Who: Donovan Brightly What: Trying to pretend the river isn't there only makes it more dangerous. When: Trial Night! May 3rd! this is late but I got stuck :P Where: 5th Circle: Anger Status: Narrative, complete Warnings: Unhealthy relationships, gaslighting, internalized anger, internalized blame, mentions of parentification, nongraphic mentions of physical child abuse.
When he was younger, the blow would have landed elsewhere. His back maybe. Or finger-shaped bruises ringed around his arm instead. Somewhere that would have been easy to cover up with clothing. This time, Donovan’s eye was starting to swell up something awful, the bruise forcing it closed and radiating heat.
Nova sighed and held still while Phineas cleaned the blood away with a handkerchief. He still didn't have the most gentle hands, but he was making an effort. "I wasn't even trying to talk back." Nova said. He glared ferociously at the wall to keep from wincing. There was a puddle forming on the floor under his feet.
"He's just angry we slipped off again. It wasn't about you talking back." said Phineas, his voice calm. He paused, his eyes glittering with a little edge that fed the rushing noise in Nova's head. "You know why he hit you? It's because someone else beat him to it."
Nova scowled. He'd come back tonight with the beginnings of a proper shiner even before Zachariah had struck him. Tomorrow, he'd be lucky if he could see out of that eye. "Yeah. Already got a bruise. Might as well get his punches in too." He turned away from Phineas to look in the mirror again. He was full of seething, mutinous rage, raising heat in his face that almost drowned out the welt. "Bastard. Maybe we shouldn't have come back at all."
"Don't be stupid," Phineas's voice was sharp. Nova ducked his head a little. Phineas handed him the handkerchief and moved back to the desk. "He had strong words for me too. Duty and family honor and all the usual lecture," Phineas said.
"Yeah? He hit you too?" Nova snapped.
Phineas was silent for a moment, and Nova went still.
He watched in the mirror as Phineas pulled out his ledger and started to write without a word. For a minute the only sound was the scratch of his pen, but he seemed to let Nova's comment go.
There.
Slowly, Nova turned his eyes back to the mirror, looking himself in the eye. Looking at the angry swelling around his other eye. Push it down, he reminded himself, push it back down.
He could feel the water rising up over his ankles, icy cold creeping up to the rest of him. His trousers were soaked and clinging up to his knees.
Donovan fingered the bruise on his face with ginger fingers, skirting around the cut on his cheekbone. "He could've at least taken his ring off," he griped, more to himself than to Phineas.
"I don't know what you expect me to do about it," was Phineas's flat response. He didn't look up from his notes. Even at nineteen - which was quite young, for an Elf - he always was an entrepreneur. Now that things were settling down, he needed to take notes on the business he'd handled where they were out. And here Nova was selfishly distracting him.
He forced out a slow breath, guilt stroking a finger through the current of his anger. Push it down. Put it away. "I... don't need you to do something about it," Nova said, "I'm just frustrated."
"Well you don't need to take it out on me."
"I'm sorry," Nova said, faltering. Anger was still flowing icy hot in his chest, but Phineas was right - he shouldn't take it out on him. It wasn't Phineas's fault. He shouldn't be spilling all this anger out on him. "I just... you know how he is. I can't exactly tell him this," he pointed out.
It was up past the seat of his chair now. He wondered how Phineas didn’t seem to notice the water. Shouldn’t he be concerned that the room was flooding?
"No," Phineas said, eyes on the paper he was writing on. "Father wouldn't respond well to that, would he?"
Nova cracked a little smile at Phineas, but there was no humor in it. "Only if a beating counts as a good response," he commented bitterly. His fists clenched against the top of the dresser. Maybe it was just easier for Phineas to ignore all of this. It wasn’t his problem, after all, it was Nova’s.
Phineas hmmed in agreement. "You shouldn't aggravate him, you know."
Nova shook his head. "I wasn't! I was just trying to explain. I had a story worked out for the bruise. I could've gotten us both out of trouble." He turned back to the mirror, examining the darkening welt again. "Anyways, how was I to know he was going to come fetch you in the middle of the night? If we'd gotten back in on time-"
"Hey," Phineas turned around, brow furrowing. "You're not mad at me for this are you?"
"No. No!" Donovan said quickly, turning startled eyes on Phineas' face in the mirror. His eyes stung, and he rubbed them with the back of his hand so he could see. Phin looked skeptical. "No, I know, I know. It's my job to get us in and out, right? So, my mistake. I don't want you cutting your business short."
Phineas hmmed again. Nova's jaw clenched. The current of his anger shifted.
There it is. Do you see?
There was a roaring in his ears. His thoughts were still going too fast, pulling him under... he needed to contain himself, but the more he tried…
Water was flooding his mouth, caught in his throat, and he coughed and choked, spitting it out so he could suck in a breath. He stood up, the air shockingly cold against his wet skin.
"I'm sorry, he said. “I'll plan better next time." Phineas nodded, looking at him with those unreadable silvery-blue eyes.
Nova blinked. His hair was dripping water into his eyes. He was so cold. Phineas was still staring at him, his brow furrowed in irritation.
Nova sighed. "I'm gonna get some ice for this," he muttered and left the room.
There was water in the hallway, splashing up to his waist as he waded through it, the current pushing him back.
He shouldn't known better than to talk to Phineas about his frustrations with the Moonthorn patriarch. It only ever made Phineas upset. He really wasn't mad at Phineas for any of this. It wasn't like Phin had made his father hit Nova; he'd brought that on himself. And now Phineas was irritated with him. He shouldn't bother his best friend with it. After all, it wasn't like Phineas held any more sway over his father's opinion than Nova himself. And it wasn't his job to help Nova deal with it.
The water was creeping up his sides, deeper and deeper. His waterlogged clothes weighed him down, his legs slowed by the pressure.
He should be able to deal with this. He wasn’t a child anymore. He should be able to take Zachariah’s ire like a man. He definitely shouldn’t be hassling Phineas with it. He might be younger than Phin, but that was in number only. He was quickly reaching adulthood, while Phineas' adolescence would stretch a number more years. It would be on him to shoulder the responsibility of looking out for Phineas.
After all, that was his duty, right? They may not be related by blood, but Phineas was his brother in all the ways that mattered. Zachariah Moonthorn was a busy man; he couldn't be expected to drop everything whenever his son needed someone to look after him. Nova had to look out for him as he came into adulthood.
Still, Phineas could have at least shown a little sympathy, right? comes a niggling little voice.
Donovan shook it off, trying to ignore the roaring still in his ears. He felt cold all over. The water was still rising.
Phineas didn't owe him anything, he reminded himself.
You don't owe him anything either.
Now that was not true. Phineas and he looked out for each other. Always had, since they were small. Since he was first taken into the Moonthorn household and given a chance at life.
And just look where that chance led you.
Phineas knew what he was doing. He was smart, he knew how to make this world work for him, instead of against him. And he looked out for Nova, gave him not just a home and a job. He was family. They were brothers. Nova would follow him anywhere. He had to make himself useful, to earn his place at Phineas' side.
Phineas didn't have to come back for him. He'd been doing just fine without Nova. He'd opened the door that Nova had shut himself when he'd walked away. He didn't have to. He'd offered Nova a second chance. He had to earn it. And here he was being horribly ungrateful that Phineas looked out for him like a brother, and taking out his frustrations at Zachariah on him...
Zachariah...
They hadn't lived with Zachariah in decades.
Zachariah had thrown Nova out when Phineas was almost of age, calling him a bad influence. And Phineas had followed him, in spite of his father's threats to disown him. And here Nova was, feeling all discontented because Phineas didn't want to listen to him whine.
The water was up to his neck.
Focus, Donovan.
This was... a memory. He wasn't seventeen anymore. He wasn't a child. He touched the spot on his cheekbone where the cut had been - only smooth skin. Of course there was. That was forty years ago.
"Nova?"
The water was gone, but he was still drenched, chilled to his bones. He turned around. Phineas looked so young. Still with the slender gawky frame of a youth only just reaching the bodily changes of adolescence. That was-
"Come on, quit sulking. We've gotta plan for the next fight."
Nova stared at him blankly. "The next... Not tonight, right?"
This was-
"You think you can win this time?" Phineas said, raising an imperious brow, a ghost of his older self. "If you're not up to it, you can throw the match. Just let me know so I know how to place the bets."
Donovan frowned again as his temper rose. His head still hurt. The big guy from the last fight had clocked him pretty good. He'd been seeing stars for days after. He didn't really want to get into the cage tonight. "Can't we take a break from that this week, Phin? We could go to one of the card games-"
Phineas waved a hand dismissively. "That's not a sure thing. Better to do the fights. Come on," he gave Nova a grin. "You can take an extra share tonight. You know you'll earn it."
He really didn't want to. Even if he threw the match he'd still have to make it look good, and he'd still have to take the hit. But he didn't want to disappoint Phineas. So he swallowed back the irritation, and bit back the protest on his lips.
See there?
He blinked. This was-
A trial. This was a trial. These were memories, moments long since passed.
He choked. Squeezed his eyes shut against the water. The water...? There was...
"Nova?"
He opened his eyes. Phineas was staring at him.
"You want to fight proper, or do you want to throw the match?"
He seemed annoyed. Impatient.
Nova spluttered. Coughed hard. Spit out the water in his throat.
Phineas was staring at him, water dripping from his face. Clinging to his eyelashes. His blond hair hanging in strings around his face, and his clothes drenched and clinging. He was still waiting for an answer.
Nova opened his mouth to tell him.
There was water in his throat, in his nose. His sinuses stung and he choked and coughed, panic flaring, eyes squeezed shut. The floor fell out from under him, the force of his anger pushing him off his feet. No... it was the water. The...
It was the river.
He was underwater, slipping further. He blinked and he could see it, the roar of the water filling his ears, hitting him in the eyes. He slammed against a rock, the water pressing him flat against it.
"Hey. I need an answer."
He clung to the rock, spitting out water and trying to breath. Even with his face in the open air, the force of the river was crushing his chest, stealing his breath and his voice.
Phineas was crouched on the rock, staring at him, eyes as ice cold as the water. "Well? Are you going to fight? Or are you going to throw the match?"
He couldn't even speak to answer, the river surging against him. How could Phin keep asking him that stupid pointless question? He reached higher up on the rock, trying to haul himself out of the water.
Phineas grabbed his arm. "An answer would be good, Nova." Donovan could barely hear him above the river, above the anger that was almost blinding. He didn't want to choose between those options. He had his own shit to worry about and all Phineas cared about was the stupid match. The match that Nova would have to fight. He would fight and Phin would bet, and they'd split the profits, and Nova would nurse his bruises while Phineas tallied up their savings.
The grip on his arm was starting to hurt. He tried to pull himself up further out of the water.
Phineas pushed him back, the water coming up to his throat.
"The fuck are you doing?!" Nova shouted over the water.
Phineas's eyes were so cold. He knew he should just answer. Nova hated it when Phineas looked at him like that.
Donovan tried to swallow back the anger and choked on riverwater. "Let me up, Phin."
Phineas leaned in close. "Stop being such a child."
He should just answer. He was so tired. It felt like the water was moving even faster. He tried to breath and inhaled water. Coughing and spluttering, he tried to pull himself up out of the water again, but Phineas held him fast, held him down.
The rock was disappearing under the water. He was going to be swept away.
Donovan wrenched his arm back, out of Phineas' grasp, and surged up, grabbing onto the rock. He hauled himself up, the rock digging into his waist. He clambered up out of the water, positively radiating fury. When he looked up, Phineas was standing there, still glaring at him expectantly. "I could've fucking drowned!"
"That's your own doing," Phineas said.
Donovan grabbed Phineas by the shirt, positively blazing with anger.
Phineas smiled. "See? There you go. Not drowning now, are you?"
"No thanks to you! You fucking pushed me!" Nova growled at him. He knew this was a trial. He knew he technically couldn't drown - that he'd just wake up in his bed. And then he'd have to do it all over again. But... he was sick of drowning. Sick of pushing it all down. "You push and you push and if I say anything I'm the fucking asshole, right?"
Phineas hummed in agreement. "You are. Very much so. But hey, at least you're not drowning that way, are you?"
Nova cussed again, a stream of horrendous gutter-talk that Zachariah would've beat him black and blue for. He swung his fist until it connected with Phineas's cheekbone.
Phineas staggered, but when he looked back up, he was still smiling at him. "Good thing this isn't the Violence circle this time. We'll work on that later."
Nova was panting hard. It had felt... so good. Too good. To let that out. He was used to that, to the release of the tension, to pouring his anger back out through his fist. He wasn't used to directing it at Phineas. And this time, his guilt wasn't sitting on a knife's edge of resentment - just sitting low and sick in his hollow stomach.
He stepped back, but Phineas just stared at him with that unreadable flinty smile. "...What is this?"
"How far does it go, Nova?" Phineas said, stepping closer. "How far will you let everyone push? How much do you think you can contain before you just-" He made a popping sound with his mouth, throwing his hands out for emphasis. "Holding all that in, it's not good for anyone, you know."
The river… was quieting. The waters slowing, rocks crowning and appearing as the levels lowered once more.
"All that anger inside, just stewing and stewing. Sinking into your bones like a bloodstain. How much of that do you think bled out into Mallory?" Phineas asked. Nova felt cold. "You think you'll be able to keep holding it back now that you stuck a face and a name on it?"
The river was at a much lower level now, the exposed surface of the rock he'd climbed out on expanded. He could probably wade across and never get deeper than his waist now.
"I can hold him..." Nova said.
"You sure that's best?" Phineas asked. "How do you think you got out in the middle the river in the first place?"