Plagued RPG Moderators (plagued_mods) wrote in plagued_logs, @ 2016-01-10 22:17:00 |
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Entry tags: | !witch weekly |
Welcome to this Bumper Issue of Witch Weekly, filled to the brim with stories and gossip from across the Wizarding World. Catch up with everything you might have missed over Christmas and the New Year, and look forward to the year ahead! |
Page 5 Witch Weekly would like to again extend it's congratulations to Penelope Clearwater and Charlie Weasley on the upcoming birth of their child. Witch Weekly would like to additionally congratulate Benjamin McEwen, who is going to be stepdad to the little bouncing ball of joy. Benjamin and Charlie, our sources say, have been looking for a way to start a family together for a while, and Penelope generously offered to be the surrogate mother, and stand in girlfriend for McEwen, an Auror. "The Auror office aren't prejudiced against same-sex relationships," said a ministry aide. "But they didn't think it was...tasteful for one of their staff to be dating a Dragon Wrangler. I mean, really-" It hasn't yet been revealed what arrangements the couple and Miss Clearwater will be partaking in once their child is born, but we'll keep you all posted! |
Page 8 Miss Tracey Davis and Mr. Rolf Scamander have started dating! Wonderful news! The two have been seen out and about in Hogsmeade recently, stealing private moments amidst the chaos of the New Years Eve tragedy. It's been said they've been heading up to the Shrieking Shack to enjoy moments away from the prying eyes of their peers. We love a good blossoming romance here at Witch Weekly, and it must be wonderful for Miss Davis to know that she can still bag a man several years her junior. Good luck to both of them! And remember everyone, if the Shack is Shrieking, don't go peeking! |
Page 9 Romance, it seems, is blossoming all over Hogsmeade! Clearly the change of scenery is good for everyone. Former Quidditch star Oliver Wood has revealed a dark and seedy side to his previously well maintained personality. The years of him being a sporting hearthrob and hero are about the come crashing down around him as Witch Weekly can reveal, exclusively, that Mr. Wood has set up home with two other women in what locals are calling a 'sex nest'. The ladies in question are, similarly, both Quidditch players and former housemates of Mr. Wood. No doubt he has a type, but several other women in the village have said that they've been approached by members of the household and invited to join in the depraved activities. Be aware, ladies of Hogsmeade. If you are approached by anyone, including Former Quidditch star Oliver Wood, and propositioned, please contact your local spiritual leader. |
Page 15 In happier news, on-and-off lovers Neville Longbottom and Pansy Parkinson have once again sparked up their relationship. Witch Weekly have been rooting for them for months, now, and we're hoping that in these hard times the two of them will be able to turn to each other for comfort, both carnal and otherwise. The stunning Miss Parkinson has always had an elegance about her befitting her family's good history, and war Hero Mr. Longbottom has had his fair share of flirtations with highly successful witches, but the two of them appear to have been unable to resist the draw between them. "I think they're both realising that the times are always going to be hard and that they need to make the most of the time they have together," a close friend of the couple revealed. "Neville has wanted things to be serious for a while now, and he and Pansy are looking to relocate to more private lodgings together." Love is also blooming in the most unlikely places. Witch Weekly has recently been informed that Augusta Longbottom, grandmother of the abovementioned Neville, has been courting young Hufflepuff Harold Dingle. Whilst Mr. Dingle is younger than her grandson, the couple have been sharing intimate teas and walks around the village. "Harold is smitten," beamed his best friend Laura Madley. "He wasn't looking for love. The two of them met over a shared interest in something old people like. He has mature tastes, as, I suppose, is really apparent now. But apparently there was an undeniable spark between them. Harold hasn't stopped talking about her." It just goes to show, readers, that you're never too old to find love, and there are no boundaries! |
Page 20 Not everyone is as lucky in love as the other romantic leads mentioned already in this Bonus Bumper Issue. French harlot Fleur Weasley has set up home with her husband's younger brother. After the terrible events of New Years Eve, instead of falling into her loving husband's arms, Madam Weasley turned to Percy Weasley, giving in to the feelings she has reportedly been harbouring for several months. The couple have moved in with another Weasley brother, George, and his fiancee Verity Somethingorother, above their shop Zonkos, owned by George and his late twin brother Fredrick. So far neither Percy Weasley nor Madam Weasley have been available to comment on their new set up, though at least the fourth place TriWizard competitor won't have to change her name again when she inevitably moves on to the next brother. |
Page 25 Stephen Cornfoot has always been considered by many to be an upstanding member of wizarding society. Coming from a old family line, everyone had always assumed him to be a model student and stolid husband to his wife Daphne. Witch Weekly can reveal, though, that several women have recently come forward with children reportedly belonging to Mr. Cornfoot. The youngest, a girl of eight months, is said to never have met her father, whilst the oldest, a boy of five, has met his dad several times. "Stephen supports us all, he has the money to," says one of the women, who wishes to remain nameless. "But he doesn't spend time with his children. It's like he just wanted the wild, dirty sex, the children are nothing more than another [commodity] for him." Michael Corner, former housemate of Stephen Cornfoot, agreed. "His kids are like his pets. He pays money for them, and they're cute, but y'know. I don't know how many there are altogether, no. I know he wanted to have children with Daphne, his wife, but she wanted to finish school first, and I don't think he expected her to be a strong, independent woman that he can't push around, unlike the poor women he dazzled with his galleons and lies." If you or anyone you know has a child by Stephen Cornfoot, let us know so that we can add you to our campaign! Furthermore, we encourage you to write to this poor excuse for a man and give him your views on his behaviour! See the back of the magazine for contact details. |