It was an embarrassingly long time before Fred pulled away. He nodded at his Mum's offer for tea and biscuits, though he wasn't hungry at all, and tried to stand up straighter, to look confident; his Mum needed him to be strong too. Neither spoke as they made their way to the kitchens, Fred wiping his eyes and walking so close to his mother that he kept bumping into her shoulder.
By the time they arrived, Fred had regained some semblance of control, but leaned against the counter rather than take a seat, wanting to stay close to his mother. He hated this so much, the powerlessness, the fear and the loss and the guilt... For the first time in his life, Fred didn't think he could talk to George about what troubled him. Even knowing that George would be sure to understand that he wouldn't judge, the very thought of putting this on him was unthinkable; George didn't simply know that Fred had died, he had lived it. According to everything he'd heard and read so far, George had seen him buried. George had returned to their flat above the shop. George had had to go on without him. He had broken. George had broken in his absence. Far from blaming him, Fred knew very well how awful it would be if their positions had been reversed. George had broken and the weight of that guilt was more than enough to crush him...
He didn't even have the heart to smile at the thought.
It wasn't a bloody joke. He'd died and George...
Fred wanted to light Katie on fire for putting all of those thoughts in his head. He wanted to set her on fire for rubbing it all in their faces, for not letting them avoid dealing with it like they needed. Because even without the wall here waiting to blow, Katie's words were going to kill him.
"Mum?" Fred's mouth hung open, poised to say something, but he didn't have the first clue what he wanted to say. What was there to say? That he was scared? That he was sad? She knew, she had to have known. And he had no right to either feeling. He stared down into the half-distance, picking at his bottom lip, and finally said, "Mum, I don't know what to do."