Gabriel Bautista (xochipilli) wrote in paxletalelogs, @ 2017-05-22 21:46:00 |
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Entry tags: | freyr, xochipilli |
take me somewhere i can breathe
Who: Gabe & Rafe, with a brief appearance by Chad.
What: The boys' spa day.
Where: WiLoft Spa, then Pax.
When: Backdated to May 13.
Gabe walked slightly ahead of Rafe as they were led toward the men's locker room for WiLoft; ahead of them, an attendant listed the specials that were on offer. Glancing back at Rafe, Gabe couldn't even fight to keep a smile off of his face; then they were walking through the locker room doors, and provided robes.
"Any of that sound good to you? I think I definitely want to soak in the hot tubs," Gabe said, moving toward one of the free lockers and opening it, dispensing of the few items in his pockets.
"It all sounds good," Rafael answered. "But let's start with the hot tub. And I still want to check out their steam room… maybe after a pedicure?" He pushed his wallet deep into the locker, closely followed by his cell phone: muted, but not off. His shirt came next, white long sleeve shirt stripped off and tossed in atop wallet and phone. His cuts and bruises had faded, and with them the bulk of his modesty. He shed all but a small pair of black Speedos, his remaining clothes neatly folded and placed in the locker. At last he shrugged the robe on, shuffling over to Gabe's side in the plush slippers provided them.
"Honestly I'm happy with anything," he said. He glanced down, hands loosely cinching the cloth belt at his waist. "I'm just along for the ride."
"Yeah, me too," Gabe replied, having kept his eyes front and center while Rafe was changing, focusing on his own clothes. They were now neatly folded in the shelves provided by the locker, his shoes at the bottom with the rest of his pocket's innards at the top along with his glasses. He shut the door with a careful firmness, and then pulled the accompanying key card free so that no one else had access to it. "I mean, it's free, so we might as well take advantage, huh?"
He was glad that the other man had no issue discarding his clothing; it was the old Rafe, not to imply anything, but Gabe was happy to see glimmers of Rafe's true personality coming through in the wake of what had occurred during the floor change. He still didn't know the man responsible for Rafe's bruises and cuts, and in the interim between then and now he'd stuck close, telling himself he was just keeping a closer eye on his longtime friend.
"I think it's this way?" They padded through the locker rooms to a far off door, marked as 'pool.' Sure enough, it led into a long hall dotted intermittently with steam-laden hot tubs; a handful had other spa clients soaking, chatting in quiet voices, sitting both on the lip's edge of the rings of water and deep inside.
Gabe led them both to one that was unoccupied at the far end of the room so they'd have some privacy. He didn't have a Speedo like Rafe, but instead a simple pair of short swim trunks, blue, which were revealed as he disrobed and took a careful step into the warm water. It was hot, almost a little overwhelmingly so, but he gripped the safety bar and slowly sank into the heat.
"Wow, that feels good." His eyes wandered up to Rafe's shape, his mouth curling. "Come on in, the water's....well, it's hot, but I guess that's fine, too."
"Just what the doctor ordered." Rafe joined him without hesitation. Hot water flowed and bubbled over his skin as he submerged himself; he bobbed downward, letting the water rise to his chin. Then he rose, sighing through a broad, content grin. He moved to sit next to his friend, close enough their bare thighs touched beneath the surface of the water. His back pressed flush to the tiled wall.
"Thank you for talking me into this," he said. "And for coming with me. I think I really needed it." He pressed his hands to the ledge they sat on, curling his fingers around its edge. "So how's the book coming? I hope I wasn't too harsh with my comments."
Gabe sank low in the water, submerged up to his clavicle. His grin widened, shaking his head.
"It's good," he reassured his friend. Rafe had had more than enough time to peruse both the script that Gabe had pressed on him and the latest draft of his science fiction book for Random House. In truth, Gabe was just giving Rafe more "work" to keep him close for as long as he could, the only feasible excuse being his writing. "They were really helpful. There's no such thing as too 'harsh' of criticism, outside of something completely stupid like 'this sucks.'" He rose back up, leg brushing against Rafe's in the movement, one hand accidentally settling on the other man's thigh. Gabe played it off as awkward movements, sliding a few inches away to save public face. He was thankful for the hot water helping to hide the flush in his face.
"But you," he said, one hand rising out of the water to playfully point a finger in Rafe's direction. "We need to get you a hobby so I can critique it. Fair's fair, right?" His hand resubmerged. "I guess I could always watch you surf, though I'm not sure that's comparable."
Rafael shook his head. "Not really. Your writing takes a lot more effort, believe me. I've never done anything that required that much thought." One shoulder raised, shrugging softly. "There's always my cooking. That's more a hobby than anything else, after all. And I'm still thinking about a camera. Really. Everything's just so advanced now. I don't need all those bells and whistles. I'm not that serious."
He tipped his head back against the hot tub's edge, his eyes falling closed. Heat and long-seated exhaustion made him perhaps more talkative than he should have been. "You can always just critique me," he said, only half teasing. "I mean, I went after your work, so it only seems fair."
Gabe laughed, a quick, barking sound that he quickly smothered. "And how would I go about doing that, exactly?" His eyes had no problem contemplating the issue at hand, gaze moving over the familiar planes of Rafe's face, moving down to the curve of his neck and the juncture where it met the other man's shoulders. He recognized the tan skin, but the muscles beneath were fuller, more complete than the last time he remembered seeing him. Gabe finally pulled his gaze away as it edged on the top of Rafe's chest, suddenly feeling entirely improper.
"You know, there's nothing wrong with learning about all those bells and whistles. You're smart, Rafe, more than you ever gave yourself credit for," he abruptly changed the topic. "I think you should be serious, about whatever you'd use the camera for."
In another life Rafael might have pushed the former issue, might have used the opportunity to dance around his work and gauge Gabriel's familiarity with it. He was curious; far more than he had any right to be, more than Gabe likely would have found comfortable. Though the thought crossed his mind and lingered there too long, he instead moved with the flow of conversation, allowing Gabe to lead him as he had so many times before. He opened one eye, peering over at his friend.
"Okay," he said. "Let's go look one more time. Whichever camera you think I should get, I'll buy. No whining this time." He grinned, and shut his eyes once more. He told himself it was the hobby that drove him, the potential for creative expression, rather than the deep-seated need to find one more reason to be in Gabriel's presence. "At least not until I take some pictures and you critique the hell out of me. Sound good?"
Guilt wrapped thin little hands around Gabe's heart and made it sink like a stone into his stomach; his reasons for trying to persuade Rafe to pick up his old hobby were not entirely altruistic. He did his best to not let the smile on his face wither entirely; instead it merely dimmed, shrinking in size.
"It's not about what I want, anjo," he replied, his voice low. "I hope you don't think me harping on the idea means you have to do it. If you're not interested, you can tell me no." He barely had a right to say anything at this stage. "I just want you to have something to fall back on, you know? But I'm not trying to tell you what to do. I know you enjoy your work." The words were stated plainly, matter-of-factly.
"I…" Rafael swallowed, but the lump in his throat did not dislodge. He sat up, water shifting noisily around them both. He moved near to him again, closing what little distance Gabe had put between them. His voice was as soft as Gabe's when he spoke again.
"It isn't that. Like I said… I've been interested. I've tried to pick it up again, sort of. But I know what I'm good at. And what if I try this again and I've lost my touch? What little I had. I don't want to disappoint you again. Or me." The last was added as an afterthought, a clear attempt to lessen the heaviness and impropriety of his admission. The water's heat hid the bulk of the flush that rose to his face, but he looked away all the same, sighing as he pressed his back to the wall once more.
Gabe sighed, straightening, his arm going around Rafe's waist without thought.
"OK, one, you never disappointed me," he started, his other hand rising out of the water to tick off his responses. "Two, you don't lose something like that. You either have it or you don't, then it's just a question of developing it. I'm sure there's some classes you could take, or even just practice, that alone would make you get better. And three, I just... I just want what I told you before. Back in Miami. I want you to have something that's for you, anjo, something where you don't have to hang the value of whatever you do on how someone else feels about it. I want you to have something where you do it for you, because you like doing it, and because you like doing it, you want to share it.
"Though, by that line of thinking, I guess your surfing qualifies as well," he admitted with a shrug, a half smile cutting his mouth. He seemed to realize their close proximity and how he'd made it that much closer; he swallowed, pulling his arm away even as his fingers brushed the small of Rafe's back. "I just don't want you to feel like I'm pressuring you, is all. I want you to choose something for you."
Rafe leaned subtly into that touch while it lingered. When Gabe drew away he did as well, careful to observe the rules Gabe silently set out for them. He chewed his tongue and turned over his friend's words, knowing every one was meant sincerely. He nodded, raking a wet hand through sweat-damp hair. "I know," he said. "And you're not. Pressuring me, I mean. It's… encouraging. I just hadn't considered it for so long. I do want to try. And I want you to help. If that's okay. I'll practice on my own, obviously…" He chuckled. "And I'll look for a class or something online. I think it would be nice. Lately I've got more downtime than I'm used to, anyway. This would give me something to occupy myself with."
Gabe nodded, reassured by Rafe's words. He bit his lip, chewing on it for a moment as he debated about asking why Rafe had downtime, but he felt he already knew the answer and decided to not pursue it.
"Good, I think that'd be good for you. I really do." He brought his arms up, stretching, out of the hot water for some relief. Then one descended behind Rafe, just along the edge of where he leaned against the wall, thinking nothing of the minor contact that his fingers made with the top of Rafe's head and yet all too aware of the signals he should not be sending. Control seemed to be a fleeting thing, which brought to mind something else entirely.
"Have you... this is gonna sound weird, so don't judge me, but have you had any weird dreams since moving into our apartment building?"
Relief flooded through Rafe. He looked to his friend with a new gleam in his eye, his curiosity easy to read. "A few," he admitted. Somehow he curbed the urge to rattle off details of the most recent dream. The face he'd seen still lingered in his mind's eye, sharp as a memory; he felt he saw it now, reflected in that of the man beside him. But it was too absurd a thing to admit so readily, and so he tread lightly, for now. "I've been sober for most of them, too, so I know it isn't that." He inched closer on the submerged bench, lowering his voice. "Others have, too. So… why? Did you?"
The other man nodded, fingers barely brushing against Rafe's wet hair. "Yeah, uh, the other night. It was so weird, and I was completely sober..." His gaze fell on the slightly greenish water as it bubbled around them. "There were these two guys; one walking up a mountain, the other just... I guess he was hanging out there? The traveler was from this completely other place, and the other one was showing him around a temple..." He laughed, a hand rising from the water to wash over his face.
"I know there's probably some deeper meaning somewhere in there, because I have no idea what I've been eating or drinking lately that would make me think of any of that." He scratched his beard. "The weirdest part, though, was that... the two guys reminded me of us? Somehow?" Even that didn't satisfactorily describe how he felt about the thus unnamed Xochipilli and Freyr. Hand still cupping his throat, he glanced at Rafe in search of answers.
Rafael exhaled a happy sigh. His head tipped back into Gabriel's hand, dark curls going flat against wandering fingertips. "Yes. Exactly." Excited now, and careless, he put his hand on Gabe's thigh, squeezing tight; Gabe did not move away. These revelations had come but slowly with Isobel and Alice; now, with the foundation he and Gabriel shared, and the knowledge Rafael already had, everything seemed to come that much easier. "I think I had the same dream," he said, his voice scarcely above a whisper. Part of him feared his friend would think him insane. The better part of him simply had to know. This time, he could not hide the color in his cheeks. In his gaze was a clear but silent plea for belief. "Xochipilli, right?"
"Uh...yeah?" He cast a quizzical look at Rafe, fingers pausing in their amateur massage. "How... How did you know that?"
"Because you-- he-- said so. In the dream." Rafe's blush deepened. He laughed, suddenly nervous. "I swear I'm not crazy."
Gabe was quiet for a long minute, his fingers moving again, slowly, as he absorbed this information. "No," he agreed. "You're not. I just... It's a lot to wrap my head around, you know?"
He chewed his inner lip for a moment, eyes flicking down to the water and back up. "You said a lot of people have had this happen? Do they...do they remember each other's dreams, too?"
Rafael nodded. "As far as I know, yes. I've mostly talked to Alice and Isobel about it. And Nish, once." His teeth worried at his lower lip. His blush had faded, but a new and no less unpleasant sensation flooded him. The memory of the man in that dream loomed large, a presence he had immediately associated with only negativity and pain. "Some of them are better than others, I think. Was that your first one?"
The other man snorted, a hand rising to rub at one eye, completely missing the soggy gray cloud that moved over Rafe's face at the mention of his ex. "God, why do you make it sound like I'm fifteen and just had my first wet dream?" A boyish laugh broke free of Rafe; his hand flew up from the water to cover his mouth. "Yeah," Gabe finally said, answering Rafe's question. His arm unconsciously moved from the lip of the spa to Rafe's shoulders in a comfortable, natural motion.
Fingers moved over Rafe's shoulder, water bubbling over their tips. Gabe looked Rafe in the face. "Why, how many have you had?"
"Four that I can remember," Rafael answered. His shoulder rose to Gabe's fingers. "And one thing… well, it wasn't a dream, I don't think, but it felt like one. Just bizarre. When the floors changed and we were locked in, Nish and I were chased down one of the stairwells..." He drew his lower lip between his teeth, carefully considering how to best word this particular insanity. His hand shifted on Gabriel's thigh, fidgeting nervously. He shook his head. "The one with you was much better. The one I had with Alice, too. Very... comfortable."
Gabe frowned, drawing his arm tighter around Rafe's shoulders. The whole situation was familiar and comfortable, and this close, he could study Rafe's face in minute detail -- the ways it had changed, the ways it had stayed the same. His chest ached, and he realized he was pushing things too far, once again.
"That's good," he replied, drawing back a little but leaving his arm across the horizon of Rafe's shoulders. "I'm glad you're having some good dreams." He paused, trying to think of a way to divert the conversation. "It's getting a little hot in here, you think? You wanna go try the massages?"
It had taken Gabe withdrawing for Rafe to realize just how close he had come to resting his head on his shoulder, to curling up with him the way he once had, so easily. He told himself to be grateful for the out his friend provided. He nodded, but did not speak for a moment, silently chiding himself for the disappointment he felt at the renewed distance between them. He nodded, smiling softly, and rose from the steaming water.
"That sounds perfect," he said. He reached out for Gabe's hand, pulling him up and out of the hot tub. His hand lingered on his friend's a bit longer than it should; his fingers laced briefly through Gabriel's own. No-one looked up from their own engagements, or even seemed to notice the two of them. It felt good, right in a way Rafael had not felt for some time. He smiled warmly. "Lead the way, gato."
Gabe held that miniscule touch for a moment longer, unable to help the smile he cast in Rafe's direction, before they collected their things and he tugged the other man toward another set of doors. They found an attendant, and, after explaining their situation, led them both to dual massage rooms. Without hesitation, he agreed to separate spaces, thinking it would be good to put a little more space between them; no more chances for a sudden hiccup, for accidentally doing or saying too much.
"I'll meet you in the locker room, after? Then we can decide what to do next, OK?" He said in passing just before he left Rafe to disrobe.
Rafael nodded, allowing himself only a small smile as his temporary goodbye. Then he slipped into the room provided him, shutting the world out with the quiet closing of the door.