beatrice; bee. (beatrice) wrote in pastarillius, @ 2008-05-21 23:17:00 |
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Entry tags: | bee |
Late April, 2008.
WHO; BEE
WHEN; Late April, 2008
WHERE; In the Blackwell-Logan Apartment, Serith, Arillius
WHAT; After accepting his proposal, after living through The Wave and beginning the clean-up, after the jackass came back alive, Bee is certain in how much she loves Jeb and how badly she wants to give him what she cannot at the moment--children. For the first time in her life, Bee honestly decides to pray to God and asks that just this once, he answer her prayer.
RATING; PG
She placed the last dish in the drying rack. It clanked a little as it hit against the standing mismatched glasses before the only sound was the hum of the fluorescent light above the sink. One hand reached down to lift the hand towel while the other rose to flick the little switch; darkness filled the kitchen and once both hands were dry, Bee's small bare feet padded across the linoleum floor to the short, carpeted hallway. Into the bathroom, another light was flicked on, and she pulled up her hair into a ponytail so that she could wash she face. Momentarily she wondered why she had bothered to dry her hands at all if she were just going to wet them again. But she went about her nightly routine to get ready for bed, and another light off, she moved across the narrow hallway and into the bedroom that she shared with Jeb.
The apartment was quiet. There was some additional work that needed to be done, more clean-up, and Jeb had to oversee it because it was the Brothers equipment that was being rented out tonight and had to be elsewhere in the morning. It was an incredibly busy time for them, though Jeb did not seem to mind it so much. The Brothers were making a ton of money; that was not to say that their focus was solely on the money, but for a gang that would sooner like to ride around and drink beer than work, whatever big bucks they could make now would just mean that they could put off working too much in the future. Bee knew that Jeb liked to help people, too, especially in this mess. But there was not a lot that she felt she could do, not really anyway, and so tonight she climbed onto their bed, alone, and looked out the window for awhile.
There had been a few thoughts that bothered her since Jeb had returned. The day before everything in their world went bad; the Brothers had taken off out of town to do some of their usual scouting and riding around. The next day and what felt like a thousand days thereafter were the worst Bee had felt in a long time. There was no way of knowing if they were okay, if Jeb was hurt or alive or dead, until they came back. It terrified Bee beyond words and when he returned, she was so happy to see him that she cried, and continued to cry as she punched him repeatedly for not coming right back to her when everyone else was dying. Just thinking about those days made Bee's stomach twist into a knot and she sat up more in their bed. Legs pulling to cross under the sheets, she took a deep breath, and began to do something that she had never genuinely done before: Bee prayed.
"I don't know if I'm doing this right. I don't really remember if there's a right or wrong way, but I figure if you're God, then you can probably hear me if I talk or think it. It's really quiet in here so I'm just going to talk." Bee frowned a little, only feeling silly for a moment before she continued. Her hands came to clasp together in front of her stomach. It felt like it was something she was supposed to do. "And I know you're up there, or, you know, around here, because Molly's from Heaven and Jack was from... well, Hell, but you knew that. Look, I'm not a big follower or anything and I didn't really even think that maybe you were real until I met those two, but..."
She was frowning again, and her hands became tighter around one another. "I need to ask for something. That's not how this is supposed to go, I think, but it's not just for me, it's for Jeb, too. I know I've done some stupid sh--stuff in my life. Maybe I've never been able to keep a baby because I was just too messed up. Maybe I killed it, or maybe you decided that I just shouldn't have one because I'd probably fu--er, mess it up anyway. But I have a man that really, really loves me. He has to, unless he's completely and utterly insane for what I've put him through and he still wants to be with me. He's given me so much and all he wants..."
Tears began to fall from Bee's big, brown eyes in the darkness of their room. She closed her eyes once, hard, which forced them to roll faster down her cheeks. A few slipped over her lips, the salt a dull taste in her mouth. "God, all he wants is a family, and I can't tell you how terrible I feel that I can't give him that. I just want to make him happy because he makes me so happy and I love him so much. I bet that he'd be happy adopting kids or something like that but... well, you know, it's not the same thing. If you could, please, if you could just... do whatever it is that you do, could you please let me have his child? Just this once, just one, even. And it's not like it would have to be a star athlete or really smart or really, you know, good looking either. I'm trying not to ask for much! Just a little boy or girl that we can love and raise together, and that Jeb could be really proud of. Because I know he would be so happy and so proud and would love our kid so much--"
By now, Bee was sobbing gently over her interlocked hands that had risen to press lightly against her speaking lips. Her cheeks were wet, a little cut on the side of her mouth was stinging from the salt in the tears. "And I would love it, too, of course, though I don't know if I'd be all that great of a parent. But I'd try really, really hard! I'd try harder than anyone else you've ever seen!" Bee had to laugh a little now, the desperation in her voice clear and heavy in the quietness of the room. "Please, God, just this one time, could you please help us have a baby of our very own? I won't ask for anything ever again..." Her hands slipped apart and she wiped her eyes with the backs of her hands before she wiped her hands on the bedspread. "Okay, so, I know that you probably have a lot of other people trying to talk to you now and I can let you go. Thanks for listening, at least. Um... Amen? Yeah, Amen."
Bee gave a little nod and attempted to do something that resembled making the sign of the cross but came out more like a gesture from Madonna's "Vogue" music video, and she laid herself back down in bed. It would be some time before Jeb would come back, which allowed Bee's sobs to calm, her eyes to dry, and let her slowly but surely drift off to sleep with all of the hope in the world that this God person that actually did exist was not only listening, but in a really good mood.