Rumours abound this week! Welcome to the Witch Weekly Wedding Special! Put on your fanciest hats and pick up a cocktail and a canapé, you're going to need the fuel to get through from cover to cover!
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Cornfoot-Greengrass Wedding Defines Romance
The new Mr. and Mrs. Cornfoot make a radiant couple. The ceremony was held in the grounds of the Cornfoot family home, and for a hurriedly put together event, the décor was perfectly arranged.
Mrs. Cornfoot looked stunning in a long, lace dress that gave little away regarding her current condition. Her bridesmaids, consisting of her sister Astoria, and housemates Pansy Parkinson and Tracy Davids, wore pink, no doubt to assure none of them looked prettier than the bride.
Mr. Cornfoot was accompanied at the altar by his closest friend Draco Malfoy, both wearing traditional dress robes and pink bow ties to match the bridesmaids.
On behalf of the happy couple, Mr. Graham Cornfoot, father of the groom, issued this statement:
'We are delighted to welcome the Greengrass' in the family, especially Daphne, who has been like a daughter to us for a long time. My son Stephen has long been dreaming of his wedding to a wonderful, deserving woman, and we know we have found that in Daphne. We admit that the wedding has been rushed, but the two of them have barely been able to keep their hands of off each other! As we're both very traditional families, we thought it for the best to assure their happiness as soon as possible.'
Of course, we at Witch Weekly know that the pair have been amorous before their nuptials, but the official line is that the newly married Cornfoots aren't anticipating any additions to the family, despite the couple claiming they will not be returning to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry with their peers.
They will be moving into their own home sometime this week.
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Wedding Woes and Fighting Beaus!
by C. G. Valentine
As if it wasn't bad enough that Ms. Pansy Parkinson has been relegated to the role of bridesmaid for this occasion, it seems as though she is unable to hold down a suitor that would make an honest woman of her. Sparks had been flying between herself and Neville Longbottom, and it was assumed that the couple would be making plans to announce their engagement shortly. However, it was noticed that Mr. Longbottom seemed reluctant to spend the evening solely escorting Ms. Parkinson, and left her in order to catch up with some old friends.
All may not have been lost for the stunning brunette, as it has long been understood that she and Draco Malfoy, son of incarcerated Death Eater Lucius Malfoy, had been due to be betrothed should neither of them have found an adequate partner before their twenty-first year. Whilst Ms. Parkinson was certainly trying to find herself a more suitable match (and who could blame her? The Malfoy name is certainly not one we would like to be attached to!) it seems as though her disgraced beau was also on the look out.
Sources claim that the younger Mr. Malfoy was seen leaving the party with Harry Potter at one point, and only Mr. Potter returned. After some digging it would seem that, once again, the motivation for this strange behaviour is rooted in love.
"Harry and Malfoy have been at each other's throats for years," claims one guest. "They've always been competing with each other, it's as though there's this natural magnetism between them that draws them together."
It seems the natural magnetism works both ways, since the two men were said to have gone off to fight for the affections of the same woman; Millicent Bulstrode.
Yes, dear readers, the Slytherin beauty is stealing hearts all over the show. It seems as though Mr. Malfoy has had his eye on his Slytherin housemate for years, and now the news that she is engaged to his greatest rival has provoked him into action! However, despite the two men being missing for a while, only Mr. Potter came back to the reception. The victor he may have been, but the beautiful Ms. Bulstrode had already attracted the attention of several other young men including Cormac McLaggen and Charles Weasley.
How will Ms. Parkinson deal with this double dose of heartbreak? Coming second to Ms. Greengrass, (now Mrs. Cornfoot!) in the race to be wed, and second to Ms. Bulstrode in the competition for the affections of even one as diminished in social standing as Draco Malfoy.
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Following on from the scandal at the Ministry for Magic it was noted that Percy Weasley and Bonnie Dunstan, both in attendance to our great surprise, spent the evening avoiding each other's company. Considering the ongoing investigation into the sex scandal that is currently rocking the world of wizarding politics, they were right to do so.
In order to distract attention away from their still sizzling chemistry, Mr. Weasley brought ex-girlfriend Penelope Clearwater as his escort. It was obviously apparent that Mr. Weasley was attempting to convince everyone his tastes run in a far more conservative streak, but there is no comparison between the stunning Ms. Dunstan and the dowdy Ms. Clearwater. Nice try, Percy! None of us are fooled!
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Dean Thomas, handsome, muggleborn war hero, is next to join the list of young men chasing after the older woman. Despite the fact that he attended the wedding on the arm of young pureblood Laura Madley, it transpired that Mr. Thomas has tastes that run in a slightly more mature vein.
"Well, I couldn't really believe my eyes," said one shocked party-goer. "To be honest with you, I'm pretty disgusted. If I wasn't so drunk right now I'd probably be drinking. But he headed off towards the bedrooms on the arm of Mrs. Rookwood. You know, the one with the cane? And the hat-"
There was no sign of Mr. Jeremiah Rookwood, 89, as his wife, 87, went off to canoodle with the rugged young Gryffindor, though it has been noted in the past that he is unable to keep up with his still virile wife. No doubt Mr. Thomas, fit and - so it is said - creative, was able to satisfy her needs.
"I guess they have some kind of agreement. Look, I don't really want to talk about this, it's kind of gross," added our source.