Jamie shook his head. The rational part of his mind agreed with John and he knew that he could find himself again. But the rational part of his mind was drowned out by the screaming and the memories. Not by fear or by hurt, but by the ghosts of both. Nothing and everything was real in his head and Jamie couldn't find the off button for any of it. Every time he felt like he was getting close to remembering what normal was, his thoughts would simply loop back, stuck on repeat, replaying Anthony's words and the feelings of helplessness. Of worthlessness. It was stupid, because Jamie was a Ravenclaw and he knew better. He did. His brother's reassurances should have reminded him of that.
"I can't," he said brokenly. It was something he'd said only a few times in his life and the words came out slightly rusted over, like he wasn't supposed to say them. "I can't. I just wish..." he drew in a shuddering breath, his forehead and eyes scrunching up against John's shoulder. "I just wish I'd died with mom, back in the States. Then none of this would've happened."