Faith
He wasn't, he was caught up in the blood and saving everyone. Its a Winchester thing, they need to control situations somehow, not get lost in it, and thats how deals happen. More than once.
...You think I'd have lost him, wouldn't have looked like I did it and I'd have opened a vein. Thats what I'm trying to tell you, by that point he wasn't...himself. It would have pushed him further into the dark. Maybe there would have been nothing of him left at that point. I probably wouldn't have surrvived it all but he would have. Things would have gone like I wanted anyway.
I don't mean her entirely, but you're trusted with the fate of the world, to lead that team at AI all of it and no one expects you to snap one day. Maybe thats humanity, maybe its blind belief, I don't know, all I know is I look at you sometimes and wonder why that is, how'd you do it.