Pillow Book

Here

(Written inside the back cover of the 'Friends and Family' book Jessica kept beside the phone. Dean never got to see this one. Jessica did, and accepted it as one more piece in the puzzle which was Sam. She half-thought he might write a poem for her one day, but he never did.)




Tin can telephone
Whispers sorrys down the line.
Hello? I hang up.

(Found under his pillow two hours after he woke up.)





I know I say I like it when you sleep -
No whining or bitching, peace at last.
It's good when you don't have freaky nightmares.
And I kinda like sitting and watching you.

But not like this.

And I know I say your hair's damn stupid -
Way too long, makes you look like a girl.
But you are, so it kinda works, and...
I don't really want you to get it cut.

Especially not like this.

And I know I say you should stand up straight -
Quit the slouching and stooping, stand tall.
But there's times when you should duck, dumbass.
Like when a bullet's coming at your head.


Wake the hell up, Sammy.

Here

(Written on the back of the paper cover draped over the stand next to Sam's hospital bed, in scrawly, drug-slurred writing.)




Would have ducked, but you were standing right there
Behind me. Your head right by my shoulder:
Better me than you. Don't tell me you would
Have stepped aside if you had been in front.
Summer's coming anyway: too hot for
Long curls. Dad would be pleased. Or maybe not.
Remember tenth grade when you kissed Clare Holmes
And spiked your hair? He bust a gut. I laughed.
Never saw your hair that way again. I
Was sorry… Tired now. Think we should blow
This popsicle stand. Buy tacos, drive out
West and see the sea. Don't think I don't know
You haven't seen the sun these three days. Take
Me out to your girl. Then lie down and rest.