Sometimes I don't know what to say to you. Sometimes Sam's mood changes and I suspect it's because he's been talking to you. And as much as I can and do forgive you for the Lucifer stuff, what you did to him and us is harder.
Going back and looking at the old messages has been a mixed blessing. It was strange to reread the times when we were friends. All those messages joking around, talking fries, embarrassing Sam. Or the times when you were fighting with Heather and even though she was my friend, I couldn't help agreeing with you.
But then we get further on and the messages change. Everything became more pointed and it starts falling apart. I remember the months of feeling like I had to defend everything I am to you, especially my relationship. Sometimes it still feels like that. Something Claire said to me the other day made me realize that really it feels like Sam and I only got together in July. The months before were so filled with lies that really, even though I was happy for much of it, it was a fake happiness. And I don't think it'll matter how often anyone, even Sam, tells me that those months meant something to him, it'll never really feel real to me now. I guess that's just one of the casualties of this whole mess.
So yeah, I suppose we both still plan it all. You don't want to piss off Sam any more than you have and I sometimes still feel like I have to defend myself from you, as much as I try not to. I'm not sure where that leaves us.