Bianca Spinks (underwhelmed) wrote in perdition_rpg, @ 2009-04-16 15:26:00 |
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Seamus rather enjoyed Thursdays, minus the fact that he had to show up for Dark Arts class. His entire morning was his to do with what he pleased and this particular day he'd chosen to spend his entire morning in his dorm. He'd managed to get himself out of bed at ten thirty, showered, and then organized his chocolate frog cards, choosing this time to arrange them by hair colour. His stomach rumbled and he sighed, realising that classes were going to be let out soon and lunch would be put out. He slid off his bed, leaving his cards in multiple piles, and stuffed his feet into his sneakers without untying them (which drove his mother insane). He was a little reluctant to even go to lunch after yesterday. He shivered and pushed the images from his head as he dropped off the final stair and into the common room. Seamus glanced around, thinking that he had stumbled upon an empty common room. He was quickly corrected when he spotted Bianca there. He took a step toward her, intent on saying hello, but then stopped. He knew that she knew. They'd been talking but their friendship was clearly changed and he wondered if she'd just prefer to be left alone. Then again she could have seen him take the step and if he turned around and left she might be offended. Just go say hello, you git. He shoved his hands into his pockets and sauntered over to the couch, peering over the back. "Afternoon. Whatcha readin'?" Startled, Bianca lifted her head and twisted in her seat to glance up at owner of the voice. That typical wave of awkwardness that seemed to accompany Seamus's presence anymore crashed over her and she quickly averted her eyes, lifting her History of Magic textbook so that he could see the title. "NEWTs," she said, quietly. She hadn't absorbed a single word in all the time she'd been sitting there, keenly aware as she was that lunch was in a matter of minutes. Her stomach turned at the thought of it and without realising it her fingers clutched tightly at the cover of her text. "Are you going to lunch?" She wasn't exactly in the mood for small talk at the moment and, though it was just slightly rude of her, she was trying to hurry Seamus along. He eyed the textbook and thought briefly on how hard he had not been studying for his final examinations. He was usually a rather upbeat sort of person but he had a sinking feeling that he would not sit his exams at the end of the year. The Carrows would have something planned to keep the lesser students from attending, he was sure. "Lunch? Oh, lunch. Yeah." He shrugged his shoulders lazily. "I thought about it, yeah. I'm not really all that hungry. I could probably make it to dinner if I really wanted to." His stomach chose that moment to growl and he smirked. "Apparently my body doesn't agree with this. What about you? Plan on taking a break from you rigorous studies?" She smiled slightly at his growling stomach, but shook her head. "No, I'm not particularly hungry." Unlike his stomach, hers remained quiet and didn't undermine her words. It was difficult to think about food when worry was currently settled in the pit of her stomach. "I won't be offended if you go, though. I have Mister Brookstanton to occupy me," she added, lifting her text again slightly. She tried to keep her tone as nonchalant as possible, but it didn't quite mask her discomfort as well as she hoped. It was clear to him that she was trying to help him along, absolving him of any obligation to continue the conversation. He should leave her to study, especially if she didn't feel like talking to him. He glanced around the common room and without second thought he slid over the back of the couch so he was sitting next to her. "Can I talk to you about something?" Those weren't very promising words. "Of course," she said, though, mindful of her prefect badge. Perhaps he required some prefectly advice from her. He certainly wouldn't want to bring up the incident from a few nights ago, especially if he knew what was good for him. She shifted in her seat to face him and kept her text clutched protectively to her chest. She still felt uncomfortable. "What would you like to talk about?" He couldn't exactly come out and tell her that Michael had told him. He couldn't even confess in his own words, come to that. Then again he wasn't sure if he wanted to tell her everything, even if he could. She was obviously against what Dumbledore's Army was trying to accomplish, and if not the ideas then definitely the methods they used. But she knew. He knew it. "I know we talked about it, but I still think that you're not being completely honest with me. Are you upset with me about something?" She narrowed her eyes slightly at his question, somewhat annoyed that she was being so transparent. "Surely you must know me well enough by now, Seamus. If I were upset with you, I'd have told you." She turned her gaze to her lap, though, in yet another very obvious display of her discomfort. "I'm no liar either," she added. However, she was a liar. This entire year had made one of her, but Seamus didn't need to know that. "Look, I'm not trying to make you uncomfortable but I do know you well enough and even when you and I don't see eye to eye it's not like this." He took a deep breath and situated himself so that he was facing her full on now, one foot on the floor and the other pulled up on the couch. "It's like something's changed and no one's talking about it, even though they might want to. I told you that I value your friendship and if there is something going on I want you to talk to me about it. We're friends. That's what friends do." This was a bad idea and he knew it but he couldn't take it back now. She could take it in any direction now. He just hoped that she didn't hate him in the end because that would kill him. She suddenly felt very on the spot and she wasn't entirely sure how to proceed. She considered firmly suggesting he go to lunch and ending the conversation altogether, but he was asking. Perhaps she should just say it and end their discomfort once and for all. "Very well." She set aside her History of Magic textbook and shifted in her seat so that she faced him, sitting cross-legged before him. "I know you're a member of Dumbledore's Army," she said in hushed tones. "And you've never once discussed that with me. Considering we're such good friends." There was a note of sarcasm to her tone now. He picked up on the sarcasm and raised an eyebrow in response. The pact with kept him from saying anything of substance in his defense so all he could do was give her an apologetic look and a shrug. "We are good friends. I tell you everything within my ability to tell you. I just don't want this to end because we happen to fall on a difference of opinion." Any annoyance she may have felt left her when he mentioned a difference of opinion. After what the Carrows had done to Michael, it was hardly about a difference of opinion and she felt ridiculous for forgetting that. Not that she was going to insist that he allow her to sign herself up for Dumbledore's Army, of course, but her feelings on the Carrows, which had been waning for quite some time, had soured entirely over the course of a day. "You should never have helped me with Charms. You should have said no." He shook his head. "I didn't want to say no. You have just as much of a right to defend yourself as anyone, Inquisitorial Squad or no. I said yes because I knew that you would appreciate it. You wouldn't have asked me if you didn't really need the help." He sighed and looked down at his lap. He'd nearly cost himself the trust of the entire group just because he'd offered to help. He didn't regret his decision even a little. What he'd said was true. She would have never asked him for his help if she hadn't needed it and, in spite of her slightly bruised feelings over his being a member of Dumbledore's Army, she did appreciate his help. "You still should have said no. I could have asked someone else." Though she had no idea who she would have asked, she wasn't comfortable with the possibility of using something he taught her against him. Despite his not confirming her suspicions regarding his membership, the fact that he hadn't outright denied them was confirmation enough. "I had my own selfish reasons for saying yes, you know." He pulled his other leg up onto the couch so he was mirroring her stance. "I like being around you because we avoid talking about the things that suck in life. We learned to not talk about our differences and so being around you was like a break from it all. I liked teaching you because it was a way to get my mind off of all the crap." She opened her mouth to speak and then quickly closed it. She'd nearly asked him why he was involved in the group if he considered everything that had happened that year to be 'crap'. After all, there were plenty of students who still somehow managed to escape the Carrows' ire. It would have been a hypocritical question, however, as she hadn't exactly been thrilled with the Inquisitorial Squad for a while. "That's true, I suppose," she said finally, looking down at her lap. "Unfortunately, I don't feel comfortable learning defensive spells from you any more. It's nothing personal, but it doesn't feel right." "No, I understand." He nodded as if to confirm that he did indeed understand. He never expected to be having a conversation like this, especially with Bianca. She was the last person on Earth he could ever imagine talking to (as much as he was allowed) about Dumbledore's Army. He had confirmed her suspicions and now the only thing that remained to be seen was how it would all end. Would they continue to be civil yet strained or could they salvage the friendship despite the secrets and huge differences of opinion. "So no more training. What about us as friends? Does that change too?" She sighed, lifting her shoulders in a helpless shrug. "I don't know," she said, honestly. "I've never been in this sort of situation before." She didn't want her friendship with Seamus to change. She treasured it, after all, and she enjoyed how normal she felt during their conversations. Unfortunately, she didn't feel all that normal sitting with him now. Inquisitorial Squad members were as good as Death Eaters, according to Dumbledore's Army. "But I would like to remain friends," she added. "Well then let's stay friends. We won't let affiliations and titles ruin anything. I know it's easy to say that and another to actually do it, but you and I are strong. I know what you are and you me and we're still able to sit here, just the same as always." He gave her a half smile and then reached out to place friendly hand on her knee. "Besides, you couldn't get rid of me even if you really wanted to." Startled again, though this time by the sudden physical contact on her knee, she twisted quickly in her seat so that both feet were on the floor in front of her and brushed aside his hand in the process. "You're right," she said, pretending as though she hadn't just behaved strangely. He was right. At least, she hoped he was right. He was strong, but she had doubts about her own strength. "You should go really go to lunch now. You're hungry, remember?" He noted her quick change of position but said nothing of it. He tended to forget that not all people responded to touch the way he did. He had always been a very physical person and he often forgot that most people weren't like that. He folded his hands in his lap and then smiled as she mentioned lunch. His stomach grumbled again, still working on cue, and he sighed. "Yes, I vaguely remember saying something about a meal. You going to stay here?" "I'm still not hungry," she said, nodding in answer to his question. She was glad that she and Seamus had resolved their problem. It meant there was one less thing to worry about. She had enough on her plate at the moment as it was. "I will see you later, Seamus. And-" she stopped abruptly, feeling a much smaller wave of discomfort than the one that had emerged when he'd first interrupted her thoughts. "I'm very sorry about my behaviour on your birthday. It was unfair." "Hey, don't sweat it. I wasn't exactly the most personable that day so I'm sorry too." He rose slowly to his feet and stretched. He was glad that it had all worked out so well in the end. It proved to him that Bianca was exactly the sort of person that he had thought her to be. If the others could have been present for the conversation they would know how good of a person she could be. "Thanks for the talk. I'll bring you back some fruit or something, in case you get hungry. Enjoy your book." She gave him a small smile. "Thank you. I'd appreciate that." She returned her attention to the text in her lap and attempted to focus again on her revising. As before, the words swam on the page and refused to be absorbed so she gave up, looking up in time to watch Seamus leave the common room. She hoped there weren't any more surprises in store for her. She already had enough to worry about without confirming her other suspicions. "Be careful," she muttered to the closing door, sighing. |