Pornicators' Journal

a saturday fic (repost from darkling's LJ)

Original poster: mnstr_fics

this is repost of a fic that darkling posted for me on her lj earlier this year. i have tidied it up a bit and decided to repost it here.

title: unmet needs
pairing: snarry
rating: nc-17
warnings: well ... yes D/s BD

[Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<lj-cut="unmet>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]

Original poster: <a href="http://mnstr_fics.livejournal.com/">mnstr_fics</a>this is repost of a fic that darkling posted for me on her lj earlier this year. i have tidied it up a bit and decided to repost it here.

title: unmet needs
pairing: snarry
rating: nc-17
warnings: well ... yes D/s BD

<lj-cut="unmet needs">
It’s a need. I don’t know how to describe it. It isn’t something they cover In What Every Young Wizard Should Know. And I think that even if I had parents this isn’t something I could talk about with either of them. I sure as hell can’t tell Ron or Hermione. One would go running for the nearest library the other would just go running.

I’m not sure even how to describe it to myself. I look fine on the outside in control, in charge, capable, dependable. The steady rock of the wizarding world, that’s me. Gods, that’s so not how it feels on the inside. There is no middle ground for me. There never has been. Not self-pity but knowledge. The gap between who they - the ever present ever anonymous they - need me to be and what I feel I need on the inside is deep and getting deeper. Why can’t any of them see that I can’t carry this anymore? I can’t be their savior 24/7. I can’t save myself from drowning how in the hell do they expect me to save them? Why can’t there be a place, a person, a something that will let me lay this burden down? Gods, I promise to pick it back up again but I need to release it, if only briefly.

I want - - I need -- to find someone who is willing to lift this from my shoulders. There has to be someone out there who is willing to take charge, to be responsible. Someone who is able to set me free even briefly from deciding anything. Someone who will tell me what do, what not to do. Someone has to have the opposite of the burning need in me.

Somewhere, in my dreams occasionally, I can see him. I can see that there is some one who knows how to feed this need, how to control these feelings this need to give up control. I feel him binding me, holding me secure with the leather around my arms, the collar around my neck, in the knowledge that he knows what I need. Understands why I need these ropes, these restraints, these commands, and this silence. This precious space to be not a savior, not an icon, not in charge just to be.

Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: teenaged mutant ninja turtles