A gift for piratesword!
Author: ??? Giftee: piratesword Title: The Seriously Secret Diary of Theodore Remus Lupin Pairing: Percy/Harry Rating: R (mostly for Teddy's filthy mouth, but also for other things) Word Count: 4570 Warnings: EWE. Offstage minor character death. Cigarettes. Angst. Leftover pasta. Disclaimer: Nothing you recognise belongs to me. Summary: After his grandmother's death, Teddy is sent to live with Harry. Percy finds a way to indulge his obsession. Notes: piratesword, this is probably not at all what you were expecting, but I do hope you like it nonetheless.
30 April 2014
Harry says I'm supposed to put all my feelings in here, all the feelings I don't know how to express out loud. He says I can show him if I want to, but I don't have to.
I don't think I'll show him.
My hair turned brown today all by itself. I can't make it change back.
I feel like shit, and I want to go home.
"At least the boy is used to his parents being dead."
Harry's jaw dropped, and he stared at Percy.
"What?" asked Percy, shoving his glasses up on his nose. "In all seriousness, Harry, emotion aside, it's not as if he ever knew them."
"He can still miss them, Percy. He can still be sad about it. Things pile up! God." Harry turned half-away from Percy with his arms crossed over his chest. "Sometimes I can't believe the utter shit that comes out of your mouth. You're amazing."
"Harry. He misses the archetype of his parents. Just as, I'm sure, you miss the archetype of your own. I'm saying this is a small thing to be happy about. There's always something."
Harry scowled. "You're a ray of fucking sunshine, Perce," he said, plopping onto the sofa.
Percy settled on the other end of the sofa, leaning forward, his hands between his knees. He looked sideways at Harry, opened his mouth, then closed it again, thinking better of saying anything else until Harry had calmed down a little. All right, maybe Percy hadn't exactly thought through the repercussions of his words before he said them, but he still meant what he had said.
"Say it," said Harry. He sighed. "Whatever you were going to say, just say it, Perce."
Percy nodded and looked at his hands. "Okay. I just—we can feel badly for Teddy, in a nebulous sort of way, that he hasn't any family left. But it's Andromeda's passing we should focus on at the moment, and not the larger picture."
"You never were a big picture sort of bloke, Perce."
Percy shot Harry a look. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"Always had your—fuck. Never mind. Just tell me what else I need to do."
Percy tucked a sheaf of parchment back into his briefcase, snapped it shut, and stood, adjusting the fall of his robes. "Nothing more. Andromeda made it clear in her will that you were to be Teddy's guardian. I'll put this paperwork through, and by the time he's ready to come home from school—well. This will be his home." He glanced around Harry's untidy flat and decided against mentioning that Harry might benefit from learning a few cleaning charms—or from hiring a maid.
"I'll be going now," Percy said instead, and he made his way to the door.
"Perce," said Harry from the sofa.
"I just—thanks. For putting this through. And for coming here tonight instead of making me show up at the Ministry." Harry's voice was weary, devoid of emotion.
"I'm just doing my job, Harry," Percy said, and he left. He stood in the hallway for a moment and rolled his eyes at himself before he Apparated home.
2 May 2014
I still feel like shit, and I still want to go home. But apparently 'home' is now Harry's flat, which is nice and all, but I don't want to live there. I don't want to live with Harry. Harry's great, but I want my life the way it was. Maybe I'll just stay here at school all bloody summer. Hide under my bed.
I guess at least I'm used to my parents being dead. Small fucking consolation, that.
I wish they would stop sending Mr Weasley to tell me things. He's so weird.
"So," said Percy, and he took a long sip from his teacup.
"So," replied Harry. The silence that filled the room was deafening, broken a moment later by a shuffling from Harry's spare bedroom—no. Teddy's bedroom.
"How is he settling in?"
Harry shrugged and nodded in the direction of the hallway that led to the bedrooms. "He spends a lot of time in his room. I don't think he's too happy to be living with me. Um."
Percy nodded and drew a breath. "Of course he's not," Percy said. "Not because you're you—but because you're not his grandmother."
"I'm his fucking godfather," said Harry. "I was all set to go live with Sirius when I was thirteen. Would've done it in a heartbeat and not looked back."
Percy pressed his lips together in a thin line. He decided not to remind Harry that Teddy had lived with his grandmother, who had doted on him every moment of his sixteen years, and Harry had lived with somewhat less affectionate relatives. It wasn't the same situation. Not even close.
Percy finished his tea, then stood to leave. "I won't take up any more of your time," he said. He picked up his teacup and saucer and looked at Harry. "Where shall I put this?"
Harry waved a hand dismissively. "I'll get it," he said.
Percy set the cup down again and moved towards the door, and Harry followed.
"Well," Percy said, "I'll file this report in the morning. I'm glad things seem to be working out for you and Teddy. As well as can really be expected, that is."
Harry only nodded, looking at the wall. "How many more times do you need to check up on us?" he asked.
For the first time in a long time, Percy fumbled with his reply. He hadn't expected this.
"Once a week," he finally managed. "For, ah—for two months." He cringed inwardly. Had that sounded like the blatant lie that it was? Had it sounded like too much? Too little? Too often? Not often enough?
"See you next week, then," was all that Harry said in reply.
13 May 2014
Mr Weasley is here. Sorry—Percy. He wants me to call him Percy. He really is weird. If I didn't know better I'd think he was chasing after Harry. But apparently the Ministry makes him check up on us once a week. I don't know why. It may not be home, but I'm fine.
He does flirt with Harry, though. I could almost swear to it. I wonder if Harry realises this.
Also, if it were strictly business, he'd come during the day.
They were sitting and sipping tea again, conversation having dropped off a few minutes prior, when Teddy emerged from his bedroom.
It was the first time he had actually done so while Percy was there. Percy took this as a good sign. He stood, and with a joviality that sounded so false it made him want to cringe, he said hello and asked how Teddy was.
Teddy shoved his hands in his pockets and muttered something about just going to the corner shop, then edged out the door.
Percy stood awkwardly in the middle of the room, feeling suddenly monstrous, too tall and gangly, his false smile too wide. He let the smile fade and tucked and folded himself back into his armchair, all the while feeling Harry's eyes on him.
"He's probably gone for cigarettes," Harry finally said. "He smokes out his bedroom window at night."
"How do you know?" Percy asked, without meaning to do so.
"I do the same thing," Harry sighed.
"Oh." It was a weak response, but Percy didn't want to criticise Harry, didn't want to make him feel badly by telling him what a disgusting habit smoking was.
Besides. Harry probably already knew what a disgusting habit it was.
"His hair's been like that since Andromeda died," Harry said, apropos of nothing.
"Oh," Percy said again, and there was a long silence.
"I like your shirt," Percy finally said, ducking his head immediately afterwards. I like your shirt? What kind of thing was that to say? Stupid, that's what kind.
Harry looked down at himself. "Um—thanks. Listen, did you need me to sign anything tonight?"
Percy automatically reached for his briefcase, clutching it to him. "No. No. I just—I'm supposed to observe. See that he's adjusting all right to his new home, and that his new, ah, family, is, ah, adjusting to him as well."
His lie was becoming thinner and thinner, but if Harry recognised it, he didn't say so.
Percy really needed to think these things through a little better.
"How are you, really?" he blurted, and Harry looked up at him, his mouth open a little.
"I'm sorry—" Percy continued, but Harry swallowed visibly and raised a hand.
"It's all right," he said. "And I'm all right. I know I went a bit loony there for a while, but I'm fine. I just needed a rest."
"And you're fine."
"Yes." Harry nodded violently. "I'm fine."
Percy wasn't sure this was entirely true.
"Fine," he said, and he forced himself to smile.
24 May 2014
Not only is he showing up at night, now he's showed up on a Saturday. He's full of shit. I'm fine, and Harry's fine, and he knows it, and the Ministry doesn't care. I wonder if they know how much time he spends here looking at Harry with those stupid blue eyes of his.
I think Harry is a complete idiot if he doesn't know.
I want to go back to school. Harry's fine, but it's always so quiet here. Not like at Gran's, where people were always coming over and there were good things cooking on the stove and in the oven every day. Harry's a shit cook, to be honest. Not that I'm any better, but I have the excuse that I'm not an adult. I wish Susan were still around. She wasn't the best cook in the world, but better than Harry, anyway.
I wonder if Percy cooks.
Percy struggled to hold onto his shopping bags as he rang the bell at Harry's flat. He strained for a minute more, until the door opened and he was able to unload one of the bags into Harry's arms.
Only it was Teddy standing there when Percy finally set the other two bags on the coffee table and straightened up.
"Oh," Percy said, "I'm sorry. I just assumed it would be Harry—I didn't look." He took in Teddy's mouse-brown hair, his slumped shoulders, his pierced ear, his artfully torn jeans.
"It's okay," Teddy finally said, his voice softer than Percy remembered it being.
"Is Harry actually here?"
"Um, no," said Teddy, "He's just gone round the corner. Should be back in a moment. Are you making dinner tonight, then?"
Percy felt himself blush. "That, ah—that was the plan, yes." He rubbed the back of his neck and considered loosening his tie. It was hot in that flat. Hot and stuffy. Wasn't it?
He gave a laugh that sounded horribly forced, though he'd meant it to sound carefree. He was crap at carefree.
"I guess I'll just—this is okay, isn't it? Do you mind? Harry mentioned last time I was here that he wasn't much of a cook, so I thought—there's just some pasta and garlic and tomatoes and things in here. Some bread. Bottle of wine. Not fancy, but enough to feed us all, with leftovers if you end up liking it."
He was babbling. And Harry wasn't even there to fluster him.
"That sounds great," said Teddy, and, to Percy's great relief, the boy flashed him what appeared to be a genuine smile.
"Would you like to help me?"
By way of response, Teddy walked into the kitchen with his bag and began unloading pasta and vegetables onto the counter.
Percy couldn't make anything too fancy, but his mum had taught him enough kitchen magic that he could turn out quite a decent dinner when he wanted to. And so when Harry arrived at the flat a little while later, Percy and Teddy already had a garlicky sauce going, water boiling for pasta, and the store-bought bread heating in a low oven.
"What's all this?" asked Harry, standing in the kitchen doorway. He wasn't frowning, to Percy's relief, but he wasn't exactly smiling, either.
Teddy, however, was. "I thought you two had planned this dinner," he said. "Doesn't the sauce smell good?"
"Um, yes. It does," said Harry, and Teddy turned back around, teaspoon in hand, to take what was probably his thousandth taste of the sauce. Harry furrowed his brow at Percy and nodded towards the living room.
"Keep an eye on that sauce, Ted," said Percy, and he wiped his hands on a kitchen towel and followed Harry.
"Does the Ministry now provide catering services?" was the first thing Harry said when Percy walked into the living room.
"What? I—no," said Percy, "I just—you had mentioned that you aren't much of a cook, and that the two of you eat a lot of takeaway, and so I thought—well. I didn't think I'd be overstepping my bounds, but it seems perhaps I have." An apology teetered on his lips, but he couldn't quite say the words.
"Maybe not," said Harry, and he peered around Percy towards the kitchen. "It does smell good. I just don't know why you're here. This can't be business."
Percy coloured. "Not precisely. I thought I might mix a little pleasure in this time." His words sounded unintentionally seductive to his own ears, and he could only hope Harry hadn't picked up on it.
"But this is your weekly visit."
"Well—" It was his weekly visit, even if the visits themselves were not exactly Ministry-sanctioned. "Yes."
"Then I suppose we can all eat," said Harry, an edge to his voice that Percy couldn't quite recognise. Harry brushed past Percy on his way back into the kitchen, and Percy stood still for a moment, just savouring the moment's friction of Harry's arm against his own, Harry's scent hanging in the air.
Oh, he was hopeless. Hopeless and pathetic and a liar besides.
But at least he was a decent cook.
"More than decent," Harry proclaimed when dinner was over. "That was brilliant. Unexpected and unnecessary, but brilliant. Thanks."
Percy smiled and ducked his head. The atmosphere in the room had grown decidedly more friendly, aided, no doubt, by the bottle of Cabernet that Percy had brought along. But it was growing late, and any pretence on which Percy had been relying in order to stay was no longer valid.
"I should be going," he said, standing. He bumped against the table and the dregs of the wine sloshed in their glasses.
Harry stood, then, too, and nodded, but Teddy looked quite put out.
"You don't have to—" he began, but Harry cut him off.
"If Percy says he has to go, then he has to go," said Harry, a cold edge creeping into his tone.
"I really must," Percy insisted, though he wanted to do anything but. He took up his briefcase and left after a round of hasty goodbyes.
Just before he Apparated out of the hallway, he heard an argument beginning inside the flat.
26 May 2014
I thought it would be a while before Percy came back, but I was wrong. Record short time in between visits—two days. I wonder if he heard the row that started the moment he walked out the door on Saturday. He must've. I didn't mean for anything to happen. I just said I liked having him around, and maybe Harry should think about having him over sometime that wasn't an official visit, and Harry just snapped. I wasn't expecting that.
They're out there talking now. I can't hear what they're saying, which is better than having to hear the argument they had earlier. I think I'll just pretend I'm dead in here.
Shit. I've only got one cigarette left.
"Perce, listen. The pasta was great. We still have leftovers, you made so much. But you can't do things like that anymore."
"You've attempted to explain that to me already, Harry. What I fail to understand is why."
Harry sighed. "Because it's too fucking normal, okay? And I'm not ready for normal. Not yet."
Percy stood and ran his hand through his hair. He knew mussed hair was unattractive on him, but he was too exasperated to care. "You're not ready for normal? What does that even mean, Harry? No—don't interrupt. You told me you were 'fine' and now you can't even handle having someone make you dinner—it's basic human kindness, Harry—"
"I don't need a lecture from you about human kindness, Percy."
Percy took a deep breath and sat very close to Harry on the sofa. He kept his voice low, controlled.
"Harry. It's been nearly a year since your wife passed. I'm not—" He held up a hand as Harry began to speak. "I'm not telling you to get over it. But, Harry—" Percy couldn't help himself. He touched Harry's arm, just above the back of his elbow.
Harry flinched, and Percy's fingers practically burned, but he didn't let himself pull away.
"Harry, for Teddy's sake—" Percy cut himself off, leaving the rest of his sentence hanging between them, unspoken.
Harry nodded, looking at his lap, Percy's fingers still wrapped around his arm.
"For Teddy's sake, yeah," he said. His voice was rough.
"Thank you," Percy said.
Harry looked up, then, and Percy could have kissed him, they were so close. They stared at each other, frozen, for a long moment until a door creaked open behind Percy and Harry jerked away.
"Teddy," he said. "Are you going out?" Percy turned. Teddy had on a light jacket, though the summer night was warm enough that he probably didn't need it.
"I'll walk downstairs with you," Percy said, rising hastily, not looking at Harry.
"I'm only going to get cigarettes," Teddy said when Percy had closed the door behind them. Percy drew a breath to admonish the boy, but let it go.
"I'll walk downstairs with you anyway," he said, and he did.
In the vestibule, before Teddy went outside, and before Percy Apparated home, Teddy smiled.
"You know," he said, "Maybe you're not as weird as I once thought you were."
Percy wasn't sure what to say.
"Thank you," he finally managed, though it sounded like a question.
Teddy only smiled again and shrugged and walked out into the night.
It's like having a family again, kind of. Maybe I'm cursed to always have a weird, patched-together family.
I wonder if it's naïve of me to hope they'll get together. Maybe Harry's not bent—okay, maybe Percy's not, either, but somehow I doubt that very much—but I like this.
I don't know.
Oh, yeah. I saw Victoire Weasley's tits yesterday—she had on a loose blouse and she bent over, and OH MY GOD. They are fucking EPIC.
"So you're trying 'normal', are you? How is that working out for you?" Percy hadn't meant for his tone to be tinged with bitter envy, but he had seen the girl, giggling and far too young, leaving the flat as he'd come in.
"Do you mean her?" Harry jerked his thumb towards the door and the departed girl, and it seemed as though he very nearly laughed.
Percy only fixed Harry with an icy blue stare.
"She wasn't here to see me. She's a friend of Teddy's. Pandora is her name. Hufflepuff." A terribly superior smirk crossed Harry's face as Percy's shoulders sagged with relief.
"Thank god," Percy said before he could stop himself.
"You didn't really expect I'd turn straight to molesting underaged witches, did you, Percy?"
Percy quirked an eyebrow. "What's normal for you," he said, "Hasn't always been what's normal for the rest of the wizarding world."
"Touché," Harry retorted. "Would you like some tea?"
"Very much," said Percy. When Harry passed Percy his cup of steaming Earl Grey and Harry's fingers brushed his, Percy tried to ignore it. And when Harry chose to sit on the sofa by Percy instead of in the armchair, Percy took a deep breath and pretended that everything was absolutely normal.
He could be in love with Harry, fine, but Harry didn't need to know it.
Harry was in a good mood, teetering on the brink of normal, and so, apparently was Teddy—though his hair was still brown, he grinned when he passed through the room and saw the two of them sipping tea on the sofa together.
That grin, Percy decided, was far too knowing.
He decided to cut the visit short, despite his longed-for proximity to Harry, and he hurried out the door with Teddy.
"What do you know?" he demanded when he'd caught up with Teddy on the stairs. He grabbed the boy by both arms and shook him a little, though he hadn't meant to.
"I know you're in love with Harry," Teddy said immediately, setting his jaw and looking into Percy's eyes.
"Bugger," said Percy. He let go and leaned against the wall, wiping his brow with the back of his hand.
"Wow, really?" asked Teddy. "Shit—you're actually in love with him? I took a chance—I knew you liked him, but—wow."
"Wow, indeed," said Percy weakly.
"What are you going to do about it?"
"Exactly nothing," Percy replied immediately, "And I'd like your help with that."
Teddy made a questioning face.
"Just—just shut up about the whole thing, Ted." Just let me be pathetic on my own, he wanted to say.
"Just shut up about it, I said."
"What if Harry liked you, too?"
"Dammit, Teddy!" Percy smacked the wall with his hand, and the sound reverberated through the stairwell.
Teddy shrugged and clattered down the stairs. "Have it your way, then, you lonely old bastard," he called over his shoulder.
16 June 2014
He missed a week, but he's back again. I think this whole Ministry-approved visits thing is a load of crap, else he'd have had to come by last week, wouldn't he?
I wish he'd just jump Harry and get it over with. The tension out there is ridiculous. It's like trying to breathe through a wet cloth. A wet cloth that smells of sex.
Ew. I can't believe I just wrote that. I am fucking disgusting.
"Harry, I have to tell you something."
Harry set a plate of biscuits on the table between them and picked up a chocolate one. "What is it?"
"It's about these visits. I have to—"
"It's okay, Perce. I don't mind them," Harry replied. "I've grown used to you being here once a week." He shrugged. "I kind of like it. Um." A slight blush rose in Harry's cheeks, and he studied his biscuit before taking a nibble from one edge.
"You do?" Percy's voice threatened to wobble if he said more, and his stomach twisted itself in a knot. He pushed his glasses up on his nose.
"Mm-hm." Harry was still studying his biscuit, and Percy wanted nothing more than to grab it out of his hand, crush it to bits, and throw himself at Harry, kissing him within an inch of his life.
He stayed completely still, however, watching Harry's pink lips as he nibbled at that lucky chocolate biscuit.
He'd been so close to telling Harry the truth of why he kept coming to visit. Oh, certainly it had begun as something official, but once Percy had realised his chance, the lie had taken hold of him and it wouldn't let go. And now—god, now he'd begun to care for Teddy, as odd and reclusive and foul-mouthed as the kid was, and—
"I think Teddy likes you," Harry mumbled, jolting Percy from his reverie.
Percy cleared his throat "Does he? Good. I like him, too. I'm glad the two of you seem to be working so well as a family." The words flowed effortlessly, and Percy was sickened by his non-committal attitude. "He's a bright boy," he said, sickening himself further.
"He is," Harry agreed. He moved his hand along the table until his fingertips were so close to Percy's that Percy could feel the heat radiating from him.
This was his chance.
And he could take it if only he weren't stuck to his seat.
And then Harry covered Percy's hand with his, and Percy's heart leapt into his throat. He was going to be sick. Oh, god. He was going to be sick all over the place.
Except he wasn't, and Harry scooted his chair forward a little so their knees were nearly touching, and Harry leaned forward, and Percy leaned forward, and he laced his fingers through Harry's, and their lips were almost touching, and Harry's eyes were so wide and so green, and Teddy banged open the front door—
Percy jerked away from Harry, nearly toppling his chair, and Harry did the same, shoving the rest of his biscuit into his mouth. Percy looked at the ceiling, the wall, anywhere but at Harry or, god forbid, at Teddy, who was just standing there looking back and forth between the two of them as if he were watching a tennis match.
"I have to go," Percy finally choked, and he stumbled out the door, his prick half-hard in his pants.
3 July 2014
This is allegedly the last week Percy's to check up on us. I wonder if we've passed inspection.
He's brought dinner again. I wonder…
They are having sex. OH MY GOD. They are having SEX in Harry's room and I CAN HEAR THEM. I am SCARRED FOR LIFE. Oh my god. Who hasn't heard of a fucking SILENCING CHARM?
I am never going to get to sleep again. Oh my GOD.
In the morning, Percy awoke long before Harry did. There was an obnoxious bird that had apparently decided it needed to perch right outside the open window to sing its morning song. Percy rose and dressed and made his way silently through the flat towards the front door, where he picked up his briefcase and turned the knob as silently as he could.
A cough from behind him caused him to freeze in his tracks.
"Teddy," he whispered when he'd turned. "Why are you up so early?"
Teddy shrugged and leaned against the wall with his bowl of cereal. "Sometimes I wake up early," was all he said. They stared at each other for quite some time, until Teddy asked, "Why are you leaving?"
Percy decided to spare Teddy the lies that immediately formed on his tongue.
"Because I'm afraid," he said.
"I thought you were a Gryffindor," retorted Teddy.
"I thought so, too," said Percy, and he set his jaw and gazed back towards Harry's bedroom for a moment. "I have to go," he said finally, and he turned to do just that, but turned back again. He had noticed something, weary though he was.
"Your hair," he said to Teddy.
Teddy only looked at him quizzically.
"Look in the mirror," said Percy with a smile, and he glanced back over his shoulder as he exited to see Teddy inspecting his newly-turquoise hair in the hall mirror.