Kaori had been briefed, of course, so she was fully prepared for Guy’s arrival. Which meant she had calming tea brewed and ready, calming candles burning that she had procured from Marie ages ago, the shades were pulled to create a safe space. She had the little wolf plushie out in reach, cookies out, the whole nine yards.
Once he was brought in with the help of Blaize, she sat across from Guy with a soft smile on her face. "It's nice to meet you, Guy, my name is Kaori."
Guy blinked at the wolf toy. He was just sitting there, deposited in the couch at a therapist's office with only one leg and wolf blood in his veins, staring at the plush.
How wheeee fuck had he ended up here?
When she spoke, he flicked his gaze her way and lifted an eyebrow. "Why?"
"Why what, exactly?" She asked in return, not rising to anything, just giving him room to say whatever he was going to say. She moved to set tea and cookies within easy reach, so he didn’t have to struggle. Her own cane was propped against her chair. "Please, indulge, I know how hungry you new werewolves can be, as you get used to your new metabolism."
Damn, she was right. He hadn't really stopped to pinpoint the sections of his general irritability but hunger was definitely up there. And really, why the fuck would he not eat the cookies? Free cookies; no brainer.
He shoved over into his mouth, chewing as he spoke since he'd lost any semblance of table manners years ago. Byproduct of a solitary life.
"Why is it nice to meet me? Pretty sure you're the only one singin' that tune. "
"Perhaps, but I like meeting new people, regardless of who they are. Every person you meet you can learn more about the world from. Everyone's lens is unique, so shifting perspectives are a blessing. I know you have a lot in front of you to deal with, due to a lot that went on before now. Let's start with questions. Do you have any? There are no wrong questions, and while I understand that this therapy is a condition of your stay with the pack, know that it will still very much fall under the usual doctor patient confidentiality umbrella. It's why I insisted on meeting here. No werewolf hearing to listen in on sessions, even unintentionally." She gave him an encouraging smile full of warmth.
Guess this was just what therapists were like. It wasn’t like Guy had a ton of experience with one; therapy wasn’t big in Hawthorne households. But at least there wasn’t anyone else listening, it helped to know that. He took a big breath and ended up just shaking his head. “I don’t even know what I would ask about, unless you have some clue of how the fuck I can get my leg to regrow, which I’m gonna guess you don’t.”
"I'm sorry about your leg, I definitely don't have the ability to do that. But I can get you started at the hospital for physical therapy, and there is a woman in town who uses a full leg prosthetic, you could see if she has insight and instruction for you. But I know what it's like to sustain a major injury," she gestured to her cane. "Got this about...two years ago? About that." She kept her eyes on him. "How are you feeling about your new status in life?"
Guy finally clocked the cane and gave her another, more studious look to try and see if her injury was incredibly obvious and he just didn't notice. He needed to get out of his head. He'd always been good at observation but with all the things warring for his attention now, the best he could do was try and stay above water.
So he shut his eyes and breathed through his mouth, trying to avoid taking in more new smells and new sights as he focused on her question. "Dunno. Confused, fucked up, lopsided. Hated. Not even sure why I'm still alive, honestly. They're all itching to get at me for what I did so why even do this? Why not just let me bleed out… that witch with the black eyes says I need to respect the gift of all this," he said, gesturing at the wolf plush. Because that's where he was right now, staring at the wolf plush without the full acceptance that he'd look like it at some point.
She watched him focus in, understanding. "When all the sensory stuff gets overwhelming, give yourself a minute. Sometimes it helps to focus on one thing, to ground yourself. You'll get used to it soon enough, but I understand that it's a lot to process." She listened to the rest, nodding. "All of that is valid, and understandable. I will say this. The people in this town are good at what they do, but they aren't psychopaths. They respect the pack as well. If they wanted to get at you, they would have done so, or let you bleed out as you said. You did a bad thing, yes, and everyone will need to try and handle that in their own way. You as well."
She paused, nodding at the mention of the gift. "She's not wrong, though I don't know if she means the same thing as I do. Becoming a werewolf is a huge life change. It isn't like joining a gym, or fraternity, it's a physical, spiritual, mental and emotional change. Some try to fight the change. They try to fight the inner wolf. Because you're here right away, I can advise you not to do that. It's all going to be a lot, I won't lie to you, and some of it is going to be scary. But you're surrounded by people who are going to make sure you get through it okay. I know you feel animosity directed at you, but werewolves don't abandon each other. At least, this pack doesn't." She smiled. "You're also in luck, the twin girls there, they both went through all of this not so long ago, they can share their experiences with you first hand. I'm not a werewolf, so I don't know intimately, even if I know the mechanics."
“...They went through becoming a werewolf even though their whole lives they were told werewolves are bloodthirsty monsters?” Guy posed, looking at Kaori again, but he didn’t really need an answer to that. There was something else itching at him, something in the back of his mind, and eventually he sighed.
“I was given this choice and I made it, but how am I supposed to just…turn it all off? Forget what I was told my whole life and just…embrace this? Everyone talks about this pack like it’s fucking god’s gift, but what if I never feel like it’s not just a plague?”
“That is another complication unique to you,” Kaori said. “But they didn’t know they existed, Faith didn’t know what was happening. But it’s her story to tell, not mine.” She listened, watching him, and she was glad he’d gotten there.
“I’m proud of you for getting this brought up so quickly,” she told him, because it wasn’t easy for anyone to do something like that, and he deserved a little approval for a good step. She could tell he was a person who needed it. “The answer is you don’t turn it off. If you had the ability to do that, then you wouldn’t really internalize it, and it wouldn’t mean anything to you. What’ll happen is you’ll learn. Prejudice isn’t something that people just flip a switch on, if they could, the world would be a much better place.”
She watched him a moment, taking a sip of her own tea. “Tell me what you’ve observed with the pack so far. Your assessment of them,” she invited.
Guy wound up leaning back into the couch again, feeling an ache spread through his muscles. He felt tense in a way he never had before, like every inch of him just wanted to run, and he couldn’t help the dark, biting huff of a laugh at the thought of that irony.
He tried to refocus on Kaori’s words and not get caught up in her scent, but he had to close his eyes to do it. “They all smell like ass,” He started. “And I still don’t get why the kid is the leader, Alpha, whatever it’s called. It doesn’t make any sense… But one of them literally saved my life and I can’t figure out if I’m happy about it or if I’m pissed at him…” Regardless of the fact that Guy had actively made the choice.
She gave a soft little laugh at the smelling like ass thing. "Getting used to the heightened smells thing can be tricky," she said, knowing people in the past had brought that up. "Ky is the leader because not everyone is suited to the role. Trump got elected because he was a celebrity people found entertaining, not because he was well suited to leadership. The man who brought you in, Blaize, he is certainly bigger and stronger, but he also isn't someone who could take on day to day problem solving, interpersonal mediation, making snap, difficult decisions. Ky can do those things, and is also smart enough to know when to ask for help, which is one of the most important marks of a good leader. It only doesn't make sense if you only view them as animals, with an inability to make appropriate assessments based on real world issues." Which she imagined his former people did.
"You've been through a lot, and this is a huge, fundamental change. It's no wonder you don't know how to feel about it yet. I know you made the choice in the moment, no one wants to die. But you will have to make big adjustments. How are you feeling about having chosen this?"
“You’re just full of good questions, aren’t you Doc?” Guy found himself just lying on the couch now, arm over his eyes, while he answered. “Like a failure,” He answered immediately, seeing no need for anything that remained of his pride right now. “Like I died out there in the park and I’m not Guy Hawthorne anymore, I’m something else. But I’m alive, so…yeah…”
He took in a breath and sighed again. “Also like…Lane was right. I was lied to. We were told people like them weren’t people. That they didn’t understand family, humanity, but… they all fought for her. For each other. And we can’t even do that, y’know? Like…real humans can’t even do that…”
She watched him sort of just flop, and it was an oddly good sign. It meant he was getting more comfortable, even if it was just with the couch. She watched him, listening. She could understand what he was saying, see how he got there. "Tell me about Guy Hawthorne," she guided gently. His kind of dissociating was pretty normal for someone going through this, and she hoped it could help him with perspective. "And humans can do it too, not everyone out there had any kind of supernatural flair. It's about the genuine bonds that form with each other. Chosen family versus forced loyalty. How do you feel about learning that you were taught wrong?"
"What's to tell? I was an errand boy. Maybe at best that was all I was. You wanna know why Guy is my name?" he asked, turning his eyes that's Kaori. "Because that's what the family needed at the time. A fall guy. Just a guy."
It was a rumor among the cousins, but if Guy was ever honest about himself he knew it was true. "Lane ran away and I've been chasing him for most of my life."
She gave him a sympathetic look. "Sounds like you lacked a fundamental level of care and respect at home," she pointed out gently. "Though, you can take one positive away from this situation. That life is behind you, and you will never be so dismissed again. And you get to decide what being Guy Hawthorne means now."
“Sounds pretty clinical, Doc,” Guy replied, mostly as a deflection from trying to name that feeling so easily. Wasn’t that what he’d always seen in movies and TV? Therapists blaming the family, blaming childhood abuse…
He exhaled heavily again and stared up at the ceiling, breathing slowly in and out through his mouth to mitigate the cacophony of scents in the room. “What’s to say I’m not exactly like them and this is all just a big charade?”
"Just an observation, and sometimes people need to hear things out loud from someone else to absorb something better," she replied, not rising to anything, her voice was still gentle. At the last part, she considered him. She was quiet for a moment before she spoke. When she did, her tone was even, reasonable, and patient. "Some of it probably is," she said. "A lifetime of conditioning isn't something you can flip a switch on even if you want to. So right now, part of you, maybe even a big part, is still thinking about everyone around you as monsters. What sets you apart is you made a choice, and correct me if I'm wrong, but your organization would have killed you on the spot for being a lycanthrope, just considered you a monster now, no hesitations. Your choice proves you can rationalize beyond your conditioning."
She sipped her tea. "So, it's going to take a minute for you to learn in real terms that your family was wrong, and that you should make your own conclusions based on real people, not rhetoric. And we’re all going to give you that minute. We aren't naive, Guy. We just all know what it means to have to do some hard pivots in life, that everyone makes mistakes, and even if you were born of monsters, that doesn't mean you have to be one too."
“Family,” He corrected instantly, having had that conditioned in too he guessed - that knee-jerk reaction to calling the Hawthornes anything but a family - though she wasn’t wrong on anything else. It felt weird to say it in comparison to the word monster and he ultimately pressed his fingers into his temple to try and focus his warring mind.
He could feel himself start to get irritable, this sudden urge popping up in him to just throw the little coffee table across the room rather than have to keep thinking this hard in circles. The only thing that kept him quelled was Kaori’s last sentence, the words floating in his mind. Finally he looked at her, unaware of the way his face had changed or how tired he felt. Everything he’d ever known was gone, broken, wrong, including himself. And maybe he was born of monsters. Maybe, all along, his entire destiny was just to be a monster in one way or another. He didn’t know. “...so what do I need to do?”
She could see the fatigue there, and looked sympathetic. "Right now, you need to breathe. Nothing happens in a snap, so know that this is all going to take time. My first homework for you is to simply have a conversation with the other pack members. Get to know them. Learn their names, ask them questions, familiarize yourself with your new pack. If you sense hesitation or hostility, tell them it's part of your therapy and I told you to. I don't know how you feel about journaling, but it wouldn't be the worst idea, considering how confusing everything is going to be. For right now, that's it. Just talk to people."
Just talk to people. In theory, a simple assignment. In practicality, nowhere near simple. “Never really been one for journaling, but I’ll give it a shot. You have a spare one around here?” He asked, looking around the room. Talking to them was honestly kind of terrifying to Guy. He spent a lot of time on the outskirts of society, a lot of time alone, so the actual talking part of talking to the pack made him fidgety. “When do I come back?”
"I do," she said, getting up to cross to a book shelf, and she selected a simple leather bound one with a strap closure. She crossed back to him and held it out. "There's a pen inside," she said. "You’re doing fine, Guy. I know all of this is a lot, but you already made a lot of progress just by being here and opening up to talk. You aren’t alone."
Reaching out for the journal, Guy looked up to catch Kaori’s eyes as she spoke. She was kind and she didn’t treat him like he was anything other than himself. Not disgusting, not despicable, just troubled and trying, and he appreciated it. Even among all the insanity that was happening inside him right now, at least he knew there was one person here who didn’t seem to want to rip his throat out on sight.
“Thanks, Doc,” He answered, but didn’t offer more. It was more than he’d told even Vaughn for saving his life, or Lane for not murdering him. Maybe he should make an attempt to do that too.
“So I see you again when?”
“Of course,” she said. “And, soon, we’ll do sessions frequently at first, and taper off as you find your way,” she told him. “But I’m going to give you my phone number, and if you need me for any reason between sessions, please don’t hesitate to call.” In his case in particular, this was delicate. If it was going to succeed, he might need to call her now and then.
Guy still wasn’t sure how he felt about all of this, but he was leaving with more questions than he had before, a journal to put them in, and a number to call if it all got too much to process at once. “Thanks,” He told Kaori and he did sound like he meant it.
“You’re welcome,” she told him, smiling reassuringly at him. “You’ll be okay, you’ll find your way through.”