Fic (long): A Fine Romance - Snape/Lupin, NC17 Title: A Fine Romance This Is Author: McKay Rating: NC17 Pairing: Snape/Lupin, past Lupin/Tonks Disclaimer: All HP characters and concepts are copyrighted by JKR and WB; this is for non-profit, entertainment purposes only. Summary: Post-war Alternate Reality. It's been three months of (admittedly good) shagging, but Severus wants to know where he stands with Remus and takes drastic measures to find out. Warnings: cross-dressing Word count: ~8700
Severus stood in front of the full length mirror and studied his naked body dispassionately. He was a little above average height, but so was Remus, which put them on equal footing, and Severus liked that because he didn't have to tilt his head back to kiss Remus as he had to do with Regulus, who had been tall like his brother. He was skinny; some might be tactful and call him "lean", but Severus knew skinny when he saw it. His skin was sallow, not fair like Remus', and he didn't have a sprinkling of pale freckles across his nose like Remus did, which was unfortunate because he liked those freckles on Remus. Then again, considering the size of his nose, it might have been more than a sprinkling, and at least his sallow skin didn't turn the color of ripe strawberries and peel if he stayed in the sun too long (which was rarely an issue) as Remus' did.
There were scars on his neck and shoulder. Bad ones. Severus lifted his hand and trailed his fingertips along the raised scar tissue, a souvenir of his brush with death. If he hadn't begun taking an anti-venom potion every time he was summoned after what happened to Arthur Weasley. If Minerva hadn't sent a house-elf to make a discreet check on him after half an hour in concordance with their arrangement. If she hadn't known what to do to stop the blood loss. If. If. If.
By all rights, he ought to be dead, and there were some, including Potter, who seemed a bit disappointed that he wasn't. It was easier, he supposed, to call him a hero and remember him fondly when he wasn't there to sneer at them. He had scars and a slight palsy in his left hand from the nerve damage; the Healers weren't certain it would ever go away, and it made brewing more difficult than it had been, but he wasn't dead, which was as much a shock to him as it had been to everyone else.
But if being alive was a shock, then being alive and with Remus Lupin was little short of miraculous.
Well, with-ish. They had been shagging for around three months, having made the shift from unlikely friends to unlikely lovers around the time of the one year anniversary of the Battle of Hogwarts, and yet Remus had never invited Severus to stay the night nor had he stayed the night with Severus in spite of Severus' invitations, which were delivered with an air of diffidence so he could pretend he wasn't disappointed when Remus said no again. There was always a reason, usually involving Teddy, which didn't make sense to Severus because Teddy was just over a year old and unlikely to notice or care that his father wasn't going to bed alone, and besides that, Teddy seemed to like Severus well enough.
Their arrangement, Severus thought sourly, was more like friends with benefits, and he was tired of it, but he didn't know what to do to change it. If he confronted Remus with the fact that he was no longer satisfied with the way things were, then Remus, who seemed perfectly content with the status quo, might put an end to the affair entirely.
But perhaps Remus wasn't satisfied. Perhaps he thought Severus would do for the interim, but he wasn't looking at their affair as a potential long-term relationship. Perhaps he wanted something else. Something different.
It hadn't escaped Severus' notice that Remus refused to talk about Tonks or his marriage. Any mention of either was met with silence or an abrupt change of subject, and Severus took it as a sign that either Remus was still too much in mourning, or Remus didn't want to let Severus in beyond a shallow sexual level, or a bit of both.
Perhaps, Severus thought, he needed to figure out what he lacked that Remus wanted or needed and find a way to give it to him.
He stretched out his hand and summoned a small jar from the top of the dresser; he unscrewed the lid and dipped his fingers into the pale pink salve within, the cloying scent of roses wafting to his nose. It was not a scent he would have chosen, but he hadn't made the stuff himself, so he couldn't complain. Much. He moved to the plain wood chair by the window and sat down, methodically smoothing the salve all over his legs with his right hand. After the recommended five minutes, he summoned his wand and cast a charm to clean the goop off his legs, and he ran his hand along his bare calf, pleased to find it smooth and hairless. His skin might stink of roses, but it felt silky, and he supposed it was a worthwhile trade-off.
He applied the salve to his chest and underarms, and in a matter of minutes, he was smooth and hairless from the neck down except for his forearms and groin because he didn't want to end up looking like a rose-scented prepubescent boy. With his luck, he would find out Tonks had kept herself clean-shaven, but for now, he was drawing the line at denuding his own nether region.
With that process complete, he padded on bare feet down the corridor to the toilet to take a hot shower and wash his hair with a new shampoo, one he hoped would keep his hair from becoming oily again too quickly. He'd always had oily hair, but things like not being discovered as a spy, not being killed by the Dark Lord, not being betrayed by a jealous Death Eater and then killed by the Dark Lord, and not dying of an apoplectic attack brought on by one of his students had all ranked higher on his priority list than keeping his hair squeaky clean.
He returned to his bedroom with hair that looked glossy rather than lank, which he thought was a good start, and he went to the bed, where he had laid out several garments, none of which he had ever worn before. He picked up the corset first, which was made of black brocade with a green swirl pattern and had garters attached. It laced up the back, which made him grateful he was a wizard since he didn't have anyone to help him lace it and his left hand was weaker than the right and hindered by the tremor. He could feel the steel ribs pressing in as he flicked his wand to cinch the laces tighter, and he felt a twinge of apprehension until he grew accustomed to breathing within the restraints of the corset.
That was one benefit of being skinny, he thought as he regarded his new corseted figure in the mirror; he could pass as a tall, willowy, small-breasted woman... albeit one with a big nose and an adam's apple. While his narrow hips would never look curvy, the corset did give him a waistline and the illusion of a bosom, which he supposed was the best he could hope for.
He put on the black silk knickers and sat down in his chair again to put on the stockings. A little shudder rippled through him at the feel of the sheer black silk stockings sliding against his hairless skin, and he couldn't hold back a gasp; getting dressed and undressed had never been a sensual experience for him, but the caress of silk against his skin was decadent, and he liked it. He fastened the stockings to his garters and stood, and he decided he liked the teasing glimpse of bare skin that showed above his stockings and below his corset.
The dress was next. It was black, of course, with a vee neckline that showed off his illusory bosom, long sleeves that draped gracefully over the backs of his hands, and a slit up the full length skirt that flashed a beguiling glimpse of his legs. Once he put on the black pumps, he stood in front of the mirror again, and he was pleasantly surprised by what he saw. Holding his arms out by his sides, he rotated slowly and peered over his shoulder so he could see every angle. The dress managed to be flattering even to his skinny, bony arse, and he was stunned to realize he felt... sexy. He had never looked so good before in his life, and suddenly, he was eager for Remus to see him.
But not before he finished styling his hair or applying cosmetics. The eyeliner gave him some trouble, and he poked himself in the eye twice before he managed to apply it to his satisfaction. He applied the foundation, powder, and blush with a light hand, wanting to enhance his features, not tip himself into the realm of parody, and he finished with a plum colored lipstick.
He wasn't certain what to do with his hair, so he settled for brushing it and letting it fall to the middle of his back. Normally, he scraped it back into a ponytail or topknot, but Remus had once mentioned liking it long and loose, and Severus had been letting it grow out ever since.
He released a short, huffing breath and rolled his shoulders, trying to ease the flutter of nerves in his stomach as he put away all the cosmetics, shopping bags, and hangers, wanting the bedroom to be clear of clutter and ready for use; then he lit a few candles and headed downstairs to open a bottle of wine. Remus was due to arrive soon, and Severus wanted everything to be ready and waiting, including himself.
He had just finished pouring two glasses of wine when the flames in the lounge fireplace flared green, and Remus stepped onto the hearth rug, brushing soot off his robes. Severus froze, clutching the wine bottle in his good hand as he faced Remus, and he swallowed hard, his stomach churning as he waited for Remus' reaction to his transformation.
"I hope I'm not late. Teddy was being stubborn about--" Remus' words trailed off mid-sentence when he glanced up and saw Severus at last, and his jaw dropped slightly, his dark blue eyes growing wide. "Severus?" he asked hesitantly.
Severus nodded and put the bottle aside, stepping forward so Remus could get a better view. "I thought..." He cleared his throat and tried again. "I decided to surprise you."
"Well, you certainly succeeded." Remus ran his fingers through his hair, tousling it. "I... really don't know what to say."
Icy tendrils curled around Severus' stomach, squeezing until he thought he might be ill, and he fervently prayed he hadn't just made a colossal mistake -- or made a colossal fool of himself. "You could say whether you like it or not."
"I don't know." Remus stared at him, appearing more disconcerted than aroused by the sight. "This is so very unexpected."
Severus drew his dignity around him like armor, his jaw tightening reflexively. "Do you want me to change?"
"Yes. No." Remus buried both hands in his hair and let out a noise of what sounded like pure frustration. "What I want is to know why you did it in the first place."
Severus swallowed past the sick knot of embarrassment, disappointment, and rising anger in his throat and backed away. "It was a mistake," he said, his tone cold and clipped. "I'll go and change."
He pivoted on his heel, wanting to race up to his bedroom, slam the door, and not come out until Remus was gone; he didn't think he could bear to see Remus again after this humiliating rejection. It was clear to him now that whatever he did, it wouldn't be what Remus wanted or needed because he wasn't what Remus wanted or needed. But before he could make his escape, Remus grabbed his arm and made him stop short.
"No, don't leave." Remus' voice was soft, even conciliatory, but it did nothing to soothe the ache in Severus' heart. "I'm sorry. I've handled this badly. I didn't mean to make you angry, especially when you've gone to such trouble to do something you thought I would like. I do appreciate the sentiment." He moved closer, close enough that Severus could feel the heat of Remus' body against his back, and he stroked Severus' upper arm soothingly. "I just don't understand why."
"No reason." Severus lifted one shoulder in an insouciant shrug.
"Severus." Remus' tone was mildly reproachful. "We both know you don't do things, especially not things like this, for no reason."
"It was a simple bedroom game, nothing more." Severus shrugged again, "Obviously, you do not wish to play it, so I will change clothes, and we can forget it ever happened." He tried to tug free of Remus' grasp, but Remus tightened his grip on Severus' arm and snaked one arm around Severus' waist for good measure.
Remus pressed closer, closing the distance between them until the solid strength and heat of Remus' body pressed against his back made Severus shiver. "I saw your face." Remus' voice ghosted past Severus' ear, his breath warm and moist. "You looked nervous and hopeful. That tells me this was more than a game to you."
Severus thinned his lips into a hard line, annoyed with himself for giving so much away and with Remus for being able to read him well enough to catch it. "Your assumptions are wrong," he replied, determined to bluff his way out of this if he could.
"I'm not wrong, and we both know it." Remus slid his hand down Severus' arm and clasped Severus' good hand, squeezing it gently. "So why don't you go ahead and tell me what this is really about?"
"Fine." Severus stared straight ahead, straining to keep his body away from Remus'. "I will tell you why I did this if you talk to me about your wife."
That did it. Remus released Severus and stepped away from him, putting a safe amount of distance between them, and silence reigned in the room for an eternal moment. Remus didn't speak, and Severus had nothing to say, and he finally ended the stalemate by walking away, heading back upstairs to rid himself of the evidence of his own stupidity.
He went straight to the toilet and slammed the door, which made him feel a little better, and he lowered the toilet seat and dropped heavily on it, burying his face in his hands. "Fuck."
He didn't know how long he sat there, hurting and seething in turns until he felt composed enough to kick off his shoes, stand up, and go to the sink. He turned on the water as hot as he could stand it, snatched up a washcloth and lathered it, and scrubbed viciously at his face until his skin was crimson from heat and friction and every trace of the cosmetics had been washed away.
The knock on the door came just as he turned off the tap, and he stood there with the washcloth pressed against his face and tried to decide whether to acknowledge Remus or not.
"Severus, we need to talk."
Severus listened intently for any hint of anger or annoyance in Remus' voice, but he heard only quiet determination, and he lowered the washcloth at last. "I have no desire to discuss this further. We have said everything we needed to say."
"No, I don't think we have." When Remus spoke again, his voice was quietly pleading. "Please tell me why you did this."
"Only if you tell me why you refuse to discuss your wife or your marriage." Severus whirled and glared at the door even though Remus couldn't see him. "You refuse to so much as hear her name in your presence, you refuse to tell anyone about our relationship - if that is indeed what this is - you refuse to stay over when I invite you, and you refuse to invite me to stay. I may be just poor old Snivellus, but I deserve to know why!" he snapped, balling his good hand into a fist.
There was a long moment of silence on the other side of the door, so long that Severus began to fear Remus had left, but the floorboards of his house were creaky, and Remus hadn't taken off his shoes, which meant Severus would have heard him walk away. But still, his breath froze in his lungs the longer the silence spun out, and he released it on a wheezing gasp when Remus finally spoke.
"You're right." Remus' voice was dull and lifeless. "I haven't been fair to you."
"Damned right you haven't!" Now that he was getting wound up, Severus was ready to spit out all the anger, frustration, disappointment, and pain in a rush of invective. "Do you really want to know why I did this? I'll tell you why - because I thought it was what you wanted. I thought you've been missing and mourning your wife so much that you wish you were with a woman rather than me. I thought you were ashamed and regretted being with me, but you were too damned nice to make a clean break of it."
"No!" Severus heard a thunk against the door, and he thought perhaps Remus must be leaning against it. "No, you're wrong. I'm not ashamed, and I don't regret being with you."
"Then what the bloody hell is going on?"
"I'm not what everyone thinks I am!"
Severus fell silent, trying to make sense of the declaration and how it connected to their current situation, but he couldn't. "Explain that to me in a way that makes sense to someone outside your own addled mind," he said in a deceptively calm voice.
"I'm not bisexual," Remus said wearily. "I'm gay."
The pieces started falling into place, and Severus' eyes widened with surprise. "Oh."
"Yes." Remus sounded ironically amused now. "I tried with Tonks. I really did. She wanted me to love her, and it seemed like everyone else wanted me to love her, and so I tried. I did love her, just not the way she wanted me to. I was in denial. I told myself I liked women as well as men, but we both had our eyes opened to the truth when she grew a penis on a whim, and I was more aroused than I ever had been before with her. Or..." His voice changed, becoming thoughtful, almost pensive. "Perhaps it wasn't so much a whim, after all. Perhaps she suspected, and then her suspicions were confirmed. But either way, it was too late. We were married, she was pregnant, and the world was going to Hell all around us. It didn't seem to be the best time to reevaluate our situation, much less get a divorce. Then the war was over, and she was dead." His voice grew soft and melancholy. "Andromeda was half-mad with grief over losing her husband and her daughter, and everyone seemed to think I ought to be devastated too. But I wasn't."
Severus heard a shaky sigh on the other side of the door, and he moved closer, pressing his palms against the wood.
"I was relieved. I was single, I had a son I adore, and I didn't have to face all the guilt and recrimination I'd get from practically everyone we knew if she had lived and we had divorced. Instead, they all thought I was strong, the grieving widower carrying on bravely for the sake of his son."
"And you didn't disabuse them of their assumptions."
"No." Remus fell silent again for a moment. "Kingsley repealed the werewolf anti-employment laws, and it was a relief when I was hired to work in the reorganized Werewolf Support Services because it meant I could provide for Teddy and be self-sufficient. No more relying on the charity of others or being supported by Tonks just to keep a roof over our heads and food on our plates. I was content for the first time in... Oh, a very long time. Perhaps since childhood. The fear was gone, the constant worry over money was gone, the pressure was gone..."
"And then I came along."
"Yes." It was barely a whisper. "You came along, and then I was happy."
Severus froze and swallowed hard, scarcely able to believe he had heard correctly. "What?" His own voice was hoarse and ragged.
"I would have been pleased if we hadn't gone farther than burying the hatchet and becoming friends," Remus continued as if Severus hadn't spoken. "But that night we got drunk and shagged for the first time was perfect. Everything seemed to fall into place, and I realized what I had been wishing for deep down but had never found." He gave a mirthless little laugh. "I also realized I was as gay as a picnic basket, and the thought of how everyone would react once they found out terrified me. I wanted to cling to the happiness I found with you, but I didn't want to admit I wasn't the grieving widower they thought I was. I didn't want to admit the truth to anyone, not even you, so I refused to talk about it at all."
Severus shook his head, grimacing. "I thought nearly dying might have changed you, but no. You are still just as much of a fucking cowardly pushover as you ever were."
"I know." Remus breathed out what sounded like an aggrieved sigh. "I'm sorry, and I mean that with all my heart. What else do you want me to say? You can't possibly flagellate me more than I have done myself."
"Somehow I doubt that," Severus replied grimly. "But we'll leave it for now. The most important question at hand is, what are you going to do about it? Do you intend to keep our affair shrouded in a veil of secrecy?"
"No. I think we've reached the point of no return. I never meant to give you cause for doubt about where you stand with me, but I have, and I think that means it's time for me to stop running. I admit part of it was also the idea of being stigmatized as a werewolf and a homosexual, but perhaps with the truth about Albus and Elphias having come out, so to speak, the news about you and me won't seem as shocking."
"If you're planning to make it sound like I forced you into confessing the truth, you needn't bother." Severus wrapped his arms around his midsection, wishing he wasn't having this conversation while wearing a dress and corset; he felt foolish, and he wanted to be back in the comforting protective armor his high collared, concealing robes offered. "I won't be accused of being yet another person who pressured you."
"Oh, Severus." Remus' voice sounded melancholy again. "Do you really not know?"
"Know what?"
"That our relationship is worth facing the inevitable fallout to me. I'd rather bear the brunt of their anger than lose you."
"No," Severus whispered, shaking his head. "I didn't know."
"I'm sorry," Remus said quietly. "I've hidden too much, even from you, and that needs to end. No more hiding from now on, all right? In fact..." There was a brief pause. "I'd like it if you moved in with me and Teddy."
Severus fought the urge to let his jaw hang open, and he leaned forward, pressing against the door again. "Really?"
"Yes, really." There was a firm note of conviction in Remus' voice that was all the affirmation Severus needed.
"All right." He nodded and drew in a deep, steadying breath. "I accept."
"Good." There was another pause, and when Remus spoke, he sounded wryly amused. "Now could you please open the door so we can seal the bargain properly? I feel like I'm giving my confession to a priest, and it's rather disconcerting."
Severus opened the door and stood in the doorway, tucking a stray lock of hair behind his ear in an awkward attempt to do something with his hands. "It wasn't locked, you know."
"Oh." Remus blinked at him, and then he smiled and shook his head. "I didn't think to try it. I thought you wouldn't want me barging in anyway."
"Not really, no." Severus gazed at him, trying to process the unexpected revelations and twists of the last few minutes. "Do you want me to change clothes?"
Remus slid his hand beneath the heavy length of Severus' hair and rested his hand on the back of Severus' neck, urging him closer, and Severus took the last couple of steps to close the distance remaining between them. "What I want is to kiss you," Remus murmured, leaning in until they were nose to nose.
"No one is stopping you," Severus replied, not trusting his own voice to function properly above a whisper.
Remus' lips quirked up in a brief smile, and a flash of heat in his eyes made Severus shiver; Remus pressed his lips against Severus', darting his tongue out to coax Severus' lips apart, and Severus parted them shyly, still a little raw and uncertain. But Remus was gently insistent, stroking just beneath Severus' ear with his thumb as he claimed Severus' mouth, the kiss as slow and thorough as if it were their first and they were familiarizing themselves with each other's taste. Severus couldn't muster much resistance when Remus' firm lips made his knees turn to water, and he relented at last, sliding one arm around Remus' waist, gratified by the soft moan that elicited from Remus in return.
When they parted at last, Remus smiled and nuzzled his nose against Severus'. "You know, now that the shock has worn off, I must admit you look rather sexy like this." He rested his free hand on Severus' hip and slid it up to rest in the slight curve of Severus' waist. "Are you wearing a corset under there?"
"Well, well." Remus' laughter was breathy, and there was a gleam of desire in his eyes. "I may not be aroused by women, but apparently women's clothing is another matter, especially when you're wearing it."
Severus peeked at Remus from beneath his lashes. "I discovered I like wearing it," he admitted. "I've never felt sexy before, but wearing these..." He trailed off and gave a little shrug, a little embarrassed by what he was admitting.
Cupping Severus' cheek in one hand, Remus gazed at him, a blend of sympathy and affection in his eyes. "To me, you are always sexy," he said softly. "I don't care whether you're wearing your robes with that endless row of buttons begging to be unfastened or a corset and stockings or nothing at all. I desire you."
Resting his free hand on Remus' hip, Severus searched his face, looking for any sign of duplicity or weakness; pretty words were one thing, but he wanted to know if Remus intended to follow through on them or if he was going to cave in once the collective outrage over their relationship -- and Severus was not foolish enough to think there wouldn't be any -- began creating outside pressure.
"Do you really want me to move in?" he asked. "Would you prefer to wait until after our relationship is public knowledge and the fallout has died down?"
"No." Remus shook his head, his expression resolute. "You were right: I've been a cowardly pushover about this whole thing. I've let others decide things for me all my life, but now I have a chance to choose something I want. If I'm not going to take control of my own life now, then when am I? In fact..." He tilted his head, a faint smile playing at the corners of his mouth. "Let's start now. Come home with me and spend the night. Ginny is babysitting. I'm sure when I return with you in tow, she'll tell Harry and her mother, and the grapevine will be a-buzz within an hour."
Severus felt a surge of hope, one that was liberally mixed with evil glee. Remus might be susceptible to other people's opinions, but Severus didn't give a damn about what any of them thought, and imagining the look on the faces of Molly Weasley, Potter, and the rest when they found out was enough to put him in a good humor for the rest of the week.
"Very well." He released Remus and stepped back, allowing himself the luxury of a little smirk. "Let me change clothes first."
"I'll help." Remus slid his hands along the bodice of Severus' dress and let them come to rest on Severus' bosom, stroking the bare skin above the neckline with his thumbs and making a shiver ripple down Severus' spine. "Turn around, and we'll get you out of this dress," he said, his voice taking on the husky note that Severus knew meant he was growing aroused.
Obediently, Severus turned and presented his back to Remus, sweeping his hair over his shoulder and out of the way; Remus leaned in and pressed a kiss to the back of Severus' neck, making him shiver again, and then Remus began unbuttoning the dress, slipping his fingers beneath the folds of fabric to caress the warm skin beneath with each button he unfastened. Once he was finished, he eased the garment over Severus' shoulders and down his arms, and Severus helped by wriggling until the dress puddled at his feet.
"Mmmm..." Remus released a soft, slow sigh and nuzzled his cheek against the nape of Severus' neck as he slid both arms around Severus' waist, pulling Severus against him. "Feels good."
Severus leaned against him, relaxing in the embrace at last; the uncertainty plaguing him had begun to fade thanks to Remus' willingness to take a decisive first step. Knowing Remus wasn't still in mourning for something Severus couldn't ever provide also helped; he had never been certain of his place in Remus' life before, but now he knew Remus wanted him, chest hair, cock, and all.
"I don't suppose you would be willing to keep the corset and stockings on underneath your robes?" Remus asked, a hopeful note in his voice, and Severus glanced at him over his shoulder, surprised by the request.
"You truly want me to?"
"Mm-hhm." Remus stroked Severus' waist, tracing the lines of the steel inserts in the corset, and he let his hands wander down to tease the strip of bare skin above Severus' stockings with his fingertips. "It's wicked, and I like it. The idea of facing Ginny, knowing what you're wearing beneath your robes. Having a naughty secret just between us..." He rocked his hips, letting Severus feel exactly how much he liked the idea.
"I'm convinced," Severus said breathlessly as he pushed back against Remus, growing frustrated by the layers of clothes still separating them.
"Good." There was a definite undercurrent of smugness in Remus' voice as he gave Severus a squeeze and then released him. "Then let's get ready to go."
While Severus buttoned himself into his robes and put on shoes and socks over his stockings, Remus Transfigured a small rug into a carpetbag and packed up clothes and toiletries; it didn't escape Severus' notice that he packed rather more than was necessary for an overnight stay, which gave Severus another little surge of satisfaction. Within a matter of minutes, they were both ready, and Remus went ahead through the Floo while Severus paused long enough to douse the candles in the bedroom and lock up the house before following.
He arrived on Remus' hearth to find Ginny Potter goggling at him, and he supposed he must have arrived too late to hear Remus deliver the news that he would be having an overnight guest. He clutched the handle of the carpetbag in both hands, holding it in front of himself like a shield, and waited to see what would happen next.
"Hello, Prof -- er -- Mister Snape," she said, giving him an appraising look now that her shock seemed to have worn off. "Remus was just saying the two of you won't need a babysitter tonight."
Severus lifted his chin. "No, we won't."
"I really am sorry to bring you over here for such a short time, but our plans changed," Remus said, offering her an apologetic smile.
She looked pointedly at Severus' carpetbag and smirked. "So I see. It's all right. Harry won't mind if I'm home early, and I'm sure we can find a way to spend the rest of the evening." With that, she waved and bid them a cheerful good night before taking a pinch of Floo powder and disappearing in a whirl of green flames.
"She didn't seem upset," Remus said, a hint of wonderment in his voice.
"She once told me she was grateful I had helped save Potter's life, and the fact that I had obviously been on the side of the Order all along was good enough for her, no matter what my role as spy made it necessary for me to do." Severus moved further into the room and set his carpetbag on the floor near the sofa. "Personally, I think I managed to endear myself to her in some perverse way when I required her to serve detentions with Hagrid in the Forbidden Forest."
Laughing, Remus reached out to clasp Severus' hand and tugged him toward the stairs. "I wouldn't be at all surprised if that were so." He smiled warmly and squeezed Severus' hand. "Well, the die is cast. No doubt, she will tell Harry and likely her mother as well, and word will begin to spread from there. We couldn't go back to hiding our relationship now even if we -- I -- wanted to, and I'm glad of it."
"As am I," Severus said firmly. That Remus had done something to publicize their relationship in an irrevocable way brought him fierce satisfaction, and he was willing to admit part of it was due to petty glee over the thought of those who regarded him with wariness, dislike, or disdain having this shoved in their faces. But mostly, he was relieved to know Remus was willing to stand up for him. For them. Their relationship mattered to Remus. He mattered to Remus.
When they reached the bedroom, Severus went to sit down on the bed and removed his shoes and socks, but before he could start to unfasten the lengthy row of buttons on his robes, Remus moved to stand in front of him and batted his hands away.
"Let me," Remus murmured, already reaching out to unfasten the buttons at Severus' throat. He sank to his knees, taking his time and stroking Severus' skin as he bared it, his touch loving, almost reverent.
"I never realized you have such a button fetish," Severus said, raising one eyebrow at him, and Remus laughed softly.
"I don't tear the wrapping off my Christmas presents either," he replied. "I like savoring the things I enjoy."
By the time Remus finished unbuttoning his robes all the way down the front, Severus was breathing harder, and he had clenched his right hand in the bed covers, his body already growing taut with need. At Remus' urging, he spread his knees, and Remus scooted closer, slipping his hands beneath the fabric of the robes and running them along Severus' chest and waist, seeming to enjoy the feel of the silk corset beneath his palms. Leaning forward, he swiped his tongue along the slight swell of Severus' illusory bosom, making Severus gasp.
"I thought you weren't fond of breasts," Severus said, his voice sounding huskier even to his own ears.
"I'm not aroused by them, no." Remus ran his hands down Severus' body and rested them on his stocking-clad thighs. "You are most definitely male," he said, grinning as he moved one hand up to brush the backs of his fingers across the bulge in Severus' silk knickers, and Severus squirmed restlessly. "But the corset gives you a hint of androgyny that..." He shook his head. "I don't know. I can't explain it, but I like it."
"Then I will keep it." Severus lifted his left hand and rested it on the back of Remus' head; the tremor and weakness in his fingers didn't keep him from burying them in Remus' hair and stroking it gently.
"Thank you." Remus tilted his face up and offered Severus a grateful smile, and Severus didn't need to use Legilimency to know Remus wasn't referring only to the corset.
Drawing his wand, Remus banished the silk knickers, earning a snort of amusement from Severus. "Eager, are we?" he asked sardonically.
"Well, I wanted the knickers out of the way, but I didn't want you to take the stockings off." Remus' eyes glittered with mischief, and Severus caught a glimpse of Remus' wicked smile before he dipped his head and closed his mouth over Severus' cock, moaning hungrily as he swirled his tongue around the head and teased the slit, and Severus moaned with him, tightening his fingers in Remus' hair.
He watched avidly, entranced by the sight of Remus' lips sealed and stretched around his cock, flushed and glistening with fluid as Remus bobbed his head, sucking harder, taking Severus deeper; his breathing accelerated to rapid, shallow panting, and he arched his back, groaning as need coiled and tightened in his belly.
"Close..." He shook his head, tendrils of hair clinging to his sweat-damp face and throat, and grit his teeth, wanting to hold out longer, wanting to make it last, but Remus was driving him relentlessly to the edge, and when Remus slid his hand up Severus' thigh and cupped Severus' balls, kneading them gently, Severus cried out and came, his hips jerking spasmodically as Remus moaned and swallowed, sucking until Severus hissed and drew back, the sensation becoming too intense to be pleasurable any longer. Only then did Remus let Severus' cock slip from his mouth and sit back on his heels, licking his lips as he gazed up at Severus.
The light of desire in Remus' eyes made Severus shiver anew, knowing it was for him, knowing for the first time since they had begun their affair that Remus was thinking of no one but him in this moment. Shrugging out of his robes, he let them slither to the floor while he scooted back and lounged against the pillows, curving one arm over his head; he bent his knees and spread them, issuing a blatant invitation, and Remus wasted no time in accepting it.
Rising to his feet in one fluid move, Remus stripped off his clothes while Severus watched with possessive appreciation for the sight; Remus was undressing far too swiftly for it to be a tantalizing show, but Severus didn't care. They could taunt and tease some other time; right now, he wanted to feel Remus' weight atop him and Remus' cock buried deep within him, and anything that got in the way of it was an annoyance to be dealt with in haste.
Finally, Remus was naked and crawling into his arms, and Severus wound both arms against him and arched up, moaning at the slide of skin against skin; Remus' solid weight was welcome, as were his greedy kisses, one flowing into the next as they rocked and writhed against each other, each movement punctuated by a soft grunt or groan. Severus parted his lips, sucking Remus' tongue eagerly and moaning as Remus darted it in and out as playful foreshadowing, and he parted his legs, grinding his hips against Remus' impatiently. He was spent, and he knew he wouldn't be able to come again that night, but the desperate need for joining he felt was not a physical need. His body had been sated; now it was time for Remus to satisfy his heart.
A soft sound of disappointment escaped him when Remus moved away, but Remus was back quickly, sitting up and unstoppering a small vial, and Severus caught a faint whiff of lavender. He felt Remus' slick fingers brushing his entrance, and he shook his head, frowning. "Don't. I don't want your fingers. Just use lots of oil and fuck me already."
Remus' eyes gleamed in the dim light, and for a moment, Severus thought he caught a flash of something feral lurking in the sapphire depths. "Far be it from me to be churlish and refuse," he said, his voice deep and husky, and he coated his cock thoroughly and put the vial aside.
Severus' breath caught in his throat as Remus positioned himself, and he groaned and squirmed at the feel of Remus' cock pressing against the tight pucker. "Do it!" he demanded, and he cried out as Remus thrust hard and deep, burying himself to the hilt with one swift surge. He dug his fingers into Remus' back at the stretching pain that offered its own form of pleasure, panting, sweat beading on his skin as the burning faded into a sweet ache, and he rocked his hips, silently urging Remus to move.
Bracing himself over Severus, Remus eased out and thrust deep again, groaning, and Severus stroked his back, his pale skin flushed and wet with sweat beneath Severus' hands. He hooked one leg around Remus' hips, caressing Remus' back and side with his silk-sheathed leg, and that seemed to inflame Remus further, making him thrust harder and harder until he was pounding into Severus, the rhythmic slap of flesh matching the thump of the headboard against the wall, and Severus rocked his hips up, yielding, surrendering, welcoming the rough, possessive thrusts.
He was gasping again, clutching Remus' back, his nails scoring Remus' flesh, and he threw his head back on the pillow. "Yes... harder... fuck me harder... please, Remus..." The words escaped him, and he was scarcely even aware that he was begging for more. All he knew was that he wanted to feel the connection -- the claim -- as he never had before, and when Remus surged deep and cried out as he came, Severus cried out with him.
They slumped together, their lungs laboring for breath and their bodies slick with sweat, but Severus curved his arms around Remus and pulled him close, not yet ready to separate. Remus obliged, easing out of Severus carefully and shifting to lie beside him, resting his head on Severus' shoulder and splaying his fingers on Severus' chest over his heart.
"Can you breathe all right in this thing?" Remus asked at last, stroking Severus' corseted stomach.
"I'll want to loosen the laces soon," Severus admitted. "But not yet. I am in no danger of being oxygen deprived. I didn't tighten it enough for that."
"Good. I'll help you unlace it in a bit, and then we can take a bath." Remus nuzzled his shoulder drowsily. "I'm glad you're staying. I've wondered what it would be like to sleep with you."
"I'm given to understand that I steal the covers," Severus said in the interest of full disclosure.
Remus chuckled. "Well, I'm given to understand that I snore, so I suppose we'll both have something to adjust to."
"If your snoring proves to be too annoying, I'll simply put a pillow over your head," Severus replied, and Remus' chuckle escalated to outright laughter.
"No doubt. I see I'll have to sleep lightly as well as quietly."
"As long as you hand over the covers without a fight, there will be no problems."
"Why don't I simply use body heat to keep you warm?" Remus asked with a playful leer.
"That is an acceptable option," Severus replied after a moment of mock deliberation.
"Good. Then let's start now." And with that, Remus gathered him close, and Severus relaxed, drowsy and content and feeling at peace in Remus' embrace at last.
The next morning, the alarm sounded in the form of Teddy yelling an endless stream of "Da da da da da!" until Remus groaned and rolled out of bed, pausing just long enough to find his dressing gown and shrug into it, wrapping it around himself as he hurried to answer the summons. After a moment, Severus threw back the covers and climbed out of bed as well, deciding if he was going to stay here, he might as well start fitting himself into the normal routines.
They had brought his carpetbag upstairs and unpacked it after their shared bath the night before, thus Severus knew his own dressing gown was hanging in the wardrobe; he retrieved it and put it on as he made his way to the nursery. As soon as he walked into the room, Teddy lit up and waved at him, obviously wanting to sit up and say hello, which was making the nappy changing process far more difficult.
"Good morning." Remus smiled and tapped his cheek, and Severus rolled his eyes but he went over and brushed a kiss to Remus' cheek nonetheless. "I probably should have warned you we start early around here."
"No matter. I'm accustomed to rising early." Severus reached out and tickled Teddy's foot, making him squeal and giggle. "Why don't I prepare breakfast while you take care of Teddy?" he suggested.
"Brilliant." Remus gave him a grateful look and leaned close to kiss Severus' cheek in return. "I can see the benefits of this new domestic arrangement already."
Breakfast was over, Teddy was in his playpen, and Remus was helping Severus clear away the remnants of breakfast and wash up when the owls arrived. There were four, and while Severus was privately relieved none of them were bearing Howlers, he watched Remus open the window to let them in with growing trepidation. Remus accepted the letters and scrounged up an owl treat for each of them; one of them gobbled its treat and flew out the window again, but the other three perched on the backs of the chairs at the kitchen table as if they had been instructed to await a reply.
"Three for me," Remus said, glancing at the envelopes. "One for you." He tossed the letter with Severus' name on it, and Severus caught it neatly with his good hand, but he simply held it and waited for Remus to open the others first. Remus drew his wand along the seal of each envelope, removed the missive within, and skimmed them swiftly. "One from Molly, one from Harry, and one from Andromeda. Different levels of stridency and vitriol, but more or less the same purpose." He glanced up and gave Severus a wryly amused smile. "They want to know if I've lost my mind."
Severus snorted. "What do you intend to tell them?"
The corners of Remus' eyes crinkled as his smile widened and lost the edge of wryness. Crooking his finger, he beckoned Severus to follow, and he headed to the lounge, making a beeline to his writing desk to fetch a quill, ink, and parchment. Dipping the quill into the ink pot, he wrote swiftly and held out the note for Severus to read.
This is my life and my business, not yours. I am an adult, fully capable of making decisions for myself, and I decided it is high time I did so. The war is over, and I have given Tonks a respectful period of mourning, but I do not think she would have wanted me to spend the rest of my life alone and grieving. I am not mad, bespelled, or desperate. I am in love. I am not obliged to justify my feelings to anyone, and I would hope anyone who sincerely cares about me and the best interests of both me and my son, who will benefit from having two parental figures, will accept or at least respect my decision.
Severus' eyebrows climbed to his hairline, and when he had finished reading it, he nodded with approval, surprised that Remus was willing to speak so bluntly. "Who are you sending that to?"
"All of them." With a tap of his wand, Remus made two more copies, and he made short work of signing and sealing the three notes in separate envelopes, addressing them, and carrying them back to the waiting owls. Only when the notes were gone did he turn back to Severus, gazing at him curiously. "You haven't opened yours."
"Right." Severus broke the seal with reluctance. He recognized Minerva's handwriting on the envelope, and he hoped she wasn't writing to censure them. Ignoring the icy apprehension clenching his stomach, he unfolded the letter and read swiftly -- and his lips quirked in something close to a smile. "It's from Minerva. She says it's about bloody time."
"Well, it is." Remus moved to stand behind Severus, winding both arms around Severus' waist and resting his chin on Severus' shoulder. "In more ways than one."
"You won't hear any argument from me on that point," Severus replied tartly, and then he read the rest of the letter more closely. "She also wants me to reconsider her offer. It seems Horace Slughorn refuses to retire again until she can hire someone competent to take his place, and she declares another year with him hovering and offering his 'helpful little suggestions' will drive her to madness or murder. She isn't certain which. She says you and Teddy will be welcome to share my quarters at the school, and a house-elf can look after Teddy during the day," he added, glancing over his shoulder at Remus questioningly. "What do you think?"
"I think it's your decision," Remus said firmly. "I can leave for work from the school as easily as I can from here." He fell silent for a moment, absently rocking Severus back and forth in his arms, and Severus didn't protest, taking an odd comfort from the movement. "Andromeda looks after him now, and I admit, I won't mind getting a bit of distance from her. Not that I would dream of keeping Teddy from her, but she wants more... I don't know... grief and devastation from me than I can give. I sympathize because she lost her husband and her daughter, but my life hasn't ended, and I want to move on. I think growing up in the kind of environment the school can offer will be good for Teddy, and he'll have the best teachers to show him how to control his ability when he gets older. We can come back here during the hols." He paused and added quickly, "Or to your house."
"As far as I'm concerned, we can rent or sell my house," Severus replied. "I'm not attached to it, and I have no real desire to live there in the long term."
"So I suppose the question now is, do you want to return to teaching?"
"I think..." Severus said slowly, gazing down at Minerva's letter without really seeing it. "I think I do. It was frustrating at times, but I felt as if I were contributing something. If only one student listened and learned something, then I had done my job in preparing them for the real world -- and for protecting themselves in it."
"You think they'll need it?"
"In the last hundred years, there was Grindelwald and then there was the Dark Lord twice," Severus said grimly. "They were not the first, and they will not be the last. Perhaps the children entering the school for the first time this term will not need to know how to defend themselves. Hopefully, their children will not need to know, but one day, another will rise, and those who face the new evil will need to know."
"Then write to Minerva and tell her you are willing to resume your position of the resident dark knight in tarnished armor," Remus said, brushing a kiss beneath Severus' ear. "But later, all right? I invented some new house-warming traditions that I'm eager to enact."
"They involve nudity, I suppose," Severus said, amused but already feeling a frisson of arousal.
"Naturally." Without releasing his hold on Severus, Remus circled around to face him and leaned in for a light but lingering kiss, one filled with warmth and affection. "Welcome home," he whispered against Severus' lips.
"Yes," Severus murmured, winding his arms around Remus' shoulders and leaning in until their foreheads touched. "I am home."