read the part and we turn out fine Who: Kal, Chris, and kuku (Kal’s grandmother [NPC]) What: The boys go have dinner with kuku Where: Kal’s childhood home When: May 13
At some point in elementary school, Kal had to make a family tree. He still remembered it clearly. He had thought it was gorgeous and well made, the colors strong and the names so clear. He wrote his father’s name down, as was his duty despite never really knowing the man, but he lingered over the placement of his mother.
He had always known of the woman who birthed him, but he didn’t remember her and could only imagine how she might have been through the photos his kuku shared with him. She tried her best to bring her dead daughter back to life with detailed stories but still, the loss was always felt. To Kal, his grandmother was his mother, but kuku quickly put a stop to such thoughts.
“I am your grandmother, your kuku wahine, and I will never, ever be your mother,” she explained to Kal. It wasn’t malicious, she didn’t want to upset the boy, but she needed him to understand. Eventually, Kal did. His grandmother was his grandmother, his mother his mother. They had their specific and definite roles, never to replace one another, but there was no argument that his kuku was the motherlike figure he always had and loved.
But with his own growing up, with his own increase in age, so did his kuku. Edging on ninety, the four foot nine woman was beginning to show her age. She had at one time been a full four foot eleven, but now she was hunched and shrinking with her age and she was so tiny, so fragile next to Kal. But it wasn’t only that which reminded him of her age, it was the confusion that often came and went unexpectedly, so when she clearly stated she wanted to have dinner with her grandson, Kal looked to figure out a how and when. He had things to do, a busy schedule, but he’d figure it out.
Then she requested Chris to come along--she loved his friend like a second grandchild--and she specified that it had to be Saturday. With Chris’s agreement, the plans were made and Kal’s heart warmed to hear kuku’s excitement when she spoke to him on Friday and explained the long list of foods she intended to prepare.
Now, Saturday afternoon, Kal stood before the floor length mirror he kept in the corner of his living room and brushed back his hair before tying it securely into a knot on the top of his head. He showered, trimmed his facial hair, and washed all of his laundry. He wore nice jeans without holes, boots, and a clean, unfaded t-shirt. It was about as dressed up as he ever got but he’d do it for her. He found himself nervous as he waited for Chris, having been uncertain about seeing kuku since he saw her just after the floor change. Back then, she had one of her moments where she spoke of Kal’s mother as if she were still alive and he wondered if that lost and confused side of her would slip through again.
Chris, however, distracted Kal from his thoughts as he heard his familiar knock and moved to open the door.
His childhood friend stood in the hall with a tin of candy in one hand, his other empty; he was dressed somewhat similarly to Kal in that they were both cleaned up, though Chris erred on the side of a casual business suit sans a tie. His light-blue shirt was untucked, the pants and dress jacket a cream color that complimented his dark hair and eyes all the same.
He took a step back, waiting for Kal to join him in the hall. "Man, if this is an excuse to take me on a date, you didn't need to go to so much trouble. But you do clean up nicely."
“Braddah, if I was taking you on a date, it sure as hell wouldn’t be to kuku’s,” He replied, clapping Chris on the back with one strong hand as he stepped out of his apartment and locked it tight. “You ready for this? I know you’ve kept in touch with her before I moved back, but you haven’t seen her in awhile, right?”
There was the faintest touch of a nervous energy about Kal. The boys had eaten at his childhood home countless times, but somehow this was different. There were more secrets to be kept--the knowledge of Chris’s job, the oddities of the apartment--but there was also the minor changes in kuku herself that Kal found he was both protected and embarrassed by. Chris hadn’t seen her in awhile, so surely the slight changes in her behavior would be all the more emphasized and a part of Kal felt guilt over that, that he had allowed her to grow old while was away, even if he really had no fault in that.
"Hey, for all I know, dinner at kuku's is just a ruse to get me out of the apartment," Chris replied, his jovial tone more real than usual. He followed in Kal's wake toward the elevator.
"But yeah, I'm ready. It's just dinner..." He swapped the candy tin from one hand to the other, jabbing the elevator call button. "Is there a reason why she asked for both of us? You been talking about me to her?" The last sentiment was meant to be spoken teasingly, but it came out a touch rough, worried.
“When she asks what I’ve been up to, you’re a part of my life so I talk about you, yeah,” Kal admitted. “So she wanted both her boys to come to dinner. She said it’s been too long since she’s seen you last.” Kal offered Chris a smile as the elevator plunged down, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes.
Kal’s childhood home was a small house with a metal fence around the border. They didn’t live in a rich area, but they got by alright and kuku always worked hard to keep her home looking nice. The front yard was filled with flowers and plants, leaving only enough of a yard for a bird bath, and the front porch had a swing with sun-bleached pillows. It was a two bedroom house--the upstairs had been Kal’s domain--and it still looked exactly as Kal had left it when he moved to Hawaii for college. The garden was a little overgrown and the exterior could use a touch up, but everything was exactly where it had been his entire life.
Pulling his car up to the curb directly in front of the house, Kal climbed out and immediately grinned. Kuku was already on the front porch, sitting on the swing with her cane clutched with both hands. She smiled, her wrinkled face crinkling even further, and slowly got to her feet before giving a wave.
“Aloha!” Kal yelled over the roof of his car. “Did we arrive on time?”
Kuku was making slow progress to the top step of the porch but didn’t move to make it down. “Good enough, I’m used to your being late,” she replied with a smile before her eyes widened. “Chris Rodriguez! My good boy, I’m so happy to see you!”
Chris smiled wide, the look reaching his eyes as he undid the gate and started up the path. "Buenes tardes, kuku," he replied, holding up the candy tin where she could see it. As he drew closer, he spread his arms wide for a hug, pulling the old woman in a brief but tight embrace. "I'm happy to see you too. I hear you've been asking after me, from the mountain behind me?" He offered kuku his arm to lead her back into the house.
She beamed up at him and accepted his arm with one hand and the candy tin with another, abandoning her cane for Kal to pick up. “I always ask about you, Chris.” She patted his hand and smiled. “I like to hear what you are up to and if you are being good. My grandson isn’t teasing you too badly, is he?”
“Hey, there’s equal teasing to go around,” Kal replied, coming up the steps behind the two and retrieving his grandmother’s cane. He was smiling though, looking at the pair of them, both with their bad legs and canes.
It was as if kuku read Kal’s mind when she paused at her doorway and looked down at Chris. “Should you be helping an old lady with your bad leg? Kahale, help the both of us out, don’t just stand there taking up space.” She waved at her grandson who sighed and moved around them to open the door to the house.
"No, it's fine," Chris insisted, helping her through the doorway all the same. His brace made for awkward walking, especially so close to another person, but he managed, eventually making it into the house. "What do you want us to help with? Set the table? Put something in a serving dish?" At home, Chris had been expected to anticipate the needs and wants of his mother and grandparents, and he'd had no issue doing as much. At Kal's kuku's house, the same attitude reigned, whether it was desired or not; Chris enjoyed making himself useful. He patted kuku's arm, looking down at her. Even his short stature was a few inches taller than hers, though he drew no attention to it.
“You’re such a good boy,” Kuku said, smiling up at Chris and pressing her arm against his. “The food is in the oven and the table is set. I just want to sit on the couch and talk to the both of you! Tell me, Chris, how is your mother and grandmother?”
Kal moved around the pair and fluffed the pillow that sat against the back of the worn loveseat. There was an indent in the place that kuku most often sat in, along with a blanket to keep her short, thin legs warm. He stepped to the side, clearing way for Chris to lead his grandmother to her seat.
And he did so, with the same measured pace he'd used to lead kuku inside. He made sure she was comfortably and wholly seated before finding one such chair himself, quieting the grunt of contentment he made as he was removed from standing on his bad leg. It felt odd, like looking into the future, about how he might end up, if he was lucky.
"They're good," he started, answering her question once he was settled. "Mom's still running the restaurant, and abuela likes where she's at. Stone Rose Retirement center. They've got bingo nights on Thursdays; if you're interested, I could bring some pamphlets...?" He glanced between kuku and Kal, wondering if this was a conversation that had been had already.
Something dark passed over Kal’s face but he wasn’t able to say anything before kuku was speaking again. “And how is your grandfather?” It was a normal question for a person whose grandfather was alive, but considering Chris’s grandfather was not, time slowed. It was as if her comment was solidifying Chris’s right to suggest the assisted living facility and was one of the few times in Kal’s life that color rose to his cheeks.
“Kuku, Chris’s grandfather died… remember?” He asked it softly, his booming voice nonexistent in that moment as he took a seat on the floor beside his grandmother and gently touched her knee, looking up at her with worry and the disappointment of a secret being exposed before he was ready to tell it.
“Oh did he? I’m so sorry Chris,” she replied, looking at the other boy with sadness clear in her eyes.
"It's OK," he quickly asserted. He glanced at Kal with a frown. "It was awhile ago. But mom and abuela are doing really well. How are you? I know it's been a couple of months since we last talked." While Kal was out of the country, Chris had kept careful tabs on his best friend's sole living family member; sometimes running groceries and errands for the elderly woman.
“I am better now that both of my boys are here,” She replied, happily going along with the conversation and not realizing her mistake. She patted Kal on the head and smiled at Chris. “Kahale brings me groceries and tells me stories about his adventures. He’s full of talk about taking me away to faraway places, what was the last place, Greece? And he mentions all that you boys do as well. He says you’re doing well but it’s good for me to see it with my own two eyes!”
Kal smiled at Chris, although it was a little tight. He avoided eye contact at first after the mention of Chris’s grandfather but couldn’t avoid it any longer. Best to play along. “She asks for you every time I visit or call.”
Chris was happy to gloss over whatever dip kuku's mind had made in regard to the memory of his grandfather, latching onto the topic of Kal taking her traveling somewhere.
"Greece sounds nice," he offered, looking to Kal and back again, etching a smile onto his face. "Some beach, olives, some wine? I think you've been cooped up here too long, anyway," he tried to laugh, attempting to ease Kal's obvious worry. Whatever was going on with his grandmother was something they could discuss at a later date; clearly it wasn't appropriate here and now. He glanced back at his friend. "Funny that she gets the nice trips and you keep threatening to drag me through the mud in Africa," he teased.
“Speaking of Africa,” Kal said with a laugh. “I’ll be heading there in a few weeks. Just got word from Nat Geo. We’re heading to Africa. I’m going to spend a week, maybe two, working on the Okavango Wilderness Project.” He looked at Chris and gave him a nod. “I’m going to miss all the chances I had to go to the damn spa. You must be thrilled.”
“Oh a spa? Why do you want to go to a spa? You should just take regular showers,” Kuku replied with a finality to her statement.
Chris laughed, nodding. "Yeah, I tried to talk him into some Old Spice like those commercials I showed you the last time I was here, kuku," he offered, recalling her delight in watching Isaiah Mustafa ride a horse and turn sand into diamonds. "But you know how he is. Thinks a little B.O. is attractive to the ladies.
"I hope you don't expect me to water your plants," he added, keeping the conversation away from Pax and the spa and anything else that kukuor Kal might question more deeply. "You know I've got a black thumb, so you're gonna be shit out of luck. I guess it's a good thing you don't have a pet."
“I’ll ask Daniel to watch my plants,” Kal replied with a smile. By plants, he meant a tiny orange tree that was no bigger than a bush and a fern. “I don’t want you going anywhere near them.”
“Oh, Daniel?” Kuku cut in. She grinned but didn’t look at Kal, who was talking about the man, but Chris instead. “Is this your boyfriend?”
Kal’s eyes went wide and he looked at Chris, not at all turning to his grandmother or allowing her to see the shock on his face. He gave a slight shake of his head, he hadn’t told Chris’s secret, he hadn’t mentioned anything and he tried to convey that with a look. After all these years, he wasn’t about to kick Chris out of the closet now.
Cheeks turning faintly pink, Chris' head swiveled in Kal's direction with a look that was pure murder. A long moment of silence stretched out between them before Chris looked back to kuku, his face more under control and looking far less he wished the recipient of his gaze dead. It wasn't unfathomable that the older woman, after knowing Chris for years, would have figured out his secret; it was just that he felt incredibly uncomfortable at such a blatant use of the 'b' word in conjunction with anyone, much less Daniel.
"Uh, no," he replied, perfectly honest. They hadn't had that conversation yet. "He's just a friend. A good friend. I think you've got some ideas in your head, Ms. kuku. Maybe it's time to eat, huh?" He glanced at Kal, looking for some help.
“Yeah, I agree, isn’t the food ready? It smells great,” Kal replied quickly, climbing to his feet and patting his grandmother’s knee.
But she shook her head and waved her hand, indicating Kal should step away as her gaze fell on Chris once more. “I see you’re upset, Chris, please don’t be. Kahale hasn’t said a word. But he has mentioned this Daniel, and that he is your and Kahale’s friend. And I know Kahale and I know you. I just hope whoever you love treats you well. You’re such a good boy, you should be happy. Now, help me up.”
Kal moved to help her but she waved him away again. “No, I would like Chris to help me.” Kal stepped back and looked at his friend, a mixture of panic and sorrow clear on his face.
Chris nodded, brows bobbing, but he rose to his feet and took the old woman's arm once again. His abuela was starting to go, though not as obviously as kuku was, and he and Kal were going to have a long conversation about her care on the drive home. He said nothing more regarding his relationships, ready to let sleeping dogs lie; instead, as they moved carefully and slowly toward the dining room, he asked about other topics.
"So what's for dinner? I hope there's some pork." Or pineapple? He brushed away the thought, shaking his head.
They moved slowly out of the living room and into the dining room that joined the kitchen. The smell of the food was thicker in the room and Kal moved around the slow-moving pair to go into the kitchen. He searched for the hot pads, not finding them where they should be, and paused with a frown.
“Oh, you’re so smart,” Kuku replied, oblivious to Kal’s search and instead patting Chris’s hand. “I made pork with a pineapple sauce.”
Kal snorted from the kitchen and covered it with the discovery of the hot pads and reaching for the oven door.
Chris heard Kal's unintended commentary toward his grandmother's praise, but was not in a position to reply. Instead, he merely patted kuku's hand and directed her to her chair. Once she was comfortable seated and at the table, he went to help Kal in the kitchen, casting him one quick look that told him to STFU before he went and took some of the food out to their waiting hostess.
Much to Chris' relief, the rest of the dinner had been mostly painless. They'd eaten, chatted some more, and then finally said goodnight; not soon enough they found themselves back in Kal's car, headed to their apartments. Chris had an elbow up against the window, his head leaning against one hand as he stared out of it. An awkward silence had descended upon them in the wake of the evening, and Chris didn't feel up to breaking it, but Kal did.
“Chris,” He began, feeling out his friend’s name with his mouth before he dove into the touchy subject that had been weighing on Kal since they were in his childhood living room. “You’ve got to believe me, please, please believe me. I never…” He took in a breath, obviously shaken by what he was saying. For Kal, it was incredibly important that his friend understood and he couldn’t allow this to go unsaid until they got home. “I never told kuku about your sexuality. I never told her that Daniel was your boyfriend. She knows about Daniel just because I said I met him through you and the three of us have hung out, that I go to the gym with Daniel, that type of stuff. I’ve never said anything about your sexuality or your dating or what Daniel is or isn’t to you. Never.”
They came to a red light and Kal immediately looked at his friend. Kal was generally a loud, confident man, but in the car on that evening he was fully exposed. It wasn’t an issue for him to show this side to his friend, Chris had seen it before, but it was rarely if ever in regard to a major fuck up on Kal’s behalf. And as he looked at his friend, he was fully expecting the brunt of Chris’s anger, fully bracing for it, yet desperate for his friend to understand that he hadn’t any intention of exposing Chris’s deepest secret.
"I know," was Chris' only reply. He didn't look away from the window. If anything, kuku's brashness merely highlighted things he was denying to himself. Slowly, he pulled his gaze away from the outside and glanced at Kal, his mind moving to other matters. "So are we gonna talk about her going into assisted living or are you just in denial?"
Kal shifted slightly in his seat, as if Chris had thrown a punch and he moved to avoid it. He furrowed his brow and looked back at the street light, a frown plain on his face that the light was red and they were entering this discussion. He wasn’t sure what was worse, the implication that he had outed his best friend, or his best friend so bluntly discussing his grandmother’s declining health.
He shifted again, a hand releasing the steering wheel and pushing his hair out of his face. “I’m not in denial,” he said with a sigh, watching the red traffic light blink out and turn to green. He pressed the gas and the car went forward, but Kal discovered he couldn’t quite push forward in the conversation. It was as if his words detailing all that he had noticed about his grandmother and all his emotions with it were stuck in his throat.
"I know you know how to read a map, so no, you're not in Egypt," was Chris' slightly snappy reply. He sank back into the passenger seat before one hand reached to adjust his suddenly too-tight seat belt.
"Look, it happens, OK? And you clearly can't be around enough to help her if you're always leaving the country. It worked for my abuela, I'm just mad it had to come to her shattering her hip to get it to happen. I think it would be better if you made that decision for her before something like that happens.
"Have you talked to her about it? At all?"
Kal’s grip on the steering wheel tightened slowly as Chris rattled on and his face changed to something of twisted anger held together with the sinews of guilt. “No, I haven’t spoken to her about it,” Kal replied, his voice quieter than usual, but his words clipped and short. “I didn’t even know she was getting like this until I moved home. I didn’t leave with the idea that I was going to let her decay here. That’s why I moved back, because I haven’t been around. And apparently I’m still not around enough.”
He was hurt by the situation but also by Chris’s words. He already felt guilty enough, and had felt that guilty, since he first moved home just a handful of weeks before and kuku managed to forget that he had moved back. That moment of seeing her ecstatic surprise, a good thing for most people, but recalling very clearly that he had already told her before that he was moving home still stung in his mind and kept the constant flow of guilt returning.
"Hey, hey, I'm not...calm down, I'm not judging, OK?" Chris sighed, brushing a hand back through his hair. Kuku might not have been his blood relative, but she felt like family regardless. Her deterioration had happened under his nose just as much as Kal's. "Just, now you know, so now it's time to make a decision. Like I said, I can bring by some paperwork about where my abuela's at. It's a nice place. Maybe knowing someone there would help kuku settle."
Kal still gripped the steering wheel and kept his eyes focused on the road. He clenched his jaw, furrowing his brow all the while, then let out a breath. “I failed her,” He admitted. “She didn’t have to take care of me, but she did. She gave me a loving home and taught me all I know. She loved me and made sure I was well and here we are, she’s slipping away, and I didn’t even notice until I moved back. I feel like I failed her. I should’ve been here, I should’ve brought her to the doctor’s…” He shook his head and forced himself to speak the next few words. “I do want those pamphlets, though.”
"Kal, you didn't..." Chris sat up in his seat, turning to fully look his friend in the face. "You didn't fail anyone. She's getting older. Just be happy that you noticed before she, I don't know, left the stove on and burned her house down. This could be worse. But you've got time to figure this out. I'll give you what I've got, I'll even go with you, I'm sure abuela would be happy to give you or you and her a tour of the place..."
They were at another red light and Kal nodded with his eyes cast down at his lap. “Yeah, it’d be… helpful. Your going with me, seeing your abuela.” But he looked up, his eyes focusing, and he let out a hiss as he looked to the heavens. “What the fuck am I going to do for the next few weeks though? I’ll be in Africa. I won’t even have consistent wifi or cell reception.”
"I'll check up on her," Chris immediately offered. "But what about her neighbors? Is she close with any of them?"
Kal nodded and looked at his friend. “The one neighbor she liked moved away. The other that she knows, they aren’t very close. Honestly, if you were checking up on her she’d be thrilled. She loves you, you know that. Think she liked you more than me when we were teenagers. But that’s probably because I kept getting into trouble.” He smiled sadly and sighed once more. “I guess this would mean I’d have to sell that house, too.”
Chris shifted in his seat. "I can't do it daily, so you should definitely get a neighbor to just drop in on her, or maybe give her a call. But I can try to stop by once a week.
"And yeah," he added, a hand moving over his thigh. "Fix up whatever's broken, get a good price for it. I can help out with that. I know some people." He winced. "Reputable people, OK, actual contractors with good reputations."
Kal smiled, small and fleeting, but it was there. The initial wave of upset having passed. “I’ll take reputable people. You know, even though she’s old and brittle, kuku would beat your ass if you brought some skeevy contractor in to fix her house. It’s where I got my feistiness from.”
Kal pressed forward, passing under the now green light. “Maybe I can find a nurse, someone from a church or something, who could check in on her too, and when I get back from Africa… maybe we can sit down and go over the information for that place and schedule a viewing of it.”
"Yeah, amigo," Chris agreed, rolling his eyes at the idea of tiny kuku hitting him. "We'll make it happen. Man, I am stuffed, I swear she puts something in that food." He scooted down in his seat, glad to be out of the mire of sticky conversational topics. The second he was at home, he was losing his pants.
“Yeah, she still cooks with the idea that I’m a growing boy. Lots of food that takes all your energy to digest.” Kal smiled and glanced at your friend. “Thanks for everything though, braddah. We’re good, right?” It was the closest he’d get to mentioning everything from before; what kuku had said and the hurt Kal had displayed.
"We're good," Chris replied, settling while his good leg moved as much as it was able. "I mean, we'd be better if you got me ice cream, but I don't even wanna think about more food right now." Instead, he reached forward and turned on the radio, and then leaned back to let his eyes slip closed while his stomach set to work digesting kuku's good cooking.