems to have come out stronger in them.”
And if it was as strong as it was in Molly and Daniel, how much stronger might it be in her youngest son? “I should have been the one to teach my daughter how to wield her power wisely, but instead, she turns to strangers who betray my trust at every turn. I’ve done to her exactly what my parents did to me--and she is paying the price for my mistakes.”
“There is yet time, as there is life, and hope to make life better. Would you, if you could, make up for those mistakes? Would you pay the price to be able to teach her, and the others, the heritage that is theirs by right? Would you be willing to help them and to try to not judge their choices, quite so much?” His voice was still soft, and not judgmental at all, but the intensity was there and he leaned forward as he spoke.
“How?” she asked, her own voice thick with emotion. “It can’t turn back time. I can’t take away the mantle that was foisted on her. I can’t...” Go off and eviscerate her lover. “I’m at the end of my rope, and it’s starting to fray.”
“You can do penance for your crimes, if you feel they are wrong enough. And you can be there for her, to accept her, to stand by her, to help lift her up in her darkness. You can be strength when she needs it, but it means, all of it, means stepping away from your comfort zone. It means... evolving, Charity Carpenter. It means changing, possibly in ways you never dreamed.” He spoke softly, but eloquently and passionately.
“I know I was wrong,” she said with conviction, “I’m trying to change, but...” There was always a but. “I feel like we’ve hit another breaking point, just when I thought we were starting to mend. How can I accept something that feels so wrong?”
“What is the breaking point for you? What is it that feels so wrong?” He asked her gently as he started to pour tea for them both. The warm scent wafted across the room, and engulfed them.
She took a deep breath as she tried to keep the tears from falling that sprang into her eyes. She wanted to swear, and curse, and lash out at the object of her frustration with words, and weapons, and magic that she no longer possessed. That was just as wrong as the thing to which she was so violently opposed.
“My daughter,” the words came out clipped as she tried to control her emotions, “Is a prisoner of the Unseelie court. She’s a fragile, broken young woman still healing from emotional and physical trauma, and now she is bound to a man old enough to be her father. And she claims--” It was impossible to hide her incredulity now. “--to be in love with him. But it’s not love they’re acting on. It’s not a healthy bond. It’s bondage.”
And no one knew bondage better than Charity. She’d lived with it. She’d escaped it. And then she’d driven her daughter into the same kind of relationship--and she hated herself for it. “He’s using her, Merlin. And she’s using him. And neither one of them can see it. And I cannot...”
Her eyes said what she could not bear to say. I cannot bear to lose my daughter, but I don’t know how to save her.
Merlin reached out his hands and gripped hers and nodded. “I could help you. But it means facing something you turned against long ago, and dealing with it, and raising it again, permanently. It means facing your magic, and making it part of your life, forever.” He sighed. “I do not think there is any way else short of a war that would kill innocents, to help her, or him, or you.” His sorrow was palpable.
Charity wrapped her hands around her cup of tea, and the tears came, whether she liked it or not. Great drops of saltwater rolling down her cheeks. More than half of her life she had spent trying to bury the truth, and it had backfired. It had turned her into a bitter, spiteful, and vindictive shadow of the woman that she wanted to be.
Oh, she was a dutiful wife, and a fabulous cook, and no one would ever question that she loved her husband and children. But in trying to control her world, she’d only crippled herself, and unwittingly done the same to Molly. And it had to end. “It has to end. I can’t go on like this anymore.”
“Then take my hand., It will hurt, to waken it, but you will not be alone. And I will help you learn how to use it, how to be there for them. You will never have to face this alone. In time, your husband can be taught to be your counterbalance, a magic that requires no power save the human heart.”
He nodded. “But take my hand, and begin a new path, one that will help end this sorrow.”
She squeezed her eyes shut for a moment, sending up a silent prayer, and hoping she was doing the right thing. All she knew was that something needed to change, and she couldn’t do it on her own.
She took Merlin’s hand.
Then warmth and love wrapped around her, and a connection to this stranger, and through him to a power, a being, far greater, far more loving. Approval was there for a moment, and then magic flared and pain lashed through them. Merlin held her hand, enduring it with her, as her magical channels were opened. One hand rose to her head and knowledge flowed to her mind of the basics of magic, elements and words and will.
And then the pain was gone and Merlin slowly lowered his hands, and blew out a gentle breath of air. “Welcome, Charity, sister, to being a wizard.”
She felt that Presence, beyond herself, and beyond Merlin, like the beginnings of a soulgaze. Then came the pain, and the tears streaming down her face as all the blocks that she had laid to wall away her magic were washed away.
She clung to Merlin’s hand, drawing a ragged, trembling breath as he passed that seed of knowledge to her, and then gently released her. The discomfort ebbed away, and she pressed her palms together, forefingers pressed to her lips in reflection and gratitude.
“Help me not to misuse this gift.”
“It would be my most absolute pleasure, Charity. I will teach you. Each day, we can steal moments here, until your control is good enough to practice outside this room.” He gently raised a hand and spoke a word, one that would resonate with her, a word meaning door in an ancient tongue. “Speak the word at any door and you will arrive here. I will come as soon as I sense you entering.” He nodded.
She nodded, feeling that word take root in her memory. The mention of doors, and stealing time away reminded her that Michael was back in the beach house, blissfully oblivious to what had just occurred. “I’ll have to tell my husband, soon,” she said, “I kept my magic secret from him for too long, before.”
“Of course. Here.” He concentrated, words spilling from his mouth fast and furious until he stopped, sweat pouring off his head, and held up a shimmering oval. “This is the memory of our conversation, emotions and all. Let him not only know what is happening, but see it. If he wishes.”
Then he grinned. “And tell him, if he asks for anything like a sign, that Uriel says hello.”
Charity blinked once, then smiled, nodding her head as she closed her hand around the memory. Her free hand covered Merlin’s, then, and held it warmly for a moment. “Thank you.”
“You are welcome, sister. Hold strong to your faith. Listen to it, not your fear. It will help you, no matter what happens.” He nodded, smiling softly.
She nodded once more, offering a glimmer of a smile. It wasn’t going to be easy, she knew, but she couldn’t let herself despair. Molly wasn’t out of reach yet. “I’ll do my best.”
Merlin nodded and bowed to her, and the place simply unraveled, as if a scene unpainting itself, and in the next moment, she stood back where she had been, Merlin’s voice echoing in her ears. “Be free, sister, for you will never walk alone again.” And then he was gone, but the stone was still in her hands, warm and real.
FIN