InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "I'm colorblind, kid."

sugar_cycle (sugar_cycle) wrote in paxletalelogs,
@ 2011-01-26 03:33:00

Entry tags:

changing woman, tiamat

Day Late, Dollar Short
Who: Karin, Kami
What: Kami finally gives up on the OTC tests, sucks it up, and goes to the doctor. Poor Karin. That is not how she should meet her fellow residents.
Where: The sanitary sanctuary of the hospital.
When: January 18th
Warnings: None yet!

Relax, Kami told herself firmly as she walked down the brightly lit hospital hall towards the exit. The scent of sanitizing cleaning solutions was sharp in her nose and the glare off the gleaming tiles hurt her eyes. Ducking her head, she wrapped her arms more tightly around her torso and she felt her purse swing to bump her hip at the motion. Relax, she repeated. You're not pregnant. There's no bun in the oven. You aren't going to have to have any more awkward conversations or, God, do paternity testing to see if it was going to be Papa Shae or Daddy Jack.

Somehow, though, the knowledge of a bullet dodged did not unravel the knot deep in her stomach. She still felt sick, shakey and weak. Not herself at all.

Maybe it was the other things the doctor had to say. Kami swallowed hard. She could not cry in public. She would not cry in public. No matter what.

She was not pregnant, yes, but there was something else wrong inside. No period since October, the look on the doctor's face as discussed possible situations with her... But there was no pain and, though he made an appointment for some additional tests and x-rays, she knew he was doing it only because his professional pride was at risk. After all, what doctor would want to admit to the first words that had left his mouth as the examination progressed?

Kami shuddered and bit down hard on her lower lip. She had to get out of the hospital and get home. She needed to text the boys and... She didn't know what came after "and then." She was afraid to think about what came after that. Picking up her pace and keeping her eyes low, she rounded the corner and made for the wide double doors, beyond which lay the comfort of her car and the safety of her little apartment.

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sheltering_sky
2011-01-31 08:14 pm UTC (link)

Karin burst through the doors at nearly that precise moment, sending them swinging into Kami's downturned face. A million thoughts clouded her mind, preoccupying her utterly until it was nearly too late. With one hand she caught the door before it could catch the woman entirely unawares.

"Sorry." She put up one hand, catching her jangling badge in mid-swing. Her Crocs, hideous to Karin's sense of aesthetics, did an excellent job bringing her to a quick stop. "Didn't see you there."

She paused, then, suddenly struck by the realization that she knew Kami's face. For all that her hospital was fairly well known, random run-ins with friends and acquaintances while in its hallways was a rare enough occurrence to warrant further investigation.

"You're..." She thought a moment, index finger upraised and pointing. "You're from Pax, aren't you? Kami, I think. Karin. I posted something to the forums a few weeks ago."

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sugar_cycle
2011-02-02 12:34 am UTC (link)

It took a moment and there was an uncomfortably fast switch between ghost white and flushed pink that appeared on Kami's face before she summoned up a smile. Complexion normalized, she lifted her eyes to Karin politely and put more effort into the smile. For someone who didn't know her well, it was an amazingly charming, sheepish little expression. "Oh, Karin! I do remember seeing your post on the boards." She dropped her eyes to the badge quickly and then focused once more on Karin's face. "I didn't even think about running into you here. I'm sorry." She gave a little laugh. "I swear I'm usually more attentive than this. I didn't mean to get in your way."

Kami took a step to the side and tilted her head, rather like a curious little bird. "Go on. I was just finding my way out."

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sheltering_sky
2011-02-03 03:50 am UTC (link)

A warning bell sounded in Karin's head. If pressed she could not have said what about that brief interaction rang false to her. The girl's smile, while winning, was almost too much so; when taken alongside her hasty attempt at an exit, so unlike the warm, welcoming personality she had projected on the forums, something seemed decidedly amiss. Karin stepped solidly in front of her neighbor, her own smile earnest but drawn dangerously tight. Hers was the face of a caregiver all too accustomed to having her words well heeded.

"What brings you to my neck of the woods?" she asked. "Is something wrong?" Her dark head canted slightly, a mirror to Kami's own motion. She drew the tip of her tongue over her bitten lower lip, considering. "This isn't my area, but if there's something I can do for you..."

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sugar_cycle
2011-02-03 04:23 pm UTC (link)

Kami's immediate head-shake cut off Karin's trailing words and she lifted a hand to further reinforce the normalcy of the situation. "I was just here for a check-up," she answered. She gave a little shrug and turned down the smile a notch or two. Check-ups weren't supposed to make you into a grinning idiot. Pull it back, girl. "Hospitals aren't really my favorite place in the world, though, you know?"

Dropping her hand, she fiddled a bit with the purse hanging from her shoulder but her attention never left Karin's face. "Good news or bad news, I'm not a fan of being sick," she added with a faint laugh.

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sheltering_sky
2011-02-05 09:48 pm UTC (link)

"Very few people like it here, I think," Karin answered patiently. Her eyes flicked from Kami's fidgeting hand to her still bravely smiling face. "It can be hard to think of a hospital as a place of healing, rather than..." She shrugged, her own smile softening considerably. "Well. Something else. But I hope your news was good. Even routine visits can be nerve wracking."

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sugar_cycle
2011-02-06 02:29 am UTC (link)

"Good for somebody" escaped her before she could stop it and Kami's smile faltered as she tried to find some way to repair the damage and hide the clue given. Her expression relaxed into wryness and she gave a little shrug. With luck, the overall impression was a sort of sheepishness, she thought. "It's over now, though," Kami added. "Life gets back to normal and all that."

Then she made a sudden, vague gesture with her hand. Distraction. Distraction was good. "God, I'm sorry. I'm probably interrupting your break or something."

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sheltering_sky
2011-02-06 10:19 pm UTC (link)

"Not at all." Karin's brow had returned to its high arc, Kami's slip one that could hardly be taken back or entirely ignored. Karin had her suspicions, though it was hardly her place to ask; whatever her fellow tenant had come to Western Medical Center for, it was certainly not a routine checkup. She found herself torn between concern and the knowledge that to ask any more would be overt, unwanted prying. After a moment's contemplation she decided on a safer middle ground. "It sounds like something a little stressful, though. There's an excellent counseling center on site. I don't mean to presume, but if there's something going on, they might be a good resource."

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sugar_cycle
2011-02-07 12:40 am UTC (link)

The immediate response to such well-meaning information was a surprisingly fierce blush and Kami looked away as if she found the wall just to Karin's right amazingly fascinating. Determination battered too much by a lucky combination of trigger words turned her brave smile even more wry and it was with a more resigned expression when Kami finally shifted her eyes back to the other woman's. "I'm not crazy," she stated, quiet but firm. "It's just been..." She trailed off, shrugged, and arranged her mouth in a crooked, little smile.

The honesty in the new twist to her mouth was almost shocking. She looked young, suddenly, and vulnerable. Even smaller than her already petite frame as she shifted her purse to fidget again with a heart-shaped charm dangling from a buckle.

"It was a roller coaster of a check-up," Kami admitted quietly. "Good news, bad news, and..." She shrugged and her fingers moved to open the little pocket containing her cell phone with a nervous twitch. "Some things that just kind of... Change things."

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sheltering_sky
2011-02-10 01:27 am UTC (link)

Her brow knit tightly together, but Karin stayed her tongue: Kami's assertion of her sanity seemed more for her benefit than Karin's own. She wondered what spurred such a thought, what gave it such weight it could not go without speaking even to a relative stranger. Given so many careless clues dropped in the course of the conversation it was difficult to keep from theorizing about the real heart of the problem, but Karin did her level best to do exactly that. Unconsciously Karin arched her neck, peering into the girl's purse. She took a single step back when she saw the mobile, not wanting to pry into the call Kami now seemed likely to make.

"That kind of mix is a lot to take in one sitting," she said. Her words were carefully chosen; she tread quite cautiously now. "I find it helps me to not be alone when dealing with the bad and the strikingly different. Focus on the good, as much as you can, until you're among friends or family." She shrugged, unsure if the girl had such companionship. In her years of service she had seen far too many without it. "Give yourself time, though, to mourn the bad and really deal with it. That's hard, but it'll pay off."

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sugar_cycle
2011-02-10 07:26 pm UTC (link)

Halfway through the well-meaning words, though, Kami felt her lip give a dangerous wobble and swallowed hard, eyes dropping to stare at the sterile tile beneath their feet. The coldness she had been fighting so hard for a month now expanded and she felt the too-familiar tease of fear in response. Every winter, she thought with a chill. She bit down hard on her bottom lip in an attempt to control the wobble again before lifting her chin to meet Karin's eyes once more.

"Friends and family," she repeated quietly. "You're right, Karin." She rewarded the other woman with a brave little smile. "Thank you. I really appreciate your, um, advice."

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sheltering_sky
2011-02-13 07:09 am UTC (link)

"Any time." Her own smile was softer, colored by a sadness rooted in having seen this many times before. Each time it was somewhat different - a unique cause for every individual, each with his or her own way of dealing with it - but ultimately it was the same soul-deep suffering that all too often haunted these halls.

"I mean it." Karin reached into the breast pocket of her scrubs, finding a small scrap of paper nestled within. She found a pen in another pocket. Leaning down, she pressed pen to paper atop her slim thigh, scratching out her mobile number in pale grey strokes. "Lean on the people who know you first. I'm sure they'll want to be there for you, whatever you're going through. But if you ever need someone else..." She looked up, slipping the pen back into her pocket, handing the slip of paper to Kami. "I'm usually pretty easy to get ahold of."

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sugar_cycle
2011-02-13 06:02 pm UTC (link)

Kami looked at the slip in her hands, expression strangely caught between shame and hope. Delaying her response, she folded it carefully and tucked it into the pocket of her jeans. Then she looked up to meet Karin's eyes again. There was an instant of hesitation but her natural impulses overrode both manners and current mindset; purse banging at her hip, Kami stepped forward to throw her arms around Karin for a brief, grateful hug. Her head ducked, a faint pink high on her cheeks, and her mouth formed a sheepish grin as she pulled back again. "Thank you," she murmured. "I'll keep that in mind. I promise I won't bother you but... Thank you."

Lifting her chin again, she tilted her head to one side so Karin could better see the slight smile now lingering. "But it'll be fine," she insisted. "Better to know than not know and all that. You'll see. Next time you see me, it'll be back at the apartments and no more weirdness. Promise."

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sheltering_sky
2011-02-13 06:33 pm UTC (link)

Karin nodded, her own smile turning a bit brighter. "I hope that's the case." She reached up, tucking a stray lock of hair behind one ear. Her eyes flicked away, fixing on some middle distance, unwilling to stare and give the girl any further cause to blush. When she looked back up she looked to Kami from beneath thick lashes, treading cautiously as their brief moment of connection wound to a close. "You take care of yourself, Kami. I'll see you around."

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sugar_cycle
2011-02-15 03:04 am UTC (link)

"Oh, definitely." Kami brought her hand to rest over the pocket on her purse that contained her cell phone as she gave a warm nod. "And, like I said, it'll be different next time. You'll see." Kami offered another brave smile but this one flickered with echoes of what must have been her natural sparkle, faded but there. Then she lifted her hand in a little wave and slipped past Karin, fast disappearing down the bright hallway. Just like that... She was gone and Karin was left with her own hints and hypotheses.

(done?)

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	sheltering_sky 2011-02-15 03:06 am UTC (link)
	(Sounds good to me. :') ) (Reply to this) (Parent)