Well... you aren't the first Antivan I've come across.
But for the most part, it was the profession. If any of those kids who got recruited had said something, I'd have chalked it up to wide eyed idealism. The templar, I would have said it was overwhelming piety.
But unless you're really bad at your job, you and I have probably both killed way too many people to still be bogged down by genuine sentiment.