Anthony, Hey, sorry I've been such a recluse this summer. I know you wanted me to visit the menagerie but...I just can't deal with crowds right now. I don't really know what it is, I'm just in this weird funk. I can't help but feel like I'm letting everyone down just like I used to. I did so much last year and I just want to feel like that guy again, you know. When I was leading you guys in the DA I never felt this nervous or anxious, but now its like...I don't even know how to describe it. It's like everyone is watching me and I don't know if they were on our side or Voldemort's, and it makes me nervous. What I did last year is so public now, I feel like I have this huge target on my back for all those vigilante death eaters and the supporters. I don't know, maybe I'm just going crazy.
I'm really glad I get the chance to go back to Hogwarts this year even though I practically have a panic attack every time I think about it. I don't know if I'd ever get a job if I don't finish my NEWTS. I'm just nervous about how I'll react to being there. I mean, it was only four months ago that we fought on those grounds; that we watched people, our friends, die there. I'm not sure if I can handle that Anthony. I mean, I don't know if I can walk through those doors or sit in the Great Hall without thinking about it, without feeling like I'm there again. I've been having nightmares about it already. I can barely even sleep lately. It takes forever for me to fall asleep and then when I do I can't stay sleeping long because the nightmares start. I see them dying, the kids from DA. I see Colin a lot. I shouldn't have let the younger ones fight. I should have made them go through the passage, or stay in the Room. I shouldn't have let them go out there like that, let them die like that.
God..I keep doing that! Every time I try to have a normal conversation I can't help but talk about the battle or the war or the hell I'm putting myself through. What's been going on with you? I feel like I've been such a horrible friend this summer. We'll have to catch up once school starts maybe you can help me I'm sure your summer has been far more interesting than mine. I'll talk to you soon. Neville