nothing's going right, and everything's a mess, and no one likes to be alone Who: Nish and Jen [NPC] What: Nish has a terrible horrible no-good very bad day and Jen manages to give her some comfort. Where: Nish’s Apartment, 502 When: Tuesday, June 6, 2017
16:32
Hey Nish, wanna do dinner tonight?
17:03
We can go to that place you like…
17:22
Or we could just skip it and lick chocolate off each other…
17:31
Okay now I know you’re not paying attention…
17:39
Nish, are you okay?
18:16
Okay look, I’m coming over
* * *
Nish hadn’t gone to work that morning, texting Jessica at 4am to let her know that her heart was acting up. She then proceeded to take two shots of nitro and crawl back to bed for the day in a cocoon of bedsheets. Bear attempted to rouse her at several points to play with him, but finally gave up and curled up next to her, his purring both a comfort to her and an annoyance to her pounding headache.
Late in the afternoon, she dragged herself out of bed long enough to forage for food in the kitchen, creating a new cocoon for herself on the couch in the dark while she ate comfort food that wasn’t all that comforting and watched favourite shows that weren’t all that entertaining. She finally had to turn it off again when she finished eating because the screen was too bright and the tv was too loud, even on at a whisper.
Her cell phone buzzed repeatedly, but after the first one she turned the damn thing off and finally drifted off to sleep again.
She was woken up some time later by a loud knocking on her door, startling her out of her blank dreams. The nitro-induced migraine was still there, but at least her breath-stealing off-kilter heartbeat felt a little better. She considered ignoring whoever it was and going back to sleep, but a nagging feeling that she was forgetting something forced herself up off the couch to yank open the door, all bleary eyes and messy hair.
“Nish? Where have you been? I’ve been texting you all afternoon!” Jen said as soon as she saw her, the volume of her voice making Nish wince.
“I was here; you don’t have to yell,” she replied in a hushed whisper, stepping aside to let her in. Jen blinked in surprise, but stepped inside, letting the door close behind her.
“I’m not yelling...I was worried about you…” she stepped forward and put a hand on Nish’s arm, the other cupping her face and then covering her forehead. “God, you’re so warm…”
“I was sleeping,” she said, her eyes still not quite open all the way. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t feeling well today, I turned my phone off.” Jen lifted her other hand to cup the other side of Nish’s face, drawing her forehead to meet hers.
“Hey, it’s alright; are you feeling any better?” She lowered her voice to match Nish’s and tilted her face so she could look into her half-closed eyes. Nish managed a soft smile and shrugged, her hands wrapping lightly around Jen’s wrists.
“Not really,” she admitted.
Jen frowned slightly. “Is it your heart that’s bothering you?” she asked, watching the other woman nod in her hands. Jen slid one arm around her shoulders then, guiding Nish down the hall to her bedroom before she could protest. “Come on, let’s get you back to bed then; did you take your meds?” she asked, helping Nish into bed and starting to tuck the duvet in around her. Nish grabbed her wrist and pulled, encouraging Jen to slide into bed with her.
“Yeah; now I have a horrible migraine,” she whispered, pulling Jen’s body against her back and arm around her waist. Her eyes slipped closed again, blocking out the dim light in her room and relieving a bit of the pressure in her skull. A faint smile tugged at her lips as she enjoyed the feel of Jen’s cool hand brushing her hair away from her face, her lips kissing her temple and the back of her neck.
“Can I get you some aspirin?”
“I just took more at five o’clock,” Nish murmured against the pillow, and Jen did the math and nodded.
“Okay, I’ll wake you at nine to take some more,” she said softly, and Nish nodded into the pillow. Jen smiled and started to gently massage Nish’s scalp and temples, letting comforting silence stretch between them as she worked. Nish let out a soft sigh of comfort, a shadow of a smile finding its way onto her lips, which vanished just as quickly.
“Something happened,” she said quietly, her eyes still closed as Jen’s fingers steadily threaded through her hair in gentle touches. “In Rafe’s apartment...someone committed suicide. I wasn’t here, and neither was he, but...from the rumours going around, it was bad. And he’s...obviously in shock. And I can’t…” she sighed in frustration, pulling the blanket tighter around herself. “I can’t be there for him. I can’t help him, because we’re not together. But I want to. I just feel so…” she paused, searching for words that wouldn’t come.
“Helpless?” Jen asked softly, and Nish nodded into the pillow, noticing that it was damp under her cheek.
“He’s in pain and I can’t make it better.” Her voice shook, and she felt her heart start jumping uncomfortably in her chest again. She pressed her palm against it as if it would force it to calm down. Jen noticed and stopped her ministrations, instead wrapping an arm around Nish and holding her close against her, hushing her softly and pressing a kiss to her temple when she heard sniffles.
“And all I can think of is...that could have been me,” Nish continued, her voice thick with emotion now. The tears were making her headache worse, but there wasn’t much she could do about it. “When I...a few months ago, when I overdosed...we were still dating. A friend found me, but...it could easily have been Rafe...and at the time I didn’t think about how that would have hurt him, but now?” More tears leaked out, and Nish grabbed ahold of Jen’s hand on her chest, holding it tightly to her heart. “I was so stupid,” she finally forced out. Jen shook her head and shifted in bed, pushing Nish to turn onto her back so she could look down at her, her hands holding the side of her face.
“Hey, no,” she murmured, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “You’re not yourself right now, you’re not thinking clearly because you’re in pain. Listen to me - you are not stupid, and you are not weak. You’re human.”
“I told him I loved him, and he said ‘no you don’t,” she replied quietly. Jen winced slightly and then caught Nish’s watery eyes with hers.
“Nobody has the right to tell you what you feel, or what you should feel, Nish,” she said. “Sometimes...we can’t control who we love. That’s something else that makes us human,” she murmured.
“I miss him,” Nish sobbed into her shoulder, “so goddamn much.”
“I know,” Jen said softly. She leant forward to kiss her forehead again and then shifted to pull her against her chest, cradling her like a child, holding her and stroking her hair and whispering comforting words to her until she fell asleep.