I feel a bit weird now. I can't stop thinking about some things. I really wish Mark was here with me. He died at 13. It was after he learned some dangerous information, things which I would rather he heard from me than eavesdropping in his room. I honestly hadn't wanted him to die in the cold forest. It just.. happened. I asked him to come with me. He refused three times. I probably would have let him walk off. I was going to. But.. umm.. I don't know. It was like a haze, like you're there, but you feel like you're someplace else. Felt like something was going on, except there was a sense of having no control over it.
I've been at the center of some tragedy. Some have done it for me. But.. out of all of those, Marky is the only one that I truly feel bad for. He was a good person. I don't usually think of him all the time, just once in awhile. There are times when I feel that things around me would be much better if he was here with me. We were the best of friends. I can only imagine the fun times we could have in this crazy city.
And when I do think of him.. well, I can't describe it, the thoughts I have about him being gone. It's like having a cake, and noticing a big slice missing. And... I have no clue why I am even writing this. I'm certainly never one to talk about myself, especially about regrets.. and believe me, this is one of the big ones. Maybe it's this truth shit going around. But.. uhh.. Mark? If you can see me from where you are, if you know where I'm.. umm.. well. Okay, I'll just say it to you anyway: I'm sorry.