Constantine "Taff" Rivers (pl_constantine) wrote in plagued_rpg, @ 2009-09-01 20:28:00 |
|
|||
Entry tags: | anthony goldstein, constantine rivers, tristan rivers |
Who: Anthony Goldstein, Tristan Rivers and Constantine Rivers
What: “Tristan made a sound that was almost a laugh, which was a very dangerous sound to make.”
Where: Platform 9 3/4
When: September 1st
Rating: 15
Complete || closed
Anthony showed up to Platform 9 3/4 early this year. He had far too many people that he had made plans to see on the way to school, there was a need to be early this year. Besides, his parents were starting to bother him, constantly on his case for the past week or so for spending almost all of his free time with Justin. Emory was angry with him as well. And Scarlet, well, she didn't care much because she was the only one who would be able to see her brother any such day that she pleased.
So, rather then stick around and try to please them, which probably would have been impossible this close to his leaving time, Anthony left a few hours early. He would say goodbye to them when they made their way to the train.
Anthony had found himself a compartment on the train, it wasn't hard as it was still almost empty. And thankfully, it wasn't long until others started to show up. He was just about to step off the train and mingle with other students when he spotted a familiar head of hair and a body that he could never forget, despite how much he wanted to. "I can't believe you showed up." He was not happy, and that was very evident in his voice.
Taff didn't want to be here. He didn't want to leave Tristan. He didn't want to see his peers. He didn't want to be here.
But he'd lost the argument, and so Taff was begrudgingly standing on the platform, looking around at the clusters of first and second years and proud parents and hesitant looking kids. No one had forgotten about the Death Eaters and the torture. The fear.
But he wouldn't say anything. He'd lost the argument. He was going to Hogwarts.
"Can.. we just get on the train?" He asked Tristan. The sooner he got a compartment, the less likely it would be he'd find himself having to share with people he didn't know or like. Cosntantine moved towards the door, shouldering his backpack, his trunk piled up with the rest of the students' luggage, and went to move up the steps when he realised the doorway was blocked.
He looked up into Anthony's eyes and felt the bottom of his stomach drop out. He couldn't step back, but all he wanted to do was run. He couldn't face him. Not Anthony. This was the first time he'd seen him in person since he'd held his wand out and spoken that word.
"Ant-" He blurted, before he could catch himself. He'd forgotten Tristan was behind him. The whole world had just faded away around him, and he felt trapped.
Tristan had wanted to make this as easy as possible for Taff, repeating to him over and again that this was this was almost the last time. After Christmas they wouldn't have to do this again. He hated it as much as Taff, and he'd said that too, but he didn't think his little brother believed him.
As usual he had the intention of getting on the train with his little brother, spending the last few minutes teasing and joking because they both knew they couldn't make a scene when they were surrounded by other people. And he followed his brother to the steps of the train, pausing when Taff did, looking up at Anthony.
He'd been prepared for this as well. For whatever backlash came from what had happened last year. His eyes fixed on the boy in the doorway, daring him to say or do anything to Taff in his presence.
"It's Anthony." He trembled, down right scared, which he had every right to be. "And I honestly can't believe you would come back." He paused and then backed up into the train again. He wasn't going to let them pass, but he didn't want to step closer to either of them. Not that he was really paying much attention to Tristan anyway. His words and his sight were only for Constantine.
His hands were shaking and he was really, honestly trying hard not to get angry or upset. He didn't want to give Taff the appreciation of knowing just what he had done to Anthony, how he had hurt him. How absolutely betrayed Anthony felt.
"Ant-" Taff swallowed, refusing to call him Anthony. He down right refused. he knew he'd hurt him, but surely Ant had to recognise why! He had to see that Taff had had no choice right? "Please don't, You..you know I didn't mean it!"
It was a poorly worded apology and sounded nothing like the one he'd gone over in his head a couple of hundred times and rephrased a couple of thousand. He made to move forwards, taking the way Anthony backed up as some sort of invite to get closer. He knew it wasn't, but beggers can't be choosers. But Constantine wasn't concentrating on the steps up into the train, and slipped at the edge of the platform, managing to catch and pull himself up on the train, but not without a certain twang of his ankle, and a small punch to his dignity at the chuckles he heard on the platform amid the loud, oblivious conversations around them.
Anthony. Tristan tipped his head and looked at the boy again. He seemed honestly terrified of Taff, which was stupid. No one in their right mind should be scared of Taff. Regardless of what had happened the year before, Taff wouldn't hurt a fly-
Obviously Tristan didn't step in to say this, though. It was his brother’s fight. He was there though, leaping forward the moment his brother stumbled, grabbing a fistful of his shirt that would have, in the event of Taff actually falling, done very little to prevent him hitting the floor. But it was the thought that counted.
He looked at Anthony again.
"Know that you didn't mean it? You have to mean it to produce an unforgiveable. We learned that in class!" Anthony wasn't stupid. There had to be alot of hate boiling up inside to produce a crucio. And Taff could surely produce on.. for several minutes. And he had turned his wand on Anthony more then once. He was well aware, or at least he thought he was, that Taff hated him, held no feelings for him what-so-ever. How could he have been so stupid to think otherwise?
Anthony took another few steps backwards as Taff tripped, thinking that the other was coming at him or something. You couldn't really blame him for that thought. Everything was just still so fresh in his mind, and even more so with his torturer standing right in front of him. Though, if they had been paying attention to Anthony, they would have seen his arm fly out to try and stop Taff from falling. It was a reflex move and one that he immediately stopped once he realized.
"I don't believe a single word that you say. I have no reason to." He shook his head, but he was shaking to the point that he couldn't walk away. "I hope you rot in hell. You and all you're Death Eater friends."
Tristan didn't think over his next move. He pulled Taff back, pulling him out of the way and marching up onto the train himself, pushing Anthony back against the glass window of one of the compartments.
"I'll give you one chance to take that back, you stupid little bitch," he growled through gritted teeth, his voice too low for Taff to hear outside of the train. "One chance to take that back. Or you can carry on wallowing in your ignorant little bubble where apparently everything is just black and white- no shades of grey." Tristan's fingers pressed into Anthony's chestbone. "If you want to think for one moment that he would do anything in the world to hurt anyone willingly, if you think he didn't dream about what he did every single night, that he didn't hate himself every day then by Merlin, boy, you deserved everything you got to try and wipe you out of the gene pool."
Anthony's words cut deeper than any knife, and even if he'd been given half a chance to think of a reply, he probably wouldn't have been able to think of anything to say to that. But he didn't have a chance. Before he knew what was going on he found himself back on the platform, and a Tristan shaped blur sped past onto the train.
"Tristan! Stop!" He cried, rushing forwards onto the train.
Anthony grunted as he hit the wall behind him, rather harder then he had expected. Taff yelling from outside of the train didn't even register. He couldn't chose between feeling scared shitless or angry as hell. Anthony chose the middle ground, shaking as he spit into Tristan's face. "You have no idea." He shook his head, knowing, just somehow knowing that he had fucked up with that last statement. "The world does not revolve around him. What about those of us who had to suffer through what he did. What about our nightmares every night?"
He was mad, he was very mad. And what Tristan said made no difference. He didn't know what Taff had done to Anthony. He didn't know just how deep that pain and that betrayal went. He would never know.
"He's the worst of them, your brother. He's the type who, when the war is over and lost, he wants to make forgiveness and be on the winning side. It's shit." He was still shaking. And he knew he was just making things worse by talking. But it wasn't as if he had had anyone else to say this to.
Tristan made a sound that was almost a laugh, which was a very dangerous sound to make. He gripped Anthony's jaw, slamming his head against the glass as he did so.
"Listen, fuckwit, listen to me very carefully," he said, the same growling voice through gritted teeth. "I don't give a shit about you. I don't care if you go to bed crying every night. He was never on the opposite side to you. Oh, I wish he was, don't get me wrong, I wish he'd listened to me and joined the right side. I wish to Merlin he had, but he didn't. He was always routing for you, though I don't know why. You're pathetic. You are the worst type of person. You are the type of person who thinks they're some kind of martyr. Who thinks they went through some divine suffering no one else will ever understand. He doesn't need your forgiveness. He'd be better off without your forgiveness, but he's a good boy. And if you spit on me again I will show you real pain. More than he can."
Tristan slammed Anthony's head against the window again before releasing him, stepping back.
Over the sounds of the crowds on the station, the engines of the train heating up and the roar of his own heartbeat in his ears, Taff didn't hear anything his brother or Anthony said. He grabbed Tristan's arm as he slammed Ant's head the second time, pulling his brother back. He was worried. Worried Tristan would hurt Ant, and worried (perhaps more) that one of the Authorities would find Tristan beating up and threatening a kid two years younger than him and fine him or worse.
"Tristan!" He cried, his voice high, "Stop it! He's not worth it!"
Stars were swimming in front of Anthony's eyes from both times his head had hit the window. His eyes were glazing over, though he was still pretty aware. The threat and Taff saying he wasn't worth it. Tears welled up in his eyes, though he was fighting hard to not let them spill over. The one person he had cared for so much, the one person he would have done anything for just two years ago now thought he was nothing less then chewing gum on the bottom of a shoe.
When Tristan backed off, Anthony caught himself from falling, only just barely, by leaning against the wall. And just in an angry fit, Anthony spit again. Sucked back the moisture in his mouth and spit it towards Tristan. It didn't reach him, but it was very obvious that he had been trying for it to. He didn't care what Tristan thought of him.
Tristan stayed back, despite his threat. Oh, he wanted to follow through on it. He wanted to cause Anthony untold amounts of pain, but he wasn't going to. Because Taff was getting hysterical at his side and in weighing things up he would take being spat at if it kept Taff calm.
"No one says that about you and gets away with it," Tristan said, meeting his brother's eyes. "No one."
"He's upset," Taff whimpered. He wanted to defend Anthony, but he wasn't sure how he could justify that to his brother. Not without telling him about their previous relationship, "He's just.. being-" He paused looking down at Anthony, just the tiniest bit disgusted that his friend would spit at his brother like that.
He released Tristan's arm and moved forwards, crouching down a little to offer Anthony a hand. In his mind, it was one of those 'extending the olive branch' actions. Offering his fallen friend the hand to help him up... but he wasn't sure Ant would see it in quite the same way.
Anthony didn't see it the same way. He kicked out, hitting no higher then Taff's shin. "Don't fucking touch me." He wasn't exactly trying to be quiet, but at the same time, he wasn't all there. His head was pounding and his vision was still rather blurry. He couldn't see much farther then past either one of the brothers.
Tristan had always wanted to be the level headed big brother. He had always wanted to do what was best for Taff and nothing more, nothing less.
When Anthony kicked out at his brother, though, the only thing Tristan could think was that Anthony was attacking the person he loved and it didn't take another thought before he pushed in again and swung his fist around, letting it connect with the side of Anthony's head. It wasn't as hard as he'd hit people before, certainly. He could have done a much worse job, but it made his point.
"I'm getting so sick of your shit."
Taff didn't think to doge. Anthony's foot connected with his shin and send a sharp pain through his leg. He cried out despite himself and stumbled back slightly, clutching the offended spot. But he wasn't stupid enough to think that Tristan wouldn't react. His head snapped up in time to see his brother's fit smack against Ant's face, the horrible sound of it. Constantine leapt up and grabbed Tristan, his hands around his brother's wrists, tugging him back away from Ant.
"Stop! Don't hurt him!" He begged, "Both of you!"
Anthony's head snapped to the side, a hand mark would surely be showing up soon enough on his precious cheek. And still, despite that, Anthony pushed himself back up off of the ground. Standing now, he cried out, "This wasn't any of your business. It was between me and him."
Anthony's attention turned back to Taff and he shook his head, sad again. "I thought you were my friend. And despite what your brother says, or what you'll have him do to me, you aren't worth anything. And you'd have been better off being killed with your parents." He felt horrible as soon as he said it. That was told to him in confidence and he shouldn't have brought it up. Tears finally started streaming down his cheeks, both from the pain in his head and the words he had just used in anger.
Tristan lurched forward, determined there and then to end Anthony's pathetic life right there on the train, but his brother was, whatever he said, his brother was strong when he needed to be, and that is what saved Anthony's life.
"Don't you ever, ever say anything about our parents you snivelling piece of crap," he said, pressed against Taff's body, desperate to reach out, to hurt, to tear out the anger inside him. "You fuck with my brother, dick, then I'm going to get involed. He's worth a million of you. I don't see anyone here getting your back."
Tristan's eyes moved to Taff, to meet his brother's gaze. "Except you."
Constantine had a burst of a adrenaline, that was all that gave him the strength to hold Tristan back from breaking Anthony's neck, and he knew it. He'd almost let go when Anthony mentioned his parents though. He felt his grip slip for a second. Of all the things Anthony could've said, that was the worst. He actually couldn't believe his friend had the nerve to bring that up. Something he'd trusted his friend with...
He looked away from Tristan, unable to hold his gaze. He still hadn't let Tristan go, like he didn't trust him. He hated this. Tears welled up in his eyes before he could stop them.
Anthony scuttled backwards, pressing himself up against the wall. There really wasn't much places he could go. Being on a train, the room was limited anyway and there were walls on either side of him now. He could see the murderous look in Tristan's eyes and.. really, he almost wet his trousers. He hadn't meant to say it. Anthony tried to lock eyes with Taff, which was still a hard feat to accomplish, seeing as everything was still blurry. "Don't let him go, Taff... Please don't let him go."
Tristan's eyes swung back to Anthony.
"You think you can talk to him like that?" he asked. "Be all pally and call him Taff when it suits you. You can't go from wishing him dead to asking him favours in the next breath. You are so, so fucking lucky I love him-" Tristan pointed his finger threatening at Anthony. "I told him I'd be here when he got back from school. And that's the only reason you're still snivelling like a baby."
"Tristan-" Taff whimpered. He glanced at Anthony, trying to apologise in a glance, but this was digging a ten-foot deep grave for their friendship, or relationship, or whatever had been between them and he didn't think there'd be any way to save it now.
"Just leave it," He implored again, "Please. I just want us to--" He didn't know how to end that sentence. 'All just get along?' oh yeah. Wishful thinking at it's best.
The day had barely started, and already he felt exhausted. He loosened his grip on his brother's wrists slightly, experimenting to see if Tristan was calm enough for him to let go now without risking Anthony's life.
"It's not important anymore," He said softly, feeling another pang of guilt, because he knew that would make Ant feel like he didn't care. But he just wanted his brother to back off before his friend got himself killed or got Tristan arrested.
Anthony wanted to argue, wanted to say that he had every right to have said what he did. But he knew that if he opened his mouth again, something just as stupid would come tumbling out. He wasn't thinking clearly and nothing good was going to come of that. But he didn't know how to get away from either of them without having to walk right into them. He was more or less stuck in this corner until they both left. He wanted to say something though.. wanted to say that he was sorry, he knew he shouldn't have said it, one too many hits to the head would do that to him. What did come out though, very softly, not much above a whisper, "I loved you.. and you hurt me."
And then he was done, sinking down to the floor, tears finally streaming freely down his cheeks. He'd messed up. He let himself become vulnerable to Taff by opening up and loving him. And it had turned on him in the worst way.
Tristan paled almost immediately and stepped back, finding his back pressing to the wall of the train. His eyes were
back on his little brother.
"He loved you," he whispered, seeking some kind of reassurance that that was just a stupid crush from the delirious idiot on the floor. "He loved you? What the hell does that mean, Taff?"
Tristan didn't know if he was angry because someone else dared to be in love with his brother or if he was mad because there may have been something his brother was keeping from him.
Constantine wasn't actually sure he'd heard what Anthony had said until Tristan repeated it. Loved? Really? Shit. That was something Taff hadn't been prepared for, at all. He didn't think there was anything between him and Anthony that could've been considered strong enough to use the word love. They'd hung out, they'd kissed, they'd made out, they'd fucked... that was it right?
But now here he was, sobbing on the floor, his cheek already turning a rather unpleasant purple colour confessing his love.
"I-I don't know-" Taff lied, his mind going a hundred miles a minute. Anthony was in love with him? But what did that mean? What did that MEAN!? What did it mean when Taff knew he didn't feel the same way? He tried to form a sentence, tried to come up with something that could brush that off so Tristan wouldn't know he'd been keeping secrets, but wouldn't make Ant feel like he'd just used him. He hadn't just used him! He did care! He just wasn't in love...
"Ant I never-"
Ant hated feeling this weak. A combination of a dizy head, searing pain and distorted eye sight could do that to a person though. He wanted to see the nurse and make the train stop spinning so harshly, make sure that when they realized the bottom of the train had just fallen away and he was being drug against the ground, there would be something to help him stop feeling that pain. No, that wasn't what had happened, he was still on stable ground. The train hadn't even left yet. No, that was his stomach plunging up his throat and his heart taking a suicide leap from his chest. Constantine didn't love him... Which he already knew. Those feelings shouldn't have been so strong still. They had so much animosity between them now, so much hate. He felt like such a child, sobbing on the floor of the train, not being able to fight Tristan off. "Just fuck off." Maybe someone nice like Justin or Ioan or Neville would come by and scoop him up and take him somewhere safe, where the room didn't seem so unstable.
Tristan didn't need any more than the look on Taff's face to tell him that there was something he was keeping from him.
"You were in love with him?" he said, addressing his brother. "You- all that time. You talked about him but you never...you never said-" Tristan felt almost as sick as Anthony. "Why would you keep that from me?" Sure, he was glad he hadn't known, all that time he'd have been living with seething jealousy inside him, but now he was living with the knowledge something had gone on with his brother without his knowing.
He wasn't even paying attention to Anthony now.
Taff was on the spot, and it was NOT a nice spot. He backed up, looking between is brother and his ex-lover. He swallowed as Tristan turned to him and took a deep breath, shaking his head.
"No-it's not like that! It's..we just.. " He stuttered. He didn't like that look on Tristan's face. He'd not seen that look directed at him often, and it petrified him, "Tristan it's not like that. Please!" God school hadn't even started and things were falling apart!
Anthony's eyes refocused on the scene in front of him. He didn't feel bad, not even a tiny bit. He was angry and just upset. Anthony was trying to push himself back up, get away while there was no attention on him. But yet, it just slipped out of his mouth. There was no filter to stop him from saying what he said next.
"He wasn't even good. A horrible fuck." Which was a lie! An absolute lie! So how it had slipped out was completely beyond him.
Tristan couldn't back up any further. He wanted to press through the wall of the train but he couldn't. Part of him just wanted to lean down and finish Anthony off for making such a comment about his brother, but then all of the energy, all of the emotions in his body seemed to drop away, drain through his feet until he was left with nothing but numbness.
"You- you didn't...I..." he stammered, looking at his brother as though he'd performed a most hideous crime and not just slept with someone. "All this time, Constantine-"
Taff recoiled at Anthony's words, offended and horrified and outed. He shook his head, looking at Tristan pleadingly.
"I didn't want you to--" He stuttered, trying and failing to control his emotions. He knew what he wanted to say, but it sounded so wrong.
'I didn't want you to be disappointed' 'I didn't want you to think I had someone else' 'I thought of you everytime.'
How WRONG was that?! Why couldn't he stop himself from thinking stuff like that?
"I'm sorry. I didn't want you to be disappointed," He breathed shakily, "Tristan please?"
Anthony quietly tried to stand up again, trying to be unnoticed. He wasn't very successful, once he was in full standing mode, it wasn't like he could actually go anywhere without lurching forward into the both of them. "So fucking unimportant.." He didn't mention names, it could have been taken as himself or as Taff. And then he lurched forward, trying to get out, to get away, and he wasn't really sure just who he fell into, but as the walls weren't normally soft, well he must have fallen into one of them.
Tristan wished he could fall through the wall of the train just so that he could get away. His body physically hurt. Taff had been with someone else. Taff had let him go on all this time and he'd said
nothing about it.
"You didn't tell me. All this time you've known him, you've talked about him and...you were sleeping with him?" He felt so weak. He didn't have the energy for this. He watched Anthony flop against Taff, accidentally or not- he shook his head. Well, now they had a whole year to reconcile. Pick up where they left off.
He lowered his eyes and pushed passed Taff, gulping in the cold air outside the train. Once he turned, looking at his brother and then Anthony. "Have a good time at school," he murmured, walking away. For the first time he wouldn't be waving his brother off. He just wanted it to stop hurting.
"Tristan! I didn't tell you ca-" Taff stumbled as Anthony fell against him, and he turned and caught him instinctively. But as Tristan barged pass, Taff quickly made a decision of which of the two were more important, and it was most definitely Tristan. He pushed Ant back against the wall, at least taking a split second to make sure his friend wasn't going to collapse, before turning and leaping off the train. His ankle politely reminded him he'd tripped moments ago with a short harsh stab of pain but he ignored it, trying to spot his brother in the surging crowd.
"Tristan! TRISTAN!" He called, conscious of the eyes turning towards him. He spotted his brother slicing through the students, but even as he pushed forwards he couldn't barge through with the same strength as his brother. He couldn't catch up. And Tristan was gone before he knew it, leaving Constantine standing on the station alone for the first time.